His head cocked to the side, and he kissed my cheek with dry lips. “Then again, if you fell in love with one a**hole, you can fall for another. Maybe you’ll want to f**k me before the week is out. Huh?”
I flinched as he stroked my hair, then sighed in relief as White Man pulled me from Leather Jacket’s embrace. “You’ll have plenty of time to mind-fuck the poor creature. But first I want to see just how strong she is.”
He held out his hand as if he’d asked me out on a date; blue eyes twinkled as I gawked at his palm. I couldn’t remember what I should do. I couldn’t remember anything. The alchemy of chemicals in my bloodstream slowly stole everything I knew.
“Come along, little one. No time like the present to start your initiation.”
I tried to step back toward the pallet. I ordered my limbs to move, to run, but nothing obeyed. I just stood there swaying until White Man grabbed my elbow and guided me from the room.
His perfectly ironed clothing contrasted against the sinister grime as we made our way down a long musty corridor. I wanted to scream and punch him in the eyes, but all I could do was coast along like a good belonging. The fog imprisoned my mind—turning me into the worst sort of captive—the one who obeyed without duress, who didn’t even need shackles to keep her down.
They’d taken my will, and soon, they’d take my mind.
White Man spoke to Leather Jacket as we stopped outside a door and pushed me inside. “Don’t go too far, Ignacio. Remember…little is key. They become more pliant that way.”
I stumbled like a brain-dead zombie, screaming silently for my body to do anything but fumble. Everything was so heavy and soupy and unresponsive.
Please. This is your last chance! Obey!
I managed to twitch enough to inch backward, shuffling toward the exit.
But all it took was a hand between my shoulder blades and I was pushed forward.
I blinked, looking around. Concrete walls, concrete floor with dampness climbing the corners and puddles resting in cracks. Three chairs, white and sun-worn, faced each other in a circle.
White Man guided me by the shoulders to sit in one of the chairs. It creaked under my weight and my head flopped onto my chin. So tired. So confused.
I’m hungry. I’m tired. I’m cold. I just want to go home. Where am I?
He patted my cheek, saying, “Have fun, little girl. Happy initiation.”
I wanted to hurl myself out the door; my heart bled as he clapped his hands and looked behind me. “Great. The others are here. You’ll no longer be alone, little one. I’ll see you later.”
He slipped out the door and the lock clicked into place behind two girls who’d entered on a leash, tugged by Jagged Scar. He gave me a snide smile before jerking the girls forward and pushing them into a chair.
I couldn’t comprehend what I saw.
Both girls were nak*d. Both trembled and shook as if an earthquake had replaced their hearts. Their eyes were full of horror and terror, but it was their hair that terrified me.
Blonde. Both of them. The same honey straw as my own.
Oh, God.
I wriggled in the chair to stand, but the chemicals blocked the signal from my brain and I sprawled to the floor instead. My cheek pressed against slimy concrete and I groaned as a flash of pain spread through me.
Leather Jacket laughed, coming to my rescue. Grabbing a chunk of my hair, he hauled me upright and threw me onto the chair. “Clumsy bitch.”
My eyes smarted from the agony of his grip, but I swallowed back the heaviness of tears. I was foggy enough without adding grief to the mix.
The girls sniffed, trying hard to stay silent even as tears tracked their dirty faces. I refused to look at them. I hated seeing the shadows of bruises on their arms and ribs. Why were they here?
They’re here for lunch. We’re going to have lunch, and then we’re going to have a nap and dream of whimsical things.
I shook my head, snapping out of the druggie daydream.
Leather Jacket gave a sadistic smile, bending to lick me. Once again, he dragged his foul tongue up my cheek and into my hair. “Trying to figure it out, aren’t ya? You won’t be able to. Not with the mixture in your blood. You’re going to do as I say, when I say. Got it?”
A small flash of my normal self wrenched itself from the dirty puddle that was now my soul. I forced past the weakness, whispering, “You’re a f**king cocksucker and I’ll ch—chop off your balls before you die.”
He laughed and clicked his fingers. “Is that a fact?”
A guard I didn’t know appeared next to me. He looked like a sack of potatoes. Big gut, lumpy clothing, and a face only an ogre could love. He smiled, wriggling his fingers in my face. “Hello.”
I must be pleasant. Be polite. How many times did my parents tell me they could only love a polite, quiet child?
“Hello,” I repeated, wishing my head wasn’t so heavy so I could keep eye contact longer.
Leather Jacket moved forward, heading behind the two girls in front of me. He rested a hand on both their shoulders and they whimpered.
Don’t. Don’t touch them. I shook my head. Why can’t he touch them again?
“Ryan here is going to make sure you obey.” Baring his teeth, he jerked the girl’s heads back with their hair. “He is the consequence of not listening. Understand, puta?”
Should I nod? I don’t know. I don’t understand. The drugs pulled me further into their web the longer I sat there.
Leather Jacket shoved one of the girls to the floor, cocking an eyebrow in my direction. “Pick her up. Go on.”
The will to save another blazed through the fog and I fell off my chair to crawl to her. The girl moaned as I touched her wrist and our eyes connected in a brief moment of lucidity. In her green gaze I saw all my dreams and hopes shrivel to dust. We would all die here. It was just a matter of how much we had to endure before we would be free.
Grunting, I tried to help her up. But I wasn’t strong enough.
Someone smacked me out of the way and I crashed into a chair. Ryan the ogre picked up the blonde as if she was a dirty sock and hurled her into the seat.
I climbed upright, using the chair as support. Drugs swirled. I’m hot. I’m cold. A racking cough crippled me and it was a while before I could breathe again.
I couldn’t understand what just happened.
Leather Jacket said, “If you can’t do it right the first time, Ryan will do it better than you.” He came closer, leering into my face. “He’ll make sure to do it ten times better than you. Understand, puta?”
I gained enough minor motor control to nod. Just to get him out of my personal bubble.
“All right then, let’s get this party started.” He nodded at Ryan. “Go ahead.”
Everything exploded.
The girls screamed as Ryan launched himself at them. Dragging them toward the concrete wall, he pinned one with his forearm while holding the other immobile for Leather Jacket to cuff.
For the first time, I noticed iron manacles dangling by chains from the wall. Rusty and ancient, they looked like they belonged in a medieval torture chamber.
Leather Jacket worked fast and before I could move, the girl’s arms were spread wide and her ankles trapped with more iron cuffs attached to the floor.
She looked at me and my heart died for her. What the f**k was happening!
Once the first girl was secure, Leather Jacket proceeded to shackle the other. He slapped her when she tried to pull away. She squealed and thrashed, causing more abuse to rain upon her skin.
I found my voice in the fog and screamed, “Stop!”
But Leather Jacket just laughed. “We’re the ones doing the ordering. You just wait your turn.”
Once the girls were chained to the wall, bodies pressed against icy concrete, both men came toward me, sandwiching me between them.
The girls pleaded with me to help them. I wanted to. I would. But how? I could barely function, let alone save us.
One girl wailed, “Please. Don’t do this. Let us go. What did we do? We just want to go home!”
My own misfortune from the first time I’d been Leather Jacket’s captive came back to haunt me. I’d never begged. I’d fought and it landed me in more pain.
Why did I fight again? Because it isn’t right. None of this is right!
I’m hungry. I’m tired. I’m cold. I just want to go home. Where am I?
Leather Jacket roared at them in Spanish and I trembled, unable to look, but I couldn’t look away either. I wanted to imprint them to memory. Their survival was on my shoulders. I would get them free.
Leather Jacket put an arm around my neck, sticking his gruesome tongue in my ear. “Ready for day one of training, bitch?”
I squirmed, but it was too late. A needle disappeared into my arm and another hot wave of all-consuming mental oblivion sucked me deep. Down and down I went, spiralling heavier and heavier until I existed on the bottom of a rubbish-filled ocean.
Sounds warbled. Smells twisted. My vision darted from place to place, never locking on anything, always moving, making me sick with vertigo. But it was my brain I worried most for. My sharp intelligence and fierce awareness no longer existed. It’d been suffocated into tiny clouds, floating uselessly in my skull.
Leather Jacket pushed me forward and I wobbled on uncoordinated legs. “Hit them.”
Hit them. Hit them. Of course, why didn’t I think of it? Hitting them makes total sense.
No, wait.
It doesn’t. What? Why would I hit anyone? I didn’t want to inflict pain.
No!
I swallowed thickly, licking my oversized lips. “Wh—why?”
He frowned, bouncing around in my crazy funhouse vision. “Did you just ask why, puta?” He shook his head, looking at Ryan. “Rule number one. You never ask questions. Ryan. Please show this bitch what I expected from her.”
“Sure thing, boss.”
I watched in horrifying slow motion as Ryan sucker-punched a girl in the gut. She bent over, jerked to a halt by the manacles. She screamed, crying uncontrollably.
Why did he do that?
Because she’s been naughty. A child needs discipline. Yes. A child needs discipline. I should know. I suffered enough slaps while I grew up.
No. this is different. Don’t forget. Never forget this is wrong. So wrong.
Leather Jacket pulled me forward. “Let’s try this again. Hit them.”
“Hit them?” I repeated. My voice sounded far, far away as if I lived in a dark tunnel where no light existed.
“Hit them, or I will,” he ordered.
I shrugged. Did it matter to me? Why did it matter to me?
Because he’ll kill them! At least if you do it, you’ll be as gentle as you can. Do it. Protect them by hitting them.
The small nucleus of who I was wailed at the injustice. How could I stop this?
Leather Jacket said something in Spanish to Ryan the Ogre. I blinked and weaved on the spot.
“Be my pleasure.” Ryan moved at lightning speed, and the action didn’t register in my slow brain until the bone-crunching thwack of his fist connected with the other blonde. She doubled over, puking instantly.
Fuck! Get it together.
Hit them. Hit them. Stop this!
Some frantic part of me doggy-paddled against the riptide of drugs, dispersing it a little, enough so I could see glimpses of reality. Oh, God. I had to torture these women. I had to abuse women who looked like me. I had to break and do as I was told in order to save them from a worse punishment.