“Hey, you pull me up when I’m down, I pull you up when you’re down. Deal?”
Julian stuck his hand out and Alex took it, shaking it firmly.
“Deal.”
“Okay, rock star, let’s get some sleep before our last show tomorrow.”
“Not our last show,” Alex pointed out. “We still have Europe.”
“Right,” Julian said. “So you haven’t given up already.”
Alex grinned, realizing his slip.
“Okay, so I really want to go on tour in Paris.”
“Uh huh,” Julian said. “What you really want is a menage a trois with two cute French guys.”
“Ha, I wish! What about you? Are you taking Shannon if we still do the Europe tour?”
Julian frowned. He had been putting off talking with Shannon about it, since he wasn’t sure how she would react. And now with all news fiasco about Alex, he didn’t know if the tour was even happening.
“We’ll see,” he said. “She’s still finishing up her senior year at college.”
“I like her,” Alex said. “She seems like a catch.”
“Hands off!” Julian said, waving one finger admonishingly at Alex.
“Hey! Didn’t you hear the rumors? I’m gay!” He gave Julian a wry smirk.
“Okay, Mr. sexy g*y rock star, go get some sleep.”
“Okay, Mr. sexy straight rock star.”
Julian punched Alex in the shoulder fondly as a goodbye. Leaving the dressing room, he avoided Pat’s gaze. It didn’t matter what the damn manager said. Alex was the heart of the band, and Julian wasn’t about to throw him to the wolves just because of his sexuality. There had to be something they could do to fix this. Julian knew they would do just fine as long as they stuck together.
But they had to stick together.
***
Julian walked to the tour bus quickly, his arms prickling with goosebumps. After sunset, the temperature had dropped fast. San Diego was part desert, after all. The fog coming off of the ocean rolled slowly through the streets and gave the streetlights strange halos. The tour bus too, parked alone in the back parking lot of the building, threw shadows from the curtained light coming from inside.
Julian was almost to the front of the bus when he heard noises coming from inside. Talking. Strange. He had thought Shannon would be alone. He peered into the open door, not wanting to bother her in case she was on the phone with her mom. Maybe she was talking to that Jason friend of hers to see what was up.
As he looked into the bus, Julian’s heart dropped into his stomach. Shannon had her arms around Asher and was hugging him tightly, her eyes closed. He was hugging her back.
No. Not Asher. Julian froze, unsure of what he should do. He wanted to scream, to run in and hit Asher across the face, but every muscle in his body had turned to lead and his breath was shallow. As Shannon opened her eyes, Julian shifted back so that they couldn’t see him.
“Will you come with me tomorrow?” Asher said. Julian craned his neck to see the two of them better.
“I can’t,” Shannon said. “I have to go somewhere with Julian.”
“That sucks,” Asher said. Shannon reached out and put her hand on his shoulder, and Julian inhaled through his teeth, seething. He had never thought that Shannon would betray him like this. And Asher? Asher, the good guy? Asher, who didn’t have a single negative thing to say about anyone, ever? How could he do this to his bandmate?
“I wish I could be there with you,” she said.
“Me too,” Asher said. “But I understand. Thanks. And thanks for tonight.”
Shannon leaned in for another embrace, and Julian forced himself to keep his eyes open, watching as her hands moved slowly along Asher’s back, caressing his shoulders. Those hands that had held him just the day before, those hands that had run through his own hair, stroking his skin…
“You’re a great guy,” Shannon said.
“And you’re a beautiful girl.” Asher cupped one hand to Shannon’s cheek, and Shannon giggled. It was that sound, the peals of her sweet laughter, that broke Julian’s heart. He tore himself away from the bus door and bent over, his head between his legs. He stumbled to the front of the bus, gagging on the roiling pain in his stomach. His mind was blank with anger and betrayal.
Shannon. Asher. How could I have been so blind? They had been spending more and more time together, talking on the bus and going for walks. Stretching their legs, they had said. More like spreading your legs. Julian heaved again, a dry retching that left him shaking and frail on his feet. He had never felt like this before. A black hatred surged through his body, and his fists balled up against his thighs. Asher had tried to convince him in LA to go after Shannon, to bring her on tour. Now he knew why.
“Julian?” Asher’s voice cut through the air, and Julian spun around to see him stepping down out of the bus doorway. He suppressed an urge to punch him in the face. Later. He had to be sure. Asher came around to the front of the bus.
“How’s Alex doing?”
“He’s fine.” And how’s Shannon doing? Julian wanted to ask. How was she doing when you held her in your arms?
“Good. I’m going to go for that walk.”
“Fine.”
“Hope your cheek feels okay. It looks nasty.”
Julian just turned away. If he listened to one more word coming out of Asher’s lying mouth, he would explode. He pulled himself up the bus steps and into the back. Shannon’s headphones covered her ears, and he walked past her to the back.
“Hey there, rock star,” Shannon said, pulling her headphones off. “Didn’t expect you back so soon.”
I bet you didn’t.
Julian opened his backpack and pulled out the flask buried underneath his notebooks and other junk. He hadn’t thought he would need a drink for the rest of the tour. How wrong he had been. His fingers shook as he spun the metal top open and raised the flask to his lips.
The amber liquid stung his throat going down, but even as he swallowed the warmth of the alcohol began to radiate through his body.
“Is Alex okay?”
“He’s fine.” He’s fine. You’re fine. Asher is more than fine. Everybody in fact, is fine, except for me. Julian tilted his head back and swallowed another gulp of the bourbon, stifling a cough.
“Are you okay?”
Julian stared at the metal rim of the flask. He could smell the bourbon, a honeyed stench that called to him even as his mind dulled with the taste of it.
“I’m fine,” he said. He would deal with it later. Once he knew what he needed to say. Right now he just wanted to stop the pain, to make his feelings go away. He knew it would only take a few more swigs from the flask for the world to melt off of his shoulders. Then he would be able to sleep. The dreams would be bad, but they couldn’t be worse than reality.
CHAPTER THREE
Shannon knew something was wrong. Julian had taken his flask with him into his bunk, drinking more than she had ever seen him drink before. Was it because he was fighting with Alex? When the guys had come back to the bus, they all seemed to be in a decent enough mood, laughing and joking around, but Julian didn’t want to talk to anyone. He shut himself up in his bunk and drank.
Alex waved away her concerns, saying Julian was just bummed. If this was how he acted when he was bummed, Shannon never wanted to see him mad. He had walled himself off completely from her, not saying a word. She decided to let him sleep it off by himself.
When she woke up in the morning, she had a crick in her neck from sleeping on one of the reclining bus seats, and her legs were cramped. Her bra dug into her shoulders from leaving it on overnight. The worst part, though, was the feeling of missing Julian’s arms around her. Sleeping alone wasn’t bad if you were alone, but if the person you loved slept just a few feet away from you, not wanting to be with you? Unbearable.
Shannon stretched her arms over her head and yawned, pulling herself out of the seat. She grabbed a bottle of water and brushed her teeth in the sink, trying not to wake anyone else up. When she left the bus to get some fresh air, the sunrise struck her with its breathtaking beauty. The chill in the air prickled her skin, but the sun’s rays creeping over the ocean hinted at the promise of warmth to come. She shivered and rubbed her arms, gazing at the dim light filtering through the palm trees.
“Beautiful, isn’t it?”
Shannon turned to see Julian stepping down from the bus behind her. He rubbed his temples with his hands, the aftermath of the bourbon showing through his grimacing smile.
“It is beautiful.”
“Did you want to go see your surprise?” Julian spoke softly, sadly almost, as though he was pushing back some hidden pain. Shannon touched his arm and tried to smile brightly.
“Yes!”
“Are you sure? We don’t have to go if you don’t want to. If you’d rather do something else.”
“No, of course not!” Shannon cocked her head to one side, but she could not read Julian’s expression. What was the surprise? And why was he being so coy?
“Okay, then, let’s go.” He headed off towards the beach.
“We’re walking? Should I bring my camera?”
Julian looked back over his shoulder. “No camera. I just want you.”
Shannon skipped forward to catch up with him, clasping his hand in hers. She could feel him pull away slightly, reluctant, and then allow her fingers to intertwine with his. She considered asking him what was wrong, but after last night it seemed like he didn’t really want to talk. Oh well. At least she could distract him from whatever was weighing on his mind.
They walked along the beach for a half mile. Shannon took off her shoes, letting her feet sink into the cool sand. Letting her hand drop, she walked down to the edge of the ocean, where the low waves washed shockingly cold water over her ankles. The sun soon rose over the horizon, warming her arms, but her feet soon numbed with the cold. She came back to Julian, who was trudging through the dry dune sands. A few intrepid joggers wound their way behind him along the concrete boardwalk.
“Are you excited about tonight?” Shannon said. “Last show of the tour!”
“Hopefully we’re just getting started,” Julian said. He didn’t say anything else, and Shannon didn’t press him. There was a pier up ahead, and as they came upon it Julian raised his head and gestured toward the end of the dock.
“This is your surprise.”
Shannon opened her mouth to say she didn’t understand, but as they walked up the last step of the pier she saw what he was talking about. A row of sailboats was anchored to the end of the pier, rocking gently with the waves. A rush of emotion swept over her and she turned to him, her mouth still agape.
“We’re going sailing?”
“You said you wanted to. Well, technically you said a sunset sail, but we’re playing shows every night. So I thought—”
Shannon threw herself into Julian’s arms with such force that he spun in a circle to keep his balance.
“You’re amazing!” She felt a childlike sense of glee. She had never been sailing before. She beamed. Julian smiled back at her, but it was a small smile, and she felt that she had disappointed him in some way.