“You’re wonderful,” she said.
He didn’t reply, but after a moment she felt the wetness of tears on her neck. He was crying. Why was he crying?
Unsure of what to do, Shannon let her fingers run consolingly through his hair, squeezing him tightly against her. Soon he stopped crying, and when he pulled himself upright his eyes were clear again.
“We should get back,” he said, pulling his swim trunks back on.. He did not meet her gaze.
“Let me clean up first.” Shannon used the towel to wipe herself off, putting her clothes back on as Julian readied the sailboat. They caught a small breeze that picked up quickly as they sailed back to the pier. Julian didn’t say another word. Shannon felt a chill run through her body that even the San Diego sunshine could not chase away.
CHAPTER FOUR
Julian stepped off of the pier and tied the boat to the dock. Inside he kicked himself for his rash behavior. He had intended to confront Shannon about what he had seen with Asher, but then she had taken off her clothes and all thoughts had slipped from his mind but one.
She knew. She had to know. He had taken her so roughly, so wildly, like an improvised guitar solo tearing at the strings. She had to hate him for it. But then her hand had caressed his head, and she had been grateful…
Shannon held out her hand, waiting for him to help her out of the boat. What if he turned and left her there? He didn’t owe her anything.
“Julian?”
Her voice sounded concerned, and he had to force himself to stay calm, even though inside he was exploding with anger. At her, for the ultimate betrayal of his trust. And at himself, too, for giving in to carnal pleasures. He thought about the present he had bought for her, stowed away in his backpack, his flask now resting atop it. He would give it to her anyway, he thought, to show how little she meant to him. How little she could hurt him with what she had done. Then he would tell her that he knew about Asher. She would cry, beg him for forgiveness, but he would just turn away, tell her to go back to LA. Yes. That’s what he would do.
“Julian?”
“Yeah?” He took her hand and supported her as she stepped out of the boat and onto the pier, her hair dripping wet. He longed to run his hands through it, to cradle her in his arms. But she had made her choice, and it wasn’t him.
“We’ve got to get back to the bus,” he said.
“I thought the sound checks weren’t until later.”
“Alex wanted to get set up beforehand.”
“Oh. Okay.” She cast her eyes over the water, the sun climbing higher in the sky above it. “I know he wants the last show to be perfect. It looks like a perfect day.”
Julian swallowed hard. “Sure looks like it.”
They walked back in silence.
When they arrived, Alex was already tinkering with the equipment on the outdoor stage. Shannon went back to the tour bus, and Julian finally allowed himself to relax a tiny bit. Asher was gone doing god knows what, skating probably. Julian didn’t know if the band could survive another fight, but this was serious.
Shannon came bounding up to the stage, her camera in her hands. Julian tensed up inside.
“Time for some candid shots,” she said, pointing the camera at Julian and Alex. Julian turned away.
“Kind of busy now,” he said.
“Don’t mind me at all,” Shannon said. “I won’t get in your way. That’s the point - pretend I’m not even here.”
“Gladly,” Julian muttered under his breath. He couldn’t tell if Alex heard him; the singer just kept fiddling with the amp setup.
Julian fell into his work, setting the amps up the way he wanted them. Last night had been hectic with the opening act playing before them, and an outdoor stage meant that all of their equipment had to be ready to pack up or cover in case of bad weather. Julian scoffed. In San Diego, bad weather meant a handful of mist, and there wasn’t a cloud in the sky. The crew had already installed the overhangs to provide shelter if they needed it, and all that was left to do were the minor details of setting up equipment. Still, it felt good to be working again. At least when he had cables to unroll, he could ignore the relationships that were falling apart all around him.
Surprisingly, Shannon was true to her word. After a minute or two, Julian tuned out the low clicking noise of the shutter and became unaware of her presence. It was only when she tapped him on the shoulder that he looked up and realized that she had still been there shooting photos.
“I’m going to get lunch,” she said. “Want anything?”
“Nah, I’m gonna eat later.”
“Okay.” She knelt to kiss him, and he obeyed unresponsively. She paused as though waiting for him to say something, but he turned his head away and kept untangling the mess of cable that sat atop the amp.
“Can we talk later?” she said.
“Yeah, sure.” Okay. She definitely knew. Julian breathed a sigh of relief as Shannon left.
“Whoa, man,” Alex said once she was suitably far away in the distance. “What was that all about?”
“What?”
Alex raised his eyebrows.
“You know what. You two. Where’s the love? I thought you were taking her out on like a sailing trip or something.”
“Yeah, we did that,” Julian said, wincing as he remembered the events that had transpired on the sailboat. “I don’t know.”
“You don’t know.”
“I really don’t want to talk about it,” Julian said. Every single memory of Shannon that floated to the top of his mind made him cringe with bitterness.
“Okay,” Alex said. Julian relaxed. Alex was a good guy. He would never steal another bandmate’s girl. Or any girl, really. Which reminded him of the fiasco last night.
“How’s the whole PR thing going?” Julian said. “I haven’t turned on the news.”
“Ugh!” Alex fell backwards in a dramatic sprawl, his limbs splayed across the stage floor. “I really don’t want to talk about it.”
Julian laughed. “That bad, huh?”
“Nah,” Alex said. “Pat is on it. He’s coming up with some marketing plan or something. Rebranding, you know, like you were saying. But I think he wants me to just focus on the music.”
“Hard to do when the world is screaming about you,” Julian said.
“Right? I know.” Alex rolled his shoulders. Julian could tell that there was still some tension in him, but he was doing his best to push past it.
Alex jumped off of the stage into the sand below.
“Okay, play something,” he said, backing away from the stage. “I want to hear how it sounds.”
Julian smiled and strummed the opening chords to “YMCA”. Alex laughed.
“Sounds great!”
Julian kept playing, though, standing up and shaking out his guitar cord, and Alex began to dance along to the song. A couple of joggers on the boardwalk nearby stopped to watch.
“You think Pat will be mad at us if this gets out?” Julian yelled down to Alex. Alex shook his ass at the joggers gleefully.
“Who cares?” he said. “They’ve already got a picture of me kissing a boy. How much more g*y can I get?”
***
It was already getting dark by the time they had set everything up, and fans lined up by the boardwalk entrance all the way down the beach past Julian’s line of sight. The sunny day had been marred by low clouds rolling in overhead, but Pat thought that everything would be fine for the show. Daniel sat back by his amp, tuning his bass for what seemed like the hundredth time.
“Where’s Asher?” Alex asked. “We were all supposed to be here by three.”
“I just texted him,” Daniel said. He looked worried. “No response.”
Julian looked around, scanning the back of the stage. There was no sign of Asher or of Shannon. Coincidence? Maybe. But he doubted it. A surge of anger welled up into his throat as he thought about the two of them.
“The doors open in ten minutes,” Daniel said.
Julian saw Pat running towards the stage. He walked down the stairs.
“Where’s Asher?”
“Yeah, we can’t play without a drummer.”
“He just called me, said he was running late.” Pat told them. “But don’t worry, he’ll be here. Even if we have to start a bit late.”
Julian seethed. First Asher f**ked up his relationship, and now his band.
“The doors open soon,” Pat said. “Just be ready to go as soon as possible.” He seemed like he had other things on his mind. Probably dealing with the controversy around Alex being gay.
Walking down to the back of the stage, Alex and Daniel began to talk animatedly, but Julian turned away and went to help the road crew set up the lights. He didn’t want to hear anything about Asher. Not right now. Possibly never.
The crowd spilled through the doors onto the sand, the overhead spotlights illuminating them as they surged forward to the stage. Julian climbed up one of the back ladders and adjusted an off-kilter red spotlight. From this height he could barely see the ocean, the waves at high tide crashing against the shore. The lights from the stage and the audience lit the entire beach dimly, and the whitewash of the waves roiled. It was a choppy sea, definitely unlike the calm waves that he had seen that morning. The wind picked up and fluttered the overhang on the stage.
Julian climbed down and went to find Pat. He had his phone to his ear, and was nodding heartily as though the other person could see him.
“Can we still play if it rains?” he asked, interrupting.
“Sorry, one second.” Pat pressed the phone down to his shoulder. “It’s San Diego. It’s not going to rain.” He went back to his call.
“Yeah, but if it does,” Julian insisted. “It looks rough out there.” He pointed over towards the ocean.
“Christ, Julian!” Pat put the phone down again. “We’ll be fine, okay? Okay?”
“Sure,” Julian said, frowning. “Okay.”
Pat turned away, and as he left Julian saw Asher come through the back entrance to the back of the stage, as casually as if he didn’t have a show to play in five minutes. Shannon came in with him. They were both laughing.
He couldn’t help it. One second he was standing calmly with his guitar in one hand, and the next second he was shoving Asher as hard as he could. The drummer stumbled backwards, his hands raised in defense.
“What the FUCK?” Julian yelled. “You f**king a**hole!”
“Easy, easy,” Asher said. “Calm down.”
“I’m not going to f**king calm down!” The crew gathered to watch, and Julian could hear the crowd at the front of the stage buzzing with noise. A black hatred rose up inside of him, and he strode forward, shoving Asher again hard. This time Asher tripped over a cable and landed hard on the ground.
“Chill, man!”
“What are you doing?” Shannon yelled
“Stand up and fight, you sorry piece of shit!” Julian reached forward and pulled Asher up bodily from the floor, smashing an open palm across his face. With so much adrenaline running through his veins, Julian couldn’t even feel the weight. Alex was trying to push through the back of the crew to get to them. Asher’s hand came up to his nose. Blood ran down one nostril over his chin.