Dean opened the main door, making it creak and shaking us out of our hug. A tension was floating through the house, like the calm before a storm; I knew we didn't have much time. We hurried into the house, Dean a solid presence behind us. I knew he wasn't close to Daniel, but the two women in his life were. Emma and I bounded up the main staircase, my fear of losing him before I got to say goodbye spurring me to go faster.
I slowed once I reached the door. Bianca was sitting on the floor outside his room. She looked as though a giant child had simply set her down after playing with her like a doll. Bianca's blonde hair was perfectly coiffed, her pantsuit pressed and neat, but her legs splayed out in front of her and her eyes stared, unseeing. Jack had her hand in his as he knelt beside her, whispering soft words to try and move her to a chair nearby. She just kept shaking her head and staring into space.
I swallowed against the tears that threatened to rise out of my chest. If I wasn't careful, it felt as though a sob would just explode out of me, so I kept it inside, feeling its claws rip me apart. Dean placed his hand on my shoulder. It was a small gesture, but just having him beside me was enough to give me strength. I didn't know what I would do if I didn't have him there. Emma hurried to Jack's side, taking Bianca's other hand and pulling gently. Between the two of them, they managed to get her into a high-backed chair next to the door.
The door was cracked open, and I peeked inside. Jack shook his head, warning me not to go inside yet. I could see Robbie kneeling by the head of his father's bed. Daniel's hand rested on his shoulder, a soft smile across his thin lips. Robbie's shoulders shook slightly, and Daniel motioned him to come closer. I watched as Daniel whispered something into Robbie's ear, Robbie's spine going stiff. From my vantage point, I could see Daniel smile, pulling his son toward him for a hug with weak arms.
Robbie leaned into his father for a moment, a sob shaking out of his chest, but then broke away and ran blindly for the door. I stepped aside before he could hit me on his way out, tears streaking his face. A mask of pain twisted his features as he hurried to a space down the hall. He wanted to run out the door, run away from the pain, but something held him firm to the hallway, so he paced it like a caged animal.
I watched him for a moment, wondering what Daniel could have said to make him react like that. My heart ached for the boy. There was so much pain today. I wanted to chase after him, to hold him in my arms like I did when he was small and tell him it was going to be all right. I knew that wasn't what he wanted right now, though, so I stayed by the door.
"Rachel," Daniel called weakly. I turned to see him smiling at me through the open door. I stepped inside, closing the door behind me firmly. Everyone in the hallway had already spoken with him, and I wanted a moment alone with the man I considered a father.
"Hi, Daniel," I said. My voice trembled on his name. He patted the bedspread beside him, his hand struggling at the simple motion. The room seemed immensely large as I crossed it, and Daniel, suddenly tiny in his huge bed. I sat down, taking his hand in both of mine.
"Rachel, you know I love you like a daughter? I've only ever wanted what was best for my children, and it seems I've failed all of them in some way. I'm hoping that I can change some of that." He stopped, a fit of coughing overtaking him. Death stalked the corners of the room. I waited until he regained his breath before speaking.
"You've never failed me, Daniel. You're the closest and best thing I've ever had to a father. I'm proud that you consider me one of your own," I said. A tear trickled down my cheek, and I wiped it away with the back of my hand.
Daniel gave me a weak smile. The light was fading from his eyes. They looked clouded and distant, as if the spark was fading. He looked at me, but he was seeing through me. "There should be love in your life. He's good for you, Rachel. I wish I could have seen it earlier, but the two of you complement one another. He is the shadow to your light. Neither one is complete without the other," he whispered.
"I don't understand." I shook my head and felt another tear escape. This one I didn't even bother wiping.
"You don't have to. Just an old man rambling on his deathbed." His eyes focused back on me. "I love you, Rachel, as I love all my children." His breath caught again, his lungs struggling for air, but his body was so weak the bed didn't even tremble with his effort. I held his hand, unable to do anything. When it stopped again, he squeezed my hand and smiled. "Will you send in my wife? She's been my constant for my entire life. Everyone deserves a love like ours. Something that will never end."
I nodded, sniffling back my tears. With shaking hands, I released his bony one, placing it gently on the white bedspread. I kissed his forehead, and one of my tears dripped off my cheek and onto his pillow. He closed his eyes and smiled up at me. His face was losing the lines of pain, paling as he came closer to finding relief.
I opened the door, leaning heavily against the door-frame. My mind was nothing but fog and tears. Bianca floated from the chair to the door, as if she had heard him calling. He smiled, his eyes growing bright for a moment as he saw her approach. She wiped her cheek with her hand and crawled up into the bed with him. He wrapped his thin arms around her, pulling her close to him and whispering into her ear. She nodded, and he smiled, stroking her hair for a moment.
Daniel's children stood in the doorway. Jack held Emma close to him, his hand smoothing her hair as she cried quietly into his chest. Robbie leaned against the wall, his face now devoid of emotion. He stood there staring off into space, his breathing short and choppy. Dean stood off to the side and out of the way, but he put his hand on my shoulder. I reached up and grabbed it, drawing on his strength to get me through this. We all stood there, waiting.
Daniel's hands went still. His chest stopped moving. But Bianca never let him go.
Chapter 28
Present Day
The rest of the day was a blur. All I felt was pain, the gray shadows of memory taunting me with Daniel's life. He had been my friend, my father, and my employer. Despite months of preparation, it had come too soon. His absence left a hole in my heart that could never be filled.
The doctor entered the room, checking Daniel's limp wrist for a pulse. Bianca clung to him, her eyes shut as she willed him to still be alive. The doctor carefully worked around her, performing the necessary checks before quietly leaving the room. He put his hand on Jack's shoulder as he left, murmuring the words, "I'm sorry," he said, and Jack nodded, but I don't think he actually heard him. His eyes were glued to the bedroom, tears silently running down his face.
Upon the doctor's apology, Robbie stood. He stared at those of us in the doorway for a moment before taking off down the stairs. I heard the front door slam, but I let him go. A minute later, I could hear the roar of an engine as he drove off. I hoped he was going to his boat. At least he could find solace there.
Time passed, but no one else moved. A light touch on my shoulder from one of the funeral home attendants told me they had arrived. We shifted awkwardly from the door; my legs were numb, as though they had fallen asleep. I wondered what time it was, but realized that I didn't care.
The attendants went to Daniel's body, but Bianca refused to leave her beloved husband. He was gone, but she held onto him and refused to let go. Jack, Emma, and I had to pull her off of him. Her screams and pleas rang in my ears as we slowly coaxed her off the bed. As Daniel was taken away, she collapsed to the floor, sobs racking her body as Jack took her in his arms. He held her, the two of them rocking slowly back and forth as he let her cry.
I turned and left, not wanting to see her pain. My own chest felt like lead. It was hard to move, and I just wanted to curl up in a ball and hide. Or wake up and find out it'd it all just been a horrible dream. I wished Dean could take me up in his arms, to just let him hold me and take my pain away. But we couldn't.
He found small ways to make it easier, though—pushing food in front of me, telling me I needed to eat as I attended to business. He would put his hand on my shoulder whenever he walked by, and he gave me a kiss on the cheek when he thought no one else was around. We had to be careful not to appear as anything more than friends.
I finally locked myself in the guest room to work. I had to notify the shareholders, the media, and the company, as well as put the funeral plans into motion. I went through my job like a robot, my head in a gray fog of loss, but getting things done nonetheless. I tried not to think about anything.
***
I woke up the next morning, still fully clothed on the guest bed, my hair messy and my face smeared with tears. I didn't even remember falling asleep. I zombie-walked to the shower, turning on the water so it would warm up. I stood there staring at the rising steam and I wished I could have Dean with me. I gave serious thought to texting him, so that he might come to my room and hold me in the shower.
Before I knew what I was doing—before I even bothered to think of the consequences—my phone was open, and I was calling Dean's number. He picked up on the second ring.
"Can you get away for a little bit? I'd like to see you," I said. I felt breathless and giddy.
"I'll be there in just a minute," Dean answered. The phone went silent, and I stared at it in my hand. What am I doing? I thought to myself. If we got caught, both our jobs would be up for evaluation from the board. Jack and Emma wouldn't have any say in it because we broke the rules of the employee contract. But I needed him.
There was a soft knock on the door, and I hurried to unlock it. Dean stood in the hallway, his eyes almost gray with worry.
"Are you okay? I came by last night but the door was locked, and you weren't answering." He stepped into the room, closing the door behind him. "I was worried about you."
As soon as the door was shut, I fell into him. He wrapped his arms around me, holding me close to him. My worry and pain seemed to fade as long as he was touching me. When he was with me, I felt like things were going to be all right. It didn't hurt so much when he could help carry my heavy heart.
"I'm sorry. I just crashed." My words were muffled by his chest. He took a deep breath and smoothed my hair.
"It's okay," he said, and kissed the top of my head. "Is your shower running?"
I pulled back with a sheepish grin. He cocked his head a little, clearly wondering what I was up to.
"I was actually hoping you might join me." I bit my lip. There were hundreds of reasons he should say no, but I hoped he would say yes. He hesitated for a moment, then smiled.
"Get in the water," he said, giving me a gentle push toward the bathroom. I wasn't sure he was coming until he started untying his shoes. "You've got fifteen minutes before I have to be anywhere."
I gave him the biggest smile I could manage and hurried to the bathroom door. He padded behind me on bare feet, stripping his shirt as he went. Inside the bathroom, I pulled yesterday's dirty shirt over my head, shaking my hair free of what was left of my bun.
Steam was filling the tiled bathroom, but I could still clearly see the definition in Dean's chest. I shimmied out of my pants, and quickly slipped off my undergarments before stepping into the hot water. It felt marvelous to get clean.
The glass door clicked shut as Dean walked in behind me.