"I know. I'm just frustrated. Thank you for everything Luke. Thanks for putting up with me," I said as he stood up and stretched.
"Just keep giving it time," he said. He cracked his knuckles and opened the door back to the house. "I have to get going, my shift at the hardware store starts soon. Stop by the station sometime this week and put your name on the volunteer list. You want to carpool? I'll drive."
"Sounds good to me. I won't have a car this weekend, so I'll sign up on Monday," I answered.
"Why won't you have a car?" Luke asked pausing at the door.
"Mine is in the shop and Dad has to work this week. I have the weekend off, so I am just going to hang out here," I sat down on the swing. "You know, work on my tan and catch up on some reading."
"Oh, okay. I'm on fire duty all this weekend, but if you get bored, give me a call." He gave her one last look. "Alright then, I'm off," he said with a wave as he shut the door behind him. I was glad we were speaking again. At least one thing was right in my world. I stretched out on the swing, feeling the warm sunshine. The air was dusty and dry, the wood warm on my back. I lay there and contemplated what I had just heard from Luke.
It seemed so strange. Andrew was an accident. I guess it explained why Audrey and Charlie never had more kids. It was sad though. Audrey and Ray could have been happy together. They even got a second chance, but they were letting it fall apart over a twenty year old argument.
I glanced at my phone, hoping Andrew had texted me back. The screen stayed blank. I sighed and put it back in my pocket. This wasn't something that was going to be fixed easily. I had betrayed his trust. I felt my shame threatening to overwhelm me again, and this time there wasn't anyone to stop it. All I could see was the revulsion on his face when he thought I had been pregnant and didn't know the father. It was good he didn't know the things Bobby had done to me.
The swing creaked gently as a soft breeze came up the mountain. It was peaceful here. I closed my eyes and tried to absorb it into my soul. I could see all my mistakes lined up neatly and then they all fell like dominoes to squish me. I couldn't run from my past. I had to live up to it. Hiding from it had only made things worse.
I promised myself that if Andrew started talking to me again, I would tell him everything. Even the parts I didn't want to tell. He would know all of it because it was a part of me now. I wasn't going to make the same mistake twice.
I checked my phone again knowing that I hadn't heard or felt it. I just wanted it to ring. I wanted to move on, but I trapped by the past. It felt like an overgrown forest closing in around me. I couldn't seem to escape and I needed a hero.
Chapter 14
The heat made the air visible. Shimmering heat rose from the parched ground as the flames approached. The ground burned with embers, coals bright like eyes staring into the souls of the men who tried to stop it. The firefighters gave up ground reluctantly to the hungry flames.
I woke up thinking a storm was rolling in from the lack of sunshine, the glowing clock casting strange shadows in my darkened room. The sky outside was black with smoke, gray ash falling like desecrated snow. The smell of smoke permeated everything, even when I closed the windows and stuffed a towel under the front door. I stared out the window into the dark sky, wondering where the fire was. The fire danger had been marked extreme for over a month, but even then it was still early in the season for a fire this size. The dry winter and abnormally warm spring had made the entire area a tinderbox ready to burn.
I started a pot of coffee as I checked my phone and the home phone to make sure there were no messages, and turned on the TV. Flames engulfed a hillside as a news chopper circled in the sky. I recognized the hill as the sledding hill a couple of miles away. I watched in silence as my childhood memories burned.
"The small town of Conifer is burning this morning. Fire crews are struggling to contain a wildfire that started late last night off US-285. Mandatory evacuations via reverse 911 are in full effect for certain divisions of Conifer and the surrounding areas." The scene cut to firefighters in full yellow gear battling the flames.
I wondered if Luke was out there with them. Knowing him, he was probably right in the heart of things trying to save the day. A map of the town appeared with lines drawn for the fire. I was on the far side and up the mountain. My house didn't seem like it was in the line of fire.
"Winds are expected to increase as the day continues making hard work for the firefighters. We'll have more on this breaking story after the weather. Back to you Jim," the attractive reporter signed off and the scene returned to a desk in a studio somewhere. I clicked the TV to mute as a commercial for some sort of gadget blared out of the screen.
The house sat eerily quiet. A chill, like someone walking over my grave, hit me. I got half way to the kitchen to grab my keys before I remembered I didn't have a car. I glanced out the window at the smoky sky, wondering just how close the fire actually was. I checked the land-line phone again just to make sure I hadn't received an evacuation phone call. Nothing. Something didn't feel right though, and I decided to get some things ready in case an evacuation was called.
I pulled out an old duffel bag and threw in some clothes, toiletries and shoes. I then went upstairs and grabbed the photo albums, making sure I got the ones with my mom. The photos were all I had left of her.
I could remember her smile and the way she smelled, but she had died when I was four. I put the picture of her holding me, the both of us smiling for the camera in my pocket. I wondered if she was looking out for me, or just watching me and wondering what I was doing with my life. I found myself wishing she were there with me, helping me pack and keeping me from getting scared.
I grabbed some things for my dad, and of course the binder full of important legal papers. It all fit in the bag and I put it by the front door. I picked up a plastic grocery bag and filled it with dog food before double bagging it. That and Shadow's leash went by the door too.
The sky seemed darker outside, so I checked the home phone again, feeling a little silly. I still had this horrible nagging sensation that something wasn't right. I paced the house a couple of times, making sure that I had all the sentimental stuff from the walls as well as all the practical things. My pile by the door grew a little, but not much. I couldn't shake the edgy feeling. Smoke and flames flashed on the silent TV screen.
I picked up my cell phone, thinking I would call Britney or someone from work to come get me. There was a missed call and a text message. Both were from Andrew. I felt my heart quicken and I nearly dropped the phone, my fingers clumsily pressing the buttons to view the message.
Where are you?
I looked at the message confused. It wasn't at all what I was expecting.
Home. Can we talk? I hit send and waited for the return message. It came almost immediately.
Bing. Why aren't you evacuated? Why aren't you here?
I felt a cold sweat break out on my forehead, my back twitching. The phone started vibrating in my hands and I answered it. "Hello?"
"Holly? Why aren't you at the evacuation site? Are you alright?" Andrew sounded worried. I felt a strange comfort in just hearing his voice.
"I haven't gotten a call yet- I didn't think it was that close," I answered. There was so much else I wanted to say to him, but the worry in his voice made me wait.
"Holly, you have to get out of there- they are saying that whole mountain is about to go up once the wind shifts. You have get out of there now, Holly!" Andrew's voice was practically shaking. Or maybe that was just my hand. I glanced out the window at the growing smoke, suddenly feeling very afraid.
"Andrew, I don't have a car. I don't have a way to get out," my voice sounded strange in my ears. Distant, like it wasn't me talking anymore.
"Holly, I can't hear you.. yo..breaki...p...." Andrew's voice crackled in my ear.
"Andrew? Andrew!" I cried into the phone, but the line was only static. Fear pulsated through my body, my hands shaking as I put my phone in my pocket next to my mom. I swallowed hard and opened the front door. The smoke was thicker than when I had looked out at it earlier, and I threw my stuff out on the front porch.
I could see the road was still clear, and it was my only way down the mountain. I could walk that with Shadow and still carry the duffel bag. I imagined walking into the evacuation site and it suddenly becoming an entertaining story. I tried not to think about the part where I wasn't sure where the evacuation site was or that the closest house was half a mile away.
I picked up Shadow's leash and went to the back door. I stepped out on the porch, the smoke making me sneeze. I called to her, but I couldn't see her. She usually stayed close to the house, the electric fence keeping her penned in.
Out of the corner of my eye I saw the TV screen was dark. I hadn't turned it off. My stomach was creeping up my throat, and I battled to keep it down and to stay calm. I could handle this. The power was out, but I was leaving anyway. I swallowed on a dry mouth and stepped out on to the back porch. If the power was out then that meant the fence was down. Shadow couldn't have gotten far.
I started calling her name, choking on the haze surrounding the house. I couldn't leave her. She was probably terrified and running around trying to figure out what to do. I cursed silently in my head that I hadn't brought her in while I was gathering everything to go as I stepped off the wooden porch and started towards the trees lining the edge of the yard.
▪▪▪
Andrew looked around the high school. It seemed like everyone he had ever known was there, milling around the gymnasium and talking in hushed tones. He looked around for Holly, wondering what he was going to say when he saw her. There was no way she was going to leave him alone if she saw him first. She had texted him everyday, the same thing: I'm sorry. Please call me. He had ignored every single one.
Andrew felt a little guilty at ignoring her. The initial anger of finding out that she wasn’t who he thought had finally faded, but it was left with a cold apathy. The girl he loved was sweet and innocent, not some tramp who would sleep with anything that had a penis. She had changed in his eyes, and he didn't like the new girl he saw.
Andrew sat down with his back against the gym wall and watched as people moved and greeted one another. Ray waved to him as he sat down at a table and began talking with the other locals. Despite the fight with his mom, Andrew still liked Ray. He kept hoping they would work it out. There was free coffee and donuts in the cafeteria, and he considered getting up to get some. Breakfast had been a long time ago.
Audrey had woken him up early, the house still dark, after getting a phone call to evacuate. They had quickly packed what they could into their cars and headed to the high school. Audrey made sure Andrew was safe, and then headed to the clinic. The donuts were sounding better and better.
He was about to get up when he saw Louise sit on one of the band chairs people had dragged in, her belly swollen and pronounced. Andrew tried not to stare at her, but it was hard. How could she have done that to herself? He shook his head, pity lining his face. He felt so sorry for her, having to raise a child by herself. She looked so helpless. He stood up to get his donuts, and decided to ask if she wanted one as well. He made it three steps towards her before he stopped.