"So that's what that 'oh my god!' face was for!"
"That, and then Ray started playing footsie with me too!" Andrew snorted as he laughed, making me laugh harder. I hadn't felt this relaxed and happy in a long time.
"So what happens next?" I asked when I finally caught my breath, my sides aching from laughing so hard.
"Ray already asked Mom if she would like to do something this weekend," I could hear the smile in his voice.
"That's awesome!" I exclaimed, jumping up from my bed to walk around the room.
"I know. I think Luke put him up to it, but he still texted this morning saying he had a great time and if she wanted to do something this weekend. The details still need to be worked out, but it's progress," he said. I could hear him opening the refrigerator and pulling milk out and pouring it over cereal.
"I have an idea. Have you heard of the Winter Carnival they are holding this weekend at the ice skating lake in Evergreen?" I heard the milk thud onto the counter.
"I went last year. It was great, really romantic in the evening. It's perfect- Holly, you are a genius. Why'd you ever leave school? They should have just given you a degree," he said, his smile carrying through on his voice. The mention of school made me go cold.
"Great. I have to go, Andrew. I'll call you later," I said quickly and hanging up. Andrew's offhand comment made my good mood vanish quicker than lightning. I knew he didn't mean anything by it, but more than anything, I didn't want Andrew to know how badly I had botched my life. Better for him to think it was my decision than for him to know the truth.
I set my phone down on my nightstand and lay down on my bed, hiding my head under the blankets as the memories of my failure washed over me. I hated myself for screwing everything up. Shame covered me like a heavy blanket, smothering and suffocating. I wished I could just erase the last year of my life, just go back and redo it. So many mistakes. So many soul crushing mistakes.
My phone binged. Luke loves the idea of Winter Carnival.
Awesome! It was so easy to sound happy over a text.
Bing. You want to go? My heart skipped a beat, temporarily making me forget my shame. Andrew was asking me out to a romantic winter festival? I sat staring at the glowing screen in the dark of my blanket fort, trying to figure out why my heart was pounding in my chest. He was my friend. Just my friend. But...
Bing. There is a wine tasting there. Mom says I have to be the designated driver (especially after last night). You want to keep me company?
I let out a sigh of relief, feeling a strange twinge of regret settle deep in my chest. Andrew was my best friend. Nothing more. We had promised one another a long time ago that we would never go down that road, and we weren't going to. I took a deep breath and let it out, trying to get the regret out of my lungs. It hung like a mist under the blanket, so I threw off the blanket, letting the sun dispel the rest. Things always felt better in the sunshine.
Sure. I have this weekend off anyway. We'll have fun!
I tossed the phone on my bed, deciding that I needed a shower. A shower and coffee. I started thinking of the Winter Carnival. I imagined the possibilities that could happen if this went well for Audrey and Ray. Would Audrey wear a white wedding dress? I thought mint green would be better for a second marriage, but she would look beautiful in pink. I felt better thinking about them than ruminating on my past. I wanted to leave my past as far behind me as possible. I grinned as I wrote the date down on my calendar and went to start the water.
Chapter 5
Smoke trickled into the sky, blotting out the stars. A young mother smelled smoke, cradling her child closer to her breast. Two teens stopped their kissing to wonder why the sky seemed darker. A father checked on his young son, sleeping soundly in his bed, his brow pushed together as he worried for his family. A car stopped on the side of the road, flames reflecting in the dark windows. The light of a phone lit the interior, the cry for help beginning.
I put on my warm winter boots and my nice hunter green wool pea coat. I decided that I wanted to look pretty, even if it meant I wasn't quite as warm as if I wore my heavy winter coat.
"You look nice," my dad said watching me as I put on a hat and scarf.
"Thanks, Daddy. Can you hand me my bag?"
"Sure. You're going out with Andrew tonight, right? When are you thinking you'll be home?" Dad asked nonchalantly. Since I had come home he had been trying hard not to slip back into his protective ways; I really appreciated him letting me be an adult even though I was living at home. It was hard on him, but luckily I didn't do much other than work nowadays.
"Yes, I'm keeping Andrew company. We'll be home whenever Mrs. Miller and Mr. West decide that they want to come home. I'll call if we're going to be later than ten," I said smiling at him as he handed me my bag. He smiled but I could see a curtain of worry cover his face.
"I guess if Audrey and Ray are with you, you won't get into much trouble," he said slowly.
"I think it is Mr. West and Mrs. Miller that you need to worry about getting into trouble," I winked at him. He laughed, but the ever present worry never left his eyes. I could see Andrew pull up in the driveway, so I kissed Dad on the cheek and headed out the door. Audrey was already in the backseat, so I took the front and waved to my dad in the window as we pulled out. Luke's house was next, and we had barely turned into the driveway when Ray opened the door.
He looked handsome. I had known him for most of my life, but I had never actually realized that he was an attractive man. He was always just Luke and Tyler's dad, a fixture in their home and the shop; much like no one ever looks at their doorknobs, no one ever looks at them, they just know that they are always there.
Ray had gotten his blonde hair cut in a military style that accented his jawline and cheekbones, making his hazel eyes look bigger and brighter than I remembered. I had never even really noticed the color of his eyes before, but today, they caught my attention. He was grinning from ear to ear as he slid into the seat next to Audrey.
The two of them made sure there was an appropriate distance between them, but I could see them casting glances and giggling in the rear-view mirror. It was like watching two teenagers in the back of their parent's car trying not to get noticed. I looked over at Andrew and he just rolled his eyes and started backing out of the driveway. In order to ignore the blatant flirting and giggling in the backseat I turned on the radio. Elton John's "Your Song" blared out of the speakers.
"It's our song!" Audrey and Ray cried from the backseat. Andrew and I exchanged glances as they began to sing along with the lyrics. I was glad when it ended, other than the fact that the two of the began making lovey noises in the backseat.
"Don't make me come back there. I want to see hands," Andrew growled at them glancing in the backseat.
"Isn't that our line?" Ray asked as they both held up their hands. Audrey giggled.
A few minutes later, Audrey had her face plastered against the window. "Oh there's the lake! It's so pretty! I haven't been out here since Andrew was a little boy," she squealed from the backseat. I marveled at how she could sound like a mother and like an excited child at the same time.
We pulled into the main lot, showing the attendant our tickets. He waved us to a spot near the edge of the lot. Ray hopped out of the car, running around to open the door for Audrey, an exaggerated bow as he held it open. She giggled, and curtseyed, her eyes shining with amusement.
"Alright you two kids," Andrew began with mock seriousness. "We will meet back here at 9pm. If you are going to be late, call or text. If I don't get either and it is past 9, you are both grounded for a week." Audrey and Ray laughed like little kids before agreeing and running off towards the ice skating area.
Andrew shook his head watching them, then turned to me. "Well, what should we do while we wait for the little love birds?"
"Spy on them," I responded looking as innocent as possible. He grinned and tapped his fingers under his chin like an evil villain, giving a laugh fit for a black and white movie. I laughed and we headed towards the Lake House.
The lake was beautiful. It had snowed for the first time in weeks the night before and the world was a winter wonderland. The frozen lake stretched out under snow covered hills, evergreen trees standing like silent observers dressed in white. A large log cabin style building gazed out at the plowed lake, the windows glowing cheerfully and welcoming visitors inside. Small figures glided and danced on across the silver lake, joyful shrieks filling the air.
I could see Audrey and Ray lacing up their skates at the edge of the skating area, the two of them laughing and joking like lovestruck teenagers. They looked so young and carefree as they wobbled out onto the ice.
Andrew and I stood on the deck of the Lake House, watching the two adults play on the ice. Ray tried to show off and skate backwards, slipping and falling onto his butt. Audrey inched toward him, unsteady on her skates until she reached him. She stuck out her hand to help him up, but when he grabbed it, instead of pulling himself up, he pulled her down on top of them. She shrieked with mock anger, running her hand along the ice and tossing the small snow crystals at his face. Ray's baritone laugh boomed across the lake as he got up and helped her back to her feet. She looked up at him in adoration as he took her hand and worked her back out onto the ice, making sure she was steady on her feet as they moved forward.
"She looks so happy," I murmured, glancing over at Andrew. He was leaning up against the railing, his blue eyes focused on the skating couple on the ice. The wind ruffled his hair, his cheeks bright from the cold.
"She told me she was furious when she first saw Ray at the restaurant," he said, looking out at them."She said she has avoided him ever since Dad died because she didn't want to feel something he couldn't return. She thought he was happy with Barb and she didn't want to get in the way of that. She thought not seeing him would spare everyone heartache. When she heard he was divorced, she felt like she had a second chance." He turned towards me, his eyes catching mine and refusing to let go. "Thank you, Holly, for giving her that."
I blushed and looked at my boots on the wooden deck, his praise warming me down to my toes. "It wasn't just me, you know. You and Luke have just as much to do with this as I did. I don't deserve credit for this. Honestly, your mom and Ray deserve the credit- they're the ones doing all the hard work."
"This is the happiest I have seen her since Dad died. I caught her singing while she made dinner last night, and she only called me at work twice to make sure I was alright," Andrew said, his eyes watching them again.
A woman in a fur trimmed coat bumped into me, pushing me against Andrew. He caught me easily, his hands strong on my arms, his body solid against mine. I looked up and his blue eyes twinkled back at me as he helped me back to my feet. His eyes made the blue sky seem dull in comparison and I knew I could get lost in them. The woman apologized and continued on her way, but I could still feel his heat through my coat. I blushed and smoothed my coat, both of us laughing at the near accident.
"You want some cocoa? They make the best stuff here," he offered, running a glove through his hair. I nodded and he disappeared into the house, weaving in and out of the growing crowd.