Nope, I was so wrong…….that was the most magical moment of my life.
“I love you too Drew.”
Gunner pulled back his head and stared at me in shock. I was pretty damn shocked myself that I just said that out loud. It was true though and it felt like the exact right moment to say it.
Then he smiled. I felt my body slowly start sliding down the jeep……my knees would not hold me up. Gunner reached around my h*ps and pulled me and pressed me into the jeep again.
“You just made me the happiest man on earth Ellie Johnson. I will love you for the rest of my life baby.”
Then he kissed me so slow and so sweet. My heart was squeezing in my chest. I did it; I gave my heart away to someone when I swore I would never do it again. I prayed to God that Gunner was right….will he love me the rest of his life? Will he always want me?
You will never be wanted by anyone……..
I felt a tear roll down my face. Gunner must have felt it too. He pulled back and wiped it away with his thumb.
“Please tell me that is a happy tear sweetheart.”
“Yes, yes it is. Promise me that you will not break my heart Drew. Promise me that will you?”
He looked at me and his eyes started to fill with tears. Oh my…..
“Ellie, I would rather die than ever break your heart. I have never in my life felt like this. I would lay down my life for you if I had to. I love you baby.”
I reached up and wrapped my arms around his neck as he lifted me off the ground. I wanted to stay right here just like this forever!
In Gunner’s arms laying under the stars at the ranch.
“You ready to head back to the house sweetheart?”
Every time he called me sweetheart or baby my stomach did flip flops. I loved it so much. I loved him so much. Yes….I loved him and if he was willing to take a leap of faith on us, so was I.
“Okay, except we hardly ate anything your grandmother packed. I feel so bad!”
“Don’t worry about it. We can take it with us down to the river tomorrow. Jeff and I have a few things to take care of in the morning around the ranch but we are free all afternoon. What do you say you and Ari meet us at the river around one?”Gunner said as he brought the basket back over to the jeep and I folded up the blanket and set it on the back seat.
“Sounds good, but how will we find our way to the river? This place is HUGE!”
Gunner let out a laugh as he went to start the jeep. It wouldn’t turn over. Oh shit. After two more attempts it finally started.
“I need to tell Drake that the battery needs replacing in this thing. Make sure y’all take my truck tomorrow and I will have Grams tell y’all how to get there in the morning.”
Gunner reached over and gave me a kiss before he pulled out onto the gravel road and headed back to the ranch house. I had never in my life felt as happy as I did at this moment. I never wanted to leave. I thought I was so excited about starting school at UT in the fall but I found myself dreaming of starting a family with Gunner and living here on the ranch. What a silly dream….he was going to school to become an Architectural Engineer, not a rancher.
We drove in silence until we reached the ranch house. Before Gunner got out I reached over and held his arm to stop him.
He turned and looked at me with a smile. “What’s wrong sweetheart?”
I was not sure why I needed to ask him this but it all of a sudden became very important to me.
“Nothing is wrong it’s just….well I mean with us talking about wanting kids and everything I just…..well I just wanted to ask you…..shit….this is not coming out right!”
“Ellie, I’ve already told you sweetheart you can ask me anything you want. I’ll never hide anything from you.”
“I just was wondering where you saw yourself in the future? I mean I know you only have one more year of college and your degree is in Architectural Engineering but you also love football so much. Jefferson mentioned that you already had NFL teams interested in you. Do you see yourself playing pro football?”
Gunner sat back in his seat and pushed his hand through his hair. Holy hell I loved it when he did that and I started to get that damn ache between my legs again. I had to fiddle around in my seat to ease the ache. Gesh how does he turn me on so easily?
Gunner looked over at me after sitting there for almost a minute in silence.
Oh shit….here it is….. I just knew he was going to say he sees himself playing pro ball….did I want to be with someone who would be traveling all the time….the women who would always be after his attention I just couldn’t imagine it….my heart just sank.
“Honestly Ellie, my dream ever since I was a little kid was to build and design buildings and to run this ranch. I figured I could do both so that’s why I majored in Architectural Engineering. Jeff and I both are going to get hired on where we have been interning after we get out of school but I already worked it out to where I would do most of my work from out here. My number one dream is to take over this ranch. I would like to get married here, have my kids here and raise them right here on the ranch.”
I was not expecting him to say that. It felt like at least one hundred butterflies went off in my stomach. Would he ever want that life with…..me?
“So, no pro football even though you have teams trying to get you signed on?” I asked as I fiddled with my hands.
“No Ells, no pro football. I don’t want to be away from the people I love. Especially with my grandparents getting older I want to be here for them. Take the burden off of them with the ranch and I if I am really blessed I hope to give them great grandkids.”
“Oh wow….um…that sounds wonderful Gunner.” I turned to open the door to get out of the jeep but Gunner grabbed my hand and stopped me.
He started to laugh. “Well that’s not really fair. You get to ask me about my future, what about yours?”
What was I going to say? Oh well okay…I have only known you for a little over a month now but I want to marry you and have your kids and live out here on your family’s ranch. Yeah that would scare him the f**k off!
“Well I guess I’m not really sure where I see my future. I’m starting college soon so I guess that is really about as far as I’m thinking right now just going to college.” I said with a shrug of my shoulders.
Gunner’s face fell and it looked like he was devastated. What the hell? What did I say wrong?
He slowly gave me a small smile and let go of my hand. He got out of the jeep so fast I almost didn’t see him grab the basket and head to the front door.
OH SHIT! I guess I pretty much just told him I didn’t think I saw him in my future.
OH NO! FUCK!
“Gunner wait a minute! That’s not the truth, that’s not the truth at all.”
“It’s okay Ellie, we have different ideas about our future it’s not that big of a deal.” He said as he turned to walk away. How could he say that? Why would he say that?
“Gunner please stop! Don’t walk away from me after what just happened between us.”
Gunner stopped and turned to look at me. “I would never walk away from you Ellie. Ever…..”
I walked up to him and stood on the porch next to him. I was scared out of my mind to tell him what I really saw but I knew I had to. For some reason I had to let him know I saw the same future and I just prayed to God that it was me he saw in his future like it was him I saw in mine.
“Gunner, this is all moving so fast for me and…well….. it was huge for me to tell you how I feel about you. I’m so scared; you have no idea how scared I am. I love you! I love you with all of my heart and the moment I got out of your truck earlier today all I could think about was being here, right here on this ranch, sitting on this porch with you and watching sunsets and sunrises with you and seeing our kids running all over the place and Emma teaching me how to make all your favorite foods. I have not been able to stop thinking about it all day and it scares the f**k out me!” I just spilled all that out and Gunner was just standing there staring at me with no emotion on his face. I had to sit down.
Oh shit…I think I’m going to throw up! Oh god I can’t breathe!
I walked over and sat down on one of the chairs. I leaned my head down into my hands and cursed myself for being so stupid! How could I lay my whole heart out there like that? OH MY GOD….
You will never be wanted by anyone……………..
I heard Gunner put the basket down and walk over to me. He got down on his knees and just stayed like that. What was he waiting for? What was he doing? I slowly lifted my head to look at him. What was I going to see? Probably pity in his eyes….just because he said he loves me doesn’t mean he wants to spend the rest of his life with me.
When I looked up I let out a gasp. Gunner had tears streaming down his face! Holy hell……
“Gunner…..what’s wrong? Why are you crying?”
The next thing I knew he put his head down in my lap and just…..cried. I was shocked. I picked up my hand and started running it through his hair. Why in the world was he so upset?
“Gunner I’m so sorry if I made you upset I…I don’t know why I just told you all of that…I completely understand if you don’t feel the same way about me……”
“Ellie stop talking.”
I instantly stopped talking. He looked up at me and had the most breathtaking smile on his face. I didn’t mean to but I smiled back at him.
“When you told me earlier that you loved me….I just can’t even begin to tell you happy you made me. For you tell me that in your future you saw marrying me, having kids with me and living out here with me…….I feel like I could just explode I’m so f**king happy right now. I know we are so raw right now….it’s way too soon to even be talking about this but goddamn it Ellie. I want nothing more than to do exactly what you just said and do it with only you baby.”
I was pretty sure I heard both of our hearts beating like crazy. I leaned down and grabbed his face and kissed him.
“I love you Ellie.”
“I love you too. And can I just say since we’re speaking out the truth here….It really turns me on when you call me baby.”
Gunner threw his head back and laughed! He stood up and pulled me up along with him.
“THAT I’m going to have to remember! Come on, I need to get up early to help out Drake.”
Gunner put his arm around my shoulder and led me into the house. When we walked in there was a small light on in the living room. Gunner and I walked in and Ari was sleeping in a chair with her book open. She looked so peaceful and so at home. If I had not known any better I would say she was meant to be a rancher’s wife! Not some country club ass holes eye candy on his arm.
“Should we wake her up or leave her?” Gunner asked. After the night I just had her ass was getting up so we could talk!
“I think we should wake her up. She would be comfortable in bed.” Just then Jefferson came downstairs.
“I thought I heard y’all. Did you have fun looking at the stars Ells?”