“Ari, I love you so much. This isn’t your fault, baby, so please don’t cry. We can try in a couple of months to have another baby.”
I pulled back and looked up at him. I started to shake my head. There’s no way I can do this again. What if I lose the next baby? What if I’m not meant to have kids?
“Stop. Stop this right now, Ari. I know what you’re thinking. This was an accident, and that’s all. It was not your fault or my fault. It just wasn’t meant to be yet, baby.”
I put my head back on his chest and tried to calm myself down. We’ll get through this together. We can make it through this.
***
The moment I got into Jeff’s truck, I smelled her perfume, and I almost threw up. I knew he brought her to the hospital, I knew he stayed with her while the baby was born, and I knew the baby wasn’t his. So why am I so pissed off at him all of a sudden?
He jumped in the front seat and must have noticed it, too. He rolled the back windows down. “Do you want to stop anywhere to eat before we head back to Mason?”
I just wanted to get home I shook my head. “No, let’s just go home.”
Jeff handed me his cell phone and said that Ellie wanted me to call her.
“Hey, Ells, how did last night go? Did y’all have fun?”
“Fuck no, I didn’t have fun. Heather got trashed, Josh got trashed, and they were both hanging all over other people on the dance floor. It was a mess. I ended up having to drive Josh’s truck back to y’all’s place. Lynda begged Josh to let her stay with him, but thankfully he wasn’t that drunk. I’m pretty sure Heather would have killed him if he did that.”
“Um, I’m pretty sure I would have killed him if he did that in my house! What the hell is going on with Josh and Heather?”
I looked over at Jeff. He rolled his eyes. I had to smile because those two reminded me of Jeff and me once upon a time.
Ellie filled me in on everything that went down between Josh and Heather. Good lord. What was wrong with those two? I was going to have to have a long talk with Heather in a few days. I wasn’t sure why she was pushing Josh away when everyone knew she cared for him.
***
Jeff and I drove in silence for most of the way before I started to fall asleep. I finally stopped fighting my weariness as I drifted off to sleep.
I had a dream that Jeff and I were walking along the river. Holding hands, we were swinging a little boy between us. We were laughing, but then I stopped laughing when I saw a little girl standing in front of me. She looked so sad, and I asked her what was wrong.
“You let me go.”
She turned and started to walk away from me. I yelled for her over and over again to stop. I started to run, but then fell. I was holding onto my stomach. Oh my god…the pain is unbearable.
Then I heard Jeff.
“Ari, baby, wake up. Ari...wake up.”
My eyes flew open, and I felt like I couldn’t breathe. I looked around; we were stopped and parked outside of our house. I needed out of the truck now.
“I have to get out. I can’t breathe, Jeff!”
The next thing I knew, the door to the truck was open, and Jeff was carrying me out, heading up the stairs to the porch. He opened the door to find Josh and Heather standing there, looking at us. I took one look at Heather and could tell she was very upset.
“Heather, what’s wrong? “ I asked.
Jeff carried me right by the two of them. As we headed into our room, I turned around to see her following us.
“Heather, can you pull the covers down for me?” Jeff asked as he walked me around to the other side of the bed.
“Really, Jeff, I’m fine. You can put me down, baby. I’m fine.”
Jeff slowly started to set me down on the bed. My ribs were killing me and I tried so hard to not show how badly I was hurting.
“Ari, do you want me to make you some tea?” Heather asked, looking from me back up to Jeff.
“Oh, thank you, Heather. Then, will you please sit with me for a bit so we can talk?” I looked at Jeff and tried to let him know that I wanted to be alone with Heather for a bit.
“If you got this, Heather, I think I’ll go check on the horses,” Jeff said. Leaning down, he kissed me and then moved his mouth over to my ear. “I love you so much. Rest, baby. Don’t get upset okay?” he whispered.
I nodded. “I love you, too.”
I heard Heather in the kitchen. She was talking to someone, but I couldn’t tell who it was. I slowly started to get up to make my way to the bathroom. I stopped by my dresser and grabbed a pair of sweats and a Longhorn T-shirt. Ugh, I felt like shit. I decided a shower was just what I needed.
***
When I stepped out of the shower, I saw Grace standing there, waiting for me. She gave me the sweetest smile and my heart melted. I was so happy that Ellie had Grace in her life now. She needed a mother figure, and Gunner’s mom just seemed to love Ellie.
Heather was sitting on the bed, looking at me. I could tell she’d been crying. She looked like shit.
“Um, I just decided that I needed a shower,” I said.
Grace walked up and took my arm and guided me back over to the bed. Passing by the sink, she grabbed my hair brush.
“Come on, baby girl. Let’s get you off your feet. You need to not push yourself too much for the first few days. The more you relax, the better it will be. It will get easier, Ari. The pain will go away…well, not all the way, but it will dull.”
I looked over at Grace and gave her a weak smile. I didn’t want to be cold-hearted, but I just wanted to tell her that she had no idea how I was feeling.
“You can say it, Arianna.”
I looked at her, shocked. “Say what?”
“I know you want to ask me how I know that the pain will go away or maybe how I even have the right to tell you that it will get easier.”
I glanced over at Heather, who was looking at Grace with the same shocked look on her face that I was sure I had.
I had to clear my throat to get the question out. “You’ve lost a baby before?”
Grace lowered her head and then looked back up at me. “Yes.”
“Oh, Grace, I’m so sorry.” Heather and I both said at the same time.
Grace let out a little laugh and then reached for Heather’s hand. Pulling her over to sit down next to us.
“I was twenty-one and four months pregnant. Drew’s dad was out in the field for a few weeks. I woke up with a terrible pain in my stomach. I didn’t have anyone to call. My mother and father disowned me after I went off and married Drew’s dad. I tried to just push on for most of the day. Gunner was just barely over one at the time. But when I saw the blood...”
Oh. My. God. I couldn’t imagine carrying your child for four months, and then...
“Grace, I’m so sorry. That must have been terrible for you,” I said.
Grace let out a sigh and wiped the tears from her face. “Ari, it doesn’t matter if you’re a few weeks pregnant or a few months pregnant; the loss is still the same. You have every right to grieve and miss that child. You will never forget her, and your mind will wonder and think about what might have been. But you will move on, and you will find that joy again. I promise you, sweetheart. You will find that joy again.”
Grace leaned over and kissed me on the check. Then, she turned to look at Heather. Heather smiled at her, and Grace placed her hand on the side of Heather’s cheek.
“I could never replace your mother, Heather, but I’ll always be here for you. If you ever need to talk or to cry or to just ask why men are such a**holes at times, I’m your girl.”
Heather and I both laughed. I loved Grace already. I knew Ellie didn’t want Grace to leave, and now, neither did I. Leaning over, Heather hugged Grace and whispered something in her ear.
“I’ll leave you two girls alone now to chat. Ari, I made up some chicken and dumplings for y’all. I wasn’t sure, Heather, how long you and Josh were staying, so I made plenty for all of y’all. Ellie told me to tell you she’ll be over in a few hours. She’s helping Gunner and his dad with the cows today. I love how that girl is not afraid to get down and dirty with the boys.”
I smiled at Grace and agreed. I wanted to see Ellie so damn bad. I needed to see her. Just the sound of her voice calmed me down and helped me to relax.
After Grace was gone, I looked over at Heather. She attempted to give me a pitiful-ass smile. She moved to the other side of the bed to give me more room to sit back and put my legs out.
“Do you need anything, sweets? Want me to make you something to eat?”
I shook my head. “What happened?”
“What do you mean? What happened with what?” Heather almost had a panicked look on her face.
“You...Josh…something happened. I can see it on both of your faces. I could tell that Jeff and I walked in on something.” I gave her a knowing look.
“Ari, it doesn’t matter. What happened is over. I can’t do anything about it now, so there’s no use in talking about it. Really, I’m just ready to move on.”
“Really? Because the look in your eyes says you are far from ready to move on, Heather. Please tell me. It will take my mind off of the bab.” I stopped myself, looking away before I started to cry again.
“Oh, Ari. Sweets, maybe we should talk about the baby.”
“No! I don’t want to talk about it right now. Just tell me what the f**k happened between you and Josh.”
Heather let out a sigh and sat down on the bed.
***
By the time she got me up to speed, I was sitting there in shock.
“Wait, let me get this straight. You almost slept with Josh?”
“I wanted to, yes, but he wasn’t having any of it. Then, Garrett just came barging into your house, and all hopes of anything happening went right out the door. Y’all really need to keep your doors locked...like all the time.”
I laughed, holding onto my side. Shit! “So last night, he went after the guy who started to kiss you? Sounds to me like Josh is not so ready to move on, Heather. I don’t think you are either.”
“Well, I am. It’s pretty clear to me, Ari, that he’s not ever going to change. I mean, he was making out with me when he’d, just sent Lynda a message about hooking up with her! What does that say about him?
“Maybe he was frustrated, trying to move on, but he did it in all the wrong ways.”
“Are you taking his side?”
“No! I’m not taking anyone’s side, Heather. I’m just saying that he’s a guy. They don’t think with their heads; they think with their dicks. I don’t doubt that Josh cares about you. I’ve seen the way he looks at you. He would do anything for you, you know that right?”
Heather’s eyes started to tear up. “I can’t trust him, Ari. As much as I try, I just can’t trust him. What is it about me that would make him settle for just one girl? I mean, look at him!”
“What? Heather, oh my god, girl, look in a damn mirror. You are beautiful. You have a rocking body, tits I would kill for, an ass that Ellie wants more than anything, and your personality is beyond amazing. Josh would be lucky to have you, and he knows that. Why are you selling yourself short?”