“Um, also… I am still glad you were the one to take me home. That was a silly thing for me to say and I only think of Tom as a friend.” I know I’m speaking too fast and rambling, but I want to clear the air before I lose my nerve. “You didn’t have to leave the bar to take me home. You don’t even know me and you took care of me.” I run a hand through my hair and laugh pitifully, “and then I threw myself at you. I’m so, so sor…”
“Charley, do you want to get coffee with me?” He cuts off my sentence, not letting me finish my apology.
What did he just say?
I shuffle back a step as my stomach flutters. “Coffee?”
His head tilts to the side and he gives me a dimpled grin. “It’s a type of beverage. Most people tend to drink it in the morning. I like it black, but,” he pauses and pretends to scrutinize me, “I think you would maybe want it with cream and sugar.”
I shake my head and laugh, narrowing my eyes playfully.
“Good thing you’re a photographer because you have pretty poor detective skills. I prefer vanilla lattes.” I cross my arms in front of my chest, knowing I still haven’t answered his question.
My default answer for the past four years has been no, a solid no. So why isn’t a polite decline springing from my lips now? He hasn’t asked me on a date; after all, maybe it would be okay if we got coffee.
“Ah, like your lipgloss,” he murmurs, glancing down to my mouth. Something tingles across my flesh. Anticipation? Hope? I suck my bottom lip between my teeth and meet his gaze.
“How’d you..?”
“You drank my beer.” He shrugs confidently, but I swear I see a subtle blush grace his handsome features. I can’t believe he would have been able to taste my lipgloss on the rim of that beer. The thought sends a shot of lust through me. I like knowing he’s tasted a tiny part of me. With a resigned sigh, he shoves his hands into his pockets and shakes the thoughts from his head. What was he thinking about? The way it tasted? I have that same vanilla lipgloss on now…
I drop my gaze, unable to look at him anymore.
“So, I guess I have to accept your offer since I owe you a drink now.” I pull the strap of my purse harder, unable to stand still under his gaze. I don’t know why, but for some reason a simple “yes” won’t cut it with Jude. I can’t just give in to his charm and dimples, a girl could get lost in those bad boys.
“It is the least you could do,” he offers with a seductive smile. “Should I grab your number?”
My eyes flint around the studio before answering him, “Have Bennett get it from Naomi.”
His eyes search my face, almost begging to learn the mysteries I keep tucked away. “You aren’t making this easy.”
I smile and shrug, trying to hide my excitement behind my calm facade. Nothing about this is easy. I’m the match head and he has every power to ignite me. To strike me and watch me erupt into flames. I just hope I get to burn long enough to get him out of my system before he decides to move on. I stand mute and fidget from one leg to the next.
He starts to retreat so he can get back to work, but he keeps his blue eyes pinned on me, making my stomach feel hollow and tingly all at once. “Wednesday afternoon, Charley. Pencil it off because you and I are having coffee and I know just the place to take you.”
In that moment, Jude’s charm steals a piece of my heart and carries it away with him. I can’t help but wonder what he’ll choose to do with it.
I shouldn’t have agreed to coffee.
…
Jude
Thirty. Thirty-one. Thirty-two.
“Take it easy, man. We still have another couple of rounds,” Bennett warns as he spots me behind the bench. With one final heave, I shoot the bench press bar back into its metal holders and sit up.
“I feel like I’m going insane,” I groan. The towel soaks up every drop of sweat as I forcefully drag it across my forehead. Our upscale gym is packed with the after-work crowd. Women in tight pants and tank tops swarm around us, but I don’t look at a single one of them. They do nothing for me anymore. Damnit.
“Because of Charley?” Bennett asks as he rounds the bench press so we can swap places.
“Who the hell else would it be?” I snap. I’ve been acting like a complete a**hole to Bennett lately, but I can’t help it. I have so many pent of feelings— desire, anticipation, need, guilt— and it’s pissing me off. No matter how much I run or hit the gym, I can’t get her out of my head.
“Cool off, lover boy. You’re having coffee with her tomorrow, right? That’s a good start.”
“I have no clue what I’m doing. If this was any other girl I’d buy her a coffee and then we’d have sex in the coffee shop’s bathroom.” I toss the towel down onto my gym bag,
“I’m not meant for relationships.”
“That’s true, you’re one moody a**hole. I almost feel bad for Charley.” He shoots me a grin as he starts his reps.
“Yeah, yeah,” I mock, rolling my eyes.
He breathes heavily as he lifts the bar in quick successions. “I don’t know what’s going on in your head, but don’t f**k Charley over,” he exhales as he lowers the bar to his chest. “I actually like Naomi, and I can’t imagine she’ll keep seeing me if you screw over her best friend.”
I tug a hand angrily through my hair. “What do you think I’m doing, Bennett? She literally stripped when I took her home Saturday and I left. I left so I wouldn’t screw it up and she hated me for it. I saw the hurt in her eyes and it killed me to leave her like that.”
Bennett rests the bar back into the sockets and sits up, twisting around to face me. “I cannot believe I just heard you say that. Who are you?”
I puff my chest, trying to recover from my sappy admission. “You’re one to talk, Bennett.”
“Yeah, Jude. I’m the first to admit that our lifestyles were shallow, but I’m not running from what I feel for Naomi. I really like her and I’m not wasting time with games.”
I sigh angrily. “It’s not the same for me.” I move around to start another round of presses, wanting this sappy conversation to end already. But Bennett keeps going.
“I know. I know you have your own problems to work out. You chose that fast lifestyle to keep away the prying questions and unwanted sympathy. I just chose it because it was easy…”
His cocky smile makes me relax and I try to focus on the weight of the bar above me.
“Just figure out what you want before it’s too late.”
…
I don’t think Bennett meant to scare the shit out of me last night, but ever since our conversation my stomach hasn’t stopped churning. It feels like someone’s wringing out my organs and won’t let go. It’s not like Bennett said anything revolutionary, but hearing everything laid out so simply made it feel real, inevitable, final. I can’t toy with Charley. She’s not the type of girl you bang out of your system. She’s the type of girl that becomes your muse, the inspiration for your entire life. She makes me want to live a life that’s worthy of her, but I can’t change the past no matter how hard I try, so maybe that’s not even possible.
“Is this seat taken?” A woman asks, breaking me out of my thoughts. I look up to see her pointing to the vintage armchair next to mine. She’s smiling invitingly and it’s clear she wants to strike up a conversation.
“Oh, yes, sorry. I’m waiting on a friend.” The liquid spark dwindles in her eye before she nods and turns to find another seat. I watch her walk away with soft focus, but then the cafe’s front doors open. With a burst of bright light, Charley steps through the threshold. The sun still shines through the glass behind her, illuminating her silhouette, making her appear ethereal and intangible.
I watch her blue eyes span the bustling room, trying to find me, and my pulse spikes. I offered to meet at her apartment so we could take the subway together, but she wanted to meet here. Now that I’m watching her, I think she might have known something I didn’t. Seeing her across a crowded room sends a thrill through me and I wish so badly that she was mine. That she would see me from afar and a slow, sexy smile would grace her delicate features. She would cross the room slowly, purposefully. I would stand to greet her and when she drew near, I’d pull her into my arms and envelope myself in her sweet scent. She’d kiss me on the neck with a feather-like touch and murmur a hello into my ear.
The whirring of the coffee machine pulls me out of my reverie, but I’m left with one residual thought: I’ll make her mine. I have to.
Her eyes finally land on me and it feels like in that moment she exists solely for me. She offers me a shy smile before glancing down to her feet and heading over. She darts between tables. I stand slowly, studying her graceful movements. She looks effortlessly sexy in her ripped up jeans, white tank, scarf, and fitted leather jacket. So much so that I haven’t even collected my thoughts by the time she’s standing in front of me. We end up lingering there silently for a moment, soaking in each other’s presence and smiling like fools.
“Hi, Charley,” I murmur as my body itches to step closer. She leans forward on her tip toes and kisses my cheek. The sweet gesture is fleeting, over faster than I could’ve imagined. The skin she kissed still feels alive, like her lips and my cheek are magnetic poles trying to draw toward one another again.
“Hi, Jude,” she hums softly, and my insides liquefy.
“I got you a vanilla latte,” I twist around to point to the table sandwiched between our two armchairs. “But if you want something else I can go grab it.” I shove my hands into my pockets nervously and turn back toward her.
“That’s perfect, thank you,” she sighs, seemingly surprised that I remembered her drink of choice. The sweet glow behind her eyes makes me want to purchase a dozen more lattes for her just to prolong the desired effect.
In a flourish of graceful movements, she folds herself into the chair as I sit down in silence. She unwraps her navy scarf from around her neck. I try to slyly study her over the brim of my coffee cup. The moment the silky material slips away, the radiant skin between her neck and the top of her shirt is finally revealed. It’s tantalizing, a little sliver of milky perfection.
She sighs, breaking my trance, and picks up her latte. With a glance to the right and left, she nods. “This place is really cool.”
We’re in one of my favorite coffee shops in New York. It’s tucked away behind an old book store. Most people walk by the warn brick building without a second thought. I stumbled in a few years ago, on a rainy day, and was completely hooked. The chairs are comfortable and inviting, the lights are bright enough to read but low enough to feel intimate, and mellow music is always playing softly in the background.
“I usually hide away in here on the weekends.”
She glances up me at me with a bemused smile, as if she can’t picture me actually doing that. Does she expect me to prowl for women every moment of my life?