Below Lucent's office, hidden away, windowless, was a bedroom. And not just a casual, regular bedroom, either. Oh my God, this was the most beautiful bedroom I'd ever seen. It had a pair of bookshelves off to the side with an assortment of books, and a contemporary wooden side table with a lovely looking lamp. The bed was a massive affair of mattress combined with plump pillows, and thick bed dressing. I wanted to grab a book and climb into the bed and hibernate for the winter. With tea and soup and crackers, except there weren't any of those.
Lucent climbed down after me and watched me gape and stare at everything in the room.
"Why is there a secret bedroom beneath your office?" I asked.
"It's hardly a secret," he said. "It used to be an unused storage room, but I requested the use of it from Mr. Landseer and he agreed to my request. Because of zoning regulations, this building isn't classified for residential use, so the door has been sealed from the outside and the only standard entryway now lies beneath my desk. I use this room occasionally if I need to work late into the evening and be back early in the morning for a meeting or some other similar occasion."
"Oh," I said.
"It's safe," he said. "If necessary, in case of fire or other hazards, there's emergency maneuvers to open the sealed off hallway door. You needn't worry about that."
"So you couldn't kidnap someone and trap them down here," I said. "That's good to know."
"The room is muted, though not soundproof. Confining anyone in here would never work. I'm not a kidnapper, either. I just stalk people."
"People?" I asked. "Have you stalked anyone else besides me?" Stupid, really, but I didn't like that idea. I wanted to be the only one, as odd as it sounded.
"No," he said. "Fortunately not. I doubt I could handle the aftermath of it if anyone else turned out like you."
"I'm going to take that as a compliment," I said. "I think you're saying I'm very special and unique."
"Probably," he agreed.
"I'll sleep," I said. "I am really tired. Thank you, Lucent." I paused for a second, unsure if I should say more. I needed to, though. "I know that you think what you've done is wrong, but you've been so kind and nice and caring towards me and I can't think you're wrong, Lucent. I appreciate everything, and I appreciate you worrying about me."
He smiled and came close and kissed my forehead. "Go rest, Miss Tanner. I'll have lunch delivered and we can eat it once you're done napping."
"I'd like that," I said, suddenly feeling shy and affected.
"Good," he said. "If you need anything, there's a phone in the top drawer of the bedside table. My personal extension is six-five-six. You can call me from your cell phone if you wish, too. Sleep well."
I nodded. He climbed back up the ladder, returning to his office. I was alone, but I didn't feel lonely.
...
The rest of the day was amazing. I slept and woke and Lucent and I ate lunch together. He let me act as an extremely temporary personal assistant, which was to say he asked me to deliver something to Mrs. Landseer in her office. I got to meet Mr. Landseer, too, and I blushed and muttered and didn't know what to do or say, but it was nice.
I did enjoy meeting people, but I always felt awkward. Lucent laughed when I told him, finding it odd that I could act so stubborn with him, and so reserved and shy with someone else.
"That's different," I told him. I didn't know how it was different, but it was.
The day ended, though. Lucent needed to go home and I needed to do the same, but he said he'd visit me in the library and he'd call me. Or I could call him. We'd call each other or something like that.
Vanessa nearly bowled me over when I arrived back at our apartment. She had questions; a lot of questions. I probably had answers, too, but they weren't answers I wanted to give her. Where was I? Well, I was off doing something kind of stupid. I couldn't say that. I told her I'd spent the night studying at a friend's house.
"I don't believe you," she said. "You're lying to me."
I shrugged and grinned and fled to my room.
"Did you have sex, Elise? Do you have a boyfriend? Are you dating Lucent?" she asked by way of shouting through my closed door.
"No to all three," I said. I sort of wished I could say yes to all three, but unfortunately I couldn't.
I couldn't yet, but...
I had an idea. I fully admitted to myself that this was, perhaps, a terrible idea, but I didn't think it was terrible. Or, I wanted to believe it wasn't terrible. Before leaving Sam's Delicatessen, I'd asked Sam about his club. Just the name of it. What was it, exactly? Was everyone invited?
Carousel. It was an alternative lifestyle club focused on various aspects of domination and submission, but they accepted others, too. Everyone was technically invited, but they kept a close eye on people to make sure no one caused any trouble. Places like that tended to attract the occasional bad apple, but they weeded them out fast and banned them from entering afterwards.
It was a nice place, he said. Not judgmental. Some people came dressed in leather and latex, while others preferred casual wear, but as long as people behaved appropriately, everyone was welcome.
Everyone was welcome, and so I was welcome, and...
Lucent told me they had shows on Wednesdays. Shows for what? Spankings and things like that. Well, I'd been spanked, hadn't I? Except Lucent wouldn't spank me again, because he didn't want to turn me into something I wasn't, supposedly. If he saw me in a show being spanked, would he accept it, though? I supposed what I really wanted was for him to understand that I really did want to try it, for my own curiosity, and it wasn't because of any pressure on his part.
I needed someone to spank me, though. That idea bothered me, but I decided it was a necessity in order to continue things with Lucent.
I liked that he'd accepted friendliness, and I really did enjoy sitting close to him and talking and enjoying a meal. It was far more friendly than I thought most people were friendly, and we nuzzled up together. He kissed my forehead, too. When we ate lunch, we retreated into his secret bedroom and sat on the bed, side by side, leaning against the headboard and each other.
We didn't necessarily act like we were just friends, but we didn't act much like we were going to be more than friends, too. Was it wrong of me to want more? I didn't know, but I did want it, and I hoped he wanted it. We needed a catalyst, something to ignite a more permanent spark between us.
I needed to find someone to spank me, just this once, and for Lucent to see it. He'd see that I was interested in trying this on my own, and not because of anything he said or did, and then...
I didn't know what happened then. I didn't plan that far along. I snatched my laptop and sat on my bed and powered it up, hoping maybe I could find someone on the internet to spank me as a one time thing this upcoming Wednesday at Carousel.
None of the "What comes after spanking?" stuff, though. That was just for Lucent.
This was probably the worst idea I'd ever had, but at the time it seemed brilliant to me.
...
Wednesday went by in a blur. I wanted to call Lucent, but I was too scared. I wanted to tell him. I wanted to blurt everything out to impress him, and then maybe I wouldn't have to go through with this, but that seemed like wishful thinking.
Yes, you're interested in spankings, are you? I imagined Lucent asking me this after I told him I'd found someone online to spank me during a showing on Wednesday night at Carousel.
Lucent might get jealous. Would he get jealous? I sort of hoped he would, because I just felt nervous and... no, I needed to do this. It was like a hardship or a trial, right? Lucent preferred people who understood what his BDSM things were, and I knew none of it, but if I did this, received my spanking from someone other than him, I'd be initiated into the folds of BDSMdom, right? Was that how it worked?
I thought so, yes.
I met Cole Dyerhaven near the obscured entryway to Carousel on Wednesday evening. Cole said he was a long time member of the BDSM community in our emails back and forth, and he seemed like he knew what he was talking about.
I told him I just wanted this to be a one time thing, but I didn't know how that worked. Just this, just a spanking.
In his reply, he said he'd consider it, but if he liked me he didn't know if he'd let me go that easily. As he was the dominant, he said, it was his choice of what I did. He controlled me and he ordered me around and he owned me. I was his.
I didn't think it worked like that. From what Lucent said, it was my choice. It did sound appropriate, though. And, I was the one who searched for him and reached out for contacts. Cole replied and he sounded like he knew what he was doing. Seeing as I had no idea what I was doing, and my only personal experience before this was with Lucent, I assumed this was how it was.
An act, somewhat? Yes.
I remembered a thought I had before when Lucent and I were together in the library. If I wanted him to control me, I needed to let him control me. If I wanted Cole to dominate me, then I needed to let him. After, if I didn't want him to anymore, then that was it.
Right? Yes, it must be.
We met in a nearby park before our show. Our show, I thought. What a weird thing to think. I didn't even know him, but...
"Kneel before me," he said immediately upon seeing me.
I wore a long coat to hide my clothes. Cole said I needed to wear special attire for this or else it wouldn't work. He didn't exactly say it like that, though. No, he ordered me to go to a specific place and buy specific things. I didn't exactly have the spare money for too much, but I purchased everything on my limited budget. I hoped they were the proper clothes for this.
I knelt, feeling odd. My knees, covered by the long coat, touched against the paved pathway near a bench in the park. Glancing up at him, I checked him out.
He was handsome, I supposed. Not really what I looked for. He looked far too cocky and confident, with a sinister type of sneer on his lips. His eyes glimmered in the faint moonlight like wicked gems, but it really looked like a suitable appearance for this. Lucent was more of a subdued and dominating person, but Cole appeared overt and obvious about it. I thought that must be a good thing.
He leered down at me and brushed aside his dark hair. "Reveal yourself to me," he said. "Open your coat."
"I'd rather wait until we're inside," I said. "It's cold out here and someone might see me and..."
He glared down at me. Why? "If you're not willing to submit to me, I must be wasting my time."
"What?" I stammered. It hurt. It didn't hurt because of this person saying it to me, Cole, some random man I'd spoken with a handful of times through email. It hurt because it sounded similar to what Lucent had said the other day.
You can't accept what I need, nor what I want. You act like this is some game, Miss Tanner, and you wait here, thinking that I'll treat you like a poor, homeless kitten and take you in, except I don't want that. I want a slave. I want you to bow to my every whim and ignore every possible concept of pleasuring yourself so that you can perfectly pleasure me. I require submission and you offer me defiance instead?
Dejected, feeling so lost and hopeless, realizing that Lucent wasn't the only one who found me a waste of time, I slumped forward. I stared at the ground, pathetic and alone.