“Okay,” she said softly.
He ran his hands down his face with frustration. “Okay? We’re back to that again? If you don’t wanna go, say so. I’ll stay home too. I just thought it would be nice to get out tonight. And honestly, everyone knows about us already because of Lisa’s big mouth. Damn schifosa.”
“What’s a schifosa?
He tugged at his hair. “An ugly girl.”
“Do you really think she’s ugly, or are you saying that because you’re angry with her?”
“She’s all right, I guess.”
She smiled to herself. “I’ll go tonight. I just don’t want to embarrass my boyfriend in front of the schifosas he goes to school with.”
He stared at her like he was dissecting her words. “That’s the first time you’ve called me that.”
“Called you what?”
“Your boyfriend.”
She hesitated. “Isn’t that what you are?”
“Yeah,” he said. “You’ve just never acknowledged it before. I was starting to wonder if you were embarrassed.”
* * *
The New Year’s Eve party was being held in a vacant field on the outskirts of Durante, a cotton farm that had been abandoned years before. The barn still stood, empty and collapsing, the ground overgrown from lack of use.
Haven eyed the place peculiarly as Carmine parked, dozens of cars surrounding them. It was already late, everything shrouded in darkness, but Haven could see a large bonfire in the distance. Carmine took her hand as they strolled through the field. A few people greeted him, but Carmine seemed distracted. He diverted them to the left, taking her to where Dia stood by herself along the side. “I’ll be back, okay? Stay here.”
He looked torn as he let go of her hand before walking away. This was the reason she had considered not coming in the first place. “I’ll be fine on my own. You can go have fun, Dia.”
Dia laughed. “Fun? I think not. This is so not my scene. I’d rather hang out with you.”
Her response surprised Haven, but she was relieved when the words sank in.
The two of them chatted for a bit, and people walked past as if they weren’t there. Haven heard familiar laughter eventually and turned around in enough time to see Dominic before he draped his arm over her shoulder. Tess paused in front of them as Dominic thrust a cup at Haven. “Here, got you a drink. Don’t take anything from any of these other f**kers around here.”
She took it from him, sniffing the liquid. “Uh, thank you.”
“Sure thing. I didn’t know what you’d want, so I just got you some beer from the keg. I figured you wouldn’t like it, but none of us do and we drink it anyway.” He raised his own cup and hit hers with it. “Welcome to the club.”
He tipped back his drink, chugging, as Haven took a sip and grimaced at the bitterness. She drank the beer despite its taste and loosened up as they joked around. She laughed along with them, almost feeling like she fit in.
“Hey, Dom.”
The voice rang out behind them. Dominic turned, swinging Haven around with him. She tripped over her own feet when she saw Nicholas.
Dominic and Nicholas bumped fists. “What’s up?”
“Not much.” Nicholas nodded his head toward Haven. “You decide to trade Tess in?”
Dominic laughed. “No, I’m just watching over this one so the vultures don’t circle.”
“Yeah, I heard Lisa running her mouth earlier.” Nicholas turned to her. “Nice to see you again, Haven.”
She was surprised he was being nice after what happened during their last meeting. “You, too.”
He smiled. “So, what did one snowman say to the other?”
She shrugged. “I don’t know, what?”
“Smells like carrots.”
She didn’t get it, but Dominic laughed.
“Anyway, I just wanted to say hi,” Nicholas said. “I’ll catch you guys later.”
He walked away, and Haven looked at Dominic curiously. “You still like him after he said something bad about your mama?”
Dominic nodded. “Nicholas shouldn’t have said what he said, but he just wanted to hurt Carmine. And before you came along, Twinkle Toes, the only way to hurt him was through Mom.”
Dominic swung her back around to join the others, and they chatted as she drank the rest of her beer. A little later, she heard a chuckle nearby, so close it made her skin prickle. Carmine leaned down, his lips beside her ear. “Hey, hummingbird.”
Carmine’s breath hit her neck, the smell of mint and alcohol intoxicating her senses. She couldn’t focus on what was going on, the electricity sparking off him sending currents through her. She felt lightweight, buzzing, on top of the world.
She worried she was going to fall over.
He pulled her to him from behind, resting his chin on her head as he held his drink to her lips. She took a sip, his warm beer as bitter as hers had been.
Dominic groaned. “Didn’t I tell you not to take cups from people?”
“It’s just Carmine,” she said.
“So? He could drug you.”
“I could,” Carmine joked. “I did once, remember? Actually, no, twice. I forgot I got you high that time, too. Not to mention the time I got you drunk. Christ, I’m horrible. I’ve corrupted you.”
She wanted to disagree but could only grasp on to his forearms as he kissed her neck. The feel of his mouth against her skin ripped all coherent thought right from her head.
“You’re trembling,” he said. “Let’s take a walk.”
Carmine grabbed her hand, linking their fingers together as he wordlessly led her through the parked cars. He kissed her, and she parted her lips, deepening it as he walked her backward to the Mazda. Breaking the kiss briefly, he grabbed her, and she yelped with surprise as he set her down on the hood. He settled between her legs, and she laced her fingers through his hair as their lips met once more.
Her heart raced at the closeness. His body was flush against hers, the heat radiating from him warming every inch of her. He pulled away slightly to take a breath, their foreheads touching with a light sheen of sweat on his. Her nose brushed against his as she stared into his eyes, the green radiant. Looking into them, she could see the emotion inside him, hints of all those things flourishing in her. To Carmine, she wasn’t a possession. She wasn’t a title. She was just a girl.
A girl who suddenly felt like she was floating.
“I love you.” The words tumbled from her lips easily, like they had rolled from her tongue hundreds of times. But they hadn’t. She had never said them before, but as she heard them in her own voice, every cell in her body knew they were true. She hadn’t known what love was, but she knew it now. Love was the fluttering in her tummy whenever Carmine was near, the twinkle in his eyes when he laughed, the heat in her body from his words. Love was happy. Love was safe. Love was green.
Love was him—the beautifully flawed boy who made her glow.
He stared at her, those words hanging in the air between them.
“And I love you,” he said, his voice a whisper, but Haven felt it powerfully, deep down in her soul. “Per sempre.”
“Sempre?” she asked.
Cracking a smile, he brushed his pointer finger softly across her lips. “Always and forever.”
A loud whistling sounded out at that moment, followed by a thunderous bang. Haven ducked and covered her ears as Carmine continued to stare at her. “It’s fireworks.”
He helped her down and leaned against the car door with her to his chest, his arms around her. There was another loud whistle, and she looked in the direction of it as the bang rang out with a burst of color. She gaped at the vibrant lights in the sky, and Carmine chuckled. “See, just fireworks, tesoro. Nothing to be afraid of. They won’t hurt you.”
They watched them quietly before the crowd by the bonfire counted down. Carmine swung her around to face him, more fireworks going off in the distance. He leaned down and kissed her deeply when the countdown reached one.
“Do you have any idea how important you are to me?” he asked, pulling from her lips. “I’m finding myself again because of you. I never thought it would happen. My mom used to talk about fate, and I think you’re it . . . you’re my fate. You were brought to me for a reason, for us to save each other. Because you weren’t the only one needing to be saved, Haven. I was drowning, and you rescued me.” He paused. “Happy new year, hummingbird.”
She laughed. “You said all of that without cursing.”
He blinked a few times. “I guess I did. Well, then . . . fuck.”
* * *
Carmine held Haven tightly, the two of them enjoying the newfound silence. The fireworks had stopped and the crowd quieted, so all that was left was the two of them in the darkness. He could smell her shampoo, feminine and sweet, and all he could think about was how sexy she looked. Those other girls, with their and miniskirts and makeup, weren’t sexy to him anymore. La mia bella ragazza, with her chewed-up fingernails and flushed cheeks, was sexy. Because sexiness wasn’t manufactured—the shit was real.
She was real.
“I never hoped for a future until I met you,” she said after a while, “but I want us to have one.”
“You don’t know how much I love hearing you say that.” He brushed her hair aside and ran his tongue up her neck, circling her earlobe. “Can I keep you?” he whispered, laughing and pulling away from her as soon as the words came out. “What’s wrong with me? I’m quoting Casper.”
She glanced back at him. “Casper?”
“Yeah, Casper the friendly ghost.” He hoped she knew what he was talking about, but she just stared at him. “It doesn’t matter. It’s some stupid movie. You’d probably like it.”
A hard edge laced her voice. “What are you saying?”
He blanched. “I didn’t mean it like that. I wasn’t suggesting you’d like it because it was stupid or because you’re stupid.” He groaned. “Not that you’re stupid, because you aren’t. That didn’t come out right. You know I don’t think that. You’d have to be f**king stupid not to see you’re smart.” He paused. “I should probably shut up now.”
The corner of her lips turned up as she leaned back against him. “Thank you.”
“For knowing when to shut up?”
She laughed. “No, for always thinking about my feelings. I know that’s not something you’re used to doing. I’ve never had someone look out for me before.”
“I’ll always do what’s best for you, Haven,” he said. “I’ve thought about it a lot, you know. After I turn eighteen and can access my trust fund, we could disappear together and get away from all of this bullshit. Probably couldn’t take the Mazda, though, since it has a GPS chip in it.”
“A GPS chip,” she whispered.
“Yeah.” Carmine looked at his watch. “You wanna head home?”
She nodded. They climbed into the car, and he put it in gear, driving down the small road toward the highway as Haven looked out the side window at the trees lining the road.