“Like what?”
“Frightened, off-balance, insecure. It’s not typically you.” Several beats passed before she asked, “Are you sure he is what you want?”
Gabriel’s image rose up in my mind. My heart leaped in joy. “Absolutely.”
“No backing out?”
“No.”
“You’re committed until the end?”
“Yes.”
“No judgments or comparisons to what you think a normal relationship should be like?”
“No.”
“You answered that very quickly. Too quickly. I’m going to ask you again, but this time I want you to think about what my question really means.”
“Gretchen…”
“Indulge me, lovely. I told you before that books are just that—books. The stories about this lifestyle usually aren’t really real. Remember?”
“I remember.” Gretchen set me straight that while the erotic romances I’d been reading were entertaining, the fiction category typically stretched into the contents as well.
“A normal relationship usually means roses, candlelight dinners, puppies and kittens. Yours might mean stripes across your ass and timeouts in the corner.”
What? Wow…okay.
“It might mean kneeling at his feet all night just for him to pet your head and leave you there alone. He might challenge you just for the excuse of punishing you. Not because you’ve done anything wrong, but simply because it amuses him. And after all of that, after you turning yourself inside and out for him, he might decide it’s not going to work and leave you for someone else anyways.”
Oh no.
A knot twisted and spread across my heart. Gretchen verbalized my greatest fear, the root of them all, one stretching all the way back to high school. It was the fear that I might not ever be enough for Gabriel, that he might decide I’m not so special and beloved after all. That he might be the one to break me forever.
It was a close thing before, back when we were two teens heady after years of dancing around the issue. Now though…
Loving him could be the most dangerous experience for someone like me.
“Not so warm and fuzzy, is it?” Gretchen’s question lacked any hint of gloat. Cruel to be kind. All should be so lucky to have someone like this girl in their life.
“No, I guess it isn’t.”
Gretchen pinned her stare to mine and succinctly repeated, “No judgments or comparisons to what you think a normal relationship should be like?”
Love. Would it be worth any of this? Self-preservation reminded me I could walk away, relatively unscathed if I called it all off now. If I really set my mind to it, Gabriel wouldn’t be able to convince me to stay. I was a hardheaded woman that way.
There was no real choice to be had. A life without Gabriel wasn’t one that was worth much anyways.
“None.”
Whatever she saw in my gaze must’ve finally convinced her of my complete sincerity. “Well then. What can I do to help?”
Appetite returning in full force, I took a healthy bite of my salad. Swallowing, I said, “Tell me everything I need to know to make him make me his perfect love slave. I’m bound and determined to be the best submissive he’ll ever have the luxury of dominating.”
“That’s my lovely. Ready to fight the world.” Gretchen then immediately burst my bubble. “But you’ll to throw all that out the window.”
“Why? What do you mean?”
“You’ll have to wait until he comes to you. If he’s any kind of Dom, and I suspect he really is to inspire you to brave this, then you’ll have to be patient.”
“Patient.”
“Patient,” she repeated blithely.
I couldn’t believe I’d gotten so little from her. “You’re kidding, right? After all the questions, all the warnings of being committed and all-in, this is the extent of your advice?”
“Pretty much.”
I waited for a wink, a sign, anything to show she was kidding. When it didn’t come I sputtered, “Gretchen…it can’t be that simple.”
“It’s not simple, but there it is.”
“I have to wait.”
“Yes.”
“Okay then! This has been sooo productive.” I stabbed a cucumber slice with my fork. “I’ll be unstoppable now with this inside track. Watch me kneel, world!”
Gretchen eyed my frustrated actions with visible amusement. “Lovely, I know you prefer to be in control your surroundings, but this is one where you can’t.”
“I’m not trying to be in control. I’m just trying to get the ball rolling on this…” I protested before trailing off. Okay, maybe that wasn’t completely true. “I’ve got an idea. What if I put on some leather lingerie, a blindfold, and then kneel on the floor while I wait for him to come home?”
“Bad idea.”
“What? Why?” I didn’t whine. Honestly, I didn’t.
Gretchen sighed and patiently explained, “You can’t force him to do what you want when you want. That’s called topping from below and that is the surest way to find yourself facedown over his knee. And not for fun.”
“There’s a fun reason to be facedown and spanked?”
“Oh yes,” she purred. “Definitely.”
I saw myself over Gabriel’s strong thighs. The image heated me instantly. Wow. I never thought I’d be so limited in my imagination prior to this moment, but now I wanted to know more about fun spankings. Would Gabriel hit me firmly or more as a tease? Would he have me pull my panties down or would he have the honors himself?
I wish I could experience a fun spanking soon, today even. I struggled to focus on Gretchen. Maybe this wouldn’t be so hard after all.
“However, you try to force him into giving you your way…well, I’d hate to be you, Emma. I’m sure he won’t tolerate being manipulated and neither would I.”
I imagined a 200+ pound man over Gretchen’s knee and snorted. “Do you spank your gentleman when they’ve been bad?”
“Absolutely.”
“I’m not going to ask how you accomplish that.”
“Good.” Her sly smirk hinted at dark delights indeed.
How could someone so dainty have the power to physically do what she did? I shook my head in wonder. “So recap—I should just take my time. Not push him. Be receptive to whenever he feels comfortable. If it turns out to be never, then what?”
“He’ll lead you when the time feels right to him. You can’t push it.”
“And there’s nothing I can do to nudge him along?”
“You’re the pure virgin in the tower, remember? You might never get out.”
“Even though I lost my virginity to him?”
“Especially because you lost your virginity to him.”
“Gretchen, you’re killing me. You’re supposed to be my secret weapon, my way into his world.” I eyed her in sudden suspicion. “Are you sure you’re not in league with him because you’re both the same?”
“Meaning would I aid and abet a fellow Dom against a scheming Sub? Perhaps.”
“Seriously, Gretchen?”
“Of course not, Emma!” She rolled her eyes, neatly breaking her flawless image and giving hint to her youthful age. “Be patient, be loving, and trust your gentleman. Since he’s already talked to you about his nature, chances are he’s already choreographed how he’s going to get you onto his side. You have nothing to worry about.”
“Why didn’t say so at the beginning?”
“Because I wanted to make sure you weren’t doing it because you were being bullied.”
“I’m not.”
“I know. Now.”
I swallowed, overcome by vulnerability. Her advice meant so much to me. “Do you think I can be good at this?”
Gretchen reached across the table and squeezed my hand. “Of course you can. You don’t know how to fail, Emma. I have complete confidence in you. You’ll be the greatest Sub your man has ever known. All others will be compared to you and be found lacking.”
“Truly?”
“No doubt about it.” Gretchen lips curled into a soft, enigmatic smile. “Besides, I think this will do a world of good for you. All you have to do is accept it. Letting go will be the best thing for you, lovely. It will change your world completely until you wonder how you could’ve lived any other way.”
I didn’t quite know how to interpret her words so I did what I did best—I put them in the back of mind and moved forward.
SIX
Gabriel called me at 5:55 pm. “What do you have planned for tonight, Emma?”
“Nothing.” I minimized my screen, knowing I’d try to work and listen at the same time. I wanted to be focused completely on Gabriel. Especially because he never let me hear the end of it when I multitasked. Unsuccessfully I might add, at least when it came to Gabriel.
“Good. Do you want to go penthouse shopping with me?”
I took this as meaning Gabriel’s stay next door was about to come to an end. Disappointment panged me before I shrugged it off. Whatever made him happy made me happy.
“I did not expect to ever hear those words in my lifetime. Sure, why not? Do you have a price ceiling I should be aware of?”
“I won’t be buying anything yet, but I do need to lease something to have on hand when the occasion demands it.”
“Do you have something lined up already?”
“One or two places. I need your opinion on them before I make any kind of decision.” His voice dropped into a suggestive whisper. “Considering you’ll sometimes be waking up there, I figure your thoughts are my utmost concern.”
“You mean I get to pick the sheets?”
“The sheets, pillows, bed—the whole shebang.”
“Ooh, the whole shebang? Now I’m really looking forward to it, Gabriel.”
“When can I come by and pick you up?”
“Give me another 20 minutes so I can finish this up and then I’ll be all yours.”
He groaned and worked himself up into a fine fit. “You work late every night, Emma. Those slave drivers! You know all of this could be avoided if you came and worked for me.”
I rolled my eyes. “This again?”
“Yes, this again.”
“I’m surprised you don’t work later than I do,” I pointed out in a blatant attempt to nudge the course of our conversation. Gabriel didn’t bite.
“I have excellent time management skills. Although,” he pointed out slyly. “I’m sure you’d do wonders for my productivity. Really, Emma, you should at least think about it for the good of Gordon Industries.”
“Oh, I should, huh?”
“Absolutely.”
I couldn’t give my lover an inch. He was shameless that way. “No deal, baby. Are we meeting in the parking garage…say at 6:40?”
“Now you’re insulting me. I’ll pick you up at your cubicle.”