“What are you doing, Gabriel? What if someone comes in?” I struggled to stand up. Surely this was not the appropriate setting for this. Gabriel locked his arm around my waist and squeezed.
“No one will barge in here while that door is closed. Now sit still while I read this. If you’re a good girl I’ll take you out for ice cream.”
“I’m not a child, Gabriel. You don’t have to bribe me with treats.” I flushed, feeling equal parts aroused and scandalized.
Gabriel cuddled me and kissed my warm cheek. “No, but you’re my sweet girl and I like to take care of you. Now sit here quietly or you won’t get any ice cream.”
“I really don’t need ice cream.”
“No one needs ice cream, Emma. That’s why it’s a treat. At the risk of being repetitive, just sit quietly on my lap and let me finish my work.” Gabriel kissed my cheek again and turned his attention to the papers on his desk.
Our picture sat prominently by his phone in a heavy silvered frame. I recognized it from our shopping trip to Macy’s when we were furnishing his apartment. “I didn’t know you had this picture.”
“I asked for a copy and the photographer was kind enough to get it to me ASAP. I love looking at your smile. It makes the day bearable when everything points to the opposite.”
Joy fluttered in my belly. I remembered how Gabriel tickled me right before the camera flashed. I studied my image, finding it hard to believe that the glamorous creature standing beside a picture-perfect Gabriel was really me.
“I’d like one too.”
“Would you?”
“Yes, I would.”
Gabriel nuzzled my neck and promised me a copy. He then followed it with “Now it’s quiet time. Just for a bit, all right?”
I wiggled in his lap, trying my best to find a comfortable position. Gabriel placed his hand on my thigh in subtle warning. Undeterred I pressed, “Won’t you be able to concentrate better if I sit over there?”
“No, I would not. Now hush.” Gabriel kissed my neck again, seemingly to take the sting out of his words. Either that or he just liked kissing me.
I should’ve just accepted it, but I really didn’t want to get in the way of his work. I knew how much of a grump I was when it came to interruptions. Even Gabriel’s. I often wanted him to sit quietly while I finished whatever I worked on, so I should’ve known how to do it properly.
Apparently, I didn’t.
I wiggled again. Gabriel tapped me once, freezing me in place. I glanced at the spreadsheet in his hand and whispered, “It’s really okay. I can just sit over there with a book.”
“If I wanted you to sit there you would. I want you here with me.” He squeezed my leg and instructed me to “Be as quiet as a mouse or better yet a fuzzy little rabbit. If you don’t I’ll be very, very irritated with you. And, Emma? I very much doubt you would like that.”
I tried. I really, really did for about one minute. My gaze kept darting to the door, expecting Rick to come in at any moment and catch me on his boss’s lap. That wasn’t the impression I wanted to give Gabriel’s trusted assistant and friend. I was a professional, not a pretty face with a bit of fluff to pass for a brain.
Clearing my throat, I tried one more time. “Maybe it would be better if I just waited for you outside in the lobby.”
Gabriel sighed loud and long, patience obviously at an end. “You always have to do everything the hard way, don’t you? Very well, Emma.” Before I got a chance to say anything in my defense, Gabriel stood up and marched me over to a corner, his hand firmly on my elbow. “Since you can’t be a good girl and do what you’re told, you’re in time out. Use it wisely and reflect on your behavior.”
My eyes widened in shock. “You’ve got to be joking.”
“I’m afraid not, Emma. Now turn around and face the wall. You aren’t to move until I say you can. Understand?”
“Gabriel, I don’t like this—”
“Well, I didn’t like you being a bad girl. We all must live with our disappointments.”
“But—”
“My space, my control. Remember you agreed to this?” When I didn’t turn around Gabriel crossed his arms and looked down at me, all traces of boyish charm gone. He said my name in warning. When I still dawdled he growled, “I’m not going to ask you again.”
My gaze once more flew to the closed door. “But what about Rick? What if he comes in and sees us?” Did that tiny, mournful voice really belong to me?
“Don’t worry about my assistant, Emma! You just worry about doing what you’re told.”
Gretchen’s advice echoed in my mind.
“A normal relationship usually means roses, candlelight dinners, puppies and kittens. Yours might mean stripes across your ass and timeouts in the corner.”
The stripes were bound to come my way if I didn’t do what I was told. I blew out a ragged breath and turned around. Fisting my hands in frustration, I swallowed the rest of my protests. Despite my best intentions, I wasn’t very gracious about accepting my fate. Something that didn’t go unnoticed by Gabriel.
He chuckled and blew softly against my neck. “Oh, my. Looks like someone is absolutely begging for a spanking. Have you had a bad day, Emma? Will a spanking help make you feel better? I think it would make you very sweet, don’t you?”
I couldn’t tell if he was joking or just trying to push my buttons again. So I bit my lip and kept my silence. Which was not to be tolerated by Gabriel at all.
“Emma, I asked you a question. You better answer it or I’ll come up with my own answer. And, baby, fair warning—you probably won’t like what I’ll come up with.”
“I wasn’t having a bad day but I am now,” I grudgingly pointed out. “Teach me to come see you after work. I won’t make that mistake again. Oh, and you can forget about me cooking for you. You can buy us pizza tonight.”
Instead of getting angry, Gabriel laughed and tugged my hair. “You’re hurting my feelings, Emma. I was so looking forward to your delicious food. Still, watch your tone. It’s far too snippy for my taste, understand?”
Subdued, I murmured an affirmative.
“Now stay here and I’ll tell you when you can come back.”
His footsteps faded. I itched to turn around. Facing the smooth wall, I wondered what would happen if I simply walked back to his desk or even left. The little devil on my shoulder prodded me to do so. The little angel was curious as well.
So was I.
What could he possibly do to me here?
I stepped back and immediately froze when Gabriel remarked blandly, “Emma, you really, really don’t want to do that.” He waited a beat. “Now get back into position. Since you want to try my patience, now you have to press your nose against the wall. Try my patience again and I’ll make you balance a two quarters on your nose. And no, that is not a joke. And yes, it’s incredibly difficult to do when one’s nose is as small as yours.”
I believed Gabriel. He sounded too sure of himself for me to disobey. Damnit! Where did my daring go? The ivory wall felt cold against my skin. The heat in my cheeks was plenty warm though. If Gabriel wanted me to feel like a bad girl he had definitely succeeded. Embarrassment, anger, and humiliation all vied to control my emotions.
I never liked being in trouble, no matter how great or small the offense. I was a gold star kid and Gabriel had just sent me home with a frowny face sticker. I crossed my arms and fidgeted from one leg to another. Another minute of this passed before I heard Gabriel drawl, “Are there ants in your pants? For the love of God, stand still!”
I locked my legs. My back resembled a ruler, it was that straight. I didn’t allow myself to wonder why I was obeying Gabriel to this degree. I already knew why. I wanted to please him. Somehow standing there with my face against the wall pleased Gabriel. The prize wasn’t necessarily my punishment. It was the delicate shackle of control that I willingly clamped around my ankle by obeying him.
Framed in that perspective, I had to admit it was all rather romantic. In a dark, moody sort of way. Gretchen was right. None of this between us was going to be normal, but it didn’t mean it was any less serious.
My frustration evaporated, leaving a vague sense of regret and guilt behind. Why did I have to make such a big deal of everything? Gabriel hadn’t asked much of me. Would it have hurt to have just sat on his lap? I swore I wanted this, but then I screwed it up every chance I got. I would do much better next time. Again it boiled down to trust.
And my stupid, suffocating, damnable fear was bound and determined to make my life hell.
My mind blanked. I didn’t try to preoccupy myself. I stood there and waited, feeling as if I would wait for Gabriel forever. Hadn’t I already done so? I waited for Gabriel even when that fact was unbeknownst to me.
Besides, it really wasn’t that hard, was it? All I had to do was wait. No other decision or action was required of me. No fighting, no thinking…I just needed to be in this body doing exactly what I was doing right now.
Terror and exhilaration pumped hard through my veins. Again I acknowledged our love had the potential to be bad for me, but I didn’t care. While staring into a rather colorless wall, a heavenly rainbow of color exploded in my mind’s eye. My senses heightened. I fancied I could hear the soft whisper of Gabriel sliding one piece of paper over another. If I concentrated surely I’d hear the breath leaving his body. My heartbeat thumped loudly in my ears. The skin on my legs and back tingled when I imagined Gabriel watching me.
How lovely to finally be under his regard.
Would it be the same for him as it was for me? Did Gabriel find it impossible to look away?
The same sensations that I felt in Gabriel’s penthouse while pinned against the column tickled the back of my brain. Freedom. Release.
Suddenly I knew it by name, excited beyond anything that I’d found that wondrous space again.
I’m letting go and becoming someone new at the same time.
I swayed. Gabriel called me over to his desk as soon as I closed my eyes. In a blissful fog, I made my way over to him. I stood between his legs, gaze pinned to the floor as I transcended my petty fears and found something better.
In the midst of my awakening, I’d opened myself up to something indefinable. I didn’t feel the urgency to make sense of what was happening inside my mind. The urge to control my surroundings vanished. My feelings of inadequacy disappeared as if they never were.
I was somewhere else, somewhere in my mind where all of this made perfect sense and where I knew exactly what to do.
“Emma,” he crooned softly. “Are you pouting?”
“No.” I definitely wasn’t in a sulk. My worldview tilted. The ground felt unsteady beneath my feet. I had the pressing urge to sink down and rest my head on his knee. Just when I opened my mouth to share this wonderful sense of excitement, I felt it all disintegrate.
No! Why?
Damnable fear howled from its pit and wrapped around me. Saddened and confused, I realized my contentment left as quickly as it had arrived. What to do now? How could I recapture those heady feelings? What was I doing wrong to make them go away?