I gingerly shifted. My legs were securely bound to one another. I wasn’t going anywhere. I smiled widely, despite being blindfolded and tied. “Yes, Gabriel.”
TWO
Tuesday
Two Weeks Earlier
“Emma?” he whispered sweetly in my ear. “Where do we go from here?”
I held him tighter, flattened that I had no real idea. All I knew was that I loved Gabriel, I was mad for him, and I just couldn’t let him go.
“Wherever we go, we go together, Gabriel.”
Gabriel sighed long and deep. His entire body shuddered, relaxing until the delicious weight threatened to crush me. I merely tightened my hold.
“Are you trying to squeeze me to death, Emma? I don’t think you have the arms for it, my love.”
His playful banter summoned a small smile. “Maybe. After all, I’m still mad at you.”
“I’m sorry to hear that, baby. I really am.” He kissed my shoulder. The warmth from his lips lingered beautifully.
“As you should.”
“You’re going to hold a grudge, aren’t you?”
I smiled and leaned forward to nip his throat. “Are you saying I shouldn’t?”
“No,” Gabriel groaned. “I’m just hoping you don’t. I wish we could start over again as if the last three days had never happened. Wouldn’t that be lovely, Emma?”
“Yes, it would.” I sighed, grumpy that reality intruded as it always did. I released my hold on him and pushed gently at his broad shoulders. “Gabriel, I need to get up.”
I thought he was going to refuse me when he kissed my neck. Instead, Gabriel peppered the curve with several soft kisses before rising. I felt his still-hard, thick shaft slide out of me wetly. I groaned, belatedly realizing how much I’d lost my head in the heat of the moment. And maybe worse—I still wanted more of him regardless of the consequences.
I always lose whatever sense I have around Gabriel. It’s a dangerous, dangerous way of being.
Although I wanted to cuddle closer to my lover, I needed to clean myself as quickly as possible. So I sat up, skirt wrinkled and stained, and gingerly made my way into the bathroom. Gabriel followed silently. I didn’t have to wonder at his refusal for distance.
I felt the same. I just didn’t want to show it.
I shed what little clothes I still wore, strangely without reserve since I’d yet to be nude in front of Gabriel. I started the shower before turning around. Gabriel’s gaze roamed over my body. His mouth parted slightly and he took a step forward.
“Emma—”
“We shouldn’t have done that,” I blurted out while holding my hands up.
He froze. His gaze darkened dangerously. “What? Don’t say that, Emma!”
I can’t deny the thrill I felt when he took another step. I gestured towards my thighs. “No, I mean we shouldn’t have had unprotected sex.”
Gabriel shook his head as if clearing it. “Oh. I don’t usually lose control like that. I’m clean…just so you know. I’ve always been very careful.” Gabriel flushed, vulnerable in a way that I rarely saw him. “I’m sorry. Not about what we did but because of…well…bringing up my past. Fuck, I’m sorry, Emma!”
“Hey,” I murmured as I closed the distance between us. “It’s not just you, Gabriel. I was there too. And I know you’re far from being a virgin. It’s all in the past. It doesn’t always have to be here in the present with us right now. We’re trying to build a new life, right? Let it start now.”
Where did this need to soothe him come from? Especially considering how just a few hours ago I’d held his sordid past against him. Strangely enough though, I meant every word. It surprised me as much as it did Gabriel. I wanted us to start over again.
“Do you mean it?”
I nodded firmly. “I said we’re in this together. I meant it.”
“Emma, you’re a saint. No, a goddess.”
“And you’re going to make my head so big it will explode.” I leaned up on tiptoe and kissed him. Gabriel’s arms immediately wrapped around my waist. He squeezed me until I let out an undignified squeak. Gabriel chuckled and lifted me up and walked us both against the wall.
“I’ll worship you the rest of my days, Emma. There will never be another above you. You are my world, Emma. My entire world…”
I whispered his name. Lust ignited as my tongue darted in his open mouth. I wrapped my legs around his waist and fisted his hair. Gabriel’s large hands cupped my backside, fingers spreading wide. I shuddered, feeling the goosebumps rise all over my skin. My n**ples tightened with each brush against his dress shirt. It was unbearably erotic to be nak*d while Gabriel was fully clothed. I murmured as much to him.
Gabriel’s heavy-lidded gaze burned into mine. “Emma, I want you. Here and now.”
I wanted him too. Very much so. Which is why I hated saying, “We can’t.”
“Why not?”
“Because…” I moaned when he dipped down to suck my nipple into his warm mouth. “Because I don’t have any condoms and I’m not on the pill.”
Gabriel bit down, pulling my pebbled flesh gently with his teeth before laving the small sting with his tongue. He repeated it on my other breast. I was two seconds away from losing all sense again.
“I’m not on anything, Gabriel. Did you hear me?” I panted while closing my eyes.
“Loud and clear. I just don’t care.”
My fingers curled as he greedily sucked my nipple. “You say that now. Nine months from today though…”
Gabriel’s mouth released me. He rested his head against mine and swore, “Nine months or nine years. It doesn’t matter. I would absolutely love having a baby with you. A little girl that looks just like you but with my eyes. Or a little a boy. Or both. Twins even. Can’t you just see it, Emma?”
I could. The image of Gabriel holding two infants in his arms captured me. Breathless and not solely from carnal desire, I shook my head to forcibly clear away the fey images of a life that would mostly likely never exist—no matter how much I’d love for it otherwise.
I wanted Gabriel. I was mad for him and I believed he felt the same, but forever? I didn’t dare hope just yet. Things were too raw, too unknown to hold those kinds of dreams.
“You don’t mean that. You just want to have sex right now. Soon you’d regret it.”
“I’d never regret having a child. I’d especially never regret having one with you.”
“Is that what you tell all the girls?” I didn’t mean to say it and I didn’t why I did.
“No, just you.” My expression must’ve plainly dictated my thoughts because he followed up with, “Why is that so hard for you to believe?”
No traces of humor lay on his face. Gabriel’s solemn expression challenged me. I felt my ears burn from embarrassment at how pitiful it all made me look. I wiggled, trying to get him to let me down. Gabriel merely pressed me harder against the wall.
“Answer me, Emma.”
The logical words tumbled out. “We’re moving too fast, Gabriel.”
“And you’re avoiding an answer.” His command came out like slow fire, licking away at me and compelling me to melt at his will. “Tell me, Emma. Why’s it so hard for you to believe me?”
My gaze flicked away. Staring at him, being bound by his gaze flayed me too close to the bone. I felt Gabriel had complete access to my tender insides when he looked at me like that. I hated it. I loved it. I hated it again.
As always, Gabriel saw through me all too well.
“Oh, my dear sweet Emma,” he crooned softly. “One day you won’t be so afraid of being vulnerable in front of me. One day you’ll understand that it doesn’t rob you of strength, nor does it make you weak in my eyes. Vulnerability just makes you human. You are the strongest woman I’ve ever known. Nothing could ever change that. So be strong out there…with me let yourself just be. All right?”
I blinked away a sudden rush of tears. His words made me feel invincible beautiful, and adored. Which is why it felt so bad to be feeling what I felt. I drew in a deep breath and braved looking back into the crystalline orbs. “I’m afraid.”
“I know. I know you are. I’m afraid too. I’ve drowned in it for the last week. It’s exhausting, isn’t it?”
Gabriel’s gentleness inspired my honesty. “Yes. I don’t like it.”
“Neither do I.” He came closer. “You don’t have to suffer this alone, Emma. I’m here to share your burden.” When I stayed silent he simply said, “Let me help you, baby. Just one confession. That’s all I’ll ask you to share for now. I promise. Anything past that will be up to you.”
I stiffened, feeling weak in a way that I’d always despised—especially in front of Gabriel. The idea of confession appealed to me though. Unburdening myself of the words slinking about my mind like an intruder, being able to expose them to light—anything to reduce the power of my ever-present fear—loosened my tongue. And so, I began the tentative words. “I don’t believe you really mean it when you say things like that.”
“Why? Don’t you believe me when I say I love you?”
“It’s just that we’re in the heat of the moment and…” My tongue knotted again. Everything seemed so logical and right in my world until Gabriel questioned it. I didn’t know why this was so hard for me. I also didn’t understand why we needed to talk about something that seemed pretty damned obvious.
“And, Emma?” he prompted softly.
“Do we really need to talk about this right now?” I snapped and then instantly felt bad for doing so. He didn’t deserve it.
Gabriel tilted his head, studying me earnestly and without anger. “Yes, we do. The fact you don’t want to shows we absolutely do.”
“It’s not that big of a surprise, Gabriel. I’d hate for us to both throw caution to the wind and end up being single parents down the line when we’re not ready.” My confession came out faster, easier. “My mom went through it. Every day brought new worries and there was never enough money. Trust me—it wasn’t fun. I was on a first name basis with guilt during my childhood.”
“Why did you feel guilty, Emma?”
I wanted to force his attention elsewhere. I didn’t like being this open with anyone, especially the person who’d held my fascination tightly. I sounded pitiful…raw…less than.
I hated it.
Gabriel waited patiently despite the seconds ticking by. He didn’t push or prod me further. He simply waited. I had a strong suspicion he’d wait until the end of time. There was no avoiding it. I plowed through, hoping the faster I confessed, the faster we’d move past the embarrassing words.
“I felt guilty because my mom wouldn’t have had to struggle so much if it wasn’t for me. She wouldn’t have had to work as a maid, dependent on some rich woman’s whims. She wouldn’t have had to sacrifice so much. Her life would’ve been much easier if I hadn’t been there.”