I folded up what remained of the soil in the package and shoved it into the garbage bag, tying it up quickly and rushing it to the garbage chute down the hall. Back inside, I swept up the stray dirt into the dustpan and tossed it out the window, finally replacing the planter in the exact spot where it had always been.
There - no one would be any the wiser.
I washed my hands, which were still trembling a little. I had no idea why I felt like a criminal, other than the fact that he obviously didn’t want me to know about this money. But that wasn’t exactly my fault. If he didn’t want me to stumble across it, he should have done a better job of caring for his plants.
I walked upstairs, still feeling nervous and guilty, and carefully folded up each of the bills I’d taken. I tucked them into the very bottom of my makeup bag, underneath the old stuff I hardly ever used, and zipped it shut. There was absolutely zero chance of him ever coming across it in there.
I sat down on the edge of the bed. There was no doubt in my mind that he had other stashes of money, elsewhere in the apartment. Whatever he’d been dipping into to pay rent and bills obviously wasn’t this; it clearly hadn’t been touched in a long time. So it stood to reason that he wouldn’t he dipping into it for a while longer, to notice that anything was gone.
Anyway, I had a right to look after my own interests. Especially with Daniel behaving the way he was, and our future being so unsure, I had every right to make sure that I was taken care of.
If I kept telling myself that I didn’t feel guilty, perhaps I could make it come true.
CHAPTER TEN
I still hadn’t told Daniel about my placement at the show.
At first, I’d been telling myself that I was holding onto it until things "calmed down," but then I realized nothing was going to be calm for a long, long time. After that, I actually tried a few times - I’d open my mouth to speak, and then I’d look at him, and I’d think - why? He wouldn’t care. He was too busy with everything he had to worry about. There was no use in me mentioning it, only to see the underwhelmed look on his face. The hollowness in his voice when he congratulated me, the distracted way he’d kiss me on the forehead.
But telling Lindsey was another matter entirely. I considered not doing it - there was a chance she’d tell Daniel, even if I asked her not to. But I supposed I didn’t really mind if he found out. Maybe I wouldn’t even mind if he cared enough to show up unexpectedly…
Okay, no, that wasn’t going to happen. But maybe telling Lindsey was a good idea.
I waited until Daniel was out, approaching Lindsey in the kitchen while she was puttering around with something.
"I got a gallery placement," I said. "At a show next month."
Lindsey squealed, running over to hug me. "That's fantastic! I'm so happy for you, sweetie."
"Thanks," I said. "Yeah, I just…I wish it had come at a better time."
"Well, I guess," she said. "But in a way, this is perfect, right? A really nice distraction. You could hardly ask for a better one. Does Daniel know?"
I shook my head. "I don't think I'm going to bother telling him," I said. "He's just…he's got too much to worry about as it is, you know? And he wouldn't be able to go, anyway. Too risky to show up somewhere in public, he could get accosted by every journalist in the city. I'd rather just do this myself."
Lindsey looked at me for a moment, like she was trying to comprehend the whole thing. "Okay," she said, finally. "If you don't want me to tell him, I won't tell him. But I really think you should share this with him. I know how much he worried about you getting a showing."
I frowned. "What do you mean?"
"Oh, he was talked about it all the time, when you started submitting your portfolios. About how beautiful your work was, but he was afraid you'd get overlooked and discouraged. He'd be so proud if he found out."
"Proud? Really?" My head was swimming a little bit. I'd always assumed that Daniel was enduring my endless prattling about my submissions and strategies thereof just to be polite - I didn't know he was actually taking an interest in my career as an artist.
"Of course he would. But…I understand, sort of. This is something just for you. Maybe it'll be a jumping-off point." She smiled. "By the time all this calms down, you'll have a showing every night of the week, and he'll be appearing at all of them."
"God, I hope not." I had to laugh. "I'd hate for pimping my own art to become a full-time job."
"Nonsense, you can still actually make art during the day." Lindsey grinned. "But your nights will be exclusively for shilling. That's how Rembrandt did it."
***
It was half past ten at night, and someone was pounding on the door.
A second later, whoever-it-was seemed to remember there was a buzzer, and started leaning on it. Daniel was muttering to himself as he hurried to answer it, and I wasn’t terribly envious of whoever he was about to come face-to-face with.
Then, as the door swung open, his face changed completely.
"Gen," he said, in surprise, as Genevieve charged through the door, waving a manila envelope above her head. Lindsey perked up, over on the sofa.
"We got them," said Genevieve, breathlessly, throwing the envelope down on the kitchen island. "I haven’t even looked at them yet, not that they’d mean anything to me anyway. But I couldn’t wait to come and show you." She stopped to catch her breath, looking from my face to Daniel’s and seeming to notice our confusion for the first time. "Pictures," she said, "pictures of whoever your broker’s been meeting with."
Daniel snatched up the envelope and ripped it open. I watched over his shoulder, and Lindsey came over from the living room to join us.
They were very distant and dark, but from the first few shots I could tell that it was a woman. Daniel started spreading them all out on the counter, leaning down and staring at them closely.
"I know they’re not the greatest," said Genevieve, "but he really did the best he could without getting spotted. It’s better than nothing, at any rate."
"Yes," said Daniel, slowly. I came closer and started studying the photos too. They certainly weren’t anything to write home about, but as I let my eyes drift across them, something was nagging at the back of my mind.
Finally, I reached the last one, and a pang of recognition hit.
"Well?" said Genevieve. "What do you think? Any idea who it might be?"
Daniel was shaking his head. I’d opened my mouth to reply, but I quickly shut it again when I saw him.
"Sorry," he said, "I don’t think so."
"No, I’m sorry," said Genevieve, sighing heavily. "I was really hoping this would be the breakthrough. God damn it."
"Well," said Daniel. "I’ll keep them, at any rate. Maybe something will come of them."
"You could try hiring a private investigator," Genevieve said. "I mean - it couldn’t hurt."
Daniel nodded. "Thank you, Gen. I do appreciate it."
I followed him as he showed her out, and as soon as the door was shut, I grabbed his arm.
"Are you f**king kidding me?" I asked.
"What?" he said, frowning at me.
"Are you telling me you don’t see it?" I went back to the kitchen and picked up the last of the pictures, thrusting it at him. "Really?"
"You’re making an assumption," he said. "Based on paranoia."
"So you do see it. And you know it’s only paranoia if you’re wrong." I waved the picture for emphasis. "And I’m not wrong."
Lindsey was walking over. "What the hell are you two talking about?" When neither one of us said anything, she grabbed picture out of my hand.
"Oh," she said, after a moment of frowning at it. "Oh, my God."
***
After Daniel switched the bedroom light off, I was only able to lie there in silence for a few moments before I spoke.
"You have to say something," I said. "Tell someone. You have to…you have to do something."
He let out a long, slow breath.
"We don’t know," he said. "We don’t know for sure."
"We both saw it," I said. "It’s her."
My eyes hadn’t fully adjusted, but even without being able to see him, I could tell his jaw was clenched tight. Maybe his fists, too.
"Maddy, we can’t," he said, softly. "After what happened, you and I both…we’re going to see her around every corner. Tell me this hasn’t been in the back of your mind since that phone call came."
"It hasn’t," I said.
"It’s confirmation bias," he insisted, rolling over. "You can’t even see that woman’s face, in the picture. We have no idea if it even has anything to do with me."
Well, all right then. If that’s how he was going to be.
I hardly slept that night, rolling out of bed early and sneaking out before Daniel even woke up. I crept into the bathroom, snaked the cash out of the bottom of my makeup bag, slipped on some clothes, and stole down the stairs and out the door.
Once I was a few blocks down the street, I sat down on a bench and started searching on my phone. What I needed, clearly, was a private detective. The hard part would be finding one who wasn’t some kind of scam artist, or just plain useless. Despite the romantic notions I’d picked up from books and movies, I knew that most P.I.s weren’t anywhere near as glamorous or as impressive as in fiction. But all I needed, really, was someone who could answer a question.
Who was the woman in the picture?
I knew the answer, of course. But I couldn’t prove it.
So I was going to hire someone who could.
I ended up choosing someone a few miles away - the first local one who had a website that didn’t look like it was designed in GeoCities in 1994. He said he had a ninety-percent success rate, whatever that meant. As if I could verify it. After a few minutes of trying to hail a taxi, I decided to go it on foot.
It was a beautiful day, with just enough of a light breeze to whisk away the sun’s heat. I kept a brisk pace. I knew there was at least a passing chance I’d be photographed by someone, but it wouldn’t matter. My hair was pulled back and I held my head up high, and although I was wearing my sensible walking shoes, I was confident I’d come across a little better than I had on the blog.
I couldn’t believe that was something I actually had to think about, these days.
When I finally reached the office, I actually walked past it a few times before I doubled back and realized what it was. The building looked abandoned - there were actually a few boards nailed over some of the first-floor windows, although in a haphazard-enough way that I wasn’t sure if they were meant to signify vacancy or possibly ward off very lazy thieves. There was no address number above the door, but judging by the ones I could see, it had to be the place.
I stepped up to the door. Alongside it, there was a long strip of little black buttons. Not a single one of them was labelled.