“The doctor said it’s just standard procedure, Mom. No need to be nervous.”
“But you haven’t been sarcastic with me all morning. You think this is serious.”
I laugh. “I’m just too tired to be sarcastic, plus your dad is making me feel so unoriginal.”
She smiles. “Do you like them?”
“Yes.” It’s all I can say. Now is not the time to rehash how she shouldn’t have lied to me my whole life. My grandparents are definitely not the monsters she painted them to be. I’ve just barely managed to keep the anger from spilling out.
“I know,” she says, seeming to read my mind. “I stole them from you. I made the decision for myself, but I had no right to make it for you. I’m so sorry.”
I squeeze her hand. “We’ll make up the time when you’re all better. So stop playing sick already. If you wanted your parents back you could’ve done something less dramatic.”
She smiles. “So I’m not going to die.”
“I love you, Mom.”
“I love you, too, kid.”
Sean and Vivian had already talked to my mom so I take the elevator downstairs to join them in the waiting room. When I round the corner I see they aren’t alone. I recognize the back of Xander immediately, if by nothing else than his extremely good posture. If Vivian didn’t look at me when I came in, I could’ve backed out without him seeing me, but her look makes him turn. My heart stammers in my chest. I back out anyway and walk toward the front of the hospital and out into the cold day. The leafless trees that line the parking lot look black against the white sky.
“Caymen,” he calls. “Wait. Please.”
I stop on a patch of yellowing grass and face him. “What?”
“I almost forgot how insecure your stare can make a person.”
I wait for him to explain why he’s here.
“Okay. I guess I have the floor.” He takes a deep breath. “This is me facing failure. This is me putting everything on the line even though I know I might lose. And I’m terrified.”
I swallow hard, fighting the instinct I have to comfort him.
“But like you said, anything worth having is worth the risk.” He looks at the grass then back up again, almost like he prepared a speech and this is the start of it. “I’m so sorry. That night. The night of the benefit. I was stupid. I didn’t know you didn’t know your grandparents. And then what Robert said . . .”
“Robert?” The memory of Robert that night hits my mind with a jolt. I had forgotten about him in all the other things that had happened. “I didn’t . . . Mason and I were never together. . . .”
“I know. Skye explained. It caught me off-guard, and I thought that’s why you were running away. Because you were guilty. But Robert is a jerk. I don’t know why I believed him for a second. I should have run after you to make sure you were okay. We were okay.”
It’s true. Robert is a jerk.
He looks down at his hands then uses them to rake his fingers through his hair, looking less composed than I’ve ever seen him look. “I understand you were in shock about seeing grandparents you’ve never seen before, but why haven’t you returned any of my calls?”
“You were dating me because I’m rich.”
“What?”
“And you can deny it all you want, but we’ll never know one way or the other whether it’s true or not. Because you can’t unknow it.”
“I found out less than a month ago about your grandparents. My grandmother told me. I didn’t know at first.”
“You can’t unknow it,” I say again.
“But . . .” He wrinkles his nose and then looks up in frustration at the sky.
“But what?”
“Don’t hate me for saying this, but . . . you’re not rich. I’ve seen how you live, and when I found out about your grandparents I thought that maybe your mom wanted to make sure you saw how the other half lives or whatever to give you perspective. But when I realized you didn’t even know your grandparents, when I found out you were seeing them for the first time at the benefit, then I knew you didn’t have money. Caymen. You are poor. And I still like you. A lot.”
I let out a laugh and he smiles. The way he’s inching forward, I can tell he’s ready to put this behind us. But I’m not quite ready. I still have questions. “But your cousin. She talked about the Cinderella complex and you didn’t even say a word.”
“My cousin is a spoiled brat and I have learned it’s best not to argue with her. But you’re right. I did a lot of things wrong that night. I should’ve stood up for my brother’s date. And you. I should’ve punched Robert so hard that he’d never want to say my name again, let alone use it to get him further ahead. I shouldn’t have let you leave. I should’ve driven you home. I should’ve screwed the benefit.”
“Don’t screw benefits.”
He stops suddenly, becoming very still. I’m confused. I was sure he was coming to some sort of powerful conclusion that I really want him to make. Something that’ll make me say, “It’s okay. Love conquers all.” But instead he offers me his lower-lip-biting smile and I almost rush into his arms. For the first time since I walked away from him the other night my heart feels whole.
“Why are you smiling like you’ve won or something?”
“Because you were just sarcastic with me. ‘Don’t screw benefits,’ you said. You’re sarcastic when you’re in a good mood. And if you’re in a good mood then you must not be too incredibly angry with me.”
“You and my mom. You think you have my patterns of sarcasm down, huh?”
“Yes.”
“I’m sarcastic all the time, Xander, good mood or not, so there’s no need to draw up a chart or anything.”
He gives an airy laugh. “Do you know how much I’ve missed you?”
I close my eyes and draw in a deep breath. There it is. The line that makes me want to forgive him. “How did you know I was here? How did you find out about my mom?” I hold my breath. The answer to this question seems so important to me. Did he decide to come find me after he found out about my mom or before? I so need the answer to be “before.”
“Well, when I called the doll store yesterday and Skye wouldn’t let me talk to you—”
“I thought Skye called you,” I interrupted.
“No, I called you and Skye answered, and all she wanted was your grandparents’ information. I begged her to let me talk to you but she wouldn’t. So I went to the doll store and it was closed. That made me nervous. I’d never seen the store closed during the day before. So I went to that antique store next door to look for Skye, find out what was going on. She wasn’t there, but the owner lady, who I think might be a little crazy, by the way—”
“We use the word ‘eccentric’ but either one works.”
“She told me about your mom. She wasn’t sure which hospital she was at, so I started at Community and then came here.” He takes one step forward and gives me his secret weapon of a smile yet again. “Can we hug yet?” he asks, but doesn’t wait for my answer, just pulls me up against him. I don’t fight it and wrap my arms around his waist. Silent tears trail down my face and I relax into him. I needed him.
“I love you,” I whisper.
“What was that? I didn’t hear you.”
“Don’t push me.”
“I love you, too,” he says. He puts his cheek against mine. “So much.”
Chapter 41
He pulls away first even though I have grabbed a handful of the back of his shirt and clutch it tight. “How is your mom? Is she pregnant, then?”
“No.”
“That’s good . . . right?”
“No. I was selfish. A baby would’ve been good news. This is awful. They’re trying to figure out what’s wrong.”
He tucks a piece of hair behind my ear and wipes a tear from my cheek with his thumb. He tries again to back up but I have grabbed another fistful of his shirt. He chuckles and gives up, wrapping his arms back around me. “We’ll figure it out. My father knows some of the best doctors in the world and—”
That’s when I let go and take one step back. “No. You’re not here to solve this problem. The last thing I need is for your parents to think I started dating you because my mom is sick and I wanted your help. Sean and Vivian have things under control and everything is going to be fine,” I say even though I’m not sure I believe it.
“What can I do, then? Do your grandparents have a place to stay? Because I’m kind of in the business of putting people up for a night or two . . .”
I smile.
“Are you guys hungry? When’s the last time you ate? Maybe I can get some food for everyone?”
I grab his hand. “Xander.”
“What?”
“Please don’t leave. When the doctor comes out . . . will you just . . . be here for me?”
“Of course.” He squeezes my hand and we walk back inside together.
Sean raises one eyebrow when he sees us, probably thinking, Didn’t we all agree that this boy is too pretty?
“Has the doctor come down yet?” I ask.
“No.”
“This is Xander, by the way,” I say, raising his hand slightly in mine. “These are the Meyerses . . . but I guess you all already met at the benefit.”
Sean’s stare goes between Xander and me, and it seems as though he’s keeping himself from giving some sort of grandfatherly admonition. I wonder if that’s hard for him, to keep an opinion to himself. Maybe he’s learned a thing or two about teenagers in the last twenty years. He obviously didn’t have a clue when my mom lived with him.
Finally Vivian says, “Xander, we just met her so take good care of her.”
“Of course, ma’am.”
“Caymen,” my grandfather says, taking Vivian’s hand in his, “I’m going to feed this lady. Did you need anything?”
“No, I’m good.” I find a chair in the corner and Xander sits next to me. A television hanging in the corner broadcasts the news too quietly for any of us to hear.
Sean and Vivian walk out together. I watch them. How is it possible that one day it’s just me and my mom and the next day I have three people who care so much about me?
A fear jolts through me. Is this God setting me up, making sure I won’t be left alone when something happens to my mother? I look at the ceiling. I still want my mom, I say in my head. Please don’t take her from me.
“Caymen?” Xander grabs my hand. “You okay?”
“I’m just scared.”
“I know. Me, too.” He stretches his legs out in front of him and leans his head back against the wall. Then he brings my hand to his lips and rests it there.
I lay my head on his shoulder. “Okay, so detective is out, although I must say that you’re much better at observation than I am.”