Scot looked at her. “No, what, Lexi?”
“I’m going to plead guilty,” she said.
“You most certainly will not,” Eva said.
Lexi loved her aunt for that. “Come on, Eva. Am I supposed to get away with killing my best friend? I did it, and we can’t afford—”
“You will not plead guilty,” Eva said again. “I have the money in my retirement fund.”
“You’re letting your emotions run wild,” Scot said. “I can see that you’re a good person, and you want to do the right thing, but pleading guilty isn’t it. DUI vehicular homicide is a class-A felony, punishable by up to life in prison. Believe me, prison is not where you want to be, Lexi. And with the sentiment out there … we have to fight for your freedom.”
Could she stand up in court and say she wasn’t guilty when everyone knew she was? “We all know what’s right here. Don’t you want me to do the right thing, Aunt Eva?”
“You are too young to know what’s right here, Lexi. You did a terrible thing. I admit it. But is prison the answer? No. You were there; you visited your mother.” Eva moved closer. She cupped Lexi’s face in her chapped, dry hands. “I know you’re worried about me, but don’t be. We can afford whatever we have to.”
“Even if you pled guilty and we got a plea bargain,” Scot said, “the judge wouldn’t have to follow it. He can impose any sentence he wants, within the guidelines. And with the media out there, he may want to make an example of you. You could spend your life behind bars, Lexi.”
“I am an example,” Lexi said quietly. “I am the worst thing that can happen, and kids should know that. How can I stand in that courtroom and say I’m not guilty?”
“Hasn’t enough bad come from that night?” Eva asked.
“This discussion is over. You’re paying me for my advice, and this is it: you’re pleading not guilty,” Scot said firmly.
Lexi sighed. They were talking about the law and her future. That wasn’t really the point at all, but they were trying so hard to save her. She didn’t want to disappoint them, too. Especially not Eva. “Okay.”
* * *
Jude sat in the courtroom between her husband and her son. Zach sat perfectly upright, as she’d often begged him to do. Gone was the slouching, playful kid he’d been. Now he pulled his pants up and wore a belt and cleaned his room without being asked. She knew why, too: he was trying so hard to make her happy. He lived in fear of saying or doing the wrong thing around her, of making her cry. Especially here, in front of everyone they knew.
The benches in the courtroom filled up quickly. As soon as word had gotten out about Lexi’s arrest and arraignment, admittance to this courtroom had become the hottest ticket in town. People had lined up before dawn in the hopes that they would get a seat. Everyone had an opinion on the case: some thought Lexi was a victim; others deemed her a danger to society. Some blamed Jude and Miles for lackluster supervision and bad parenting; these were the parents who swore their own children didn’t drink. A few whack jobs even blamed the drinking age, saying that if it were eighteen, things like this wouldn’t happen.
Local reporters, and perhaps one or two national journalists, milled through the hallway outside. Jude didn’t look around, didn’t want to see the friends she’d made over her years here on Pine Island, the women she’d talked to during class parties or in the carpool lane or in the checkout line at Safeway. Many of them called her regularly, and she took the calls, but they rarely lasted long. Jude simply couldn’t think of what to say anymore. Neither did she care about representatives of MADD, who had conducted a press conference just this morning and were demanding prison time for Lexi.
Lexi.
Just the name was enough to send Jude spiraling into anger or despair. She did her best never to think about the girl who’d caused all of this, who’d killed her daughter. The girl her son had loved. The girl she’d loved.
“I’m sorry I’m late,” her mother said, taking a seat on Zach’s other side.
The judge cracked his gravel down and called for order.
The gallery quieted.
“Ms. Baill,” the judge said, “you are aware of the crimes with which you have been charged?”
At the defendant’s table, Lexi and her lawyer stood. She looked incredibly fragile and small standing there. Her hair was unkempt and frizzy, out of control. Her cheap black pants needed ironing and were a little too short.
“I am, Your Honor,” Lexi said.
“And on the charge of DUI vehicular homicide, how do you plead?”
Lexi paused. “Guilty, Your Honor.”
There was a moment of stunned surprise in the courtroom and then pandemonium broke out. Both attorneys jumped to their feet, yelling over each other to be heard.
“In my chambers,” the judge said harshly. “Now. You, too, Ms. Baill.”
Lexi followed her attorney out of the courtroom. In their wake, the gallery started whispering furiously among themselves.
Zach turned to Jude. “I don’t get it. What’s she doing?”
Jude sat very still, breathing as best she could, trying to feel nothing. This was some kind of ruse, a way to garner sympathy. She couldn’t have answered Zach if she had known what to say. Finally, the lawyers filed back into the courtroom. The crowd quieted.
The judge sat down and looked at Lexi. “And on the charge of vehicular assault?”
“Guilty, Your Honor,” Lexi said.
The judge nodded. “Ms. Baill, it is my duty to remind you that you have the right to a trial in this case, to have your actions judged by a jury of your peers. You understand that by pleading guilty, you are relinquishing this right?”
“I do, Your Honor.”
“And you understand that a guilty plea means that you will be convicted of this crime without a trial and that you may be subject to immediate sentencing?”
“I do, Your Honor,” she said again, stronger this time.
“Although it is unusual, given the terrible consequences of this case on the community, this court is prepared to put this matter to rest. Ms. Baill, do you have a statement you’d like to make?”
Lexi nodded briefly and rose. “I do, Your Honor.”
“You may go to the podium,” he directed.
Lexi walked over to the podium and looked out over the gallery. Her gaze went to Zach. “I drank, and I drove, and I killed my best friend. My lawyer tells me that guilt or innocence is a question of law, but he’s wrong. How can I atone? That’s the real question. I can’t. I can’t. I can only pay for it and say how deeply, deeply sorry I am. I love … Zach and the Farradays and Mia. I will always love them, and I pray that someday they will hear those words from me and not be hurt by them. Thank you.” She returned to her place at the defendant’s table and sat down.
The judge looked down at some papers spread in front of him. “I have an amicus brief from Mothers Against Drunk Drivers, asking for a sentence that will make an example of Ms. Baill and let other teens know what they could face in similar circumstances. And now, to the family.” He looked up and smiled gently. “I know it’s unexpected, but would any of you like to make a statement to this court?”
Miles looked at Jude. The prosecuting attorney had told them they’d be allowed to speak after the trial, so they’d thought about what they’d say, but it wasn’t supposed to happen until weeks from now.
Jude shrugged, uncertain.
Miles rose to his feet and stood for a moment. Only the slightest tightening of his jaw betrayed the depth of his emotion. Looking at him now, no one in this room would imagine that he had begun to cry in his sleep.
He smoothed the pale pink tie at his throat and went to the podium at the front of the room, looking out at their friends and neighbors. “As I’m sure everyone in this room knows, it has been an incredibly difficult time for my family. There are no words to express the depth of our loss. Still, I’m surprised by Lexi’s plea. I’m sure she was advised not to do so by her counsel.
“I know Lexi. She’s been like a member of our family for the past few years. I know she would undo all of this if she could, and I am not so naïve as to believe that she is purely at fault and my own children are blameless. I should have forbidden my children to drink instead of remembering my own high school years. I should have been harder on them, perhaps taught them better lessons about alcohol. There is plenty of tragedy to go around here, and plenty of blame. It doesn’t fall on Lexi alone.”
He looked at Lexi. “I forgive you, Lexi, for what that’s worth, and I admire your decision to plead guilty. I’m not sure I could have advised one of my children to do the same.
“Thank you, Your Honor, for this opportunity to speak,” Miles said at last, looking at the judge. “I ask only that you treat Lexi as a girl who made a terrible mistake and owned up to it, not as a cold-blooded killer. Prison is no answer. It is just another tragedy, and there’s been enough of that.” He turned away from the podium and went back to his seat.
Jude didn’t make a conscious decision to speak. She stood like some kind of marionette on someone’s strings. Jerkily, awkward. She didn’t even know what she would say until she stood at the podium, staring out at the people she’d known for years. She’d watched their children grow alongside hers, gone to their birthday parties. Some of them had younger kids who had yet to face the upcoming high school drinking parties.
“I wish to God I hadn’t let my children go to the party that night,” she said quietly, feeling something inside of her break. “I wish they hadn’t gotten drunk. I wish Mia had put on her seatbelt. I wish they had called me to come and get them.” She paused. “I will never hold my daughter again. I won’t do her hair on her wedding day or hold her first baby.” She reached into her pocket and pulled out the ring she’d bought for Mia’s graduation. The gold shone brightly beneath the fluorescent lighting, the empty prongs like fingers reaching. “This is the ring I was going to give Mia for graduation. I thought a pink pearl would be nice here, but I was going to let her decide.” Her voice weakened on that, and her strength evaporated. She looked at Lexi, sitting there, crying. Those tears should have meant something to Jude; she knew that, but they didn’t. Regret wouldn’t bring Mia back. “I can’t forgive Lexi Baill. I wish I could. Maybe justice will help me. At the very least, maybe it will send a message to the next kid who thinks it’s okay to drive home from a party.” She walked back to her seat and sat down, trying not to notice Miles’s obvious disappointment in her.
“Ms. Lange?” the judge said.
Lexi’s aunt walked slowly to the podium. Instead of looking at the gallery, she looked at the bench. “I am not an educated woman, Your Honor, but I know that justice and revenge are two different things. Lexi is a good girl who made a bad choice. I am proud of her for standing here and admitting that. I beg you to be merciful in sentencing. She has a lot of good she can do in this life. And I am afraid of what prison will do to her.” Eva composed herself and then returned to her seat.