Chapter Five
GAGE
I WAS MISERABLE. It had been eight months since Cassidy had crushed my heart that morning before she went to work. Eight months of trying to ignore the pull I still felt, now more than ever. Eight months of being her friend and nothing more. The first six months of which I had to watch her run to Tyler every damn time something happened. Now for the last two months I’d barely had what you could even consider a conversation with her. Two months of no morning hugs and conversations, and one month until I moved back in with the happy couple.
It was the end of July and I’d moved back to the ranch like I do every summer. It had killed me to know I was going to be without Cassidy for three months, but not as bad as watching her go into his bed every night, and watching her walk out of their room every morning in his shirt. After that morning, it had taken almost a week for us to even say hello to each other. Apparently my wanting to be with her was so awful she couldn’t stand to look at me that entire time too. Tyler was kind enough to wait two weeks before talking about their relationship again. Asshole. I loved the guy, I’d do anything for him, but I knew he didn’t feel for her what I did. And if she would have chosen to be with me, I wouldn’t have rubbed it in his face every chance I got. Loving him like a brother and hating him for being with the girl who held my heart was a hell of an emotional trip.
“Are you hearing a damn word I’m saying, son?”
I stopped fixing the post and looked up at my dad. “Sorry—no, can you repeat that?”
He sighed heavily. “Take a break, Gage. Let’s talk.”
Dropping the post and tools, I followed him over to a tree and leaned up against the base.
“Your mother and I are worried about you.”
I looked at him, confused, but kept my mouth shut. You didn’t interrupt my parents.
“Over the winter break, we just figured you were sick or something, but these last two months have been beyond ridiculous. You don’t talk to us, you don’t talk to your sisters, you look like a damn zombie. All you do is work, eat, and sleep. Are you on drugs?”
“What?! Dad, are you being serious right now?”
“Well shit, Gage, what are we supposed to think? This isn’t who you are at all. If you aren’t on drugs, then tell me what’s goin’ on. That, or leave. You’re being completely disrespectful to your family; this isn’t how we raised you.”
I sank down to the ground and let my head fall into my hands. “Sorry. Honestly, I thought I was hiding this a lot better. Guess I was wrong.”
“Hiding what?”
“Dad?” I took a deep breath in and out. “When you met Mom, did you know right away you were going to marry her?”
That shocked him; he hadn’t been expecting that turn in the conversation. “Does this have to do with your attitude?”
I nodded.
“No, I reckon I didn’t. She was my best friend for a long time. We all viewed her like one of the guys. One night when we were seventeen, there was a dance at the Miller ranch, and I remember seeing her. Like I was actually seeing her for the first time. She’d done her hair and put on some makeup, and was wearing a dress. I didn’t realize it was your mama until I got the nerve to ask her to dance with me. But of course by then all the other guys had noticed her too. You shoulda seen us all fightin’ over her, trying our damnedest to get your grandpa to let us court her.”
I laughed. I could only imagine Dad being all awkward trying to get the courage to go up to Grandpa. That was one terrifying man.
“Took four months for her to finally agree to a date with me. I still didn’t know I was in love with her, not for a few more months after that. I just woke up one day and realized I couldn’t live without her. Gave her a promise ring that night, an engagement ring a year later, and we were married six months after that.” He looked at me for a minute. “I’d ask if you’re in love, Gage, but love makes you alive. You look dead.”
“Yeah, about that.” I huffed and ran a hand through my hair, grabbing a good chunk in my fist. “I was kinda hoping your answer would be different. I know what’s happening between us isn’t normal. Well, not between us, I guess . . . she doesn’t feel the same way for me.”
“Ah. I see. So why don’t you tell me what’s happening for you.”
I looked at my dad for a minute, and I suddenly couldn’t hold it back anymore. I’d told Tyler I loved her, but I hadn’t talked to anyone about the depth of my feelings. “It’s like I’m being pulled to her. Like something in her calls to me. I know that sounds dumb, but that’s the only way to describe it. The first night I met her, I felt her before I even saw her. It’s like I had to look up at her, and when I did . . . I swear to God the world stopped moving. When she shook my hand, it felt like—not a spark, but like a jolt of electricity went through me. All I can think about is her, and I could have sworn she felt it too. But when she found out my feelings, she got pissed. Wouldn’t talk to me for a week. I’ve tried, Dad, you have no idea how damn hard I’ve tried to get over her. But I know I’m supposed to be with her, I know I’m going to marry her. I knew it the moment she hopped out of Ty’s Jeep.”
“Ty Bradley? Your cousin Tyler?”
“Yep.”
“So you met her through him?”
I laughed hard. “You could say that.”
“You’re gonna have to help your old man out here, I don’t get what I’m missing. You having problems with him?”
“Do you remember me telling you Ty was bringing his friend Cassi from California to live with us?”
“Yeah . . .” He drew out the word.
“Well Tyler’s girlfriend, Cassi, my new roommate, is the same girl who consumes my every thought.”
“Shit.”
“Yep.” I let my head fall back against the tree and rubbed my chest where the ache that never went away intensified from just thinking about her. “God, Dad, am I crazy? This isn’t normal, right? This can’t be healthy. She doesn’t even want me.”
“And you’re sure about that?”
“Yeah. She made herself pretty clear. What makes it harder is that even though she’s his girlfriend, and she doesn’t want me, I can’t stop being near her. I hate just being her friend, but I would rather be her friend than not have her at all. I thought this summer would be good for me, to get her out of my head; instead I just feel like I’m dying the longer I’m away from her.”
Dad was quiet again for a moment. “Well, I haven’t ever experienced this, uh—pull you’re talking about. But I don’t think you’re crazy. The only advice I have for you is don’t give up. If you’re sure you want her, then you gotta fight for her.”
“But she’s with Tyler. If it was anyone else I wouldn’t have a problem with it. But Ty?”
“That does make your situation a little difficult. Have you talked to Tyler about her?”
“Oh yeah, at first he was pissed that I wouldn’t stop looking at her, then one night he finally said he’d step back and let us be together. That next morning was when she yelled at me, told me she didn’t want to see me. And it’s hard, because even though I’m positive she’s not in love with Tyler, and honestly I don’t think they’re even actually together, she can’t leave him. Same way he can’t leave her.”
“I’m just going to assume you’re about to explain that. ’Cause that little statement is confusing as hell.”
“Well, since you’ll probably never meet her, I guess it’s safe to tell you about her childhood. Her dad died when she was real young, on her birthday actually. It really screwed her mom up; she turned into an alcoholic and married some guy. From the day he died, Cassidy had to raise herself; her mom stopped feeding her, washing her clothes, even talking to her. And she was only six. Then after her stepdad moved in, they started beating her. Up until the day Tyler packed her shit up and moved her to Texas.”
“You got some beatings yourself, son.”
“No, Dad, not like getting spanked by Mom when I was little. They didn’t just take off their belts and hit her with that or a wooden spoon when she was in trouble. They could’ve killed her. Tyler told me about some of the times, and I saw pictures from after a few of the tamer times and it’s enough to make you sick. Uncle Jim would have to stitch her up sometimes, others she’d be so messed up she wouldn’t be able to walk. Her bruises when she moved in were like nothing I’ve ever seen. Her entire back and sides were black, blue, green, and yellow. They’re obviously all gone now though, but Ty said she’s really careful about what she wears around people because of the scars she has from some of the bad beatings.”
“How people can do that to their own kid is beyond me. People like that need to be arrested, or shot. I’m sure we can find some ditches.” He smiled under his massive mustache.
“I swear I wanted to drive there and have a conversation with them and my shotgun. It about killed me; she’s the sweetest person you’ve ever met. And she wouldn’t let Tyler turn them in. Her mom’s a heartless bitch, and yet Cassidy still would never do anything against her.”
Dad just shook his head and relaxed against the tree. “Don’t give up on her, Gage. You don’t feel this way for no reason. What do you say we finish this post and call it a day? You need to explain to your mama what’s been going on. She might have better advice than your old man. And you better apologize to her. She’s been making herself sick with worry.”
I nodded. “Sorry for putting y’all through this. I honestly didn’t realize I was letting it show so much.”
“You’re forgiven. Come on, I’m hungry and your mama and sisters are makin’ chili and corn bread.”
I missed Cassidy’s cooking. I missed trying to help her cook, even though I messed everything up more times than not. I missed her laugh and smile, and the way she felt in my arms every morning. I just missed her. God, I felt like such a fuckin’ girl.
We fixed the broken parts of the fence and were on our way back to the house within ten minutes. We rode slowly back, and I told Dad more about Cassidy and our lives together with Tyler. Not even halfway back to the house, my sister Amanda texted me to say Ty, his parents, and a girl were at the main house and for us to come back. I didn’t need to ask who the girl was; there wasn’t anyone else they’d bring.
“Gage, what’s wrong?”
I realized I’d stopped my horse Bear and was just staring in the direction of the house. Looking up at him, I could only say one word. “Cassidy.” If Bear sprinted, we’d be back in about fifteen minutes, and even that seemed too long. “Hya!”
“Gage!”
I couldn’t look back at my dad. I heard his horse in a dead sprint behind us, and I knew he’d be pissed at me for taking off like that, but she was here. When we reached the house, I saw Tyler’s Jeep out front and stood there for almost an entire minute trying to decide between taking care of Bear and going to her.