She gave me a quick hug. “It’s up to you. Before you go back out there, just think about whether you’ll regret it if you don’t talk to him.”
I nodded and waited five more minutes, deciding that if he was still out there and alone when I walked out, then I would go up and talk to him. With one last deep breath, I walked out from the back and around the corner. He was in the same spot, head down and spinning his most likely empty cup around in his hands. Like earlier, he stopped abruptly and his head slowly came up. He looked at me, then to the door that I was next to, and started to stand up, his eyes pleading. When I began walking toward him, he sat back down and seemed to clear his throat a few times. I sat in the chair next to him and pulled my legs up underneath me, so I wouldn’t continue to bounce them up and down nervously.
“How are you?” He finally broke the silence after a few minutes.
“I’m fine.” I hated that my voice sounded so small. “You?”
“I’m all right. You, uh—you look really good, Cassidy.”
Please don’t tell me that. I need to get over you, I need you to be mean again or just go back to avoiding me. “You left.”
He sighed. “Yeah, I needed to.”
I nodded. “Look, I understand you were mad for whatever reason, but you didn’t even say bye. You were just gone, Gage. Was it that bad having to live with a girl, or was it just me?” I shook my head and grumbled to myself, “Of course it was just me.”
“I should have said good-bye, I should have told you I was leaving. I just, I didn’t know how.”
“Why are you here, Gage?”
Pain flashed through his green eyes and his brow furrowed. “Um. I, uh—needed to see you. Tyler’s been asking me to come around; I needed to know if that would be a bad idea.”
“You’re grown, you’re free to do whatever you want.”
“If you don’t want me around, Cassidy, that’s all you have to say.”
My eyes narrowed. If I didn’t want him around? He was the one who left me! “I would never get in the way of you and Ty.”
“That’s not what I’m asking.”
Well, I don’t want to answer that. I looked away and tried to slow my racing heart again. Gage brushed my arm and turned it slightly, running his fingers over my birthday present to myself.
“I like this.”
“Me too.” My voice was shaky and I tried to disguise it with a small laugh. Of course I had gotten it for me, but I’m not going to lie and say that Gage had nothing to do with my decision on that tattoo. I knew he was gone from my life, but even though nothing had ever come of us, he would always be the man I was in love with. I was sure of it. Over the almost year that we lived together, we’d found plenty of things that we had in common, but looking at the stars that night, followed by those amazing kisses and falling asleep in his arms . . . That constellation was by far my favorite thing we shared. “And yes, I want you around. It’s been . . . different without you there.” Miserable. It’s been absolutely miserable.
He nodded and continued lightly running his thumb over the stars. “I’m sorry I missed your birthday, and I’m sorry I up and left. I’ve missed you so much, Cassidy.”
A strangled sigh escaped my throat and I had to look away again to compose myself. “Why did you leave?”
“You know why. I couldn’t stay there with y’all anymore.”
Right, because I was getting in the way of his relationships. “You couldn’t stay with us? Or just me?”
His jaw tightened and he leaned away.
“It’s fine. I don’t need you to answer that.”
“Cass—”
“No, really, Gage, don’t.” I stood up and walked toward the doors. When I was outside he caught up with me; putting a hand on my shoulder, he turned me around and I stumbled back when I saw how close he was.
“I don’t want to keep staying away from you; you have no idea how much you mean to me.”
Why is he doing this? Why is he always playing with my heart? I wanted to scream at him for leaving me, for making me fall in love with him, for continuing to keep me wanting him like he was right now. But then I figured that was probably what he wanted. He probably loved having girls basically fall over themselves for him.
He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close. “Can we at least be friends again? I miss talking to you, I miss driving you to work in the morning, I miss our morning hugs . . . I just miss you.”
I tried not to get lost in his scent, or how I finally felt like I was where I belonged for the first time in three months. I didn’t know if I could just be friends with Gage, but anything would be better than the hell that I’d been through without him. I pulled back slightly, and he wrapped a big hand around my neck, reminding me of all those times I’d thought he’d been about to kiss me. “I miss you too, Gage. So much. I would love it if you came around. Do you, uh, is there anyone who cooks for you?”
“No, it’s just me there.” He paused for a minute. “I’m not seeing anyone if that’s what you’re asking.”
Of course that’s what I’m asking! “I wasn’t, but I know how bad you are at cooking. I’m surprised you’ve managed to last this long.” I tried to laugh, but it sounded wrong. “I’ll make dinner for you every night, if you’ll be there. I know Tyler really misses having you live with us; I think he’d like it if you were there.”
“I have night classes on Mondays and Wednesdays, but if you want me, I’ll be there.”
God, I wanted him in so many ways. Ways that I shouldn’t . . . couldn’t. “Then I guess I’ll see you every other night.”
Chapter Eight
CASSIDY
“DINNER WAS GREAT, Cassi, see you on Thursday!” Jake gave me a quick side hug and headed for the door.
“Thanks again, Cass. Can you make your lasagna next time?”
“Sure, Grant.” I hugged him back after letting him see my eye-roll. “Any dessert preferences?”
“Your triple-chocolate cake!”
All the guys moaned and then turned to look at me with the poorest excuse for puppy eyes.
“Please, Cass, you haven’t made that in weeks.” Adam’s bottom lip trembled lamely and I had to stop myself from rolling my eyes again.
“You guys are pathetic. Okay, well since it’ll be our last night together for a few weeks, lasagna and triple-chocolate cake on Thursday. Now get out or help me with the dishes.” I’ve never seen an apartment clear out that quickly. Jerks.
Gage started walking into the kitchen and froze when the door opened suddenly and Ethan and Adam ran back in, grabbed the rest of the peanut butter chunk brownies, and ran back out the door. Gage chuckled softly and stepped up next to me. “You washing or drying tonight?”
“I dried last night, I’ll wash tonight.”
He picked up a dish towel and stepped to the side as Tyler walked in and gave me a peck on the cheek. “Good dinner, babe, do you need any help in here?”
I raised an eyebrow and stopped scrubbing the pan. “Did you want to do the dishes?”
“Err, uh . . . I’m gonna go check the score of the game.”
That’s what I thought. I went back to the pan and handed it off to Gage when I was done. This was our new routine. Gage would help with the dishes before he went back to his place, and Tyler would come in to make sure there wasn’t anything going on he wasn’t okay with. After a month and a half of Gage coming around again, you’d think he’d have been over it by now. Apparently not. Ty continued to kiss me too often and make his presence known whenever Gage and I were in the same room. Not like we ever did anything. I got a hug when he walked through the door and before he walked out it. Other than that, it stayed strictly friend-level.
“Y’all gonna come visit? My sisters have been asking about you a lot.”
“Uh, I don’t think so, Gage.” The last time I was there I’d fallen in love with his family almost as fast as I’d fallen in love with him. I still had dreams at night of us living together somewhere on the ranch, or close to it. There was something about that ranch that felt more like home than Mission Viejo ever had. But being there would just bring back that awful morning, and I still wasn’t ready for that. “Besides, we’re not even going back to California this winter. I haven’t gotten any time off at work; most of the employees are taking long vacations. So they need all the help they can get.”
“Well”—he nudged my side with his elbow—“you’re welcome anytime. You know that, right?”
“Yeah.” After a quick look at Tyler to make sure he was deep in the game, I turned slightly toward his cousin. “I just don’t think that’s the best idea considering . . .” I trailed off and braved a glance into his green eyes, only to find them fixated on Tyler, jaw clenched so hard I could see the muscles working.
“Probably right. Merry Christmas then, I guess. I’m gonna head back to the ranch in the morning; I’ll be back in three weeks.”
“Merry Christmas, Gage—oh! Wait, I have your present.”
“Present? Cassidy, you really didn’t need to get me anything.”
I smiled and grabbed his arm, towing him back toward my room. “I didn’t get you anything. And if you don’t like it, don’t worry about it. It won’t hurt my feelings or anything.” I was surprised that Tyler didn’t jump up and follow us in there, but I figured I only had a minute or so before he realized we weren’t in the kitchen anymore. “Here you go.” I worried my bottom lip as I shakily handed him his gift.
Gage walked over to his old bed and sat at the edge, just staring at the wrapped present for a few seconds. With a slight shake of his head, he unwrapped it slowly and paused when the front was revealed. His next intake of breath was audible and an oddly pained expression crossed his face. “Cass—” Looking up, he broke off quickly as his eyes narrowed on something behind me.
Tyler wrapped his arms around me and rested his chin on top of my head.
Gage stood up quickly and strode out of the room. “I gotta go. I’ll see y’all in a few weeks.”
“Later, man,” Tyler called after him, and waited for the door to shut before speaking again. “Did he not like it?”
My heart sank. “Guess not.”
GAGE
WHAT THE FUCK? Was she trying to twist the knife that was already in my heart? She just had to throw the best night of my life back in my face even though it already hurt like hell watching them together. And I had no doubt they were together too. I don’t know if they’d always been like this and I’d just missed them kissing each other, or if I was just so in love with her I chose not to see it. But I was definitely seeing it now. It’s like Tyler couldn’t keep his damn hands off her. Not that that part was new, but now he kissed her so often even I could see how uncomfortable he was making her. I slammed my hand down on the steering wheel and cursed Tyler. It didn’t matter that I was still completely torn up from what happened last summer, or that she was bringing that memory back up; I hated seeing him touch her. She was mine. Granted, the flirting had stopped completely, but she still looked at me the same way she had all last year. Then she went and gave me that picture? I knew she was amazing with her camera, even if she thought her pictures weren’t anything special, and I saw her take it out often while we were at the ranch, but I had no idea she’d taken a picture of our spot. I’d barely looked at it for more than a few seconds, but it was perfect. The tree, the creek, and the hill we’d slept on were all there, blown up in black and white. Her tattoo and this? It’s like she was trying to make sure I couldn’t forget that night, which of course made me unable to forget the morning that followed. My eyes rolled when my phone rang; I figured it was Tyler getting ready to throw a bitch fit at me for leaving the way I did.