What’s up?
“There. Sent.” I pretended like my insides weren’t doing somersaults.
“Now we’ll just wait for his—” Melissa’s voice was drowned out by the sound of Jack’s ringtone. I’d forgotten to change it. I shot her a horrified look before she whispered, “Answer it! Just answer it.”
“Why are you whispering?”
“I don’t know! Answer it!” she screamed.
“Hello?” I answered, scooting my body from her mattress.
“Hey, Kitten.” His familiar voice sent chills racing up and down my spine.
“Hi.” I didn’t protest at the nickname. I was too busy being caught up in the sound of his voice. I never realized how much I’d missed it until it was beaming into my eardrums, the comfortable familiarity forcing nervous energy to ping throughout my insides.
“I have to tell you some stuff,” he started to say and my legs immediately gave out, the words a reminder of the heartache I’d experienced not that long ago.
“What do you possibly have to tell me now, Jack?” I snapped at him, hoping to mask the pain I still carried, as Melissa gave me a thumbs-up of support.
“Chrystle lost the baby.” His voice relayed the unfathomable information and I fell to the floor, my back sliding against the wall in Melissa’s room.
“What?” My breath hitched and a lone tear rolled down my cheek.
“I mean, she didn’t lose the baby. Well, that’s what she told me, but she was really never pregnant. She lied.” He paused to take a breath, then let out a sigh. “About everything.”
“Oh my God, Jack, I’m so sorry. That’s…insane. How’d you find out?”
“I overheard her on the phone telling her best friend how stupid and gullible I was. And that she’d try to get pregnant for real.” His voice lowered.
“That little bitch.” The words escaped my lips as my mind drifted back to the night in the parking lot.
“Cass, I left her. I’m annulling the marriage and I got called up tonight. I leave for Arizona in an hour.” His tone changed and I recognized the joy in his voice.
“Jack.” I smiled, my eyes meeting Melissa’s. “That’s incredible! Congratulations.”
“Thank you. But, Cassie?” He paused. “I’m really sorry. I should have listened to you. I never should have married her.”
“You didn’t know she was lying, Jack. And you were just trying to do the right thing…no matter how misguided. Your heart was in the right place. I was just devastated that it wasn’t with me.”
His breath whooshed over the phone line. “My heart has always been with you. Since the day you first rolled your gorgeous green eyes at me. You’ve always had my heart. I’m the one whose been lost without it.”
His words were everything I wanted to hear and didn’t. We’d come so far from where we once were. So much damage had been done and while I still loved him, I was scared to give my heart to him again…at least not easily. “I’ve had to learn how to live without you.”
“And how’s that working out for you?” he asked with a slight laugh.
“Not that great,” I reluctantly admitted.
“Yeah, it didn’t really work out for me either.”
“It sure seemed to.” I wondered if his words meant what I thought they did.
“I never stopped loving you. I know I hurt you…shit.” He stopped as a loudspeaker echoed in the background. “I have to go. I really want to finish this conversation, okay?”
“Sure,” I answered, knowing that eventually I’d need to tell him I was leaving.
*****
Left tickets for you and Melissa at Will Call. Please come. I really want to see you.
“Are you still staring at that text?” Melissa teased.
I rushed to look away from the screen and into Melissa’s eyes. “Not anymore.” I smiled.
“I feel like I’m having déja vu,” she announced with a sigh.
“Why’s that?” I rolled my eyes.
“Because I’m begging you to come to Jack’s baseball game and you won’t. Cassie, it’s his major league debut! At Dodger Stadium! You have to come to that!” She pleaded with me, her eyes wide.
“No, Melissa, I can’t go to that.” I answered quieter than I intended.
“Postpone your flight! How will you forgive yourself if you miss this?”
“If I go to that game and see him, it will change everything. I’ll want to wait after the game for him, and then we’ll go to dinner, and then I’ll spend the night…and it will never end!” I shouted.
“Our cycle will start back up and before you know it, I’ll have not only missed my flight to New York, but I’ll be turning down a a killer job so I can follow him to Arizona! And then eventually I’ll hate I’ll eventually hate him because I gave up the one opportunity I was given to follow my dreams, to follow his dreams, which have nothing to do with mine . I’ll leave him and it will be ugly and messy and then I’ll become turn into some old crazy lady with twenty dogs who talks about the days she used to be a good photographer and dated a professional baseball player!!!!!!”
“Holy shit, over-think things much?” Melissa’s laugh echoed throughout the apartment.
I started laughing too and when I couldn’t stop, I started crying. “Going to watch Jack play just reminds me of everything we used to have, the couple we used to be. I can’t watch him and pretend like I don’t want to be with him.”
“Then don’t pretend, Cassie. Be. With. Him.”
“I can’t, Melissa. I have to be with me,” I said, mimicking her tone. “This job is an incredible opportunity and I need to do something for myself. If I go to that game tonight, I won’t want to ever leave him again. And I have to be able to leave him. For me.”
Her eyebrows pinched together as she nodded. “That actually makes a lot of sense. Which sorta pisses me off because I really want you to come.”
“I know. Trust me, I want to be there. I really do. I just know I can’t handle it. That boy could talk me out of buying an umbrella during a hailstorm.”
“I know what you mean. He’s gonna freak out, though. You know this.”
“You don’t always get what you want,” I said matter-of-factly.
“At least Dean will be there so I won’t have to sit alone.”
TWENTY-ONE
JACK
I made the public relations girl at the field show me exactly where the seats were that I’d left for Cassie. When she pointed them out, I shook my head. “Those aren’t gonna work. They’re fine for my family, but I need two seats right here.”
I pointed to the row of seats directly in line with the dugout. “I don’t care if I have to buy them, I’ll buy them. Just get me two seats right here.”
I wanted to be able to see Cassie. I needed to see her.
“I can do that for you. I’ll just check and make sure the seats are available. I’ll be right back.” She flipped her hair with a smile before walking away.
I looked around at the stadium I’d been to so many times as a kid, my pride swelling. I hopped over the short wall and onto the field, turning around to view the seats I’d chosen. I walked to the mound, glancing at the seat choice, before settling into the dugout. The seats were perfect.
“Jack? Jack?” The PR girl’s voice reverberated.
“I’m here,” I said, climbing out of the dugout and onto the field.
“You’re in luck. The seats are available. What name should I put them under?”
“Please put them under Cassie Andrews and Melissa Williams. Thanks for the help, I appreciate it.”
“No problem. That’s what I’m here for.” She batted her lashes before spinning on her heel and walking off.
*****
Ever since my coach in high school reinforced the message of “Keep your head in the game and your eyes outta the stands if you want to get drafted,” I’ve never looked. But tonight, I couldn’t help myself. I glanced at the empty seats to my left at least a hundred times, waiting for her to be there.
Focus, Carter. You’re being ridiculous.
I breathed deeply, looking up at the bright lights of the major league stadium before releasing the breath slowly. I glanced to the left again.
Feet! Black tall girly-shoes!
Noticing the pair of heels, I hustled to the side of the dugout nearest the seats. I glanced to my left, spotted Melissa, and smiled as she turned toward me and waved. I gave her a quick wave back before pointing to the seat next to her with a shrug. She shook her head and my smile dropped, along with my heart. I tried to mouth, “She’s not coming?” Apparently she couldn’t read my lips.
“Carter! Get over here,” the manager yelled and I jerked my head behind me. “Go get warmed up.”
I grabbed a pen and a program, and scribbled out Where is she? before walking up to our teenaged bat boy. “Hey, Cody, do me a favor. See that girl over there with the curly brown hair and the giant pink purse?”
Cody craned his neck. “The one in the Diamondbacks shirt?”
“Yeah. Can you give her this?”
“Sure, Jack.” His face lit up and I only imagined what he thought I was trying to do.
“Make sure you wait for her response and then hold on to it for me, okay?”
“Okay.”
“Thanks, Cody,” I said, before grabbing my glove and running toward the outfield.
I failed to realize that I’d be spending the majority of the game in the bullpen, which couldn’t be further away from the seats I’d reserved if I tried.
I sprinted into the dugout, looking around for Cody like a madman. “Cody?” I yelled.
“Here, Jack.” He held out the folded program.
She couldn’t come. She said it’s too hard. Jack, she’s leaving tonight for New York! She’s moving there!!
I ran to the far end of the dugout, my face frantic as I caught sight of Dean sitting in the seat I’d bought for Cassie. I whisper-shouted his name and he turned, his eyes wide at the sight of me.
“What time’s her flight?” I shouted, not caring who heard.
Dean turned his head toward Melissa before turning back to mine. “She’s leaving the apartment at ten thirty.”
I glanced around frantically looking for a f**king clock, knowing full well there wasn’t one in the visitor dugout. I leaned over the cold railing and craned my neck toward the scoreboard. The numbers 9:03 splashed across the black board in yellow lights. I released a breath. I still had time.
*****
The sound of my tires squealing into the parking lot caused Cassie to turn in my direction. A cab driver tossed the last of her suitcases into the trunk before slamming it shut.
I hopped out of my car and rushed toward her. “Cassie!” I shouted, not stopping as my hat flew off.
“Jack, what are you doing here? Don’t you have a game?” Her eyes widened.