"Because I know you. It just can't be the way I thought, so let's come up with something new. I won't lay a hand on you, unless you ask me to. I won't have sex with you unless you want it. How's that for starters?"
"Sean, I can't change things that much. It isn't right. You wanted something when you called for me. What did you want?"
He's quiet for a moment. The fingers on his hands lace together between his knees as he leans forward. I think he's going to answer me, but he doesn't. "Listen, this week is hard for me, okay? I'm not usually here, in fact I do everything I can to steer clear of New York at this time of year. Business didn't work out that way this year. I need something to occupy my thoughts when I'm not at work, someone to be with. Since I know you can do that on some level, I want you around."
When he speaks, I hear the hitch in his voice. Sean's running from something, something he doesn't want to remember and being here forces the memory forward. I nod slowly and walk toward him. "So the arrangement is platonic? Not sexual?"
"Yes, if that's what you want."
My heart sinks. I look at him and I have no idea what I want. I thought I was going to have sex tonight. I nod, like I'm in shock. My gaze is lost, staring somewhere across the room when he speaks.
"That isn't what you wanted, is it?"
"I - " my mouth hangs open and I have no idea what to say. I try to explain, but I can't.
Sean looks surprised. "You wanted to do it, didn't you?"
I shake my head, but Sean puts his hands on my waist and pulls me to him. "You're breaking your rule," I say.
"I don't care," he says with a dark look in his eyes.
"Okay, then."
"Tell me what you want from this, what you want to learn?"
"Learn?" I squeak.
"Yeah, I'm assuming you felt safe with me and wanted to learn something. Isn't that why you picked me from the file? I'm sure there's more than one guy with a virgin fetish."
My heart is pounding. I can barely focus. I nod, even though it's not the truth. "Teach me," I hear myself say, and wonder how much ether I've inhaled. I must have rotted my brain.
"Teach you what, Miss Smith?" He holds me close, warming me. His hands linger around my waist as his eyes hold my gaze. My heart beats harder, faster. My face warms as I think about his hands on me, about what he's offering me. I wish I knew what he wanted originally, but I don't. I look at his lips, wanting to taste them, wondering what it would be like to be with him.
Smiling shyly at him, I breathe, "Everything."