"Well, you shouldn't drive and talk on the phone, so I'll let you go."
I frowned, wishing for a moment that we could spend the entire time apart connected on the phone. I knew that was horribly impractical, though. "Okay...I love you."
He sighed, the sound a happy and content one. "I love you, too. I'll call you later tonight."
I nodded, then remembered he couldn't see me. "Okay...bye."
"Bye." He disconnected and the rambunctious laughter in the background faded. I sighed, then smiled. At least I'd get to hear from him a lot while he was gone. And maybe, if I someday felt brave enough, we'd try that phone sex thing. I was insanely curious to hear what he'd sound like, making love from a distance...and I could always fake my end of it anyway.
Sighing as I popped the phone back in my jacket, my pocket feeling warmer just having the connection to Kellan inside it, I smiled and wrapped my fingers around the wheel. The power of the car reminded me of the power in the man who owned it. Sleek and sexy, strong and hard, it fit Kellan perfectly, and I knew I'd think of him whenever I went anywhere inside it.
In a much better mood than I'd ever thought possible, I headed over to Pete's Bar, to remove all traces of my boyfriend from it. That thought managed to bring down my good mood a smidge.
Parking in Kellan's traditional spot, I shut off his car. I pictured his sexy half-smile as I sat there a second. Then my window was rapped on and I jerked back to the moment. Anna smiled at me, waving her hand in a signal for me to get out of the car. Inhaling the lingering scent of him, knowing that I needed to get a handle on my rotating emotions, I pushed open his heavy door.
Anna slung her arm over my shoulder as Jenny and Rachel got out of Evan's car, laughing over some story they'd been telling on the ride over. Smiling at my friends and family, I perked back up. Almost our own quartet, the D-Bag-ettes, we strolled through the double doors. Nearly expecting the reaction Kellan and the guys got when they busted through the doors, I was a little disappointed when not one person in the lunch crowd looked our way.
Troy, back to his normal daytime hours at the bar, waved at us. His face was forlorn, like he missed Kellan too. I almost wanted to go over and hug him, talk to him about the man we both mutually crushed on, but considering that I had Kellan's heart and poor Troy never would...I thought that might be mean. Best to leave the man alone to his grief.
Jenny waved at the elderly waitresses that had been here since the bar's conception, or so it seemed, as the group of us headed to the darkened stage. The black wall covered in guitars behind the equipment we were tearing down seemed a bit morose today, or maybe that was just my lingering mood. Stepping up onto the worn-with-use oak, I walked up to Kellan's mic, alone in the center. Running my hand up the shaft, I imagined Kellan's fingers doing the same.
Twisting to face the crowd largely ignoring us, I tried to picture what he felt standing up here. Looking out over the now empty dance floor, I tried to imagine it packed with people, as it normally was when the boys played. Just the thought made my stomach twist. I didn't get how he could do this. And now he'd be playing even bigger venues...it boggled my mind.
Gripping the mic at the top of the stand, the sound equipment set way too tall for me, I mentally photographed my rock star boyfriend.
"You wanna sing something, before we tear it down?" I looked over at Jenny. She was watching me as she twisted some of Evan's drum sticks in her hands. Smiling as she walked over to sit behind Evan's drums, she pointed to Kellan's microphone. "We could play one of theirs." She laughed a little. "We could be their cover band."
I paled at the idea, but Anna thought it was a great plan, and immediately strung Griffin's bass guitar over her shoulder. Chuckling softly, Rachel picked Matt's guitar off its stand and looped it over her shoulder. Then they all looked expectantly at me, like I was actually the leader of this fake band.
I shook my head, but Jenny started clicking off a beat with her sticks. Then they all started playing. I was so busy laughing, I couldn't be embarrassed. There was one thing that even a cover band needed to know how to do, to be successful-they needed to know how to play, and none of us did. As Jenny made random hits on various drums, Anna plucked whatever chord struck her fancy on her unplugged instrument. Rachel strummed hers like she held a ukulele. I heartily laughed.
A few eating patrons glanced up at us, but since nothing was powered up, and Jenny was smacking the set as softly as she could, we really weren't making that much noise. They all went back to their meals and conversations. Still curious about being a rock star, about what that would feel like, I closed my eyes and started singing one of Kellan's songs. Well, singing was a stretch. I was murmuring, my voice nearly lost in the chaos around me.
At hearing my band mates giggle, I opened my eyes. They were all smiling at me, rocking out harder on their borrowed instruments. Grinning, courage building in me the longer I was up here, I unfastened the mic from the stand and raised my voice...a little.
Mimicking the moves I'd seen Kellan do a thousand times, I started to pretend that I was him. My eyes swung over the empty patch where the crowds would have been, and I pictured them there, cheering for me. I even pictured Kellan among them, grinning crookedly and shaking his head at me. I focused my attention on the mental image I had of him, trying to be sexy for him, since he so often was for me.
My imagined version of Kellan smiled wider and bit his lip. I heard whistled encouragement from behind me and the picture of him in my head vanished. I giggled over at Anna, nodding at me as she faked her way through playing a D-Bag classic. My cheeks heating, I switched my view to Rachel, merrily strumming away like we were doing a skit at summer camp. Jenny behind me started playing her version of a disorganized solo and I giggled mid-sentence at the musical mess we were making.
When the song was over, I made a small bow, the girls joining me. From across the bar I heard a small splattering of applause. Looking up, Troy was clapping, beaming at us. I laughed, embarrassment flooding me, but held back from completely absorbing me by a flash of pride. I'd done it. I'd sung on stage. Granted, I wasn't plugged in and no one but Troy had really been listening, but still, I felt like I could cross it off my bucket list now.
Kellan would be so proud. I couldn't wait to tell him.
Chapter 11
Gone But Not Forgotten
After our jam session, the girls and I finally got everything squished into Griffin's van. I sighed when we all looked at the empty stage before us. It was dark and lonely now, as its owners traveled farther and farther away. I wasn't even sure where they were right now. Matt had given us all a tour schedule and their first show was tonight in Spokane, on the very east side of Eastern Washington. I figured that they were probably close to heading up the mountain passes by now. The same passes that Denny and I had traveled on the way over here. The same mountains that had brought me to the place where one love had eventually superseded another, was now taking that love away.
Interesting, how life had a way of coming full circle.
Jenny beside me sighed in a melancholy way that matched my own. Suddenly straightening, she turned and dashed out of the front doors. We all watched her leave, curious over her sudden departure. When she came back a few minutes later, holding a large poster frame under her arm, she was beaming.
I smiled as she walked up to me. "I nearly forgot I brought this." Twisting the poster around so we could all see it, she displayed the finished artwork that she'd been doing in class-the drawing of the band. I nearly had tears in my eyes as I gazed at her perfect recreation of Kellan. Nodding at the stage, she smiled. "It's wrong to leave that stage without a piece of them up there, right?"
I eagerly nodded and helped her rearrange some of the decorative guitars hanging on the wall so we could hang it. After centering it, we took a step back and admired her handiwork. She'd turned her pencil drawing into a stunning black and white sketch. It was incredible. She really did have a knack for it.
Nearly wanting to place a kiss on the lifelike vision of my boyfriend, I slung my arm around Jenny's shoulders. "It's perfect, Jenny." Laughing a little, I added, "I think the boys may not be the only famous people to come out of this bar."
She flushed and laughed, looking down. "It's alright, I guess." Staring at it in awe, Anna and Rachel both assured her that it was better than alright.
Before leaving for a few hours, since Jenny and I both had to work tonight, we said goodbye to the staff we didn't spend too much time with-Sal, the part owner of the bar, Hun and Sweetie, the longtime waitresses, and lastly, Troy. He seemed brighter with the addition of Jenny's portrait on the back wall, and I smiled that at least we'd made him feel a little better.
Getting back into our respective cars, we headed out to Evan's. Mechanic girl was walking across the lot when I pulled up in Kellan's car. Her eyes instantly swung to the Chevelle. She looked highly disappointed when I stepped out of the vehicle, and not her former...whatever. She waved at me, then stepped into the shop. Maybe she was going to go write her book: Groupie lovin' 101.
Sighing, I rolled my eyes. After grabbing instruments from Griffin's van, I followed Jenny and Rachel up to the loft, Anna trailing behind us. I knew I was being too hard on mechanic girl, especially since I wasn't even really sure if she had been with Kellan or not. And even if she had, it was in his past and it shouldn't really matter anymore. I was being jealous without good reason...and I needed to stop doing that if Kellan and I were going to work as a couple.
Evan's place was oddly bare when we stepped into it. Having taken their travelling instruments on the road, only Evan's drum set remained. All of the various groups on the tour had decided to share some drums, instead of each band bringing their own, so Evan had left both of his sets here in Seattle. Being used to playing other people's equipment, Evan had seemed fine with it. I smiled, thinking of Kellan lugging his guitar onto the bus. He'd never settle for playing on just anybody's.
As I was setting down Griffin's bass, I saw a small note taped on the back. Now, normally, I wouldn't touch anything of Griffin's, even handling his instrument was questionable, but the note had my name on it. Curiosity getting the better of me, I tore off the securely held piece of paper. Unfolding it, I cringed, waiting for some horrific comment from the crude bassist. I was pleasantly surprised at what I discovered, though.
I know you hate touching anything of Griffin's, so I thought I'd make it a little more bearable for you. Thank you for doing this. I love you, Kellan.
Grinning like an idiot, I tucked the note into my pocket. Warmth flooded through me, both from the fact that he knew me so well, in regards to Griffin, and also from the fact that he'd been thinking about me far enough in advance to plan leaving that message behind. He must have put it there prior to the show. Biting my lip, I wondered if this was also a part of his plan. I wondered what else I might find, tucked here and there, just waiting for me to discover them.
We got all the instruments and equipment brought in with only a couple of trips to the van. After Jenny arranged Evan's second drum set next to his first one, she sighed and came over to rest her head on my shoulder. Placing my hand over the normally perky blonde's head, I offered what comfort I could. As much as Kellan and the boys missed us, being left behind was so much harder than leaving. I knew we'd all be sifting through our emotional baggage for a while, finding a new mood every ten minutes. Jenny confirmed that for me by brightly popping her head up.