We stepped into the hallway and Jenny nodded, looking contemplative. Shaking my head, I added, "I'm not going back down a road that ended...as badly as it did." I sighed and dropped my head. "I've learned my lesson, Jenny. I'm not that person anymore."
She patted my back as we stopped in front of the back room. "I know, Kiera. I guess I just didn't want to see you mess up a good thing." She ducked down to meet my eye. "And you and Kellan are a good thing."
I smiled and nodded. As she gave me a swift hug and prepared to leave, I grabbed her elbow. "Can you...when you talk to Evan, can you not mention that Denny's here?"
Her shoulders slumping, she gave me the exact same look Denny had earlier. "Kiera..."
I shook my head. "Kellan won't understand. He won't believe that nothing is going on. He will drop the tour and come home. He'll stay by my side until I'm done with school or Denny leaves, whichever comes first." I shook my head, slowly. "He'll throw away everything, Jenny. His dreams...and Evan's."
Jenny sighed, holding my gaze. "You're going to tell him?"
I nodded. "Yes...as soon as I figure out how."
Closing her eyes, she shook her head. Opening them, she seemed resigned...and irritated. "I hate lying, Kiera, especially to Evan."
Releasing her elbow, I looked down. I hated lying too, but sometimes you had to fudge a little bit, to protect people. As Denny said, sometimes the truth was cold. Why inflict someone with the sting of it, if you didn't have to? "I know, Jenny." I peeked back up at her. "Just don't mention it, if you can help it."
She twisted her lip, then nodded. Shaking her head a little, she walked away. I called out a thanks but she didn't look back at me. I sighed, hating this small deception already. It was necessary, though, for the time being.
Chapter 16
Doubt
When I got back out to the bar, Denny was still chatting with Sam, only now Kate and a couple of the regulars had joined him. They were all laughing as they sat around talking, and I took a moment to just smile and absorb the fact that he was back here. Watching his goofy grin, hearing him laugh, it brought back all the good feelings from when we were together. It made me realize how much I'd missed him this past year. I knew it was going to be hard on me when he left again. And it had been pretty hard the first time.
As Kate squeezed his shoulders and gave him a hug, he looked over to where I was still standing and watching him. His goofy grin changed into a warm smile and he nodded a little at me. Face flushing a million degrees, I stopped reminiscing and headed towards the bar to get him a drink.
Rita eyed me speculatively as she poured a beer for him. At just high enough of a level for me to hear, she murmured, "When the cat's away..."
I rolled my eyes and grit my jaw. Snapping at Rita wouldn't do any good. She tended to think everyone was hooking up with everyone. She saw sordid behavior in just about anything. She'd even told me once that The Little Mermaid was darn near pornographic. I still have no idea why...
Pretending that I didn't hear her, and also pretending that I couldn't clearly see the top of her bra under her deeply cut v-neck, I grabbed Denny's drink and headed to the band's table, well, what used to be the band's table.
The front doors squeaked open as I passed by and I halfheartedly glanced over. Seeing someone that usually didn't come into the bar, I stopped. Rachel locked eyes with me immediately. Her tanned skin seemed to glow and her almond eyes sparkled. Lifting a laptop tucked under her arm, her long sheet of dark hair almost obscuring it, her wide smile got even wider. "Oh, hey, Kiera. I'm glad you're here tonight. I wanted to show you and Jenny something."
Seeing her roommate enter, Jenny walked over to us, curious. "Did you get it up and running?" she asked, pointing her finger to the machine Rachel was disentangling from her hair.
Nodding, she started walking back to Denny's table. Natural, I supposed, since her boyfriend generally sat in the same seat that Denny was currently plopped in. Wondering what they were talking about, I watched with bunched brows as Rachel set up the laptop across from Denny.
As Sam and the regulars left Denny and returned to their own evenings, Denny tilted his head at the newcomer at his table. "Hello," he said politely, not knowing who Rachel was.
She nervously tucked her hair behind her ears. Barely making eye contact with him, she turned on the computer. "Hi," she squeaked out. "Hope you don't mind if I borrow your table for a second."
Denny laughed at her shyness, glancing up at me with a small, knowing smile, like Rachel reminded him of me. "Not at all."
Lowering my eyes, I flicked my hand between Rachel and Denny. "Denny, Rachel...Rachel Denny." They both made brief contact and Rachel nodded her head a little at him. Wanting to laugh that Denny sort of had a point, I added, "Rachel is Jenny's roommate and Matt's girlfriend." Looking back at Denny, I bunched my brows. "Denny's...my ex." I shrugged.
Rachel's eyes flew up to Denny's. "You're the ex? The ex?"
She immediately flushed and looked down at her computer. Denny flushed as well, looking away. I bit my lip...I guess either Matt or Jenny had filled Rachel in on all the drama that was Kellan and I having an affair behind Denny's back. Great. I guess I'd have to have the "don't tell Matt so he doesn't tell Kellan" speech with her, too.
More because I needed something to do with my hands than anything else, I handed Denny his beer. He immediately took a sip. Because we were supposed to, and, because I felt bad, I gave him an apple lollipop. He twisted his lips and shook his head, laughing as he took it. I wondered why until I considered what I'd given him...a sucker. And just when he was probably feeling like a giant sucker.
Sighing a little, I considered asking him what he wanted to eat, but Rachel spoke again before I could. Logging onto the internet, she typed in a phrase. "Matt asked me to set this up, so I thought I'd do it while the boys were gone." She shook her head, her smile returning. "We just went live an hour ago, and people have already sent me stuff to post."
As the page she'd typed in loaded, my jaw dropped open. It was a D-Bag website. I shook my head as she scrolled around through some of the different pages. Everything seemed to be on there-photos of the guys, a playlist of all their songs, their tour schedule, a short biography on each of the members, feedback from the fans.
I frowned when she clicked over Kellan's bio. At the bottom of his description there was a photo of him on stage...without a shirt. It was an older photo and I couldn't see any trace of his tattoo, just lean, toned, etched muscle. It was an incredibly hot shot. Whoever had taken it had gotten him running a hand back through his hair as he twisted towards the camera. His head was down, but his eyes were up, looking right at the photographer. With eyes that promised satisfaction, a soft, seductive smile played across his lips. I was fairly certain that the person who'd captured this moment, had gotten a very private performance later.
Wondering if these were Rachel's personal pictures, I crossed my arms over my chest. "Why's Kellan the only one half nak*d?" Glancing over the photos of the other boys, all of them dressed normally, I frowned a little deeper.
Rachel looked back at me, her cheeks flushing. "Matt gave me these pictures. He's been collecting them from fans over the years." She pointed at Kellan's body, then clicked back to the homepage, where I finally noticed that his mostly bare image had also been seamlessly blended into a good chunk of the wallpaper. Shaking her head as she shifted her gaze from the screen back to me, she quietly said, "Matt told me to work with what they've got...to play up their best features."
Shrinking away from my gaze, she muttered, "Kellan's body is...one of their best features, even I'll admit that."
Sighing, I shook my head and rolled my eyes. Denny stood up and walked over to look at the screen. Chuckling a little, he nodded. "She has a point." Glancing over at me, he raised an eyebrow. "Marketing-wise, it's a solid strategy...sex sells."
Hating that the "sex" being sold revolved around my boyfriend, and sort of hating that my ex was the one defending it, I blurted to Rachel, "You said people were sending you stuff? What stuff?"
Rachel sat up straight and clapped her hands. "Oh, I'm so excited to show you this part." Giggling, maybe glad that I wasn't going to go off on her or anything, she headed over to a section entitled "Videos." I scrunched my face, confused. The band hadn't made any videos. At least, none that I'd seen.
Running past a few, she settled on a thumbnail of the boys on stage. As she started playing the video, I laughed a little. It definitely wasn't a professionally done video, more like something a fan had created on their cell phone. Slightly wobbly and almost overpowered by the sound of screaming nearby, it looked to be taken from a recent show. Rachel confirmed that when she said that the footage was dated a couple of weeks ago.
Jenny giggled and leaned in, her eyes focused on her man in the back banging away on his drums. Rachel sighed happily as she watched Matt stringing through his guitar so fast that you could barely register his fingers moving. And my eyes were glued on Kellan. It seemed a lifetime ago that I'd watched him perform onstage. Truly, it had only been three months, halfway through our allotted separation, but it seemed much, much longer.
Leaning back on a hip, I sighed again, but contently this time. Wherever this had been filmed, Kellan commanded the stage with his presence. Just like when he did it here, on our comparatively smaller stage, he seemed completely comfortable, perfectly at home. It was still miraculous to me.
Not thinking about what I was doing, I leaned into Denny's side. He straightened, and took a half-step away from me. I muttered sorry, but he wasn't looking at me, his eyes were glued on Kellan too. I had no idea how he felt, watching the man he'd lost me to, thriving in his chosen profession.
Pushing it from my head, I turned back to Kellan strutting across the stage, belting out lyrics as he interacted with the crowd-reaching out for them or playfully holding a hand to his ear. I swear he even winked at a couple of people. I tried to ignore the twinge in my stomach.
When the song ended, I wanted to clap along with the crowd. They'd all done so great, not that I'd really been concerned that they wouldn't-the guys always did great-but it was nice to see that the constant traveling, and the tiredness that can come with it, hadn't hampered their talent at all.
Just when I started to ask Rachel how many more videos there were, and if I could borrow her computer over my dinner break, the cell camera focused on Kellan. I stopped talking, staring at the image of him, so close, yet so far away. Smiling to the crowd, he thanked them all, bowed and then blew out a kiss. He twisted to head off the stage and the fan recording the footage followed his progress. Apparently the fan found Kellan the most appealing one to watch.
Just as Kellan started to round a corner that must have led to a behind the scenes area, a woman darted out from around the corner first.
She startled me, showing up on the screen like that, but Kellan didn't react to her appearance at all. Like he knew she'd be there. He only smiled at her, his grin a breathtaking one. As I felt all of the blood draining from my body, I watched Kellan playfully grab both of her elbows. Shaking his head, his face still showing nothing but joy, he animatedly said something to her.