After Math was lunch. I sat at my desk and pretended to flip through the math book, like I was horribly interested in the subject. I wasn't. I just wanted the entire room to clear out before I bailed. I wasn't planning on heading to the cafeteria with the rest of them. I wasn't sure where I was going to go, but doing a perp walk through that room wasn't something I wanted to partake in.
Unfortunately, my feigned interest in mathematics led to Mrs. Chambers coming up to me and chatting my ear off about it. She seemed oblivious of the whispers and rumors around me as the other students left the classroom, the jocks giving me a final glare before they left with their real teacher, the straight 'A' student who clearly worshipped them. With her energetic personality, it was hard to gauge what Mrs. Chambers thought about me, and about the wreck. That didn't have anything to do with math so she didn't discuss it, but she did go into an exceedingly long lecture on the infinitely surprising ways trigonometry can be applied to everyday life.
I think she would have chatted with me for the entire lunch period, except for the fact that Sawyer smoothly interjected herself and politely excused the both of us. Mrs. Chambers seemed reluctant to let her potential protege go (I probably feigned my interest a little too well, what with the nodding and agreeing with her at every possible opportunity), but eventually the peppy woman backed off and Sawyer and I left the now completely empty classroom.
"Thanks," I muttered as we walked down the cleared out hall.
She grinned over at me. "Not a problem. I didn't realize you were such a nerd." She grinned even wider at me.
I matched her wide grin as I looked over her pale, gray eyes and shockingly dark hair. "That's me...total dork."
I adjusted my 'getting heavy' backpack and shoved my hands in my jeans pockets. Sawyer slung her arm through the hole along my side that I'd created by pushing my fingers in my denims, and walked close by my side. It was sort of an intimate move and instantly memories of walking down these very halls with Lil that way assaulted me. I remembered her pale, blue eyes looking up to my hazel ones as she'd leaned her head on my shoulder. "What do you want to do for lunch? We could eat with Darren and Sammy...or..." she bit her peach stained lip and raised her eyebrows suggestively, "we could try making out in the closet again?" She laughed huskily and squeezed me tight. "Maybe we won't get interrupted by another couple this time?"
I shut my eyes and stopped walking. I jerked my body away from Sawyer, knowing I was being rude, but needing the memory of Lillian to leave me. Not yet...it hurt too much. I felt my eyes well up and my breath quicken. God, calm down. I should be able to think of her. Can't I at least think of her?
"Luc?"
For a moment the vision was still so strong, that I heard Lil's voice again and not Sawyer's. I pushed that feeling back, along with those stubborn tears, and forced my eyes open. Sawyer was watery in my vision and I knew that for the second time today, I was about to lose some tears in front of her. She had such a hurt and compassionate look on her face that I felt my body relaxing and my breath returning. I concentrated on the things about her that were nothing like Lil, nothing like anyone who could stoke a memory in me - the slope of her nose, the angle of her chin, the slight almond shaping of her eyes that hinted at some Asian heritage, somewhere deep in her blood.
Focusing on her uniqueness shut my mind off, and I gave her a slight smile as her lips turned to a slight frown. "Sorry," I muttered as I resumed walking. She waited a couple steps and then she met up with me, her head down, her hands now in my letterman's jacket that she was wearing. I wondered for a moment if she'd read too much into me giving her that jacket yesterday. Maybe she thought we were a couple now? If so, my rejection just now had probably hurt her feelings. I suppose I did owe her an explanation. I looked over at where she was studying the ground while we walked.
"It's not you, Sawyer." She looked up at me with her brows scrunched together. I nodded my head back to where I had my latest freak-out. "Lil and I used to..." my voice choked up and I had to clear it to keep talking, "we used to be like that and for a moment, I remembered how it was with her and I just can't..." I closed my eyes and swallowed roughly. I felt Sawyer's hand on my arm and opened my eyes. We reached the stairs and I stopped on the top one. "I'm sorry if I have to push you away sometimes. I'm just not ready to...be that close to someone...right now."
God, I hoped she wasn't offended by that.
She didn't appear to be. Her cheeks flushed and a look of understanding seemed to hit her. She looked back down the hallway at where we'd been and then back to me. "I'm sorry, Lucas. I wasn't trying to..." She shrugged and looked a little embarrassed. "I'm not trying to... I'm just really comfortable with you. But I know you're going through something awful and probably don't feel the same way about me..."
I smirked and cocked my head. "You have no idea, Sawyer...none. I don't think I'd have lasted twenty minutes today if it weren't for you." I shook my head. "If you only knew how much...peace I find with you."
She smiled genuinely after I said that, but then she twisted her lips. "I'm not trying to replace her, Luc. I just want to be your friend."
I looked at her for a long time and a comfortable silence built between us. Finally, I whispered, "You are my friend...you're the only one I've got." I may have only known her a day, but the truth of that sentence rang through every part of me.
Her eyes watered and she stepped towards me uncertainly, like she wanted to hug me, but wasn't sure if that was okay. I closed the distance for her, bringing my arms around her as platonically as I could. We both sighed at the comfort that brought us and after a moment we pulled apart and continued our walk out of the building, to who knows where.
We ended up eating our lunch in her Camaro in the parking lot. It was perfect. She'd parked on the edge of the lot and the very few people we saw, didn't come out that far to bother us. She flipped the switch on her car and turned the radio on to a sixties rock station. I relaxed back in the seat and grabbed my lunch out of my backpack; sometime in my haze last night, I'd made one. When Sawyer didn't appear to have anything but an apple in her bag, I gave her half my sandwich and a bag of pretzels. She smiled apologetically, but didn't refuse my offer, and we finished out the lunch period in the confined comfort of her vehicle.
When the clock on her dash showed that our free time was up, we headed back out to the campus, to finish up our day. Sawyer made her way to her fifth period computer class, where she planned on killing time on the internet whenever she could. I grinned at her as we parted ways. I had Astronomy, in the squat, rectangular building that also housed the Science classes. As I walked along the sidewalk under the overhang, I remembered that this was my class with Sammy and Lil. They would have sat side by side in front of me, gossiping about the latest celebrity foible or fashion faux-pas. I smiled as I pictured Sammy's reddish hair brushing against Lil's pale hair. I pictured Lil turning in her seat to look at me and wink and felt my heart seize. Swallowing, I banished the vision I wasn't ready to have yet, and walked up to the outside door that led to my class.
Tugging on the heavy door, my eyes immediately spotted Josh when I opened it. His eyes also immediately locked onto mine and narrowed in anger, a state he seemed to permanently reside in. He sat next to some cheerleaders and Randy from the football team. He looked back at Randy and whispered something and Randy glanced up at me entering the room and scowled. Great.
Keeping my head down, I made my way to an empty seat in the back, on the other end of the small room from them. Unfortunately, Josh had other ideas. He walked across the room to stand right in front of me. I counted to three as he stood there, fists clenched at his sides. The teacher was at the front of the room, writing something on the board as kids filtered through the door, so I figured Josh wasn't going to try and slug me. Taking a deep breath, I looked up at him.
"What, Josh?" I said quietly.
His jaw clenched before it relaxed slightly. "I got detention because of you, dickwad." I wondered how him slamming me against a locker was my fault, but didn't say anything. He leaned in close at my silence. "I finally made varsity this year. If you get me kicked off the team, I'll...I'll..." He searched my face as he searched for words.
"You'll what, Josh? Kill me?" My lip curled in a tired smile.
His face went red all over as he stared at me in a sudden rage. I turned my head to stare straight ahead of me as I felt eyes in the room watching our every move. I was sure more than a few of those eyes were willing Josh to finally hit me. In a weird way, I sort of wanted Josh to hit me again. Maybe it would get it out of his system this time, if he did it in front of so many people, and maybe then our relationship could...well, at least not be so antagonistic. The teacher cleared his throat as the bell rang and out of the corner of my eye, I saw Josh flinch a little at the unexpected sound.
Josh looked around at the sound of students sitting. He turned back to me and looked me up and down. "This isn't over, Lucas."
I sighed as he walked back to his seat. "I didn't think it was, Josh."
He shot me a glare once he sat back down with Randy and I wondered if he'd heard me. I shook my head and thought that Darren would get a kick out of his brother so worked up over me. Darren and I got along pretty well, for the most part, but we'd certainly had our disagreements before. He'd actually slugged me once, when he'd thought I'd hit on Sammy.
Someone in school had started the rumor that we'd been kissing in the library and he'd immediately punched me the next time he saw me. That had thrown me, especially since the rumor was completely not true, and I hadn't even heard it yet. I'd been walking with Sammy at the time and she'd wailed on Darren after he'd swung at me. She'd started laughing once he confessed why he'd done it and then they'd spent five minutes sucking face while I rubbed my sore jaw. Darren had apologized for slugging me and I'd accepted his apology...by slugging him right back. Eye for an eye, right?
As class began, I smiled over the memory of Darren's shocked face that had quickly turned into an amused one. We'd play fought after that for fifteen minutes while Sammy laughed at the both of us. I'm pretty sure the words, "you guys are morons" crossed her lips at some point. I never did find out who'd started that little rumor. I'm sure whoever it was, was probably having a field day with me now.
The class went by at a quick pace. I actually found the subject fascinating and found myself paying attention, instead of the normal daydreaming about my long gone friends that I had been doing so much of today. All too soon, I found the bell ringing and our teacher, a shriveled older man named Mr. Thomson, whose balding hair was matched with thick rimmed glasses, making him the epitome of a Science nerd, gestured some sort of goodbye with his hand and turned back to the board, erasing his drawings for the next class. I waited for Josh to leave before I stood. He gave me a glare that I was sort of getting used to from him, and then he ducked out the door with Randy and one of the blonde cheerleaders.
I stood and picked up my bag before making my way to the exit. Josh luckily wasn't outside waiting for me, as I sort of expected him to be, and aside from a few stares, I made my way to my final class in peace. That class was again going to be the four of us. It was going to be our goof off class before Darren and I went to football practice and the girls went to volleyball practice. Art. It was located in what almost looked like a shack, opposite the back door to the gym. I ducked into the class and found that people were already starting to draw or doodle on paper and weren't paying any attention to me whatsoever. I smiled briefly as I found a seat.