I didn't say anything to his comment and he eventually sighed again and stood up. "Well, have fun tonight, Lucas." He started to walk away but then turned back to me. "And stay sober."
Okay, that wasn't what he said. He'd said, "And be careful", but that's what I'd heard. I nodded and stared down at the crumpled up napkin in front of me.
I looked up when I felt a hand on my arm. Sawyer stood by my side, concern on her face. Not wanting to see that look on her anymore tonight, I smiled and stood up, wrapping my arm around her waist. The velvet slid under my fingertips as my hand came to rest on her hipbone. I tried to ignore how much I liked that, as I cheerily said, "Ready to dance?" She grinned and nodded, and with quick goodbye hugs to my mom, who looked about to cry, we made our way back to her car. I helped her in again, avoiding looking at that enticing slit up the middle of her dress, and then we were off for a night of...fun.
I took a deep breath as we pulled into the familiar, but foreign parking lot. I hadn't been here at night in so many months, that I'd almost forgotten how different it could look. The oversized florescent lights spaced sporadically around the lot, lit it in an odd purplish-pinkish wash of color. The edges of the lot stayed pitch black and I knew in the daytime, an empty field surrounded the lot on one side. In the darkness though, all you could see was a sea of nothingness encroaching on the lot, almost as if, at any moment, that inky night would extend its reach and swallow the high school whole.
I rolled my eyes and turned my head away from the dark boundaries of the lot as Sawyer picked a parking space directly under a pink light. That may be a little over the top of a description. I guess I'm a little nervous. As I stared out the window at the fancily dressed people walking arm in arm to the large, square-like lump of a building that the gymnasium was enclosed in, I realized I wasn't a little nervous, I was bordering on terrified.
A light touch on my arm brought my attention to Sawyer. She was relaxed back in her seat watching me with a small smile on her lips. Her hand lightly stroked my arm as she softly spoke to me. "It will be okay, Lucas. We'll have fun." She looked out the windshield to glance at the dressed up couples then swung her eyes back to me. "Just ignore them and focus on me." Her hand reached up to cup my cheek. "Tonight is about you and me." Her voice was nearly a whisper when she said that and my heart started beating faster for a completely different reason.
I gave her a tiny smile and nodded. She was right. This was something she really wanted and I really wanted to give that to her. What the rest of the world thought...was irrelevant. Sawyer was all that mattered tonight. I owed her a good time. I owed her a lot.
I gave her a look that clearly said 'please let me pretend you need my help' and opened my door. Getting out, I watched her watch me from the window, that small, satisfied smile still on her lips. I opened her door and extended a hand out to her. She giggled as she let me help her up again.
It was chilly outside and neither one of us had opted for coats, so we hightailed it to the gym. Well, as fast as Sawyer could hightail it in that dress and those heels. We approached the front doors with a crowd of people and I felt Sawyer's hand tighten in mine. I looked over at her, but her face showed no strain. If she were nervous for any reason, I couldn't tell.
We heard the thump of the music before our feet had even crossed over the doorframe. It was loud pop, some sort of top forty hit that must have sprung up over the summer, since I'd never heard it. I hadn't done a lot of music listening in the past few months. Sawyer beside me was humming along, so at least one of us was keeping current.
We checked in at a small table set up near the doors. Oddly, it was being run by purity club members. They had buttons and flyers for people to take and were telling everyone to have a safe night. That was met with a lot of eye rolling and grunts of acknowledgement, but it didn't dampen the member's spirits. I think a general sense of gloom only spread over the three perky people behind the table when Sawyer and I walked up to it.
Sally happened to be the one checking us in and she gave me a discerning look that was just as obvious to me as the sheriff's had been. Some rebelling part of me wanted to start acting drunk, but I didn't. I stood straight and calmly met her eye. I tried to remember that this girl was Sawyer's friend and was only looking out for her friend's best interests. I also was looking out for Sawyer's best interests, so I sort of felt bonded with Sally...even if she didn't approve of me.
She finally nodded us off, telling Sawyer she was gorgeous and wishing us both a "safe" night. She emphasized safe more than she had for any of the other couples and I felt my cheeks heat. Honestly, did these people think that I'd walk into the gym messed up...again? I already had one strike; I had no desire to get kicked out of here.
The obligatory photo op was setup across from the check-in table and Sawyer squealed with delight when she saw it. I smiled at her response and pulled her over there. We stood in line behind a couple that was obviously practicing for where their night was predictably headed. There was deep throat kissing and ass grabbing and general sounds of moaning. It made me really uncomfortable to watch them and I was grateful when it was their turn. When they stepped up to the fake flower arrangement in front of a bland black and white background, Sawyer leaned into me and whispered, "Do you think they like each other?"
I looked down at her and chuckled, while ass-grabby couple got their love cemented in an 8x10 glossy. I laughed out loud when I saw that the guy was indeed cupping that ass throughout the entire photo session. Even though the couple were freshmen, I was suddenly reminded of Darren and Sammy and stopped laughing, looking away.
Sawyer tugged on my arm when it was our turn. Now, I may have been overly sensitive to the mood of the people around me at this point, but I swear it got pin-droppingly silent when we posed beside our flower potted pedestal. I knew that wasn't actually possible with the loud, thumping music coming from the open room next door, but it felt like every human within a twenty foot radius of us stopped breathing. I know I did.
Sawyer nudged me in the ribs. "Hey, relax. You're gonna break my hand."
I startled when I realized how hard I was gripping her. I met and held her eye, letting the comfort I found there wash over me, easing the tension in my hand and my body. I heard the click and saw the bright flash of light and Sawyer and I both turned to the photographer.
"That was perfect," he said merrily, ushering us aside for the next couple.
"But we weren't even looking at you?" I asked, feeling a little stupid.
He grinned and shook his head. "Trust me, kid, it's perfect."
Sawyer bit her lip and a flush crept over her face. She smiled up at me and nodded her head to the ordering table. I shrugged my shoulders and followed her. If that was fine with her, then I guess I had no complaints. After I got a packet ordered for her, we made our way to the main gym where I could see the twirling lights and gyrating bodies.
As we fully stepped into the room, I couldn't help but notice how similar it was to my dream version of it, the night I'd finally told Lillian I loved her. Aside from the swarm of bodies, it was so similar, that I nearly expected Lillian to walk up to me and ask for a dance. My heart squeezed as I took it all in - the crepe paper, the plastered with glitter snowflakes, the blue and white balloon arches and the stray balloons that had floated up to the high ceiling, the suspended disco ball throwing sparks of light everywhere.
"Oh, Lil..." I muttered as I looked around, wishing she were here.
"What, Luc?"
I looked down at Sawyer beaming up at me. Guilt forced me to shove aside the painful thoughts I was starting to wallow in. I threw on a smile and shook my head. "Nothing," I attempted to say lightheartedly. She frowned, but then I slipped my arm around her waist and pulled her into my side and she smiled again, resting a hand on my chest as she twisted in my arms. It was closer than we generally were with each other, especially in a crowd this size, but her dress and body pressed against me was sweeping all negative thoughts from my mind and I clung to that, desperate to make this night memorable for her.
We moved to a less crowded spot and slunk back into the shadows to people watch for a bit. It was dark where we were and not too many people glanced our way. Eventually, she laid her head on my shoulder and I felt her sigh contently. I rested my head against hers and enjoyed her warmth. A few eyes passing close did some double takes, and I knew that before long, everyone would know we were here. It didn't matter. Aside from dancing and talking and hopefully laughing, Sawyer and I weren't going to be giving them a show.
As the music thumped around us and the swarm before us grew in size, encroaching on our peaceful spot and forcing us farther back into the shadows, I started to relax. My thumb lazily drew a large circle over the soft velvet covering Sawyer's hip and her fingernails started lightly stroking back and forth along the fabric of my shirt. It was perfect. It was peaceful. And for the first time since Mrs. Ryans had suggested the idea, I started to think us being here was a great one.
Then Sawyer's hand shifted from lightly running over my chest to lightly running over my stomach. Her head was still resting on my shoulder and I was pretty sure she was absentmindedly watching the people before us dance, maybe not even fully aware she'd moved her hand, but I was.
Her pinky lightly grazed over the button on my slacks and I closed my eyes. It felt really nice. I remembered those hands running up my bare skin and my hand tightened and squeezed her hip. The continual movement of her hand was making a wonderful tension start in my stomach and I kept my eyes closed, focusing solely on where she was touching me.
Her hand dropped fractionally, subconsciously, and one finger barely touched the top of my zipper. I groaned as my body instantly, and not subtly, responded.
Chapter 17
No Big Deal
I immediately stepped back from her, breaking all of our contact. She startled as she looked back at me and I threw on a tight smile. She frowned as she tilted her head. Great. I didn't know how to explain that she was turning me on without embarrassing us both, and possibly doing that misleading thing that I was so good at. I mentally cursed my stupid, hormone driven body and wished that, just for one night, I could shut off that part of me. Sometimes being a seventeen year old guy was a pain in the ass.
Not knowing what else to do, I extended my hand out to her and nodded my head to the dance floor. It was packed, but the song was fast, so we wouldn't actually have to touch each other too much. And right now, at least until I could calm down a little bit, I needed space.
Her face brightened as she nodded her head, her loose curls bouncing along her shoulders. She reached over for my hand and my eyes drifted down to the v-neck of her dress. It plunged deeper than anything I'd seen her wear before and the top of her cl**vage showed. There was more than I'd imagined on her, and my already buzzing body replayed the memory of my fingers running over those br**sts, feeling the soft firmness as I cupped them through her bra, feeling the rigidness of her n**ples as my thumbs passed over the peaks...
Oh good, god!
I closed my eyes for a second, breaking my inappropriate focus and pulled her out to the dance floor. We'd be more exposed to gossipers out here, but at the moment I'd rather have that kind of exposure than the kind my body was starting to make. I could hide in the light splotched crowd until my blood flow returned to normal.