I leaned over and clenched my stomach, my breath embarrassingly fast, nearly out of control. I was having a panic attack in the middle of the dance, a dance where people were already watching my every move. But my breathing was really the least of my problems. My stomach clenched with a terrible familiarity as Lil's face clouded my eyes.
I looked around, knowing I didn't have much time. Sawyer's wide eyes caught mine for a second and she put her hand on my back, asking what was wrong. I couldn't answer her. I couldn't even speak because my stomach was in my throat, closing off speech. Unfortunately, it wasn't going to stay there.
A wastebasket on one side of the punch bowl table drew all of my attention and I darted over to it, leaving Sawyer a few paces behind me. With both hands on the edges, I leaned over and nosily lost my stomach, that vile liquid leaving my system in not one, but three short heaves.
I panted over the edge of the basket, feeling my stomach descend to its normal level. The sound of laughter hit me over the music. I closed my eyes and felt my cheeks heat. Throwing up in the middle of the gym was not exactly the best way to stay inconspicuous. Embarrassment flooded me and regardless of wanting to give Sawyer a good time, I suddenly wanted to be gone. Maybe trying to rejoin the world hadn't been the best idea after all.
I felt Sawyer's hands lightly rubbing my back as she leaned over to ask if I was alright. I nodded, still able to hear chuckling going on around me. The can reeked of alcohol now, and leaning over it was going to make me lose it again, so reluctantly, I straightened and faced the music, so to speak. I turned, wiping my mouth with my sleeve, and was met by Sawyer's concerned gray eyes. She ran a hand across my cheek then put the back of her hand against my forehead, like she was checking to see if I was sick.
I shook my head and muttered I was fine then glanced behind her at the packed gym floor. Several sets of eyes were staring our way, some leaned over in conversation with their partners, others outright laughing. Two individuals that were cracking up louder than was really necessary, caught my attention. Josh and Will were on the edge of the floor, just a few steps away from me, standing together and holding their stomachs they were howling so hard.
Josh got himself under enough control to give me a twisted sneer, and I had the feeling he was either responsible for the punch bowl or had known about it. Either way, he was enjoying my embarrassing reaction. I glanced around the room, full of people that I didn't even feel like I knew anymore, and turned away, needing out of there.
Sawyer grabbed my arm as I twisted away from her. "Where are you going?"
I glanced around at the masses, their residual laughter still echoing loudly in my ears. "I need...quiet."
She nodded, understanding, and grabbed my hand, leading me from the room. She led me through a set of open doors into the hallway. The bathrooms were on one end of it and a swarm of students were down there. She pulled us to the other end where the coach's office was. No one was in that end and it was peacefully quiet. The hallway turned into a short T, with the guy's locker room on one side and the girl's on the other. We stopped as we rounded the corner, to the short side of the T by the girl's locker room. I leaned back against the wall and closed my eyes, wanting to be back at home.
A warm hand came up to cup my cheek and I nearly sighed out loud from the comfort in that touch. "You alright, Luc? What happened?"
I cracked open my eyes, not sure how to explain my latest meltdown. Sawyer's held a depth of emotion in them that made it hard to think clearly. I wanted to confess everything to her. I wanted to tell her everything in my heart and in my soul, but fear locked my throat up. Talking about that night was so hard.
"Luc," she whispered. "You can talk to me."
A corner of my lip lifted at my words coming back to me. Guilt washed through me. She'd confessed something really hard for her to talk about tonight...I should do the same. Maybe once we got past that hurdle, everything else between us could be talked about.
"I remember everything...from that night. Every horrid, intricate detail. I wish I could forget." My throat threatened to seize up on me and my heart started racing again. She only stared at me expectantly though, and I flushed, realizing that I'd never actually said that out loud. I looked down and stammered a few times while she stepped closer, resting her hands on my chest.
"It was the punch. Josh, or someone, spiked it and it reminded me...it reminded me of..." My voice trailed off, my throat closing.
"It reminded you of that night...the night of the crash?"
I looked up at her, my face softening with relief that she understood. "Yes," I whispered. "I just couldn't take it. I couldn't stop the memories of the wreck from coming, and I hate thinking about what happened..." I stared at her, my face paling as I wondered if I'd just said that out loud. Apparently I had.
Her hand came back to my cheek, her eyes darting between mine. "Do you...remember, Lucas?" she whispered.
My mouth fell open and I wanted to scream "yes". Instead, I floundered for any syllables.
"Holy crap! You did show up."
Sawyer and I turned our heads, to look at the voice encroaching on our privacy. It belonged to Brittany, who was sauntering out of the girl's locker room, alone, and stumbling a bit, like she'd had a few cups of the punch. Her honey hair was twisted into a perfectly put together mass of cascading curls and her dress was short and tight. She looked like a million bucks, but I wouldn't have gone near her if you'd given me two.
"Leave us alone, Brittany," I muttered, my voice cracking as emotions surged through me.
She gave me a sneer as she walked up to me, ignoring Sawyer standing in front of me. "You think you're so great," she slurred as she stepped into Sawyer, causing her to back up a step. Sawyer's face flushed as she glared at Brittany.
Trying to move away from where Brittany was now trapping me against the wall, I muttered, "What are you talking about?"
She put both hands on either side of my body, leaning into me. I instinctively pressed against the wall to get away. "The locker room is empty. We could finally get this...tension between us over with."
I flicked a glance at Sawyer, her face darkened dramatically and her hands clenched into fists. Not wanting a fight, I gently pushed Brittany away from me. "What do you want with me, Brittany? I don't get you."
She stepped back and crossed her arms over her chest. Sawyer beside me relaxed her stance and I thought maybe I'd averted World War III. Brittany gave me a condescending look as her eyes swept the length of me. "You...all those years you acted like you were so much better than me."
I tilted my head, not understanding. Besides our make out session, I'd barely noticed her. I certainly had never looked down upon her. I just had had other things come up, especially when Lil and I got together. "What are you talking about?"
She stepped up to me again. "You know exactly what I'm talking about. You were all over me...hot to trot, and then you got all sanctimonious and wouldn't even touch me, like I was beneath you or something." Her lip twisted in a sneer. "Mr. High-and-Mighty quarterback and his Barbie doll prom queen." She scoffed at me. "Like you didn't want to f**k me." Her lips curved into seductiveness.
I rolled my eyes and sidestepped away from her, closer to Sawyer who was listening intently. "I didn't ever want to...fuck you, Brittany. Not even close."
She snorted derisively. "Whatever, Lucas. I remember what you were like and I'm sorry but..." she ran a hand down my chest and I pulled away, "the way your hands ran up and down my bare body," she flicked a glance at Sawyer and I suddenly realized with a surge of annoyance why she was bringing this up, "the way your tongue probed my mouth - you wanted me."
I pushed her back roughly, angry that she was trying to hurt Sawyer by bringing up something that hadn't really meant anything to either one of us. She stumbled at the sudden move and I thought she might fall, but she righted herself at the last moment.
"If I'd wanted you...I'd of taken you. God knows it wouldn't have been hard...half the team did."
Her face paled as she truly did glare at me. With a hardness in her voice, she raised her chin and said, "You can't talk to me like that. You're not a god around here anymore." She laughed once with no trace of humor in it. "You had it all, but now, well, you've sunk all the way to the bottom of the social barrel. Hell, you're underneath the barrel, and I find that very..." she smiled in a not pleasant way, "...satisfying."
I grabbed Sawyer's hand, ready to leave Brittany's vitriol. In my irritation, I couldn't help but snap back, "And yet, you're still trying to get me to screw you."
She sniffed haughtily, stumbling a bit where she stood. I momentarily considered turning her in for being drunk on school property, but immediately discarded it. Regardless of what she'd do to me if the roles were reversed, I wasn't going to start turning people in out of spite. Just as I pulled Sawyer's hand to leave the hallway, Brittany angrily brushed by me, bumping my shoulder in the process.
I turned to watch her leave and she paused at the corner to the main hallway, one hand steadying her on the wall. She looked back at me, that suggestive smile back on her lips. "Even I don't mind dumpster diving every once and awhile, Luc." Her eyes lingered down my body before flicking to Sawyer. Then with a throaty laugh, she disappeared down the hall, presumably to rejoin the dance.
I rolled my eyes and shook my head, turning over my shoulder to look at Sawyer. I had an apology for Brittany's comments ready on my lips, but the look on Sawyer's face caused them to completely evaporate. Her face was pale white and her eyes were starting to water. She stared at the spot Brittany had just left us from and chewed on her lip.
"Sawyer?" I said quietly, suddenly very nervous, but wanting to know what she was thinking. I stepped in front of her line of sight and she blinked and looked up into my eyes.
I was just about to ask her if she was okay, when she spoke in a shaky voice. "Did you...date her?"
I exhaled slowly, hating Brittany for so callously bringing up that brief, pointless encounter. Trying to exude nonchalance, I said, "No. We just made out once." I shrugged in what I hoped was a casual manner and added, "It didn't mean anything."
Her eyes widened and her mouth fell open a little bit. Her cheeks regained some color as her eyes narrowed at me. "Didn't mean anything? Do you know how much crap she gives me because of you?" I cringed and started to apologize, but she cut me off. "With how she torments me, it obviously did mean something, at least to her. Why didn't you tell me you had a history with her? No wonder she hates me, Lucas."
She shook her head and if I didn't know any better, I'd swear a flash of jealousy went through her face. But that couldn't be, she was so vastly different to me than that sour woman. She couldn't possibly be jealous of that meaningless encounter when we had so much...of something.
I shook my head and put my hands on her shoulders. "No, really, it was nothing. I don't know why she's latched on to you...or me. I think it all goes back to Lil really. She just hates to lose, and I really didn't pay much attention to her, especially once Lil and I started dating." I felt like I wasn't doing a very good job of explaining and my hands moved up to her cheeks, almost begging her to understand how little Brittany meant to me. "But it was nothing, Sawyer, just two kids messing around. It was no big deal."