Still confused, I scrunched my brow and swept my hands over her face, not wanting her to feel anything but happy, like me. Seeing my face, she sighed and rolled her eyes, a slight laugh escaping her. "Sorry, I'm totally being a girl right now."
"Sawyer?"
She brought her hands to my cheeks, soothing my fears with a warm smile. "I'm sorry. It's just...with everything we've both gone through..." She sighed and searched my face, new tears moistening her eyes. "This is overwhelming, what I feel for you...and sometimes..." Her voice warbled, but she swallowed and steadied herself. With a clearer voice she said, "Sometimes, I can't believe we made it here...together."
I sighed and rested my head on hers. "I know exactly what you mean," I whispered, rocking my head against hers and kissing her tenderly for a few minutes, enjoying seeing her as overwhelmed as I sometimes felt.
When I pulled away, she bit her lip. "I have a confession." I cocked an eyebrow at her. She grinned devilishly before answering me. "While that was...amazing, Lucas, sex really wasn't why I wanted to stay with you tonight."
I lifted my head and shifted to her side. She twisted to face me, her legs entangling with mine. "No?" I said distractedly, as I ran my fingers through her hair.
She bit her lip again and shook her head, her eyes darting down to my chest, before lifting to meet mine again. "No." Her hand came up to cup my cheek, stroking soft circles into my skin. "I wanted to make sure you were okay tonight...in case it was difficult for you. In case you had a dream."
I stopped stroking her hair as I started understanding what she meant. She'd planned on staying with me tonight, because it was the one year anniversary of my friends' deaths. She was worried I'd have a nightmare and wake up screaming...alone. And she didn't want me to be alone; she never wanted me to be alone. I sighed and lightly shook my head, amazed at her compassion. I leaned in to lightly kiss her.
"I'll be fine, Sawyer." Resting my head against hers, I whispered, "But I am glad you're here." I hadn't dreamt of them in so long, that I was pretty sure I wouldn't tonight. But...you never know.
I pulled her tight to me, reveling in the lemony scent of her hair as my face buried into her shoulder. Her arms came up to rub random patterns into my back and I felt exhaustion start to take me over. I whispered how much I loved her, and then gave into it.
I gradually became aware that I was back at school. I was in the first floor hallway of the main building. I looked around the empty space, and all I saw was locker upon locker. Some were closed, some were open; papers and books spilling out of them to the floor. Some posters taped on the wall were torn and battered - one from the Safe and Sound club, wishing all the kids a "safe" summer, had been suspended over the archway leading outside, but was now ripped in two, the loose pieces hanging around the doorframe like paper curtains.
The floor of the hall was littered with stray pieces of paper, streamers, tassels from graduation caps and scores of commencement ceremony pamphlets. It was like the entire student body had ripped out of here after graduation, littering and messing up the place in their joy of school being over, if only for the summer, for those not leaving these halls for good. The janitors were gonna be pissed.
Laughter from the opposite end of the hall got my attention, and I turned to look. A wide smile broke out on my face as I watched Darren, Sammy and Lillian materialize and start to walk towards me. They were all wearing their caps and gowns, scrolled diplomas held tightly in Sammy and Lillian's hands. Darren, walking in the middle of the girls, was tightly holding their free hands as they all three looked at each other with bright, smiling faces.
As one, they turned their heads to stare at me. Every face was calm and peaceful. Every set of eyes was warm and loving. Mine misted over at seeing them again. It had been months. Darren nodded at me, a warm grin on his face, his dark eyes glowing with the life I knew they didn't really have anymore. His dark hair, stuck out every which way, as untamable as himself.
On his right, Sammy beamed with a bright smile. Her auburn hair seemed to find every ray of light in the room and glowed like an autumn sunset. Her golden eyes regarded mine with a slight hint of moisture, and she nodded as well. After acknowledging her greeting, my eyes shifted to Darren's left, to the first love of my life.
She gleamed as golden as the sun. Her pale hair was nearly painful to look at, and her eyes were a bright blue, as perfect as a cloudless spring day. Her smile was brilliant as she gazed at me. My breath caught at seeing it. Even long deceased, her beauty still tore my heart.
"Hello, Lucas." Her voice, so long gone from my ears, closed up my throat and I shut my eyes, absorbing that sound forever.
After long seconds, I reopened them. They had all stepped closer to me during my silence and were standing in a small circle around me. Each one reached out to touch a part of me; Sammy on the side of me, touched a shoulder, Darren on the other side of me, touched my other shoulder, and Lillian directly in front of me, reached up to touch my chest. I inhaled at the warmth and peace in their physical contact. Much like before, they felt completely real.
I smiled at each one in turn, my eyes lingering on Lillian last. "I never thought I'd see you again," I said, when I could finally speak.
Lillian's eyes watered and a slight frown marred her features. "We never meant to push you over the edge, Lucas" She shook her head, her pale hair under her graduation cap brushing over her shoulders. "We only wanted to help."
I felt Darren's hand on my shoulder tighten and I twisted to look at him. "Yeah, we're sorry about being...harsh."
I shook my head at them all. "It's not your fault. What I almost did...that wasn't your fault."
Lillian's hand came up to my cheek, drawing my eyes back to her. "It wasn't your fault either, Luc." I knew what she meant. I knew she was now referring to the accident that had claimed them. I swallowed and felt the tears rise in my eyes. "It was just an accident, Lucas. That's all."
I swallowed again, my throat feeling raw and dry. "I know," I whispered. "I know."
She smiled brilliantly again and I felt my heart fill at seeing the joy on her face. Her hand patted my chest, smoothing out the plain t-shirt I was wearing. "You seem better." She shook her head again. "You don't know how much peace that gives us."
I looked over all of them again, seeing that peace clearly in their features. It was like looking at a mirror image of my soul, which I suppose every meeting with my dream friends had been - a representation of some part of my conscious that had needed to work things out, so I could eventually heal. "I think I understand your peace perfectly." My eyes rested on hers again. "I feel it too."
Almost as if on cue, Lillian and Sammy turned to look at Darren and then took several steps away from me. They leaned back against the lockers and turned to talk to each other, tuning Darren and I out. Their clothes changed to basic jeans and t-shirts and for a moment, they looked exactly like I'd expect to run across them between classes. The sight made me smile.
Darren bumped his fist into my shoulder and I twisted to look at him. He was in regular clothes now too and had a devilish grin on his face. I grinned at seeing it. Looking over his shoulder at Lil, he quickly turned back to me and lowered his voice.
"Hey, good job on the...you know." He raised his eyebrows suggestively and I flushed, knowing he meant the end of my virginal status, that had been an ongoing joke between us.
I slightly shook my head. "Gee, thanks."
He laughed and then a more serious expression took over his face. "You're a man now." He barely got through saying it, before breaking out into more laughter.
"Oh god," I sighed and shook my head, watching an oblivious Lil over his shoulder. I suppose she knew, since they all knew what was in my head. I oddly didn't feel as guilty about that as I would have. I guess I really had moved on. I shifted my focus back to a still laughing Darren. A chuckle finally escaped me as I memorized his gleeful face. "Are you done?"
He clapped my shoulder and sighed contently. "Yeah, I guess so."
As the laughter died between us, his face got serious for real. "She's good for you, you know."
I smiled over at him, knowing exactly who he was talking about. "Yeah, I know." I thought of my physical body, bare, and securely wrapped in Sawyer's warm embrace and sighed contently. "I know."
He glanced over his shoulder at Sammy, who looked over at him and smiled the soft smile that she only ever gave him. He looked back at me, pure contentment on his face. "Don't ever forget it."
I shook my head. "I never could."
He smiled and nodded and then looked down for a moment. When he looked back up, his eyes were moist. "You were my best friend, Lucas." He shook his head, his eyes glistening more. I felt mine glistening in response. "You were my brother." His hand came up to my shoulder. "I love you, Lucas."
I sniffed and nodded. "I love you too, Darren. You were my family."
I gave him a firm hug, clapping him on the back as he clapped me. Pulling apart, he jokingly slugged my shoulder and I laughed. Smiling and stepping back he said, "Thank you...for being there for Josh. I know he can be a dick, but he needs you."
I nodded my head at him and smiled as I watched him walk over to Lil and pick her up in a warm, friendly hug. As I watched Lil giggle and struggle to get away, Sammy was suddenly standing directly in front of me.
"Lucas!" She exuberantly encased me in a hug and laughing at her display, I clenched her back just as warmly. She pulled back, her golden eyes taking me in, just as surely as I was taking her in. "You are still the best," she beamed.
"And so are you, Sammy." I shook my head, regarding my beautiful sister, by friendship, if not by blood. "I don't know if I ever told you, but you were the sunshine in my day. You made everyone around you happier, just be being there." I let out a soft sigh. "You have no idea how much I miss that."
She grinned and tilted her head. "Right back at you, Lucas."
I shook my head at her comment and looked over her shoulder to Darren, talking with Lil. Sammy turned and followed my gaze. "Be good to him, he needs you."
She smiled at my words and turned back to me. "I know...I need him too." She leaned forward and gave me a soft kiss on the cheek. "I love you, Lucas."
I swallowed back the emotion in my throat and gave her a swift hug. "I love you too, Sammy."
She turned from my grasp and walked across the hall to Darren. He gave her a dazzling smile as he slung his arms around her waist and drew her into him. He bent down to kiss her and I smiled at seeing the love they had shared so easily in life. I hoped that wherever they had gone, that had followed them there.
As I watched their tenderness, I felt a warm hand slip into mine. "They always were good together."
I looked down at Lil's golden head as she stood by my side, also watching Darren and Sammy. She looked up at me when she felt my eyes on her, a slight smile on her lips. "So were we," I whispered.