I force a laugh. “Tori is the roommate, Gram—I went out with Kylie. Look, I’m pretty tired from getting up so early this morning so I’m going to head up to shower and read for a bit. Do you need anything before I go to bed?”
Clearing her throat, her smile fades away. “Seth spoke to me earlier.”
“Oh,” I manage to say. Did he say anything to her about what he and I talked about early today? It’s just like Seth to change his mind about a confrontation and try to wheedle a confession out of Gram anyway.
“He wants the three of us to go house-hunting tomorrow,” she says, and I mouth an inaudible “Oh.” She takes a tremulous lungful of air, and stares down at her hands. “I’ve told him I’ll go as long as I have you two with me.”
“Always, Gram,” I say. My feet automatically carry me to her, and I squat down to give her a long hug. Then, I kiss her cheek, being cautious not to look her in the eyes. I don’t want her to see where I’ve been crying. “Night.”
As I climb the stairs, it feels like I’m dragging a hundred pounds right along with me. I sit in the shower with my arms wrapped securely around my knees, allowing the hot water to serve as a diversion from thinking about and wanting Lucas. Even after everything that happened in the fondue restaurant and how confused he made me feel, just hearing his name in my head causes the pit of my belly to tighten.
I don’t stop the water until I’m coughing, choking, from the steam. Then I simply remain where I’m resting, listening to the shrill ping of water dripping from the faucet and falling onto the porcelain.
I’m shivering by time I crawl into bed but my body is on fire.
And sleep—it doesn’t come because that momentary distraction I sought when getting into the shower is gone. Now I’m breathless and aching for a man who sees me as nothing other than an object he can easily win.
†
I wake up to messages from Tori. My best friend is worried because I haven't called or texted and she’s afraid I’ve fallen prey to Lucas’s charms. Groaning at just how close her assumption is to being true, I compose a reassuring email letting her know that I'm okay. I say nothing about Lucas because even 2,000 miles away from me, she’s got an insane ability of picking up on a concerning situation.
Once I’m happy with the message, I hit send. Almost immediately I receive a new message notification, this one from Kylie Martin. Her message is simple and only one line:
I’m so sorry for putting you through that.
K
It takes me twice as long to figure out what to say to her. Finally, I send her a short, but pleasant, message that reads: Don’t sweat it, I’m fine. Please thank Lucas for dinner for me.
Then I change into a pair of skinny jeans and a dolman sweater. I grab my boots from the floor and walk barefooted downstairs. Gram is already eating breakfast and Seth’s with her.
“Good . . . morning?” Considering my brother is here, I have to double-check the time on my cell phone. It’s 15 minutes until 9am. I wasn’t aware that Seth even knew there were hours between two in the morning and noon, but I guess he’s proven me wrong. “You’re up early.”
“You don’t look happy to see me,” he pouts through giant bites of cereal. He’s wearing a baseball cap and a faded Polo shirt, and I’m instantly reminded of the frat boys in college who wore tiny shorts and boat shoes year-round.
“Of course I am.” I sit down in a chair at the middle of the table, flicking my eyes back and forth between Gram and my brother. I spend a good minute trying to come up with reasons why Seth is here. Then I remember what my grandmother said last night before I sulked up to my room, and I thunk myself in the forehead with my palm. “House-hunting?”
They nod in unison.
“You hung over, Si?” Seth asks mockingly as I scoot the chair I’m sitting in out so that I can put my shoes on. I cast a glare at him. He holds his hands up in front of him, defensively.
“I don’t drink,” I say darkly, jerking one of my leather riding boots onto my foot, then the other. I consider calling him out for the empty Jose Cuervo bottle I found in his center console, but then Gram gives us both pleading looks, and I squash the urge. There’s no need to upset her just because I’m irritated with Seth.
Of course, my little brother is not at all the driving force behind my bad mood.
As much as I dislike admitting it, I’m still fuming and bothered by Lucas. He effortlessly managed to make me come undone during one meal together—I don’t want to imagine what he’s capable of doing to my head and heart and body in the course of ten days, like he’s proposing.
It wouldn’t be good for me.
If seeing Seth out of bed early was a surprise, my heart almost stops when he reveals that he’s already taken the initiative to set up appointments at available places throughout the city. He insists we take his truck. He’s cleaned it out since the last time I was in it a few days ago, but it smells damp and suspiciously like spiced rum and vomit.
Gram notices it, too, because she sniffs a few times but doesn’t say anything.
As we drive to the first location, I try to steer the conversation we’re having about Seth’s school schedule—it’s boring—away from my brother delving into what Gram does on Tuesdays. He catches my gaze in the rearview mirror, giving me an angry, questioning look after I change the subject yet again to the Tennessee Titans because he knows I’m not a football fan. “Stop it,” I mouth at him. Today is going to be hard enough for Gram as it is, so I don’t want him adding any more stress by bringing up Mom.