“I’m not dating Star. She’s a friend. She’s Jax’s friend. Do you see Jess?” I turned, giving in and looking out into the crowd.
“Who?” Hensley asked.
I clenched my teeth. “The girl I brought to New York. Her name is Jess.”
“Oh yeah, she’s right . . .” He pointed, then stopped. “Whoa.”
I followed his gaze past the area where her cousin and friends were last time, to the wall over by the stage. A guy with white-blond hair sticking straight up and covered in tattoos had her head in his hand and his mouth locked on hers.
“Fuck, is that guy with the band?” Finn asked. “Oh wait, he’s f**king that chick from New York’s face. Wait, I’m confused,” Finn slurred as he set the empty shot glass down.
“Guess she’s taken, Hensley said. “I’m not about to mess with that. The dude looks rough.” He turned back to the bartender and picked up his beer.
“You guys know Jess?” the bartender asked, and I turned to look at him. My throat was so damn tight all I could do was nod. I wasn’t sure I could speak just yet. I hadn’t seen her since she got on the jet in New York. I’d let her go. It had been for the best. I just hadn’t expected to see her like this.
“She’s Krit’s girl,” the bartender said, as if that answered all the questions in the universe.
“Who?” Finn asked, still looking confused.
“The lead singer of Jackdown, Krit. Jess is his.”
I turned back around to see Krit take the stage. He was shirtless, and his body was covered in tattoos. His jeans hung on his hips, and he was wearing eyeliner . . . and nail polish. Really? She was dating that?
“Jess doesn’t have a type, does she?” Hensley said from beside me.
I searched for her and found her just as she reached a table where Rock, Dewayne, Preston, and Amanda sat. I could ignore them, but one of them was bound to see me. Did that matter? Would Jess even want me to come over there? Maybe she would want me to ignore her.
As if she could sense my stare, she lifted her eyes and her gaze locked with mine. Her body went completely still. She didn’t smile like everything was forgotten. She didn’t move like it was no big deal. Instead she stayed completely frozen as she stared at me. She even blinked rapidly, as if she was in some sort of daze she was trying to snap out of.
Fuck. I was screwed.
“She sees you, dude. Might as well go say hello,” Hensley said, stating the obvious.
I forced my legs to move and started making my way over to her. She seemed to snap out of her trance, and she looked away from me. I could see her mouth move even though she wasn’t looking at anyone exclusively. Apparently, it had been the entire table, because all their gazes turned to zero in on me.
Rock started to stand up and Jess grabbed his arm and said something to him. Then she moved around the table and made her way toward me. She didn’t want me near her friends, so I stopped.
“She’s coming to us,” Finn said, leaning against the bar.
“Me, she’s coming to me,” I corrected him. “Stay here,” I said before walking toward her. I didn’t want those two listening to us.
She stopped a few feet away from me. I didn’t want her that far away. All those emotions she had evoked in me and scared me with roared to life. I had missed her. I knew I had missed her, but seeing her made it all the more real. “Hey,” I said.
She gave me a small smile. “Hey.” Then she glanced up at the stage. The band had started playing, but I wasn’t paying attention to them. She’d been all I could focus on.
“How are you?” I asked, wanting to hear her voice.
“Good, and you?”
I could lie and say good. It would be easier if I did lie. For both of us. “Miss you,” I said instead.
She tensed and her gaze shifted to the stage again. Did she love him? Fuck, just thinking that hurt like hell.
“I saw you with him,” I told her.
She moved her gaze back to mine. “Oh” was all she said.
“You look happy.” I was reaching. It was wrong and I should let this go, but I couldn’t.
She started to say something, then closed her mouth and shook her head. “No. I’m not going to do this with you. I’m not ready yet. I thought maybe I was, but I’m not,” she said, then turned to walk away. That was the reaction I wanted. Something to tell me she still gave a shit.
“Wait,” I said, reaching for her arm.
She stopped and looked down at my hand wrapped around her arm, then back at me. “What do you want from me?” she asked, looking defeated. I hated that. I didn’t want to hurt her. I didn’t want to make her sad. I just wanted her.
“Can we go outside and talk?” I asked.
She looked back at the stage and I followed her gaze. The guy was singing, but his entire focus was on Jess. “I think he loves me. He hasn’t said it, but he treats me like no one ever has. He acts like he can’t live without me, and he never makes me feel unworthy or not good enough.” She looked back at me. “I’m enough for him. Don’t mess it up for me. Because I’d hurt him for you. And in the end you’d hurt me.”
She pulled her arm free and walked away. I let her go this time. I stood there as she walked past her friends at the table and to the stage. Then she opened the back door and disappeared. Krit left the band to finish without him as he hurried off the stage.
He was willing to put her first. I never had been. He made her feel special, and I hadn’t. He wore eyeliner and had more piercings than one human should, but he knew what he had and he wasn’t willing to lose her.
Problem was, she had said she would hurt him for me. It was me she wanted.
How the hell was I supposed to walk away from that?
Chapter Sixteen
JESS
The stage door had barely closed behind me when Krit came stalking backstage. His eyes searched my face, and I felt like crumpling to the floor. He was worried about me. Jason was out there and I had all but told him I still wanted him, and Krit was worried about me.
“What the hell did he want?” Krit asked, looking ready to strike.
“He’s here with friends. He just wanted to say hello. I don’t think he expected to see me,” I told him.
“Does he know you’re with me?” Krit asked, taking another step toward me like he was scared I would burn him if he got too close.
“Yes, I told him. But he saw us earlier too.”
Krit studied me. “Now you’ve seen him, are you over it? Is this your closure?”
My closure? Could you get closure for something like this? Loving a man who didn’t love you back? “I don’t think there is anything to close. We were a mini fling.”
“Bullshit! He screwed with your head. Then that motherfucker has the nerve to walk into this bar.” He started pacing again.
“Krit, get out here,” Green said in an aggravated tone as he stepped backstage.
“Leave me the f**k alone,” Krit snapped at him. Then he looked back at me and cupped my face. “You okay?”
“They want you, Krit,” Green yelled over the crowd.
“I said to back the f**k off,” Krit yelled back at him.
I put my hand on Krit’s chest. “Go. I’m fine. I just want to stay back here and watch until your break,” I told him.
Krit nodded, then pressed a kiss to my lips before walking back onto the stage.
The door behind me closed, and I turned to see Trisha standing there. “Did he go back on?” she asked me, and I nodded.
Trisha walked over to stand beside me, and we watched him as he entertained the crowd. “He loves you,” Trisha said.
He hadn’t told me he loved me, but after the way he had acted outside earlier, I was beginning to wonder. “Why?” I asked. I hadn’t done anything to deserve it.
Trisha grinned. “Because you’re you. He knows the real you. Not the wild party girl you show the world. But then, you’ve not been that girl since the beginning of the summer.”
I hadn’t been that girl since I met Jason. We were both thinking it, but neither of us said it out loud.
“He’s not ready for what he feels. He wants to be, but he’s not. He’ll let you down. He’ll mess up.” I looked at Trisha, surprised by her words. She adored Krit. “I love him. But I know him. He’s a free spirit, and for the first time in his life he’s got someone he wants to hold on to. He’s never had that before. But he isn’t ready for it. It will ruin you both eventually.”
“I can’t hurt him,” I told her just as Krit turned to look back at me. He winked and licked his lips, causing the crowd of females to squeal.
“He’ll hurt you if you don’t. He’ll hate himself for it, and I’ll end up having to protect him from Rock. I don’t want to say all this, because for the first time in a very long time I can see he is really happy. You make him happy. But it’s not going to last. He can’t keep this up. He’ll crack. The right girl will throw herself at him and not take no for an answer and he’ll have had too much to drink. Then he’ll hate himself.” Trisha stopped talking and sighed. “I hate doing this. But if there is anything to that guy out there and you, he’s your ticket out, Jess. He’s the one who will pull you out of the life you were born into. Don’t let that go.”
What was out there would hurt me more than Krit could ever hurt me. I looked at Trisha. “Jason has the power to destroy me completely. I can’t let him. He broke me once. I can’t chance that.”
“You love him?” she asked.
I wanted to say no and for it to be true. I couldn’t. “Yes.”
“Krit has a club full of females willing to soothe his broken heart. He loves women, Jess. You know that. He’ll be hurt, but he will get over it. The females who adore him will help him.”
“When he’s ready, I’ll let him go. I can’t love him. My heart’s already taken.”
Trisha reached over and squeezed my arm. “And you’re sure you don’t want to see if this thing with Jason deserves a chance?”
Jason wasn’t here to give anything another chance. He just happened to be in town with friends and saw me. He hadn’t come looking for me. “I’m sure,” I replied.
Trisha nodded. “Okay.”
She turned and walked back out the door. I thought about sneaking outside to be alone, but if Krit looked back and didn’t see me, he would leave the stage again. So I leaned up against the wall and waited.
Fifteen minutes later Krit announced a break and left the stage without talking to the girls hanging around for his attention. He came directly to me and grabbed my hand. “To the back. Now.”
I knew what this meant, but could I do it after seeing Jason again made me so raw? I started to follow him and stopped. “Wait,” I said.
Krit stopped and looked back at me. I could see the fear flash in his eyes, and I hated it. I couldn’t let him think this was because of Jason.