“She just is. She’s special.”
“I think you’d be good at it.”
He started strumming a random melody. Now who was deflecting?
“It’s time for our mediation, Miss Caldwell.”
“After you, Mr. Zaccadelli.”
We trooped downstairs to Chris, our resident director’s, room. Chris was about twenty-five and a grad student in some sort of engineering field I couldn’t begin to understand. He was nice, but awkward. You could tell he was only doing it for the free housing and the stipend they paid him.
“Hello, Hunter, Taylor. How are we doing?”
“Fine,” we both said at the same time. I glared at Hunter. He winked back.
We seated ourselves on the couch, and Chris got his notebook out. Every now and then he’d make notes while we were talking, like he was a therapist or something. I was dying to know what he’d written about us, but all my attempts to steal said notebook had been futile. Maybe I could rope Hunter into helping me with a distraction.
“So let’s get started. How has this week gone?”
“Fabulous,” I said in a deadpan voice.
“It’s been great for me,” Hunter said.
“Okay,” Chris said, looking down at his notes. “Do you have any issues you feel we should discuss?”
“How about that you won’t stop kissing me?” Hunter said, turning toward me.
“How about the fact that you spent thousands of dollars on a custom-made ring and then just expect me to say thanks, and let’s be together and live happily ever after? How about that? How about the fact that you had some strange meeting with a man named Joe that you won’t tell me about?”
“Uh, let’s, uh, stay on track,” Chris said, floundering.
“How about the fact that you want me, I want you and for some reason, it’s impossible for us to be together, according to you?
“You still haven’t answered me about Joe.”
“You haven’t told me why we can’t be together.” We were in each other’s faces. His was getting redder, and I was pretty sure mine was as well.
“Because.”
“That’s not a f**king reason, Taylor.” He spat out my name.
“Language,” Chris said. “Let’s cool off for a moment. Do I need to bring out the talking stick again?”
“No,” we both said at the same time.
At our first session he’d had us hold this stupid stick, which was really a baton, so we could practice talking turns talking. It had ended with me hitting Hunter with the talking stick and him laughing.
I really did want to hit him again, but I didn’t want to get in trouble. Chris had looked the other way on the first talking stick assault, but I didn’t think he’d be so forgiving for a second.
“I don’t want to be assaulted again.”
“I did not assault you.”
“Missy, I really don’t want to go through the legal definition of assault with you right now.”
“Why don’t we start with you, Hunter? What has been bothering you this week?”
Hunter ignored Chris.
“You’re scared. You’re scared about this big, dark secret you carry around. It’s the reason you don’t trust people, the reason you put up this huge flashing sign that says, ‘Don’t come near me or I’ll kick you in the balls.’ It’s the reason you don’t want to give this a shot. I want to know what it is.”
“No.” He could yell and kiss me and do whatever he wanted, but I wasn’t discussing that with him. The only thing worse about him knowing and then running away would be him accepting it. What then? I’d have nothing left. No other reason to say no.
“See? This is what I have to put up with. She is content to try and root out my secret, but if anyone tries to get near hers, she’s got more walls up than a maximum security prison.”
“Taylor, why don’t you respond?”
“It’s none of his business.”
“You are my business. I made you my business. I want you to be my business.”
“I don’t. That’s all. He wants me, and I don’t want to be with him and he can’t take it. That’s all.”
“Is that true, Hunter?”
“Please, that’s bullshit.”
“Language.”
“I’ll talk how I like, thanks. It’s bull because she keeps kissing me and flirting with me and dancing with me. Either you get a sick kick out of messing with me, or you like me, but you’re scared. I’m going with the second.” He’d hit the nail on the head, but I wasn’t going to tell him that.
“I like messing with you,” I said.
“Prove it.”
“Bite me.”
“Okay, let’s get more specific. Are there any things that Hunter does specifically that we can talk about to resolve?” He clearly hadn’t been listening, or he was just reading from a script. Probably the second.
“He can stop trying to see me nak*d. That would be a start.”
“Hunter, do you have a response?”
“If she would just have sex with me, then that problem would be solved. Also, it would get me to leave. Two birds, one stone, Missy.”
“Fuck you.”
“Please, let’s keep this civil.” Chris was trying to keep control, but he’d never had it in the first place. “Let’s try a communication game.” Not a game. I didn’t know where he’d gotten these things from, but he made us play one at each of our sessions and they were always lame.
This one involved one of us being blindfolded and the other leading us from one side of the room to the other. It was supposed to build trust, but all it did was make me want to direct Hunter so he’d bump into things. It offered Hunter a chance to make me look like a moron, walking around in a circle with him making me do a crazy dance back and forth.
“You’re an ass,” I said as we walked back upstairs.
“Nothing I didn’t already know, Miss.”
“I hate you.”
“Nice try.”
“I love you?” Worth a shot.
“Not yet. But you will.” I went to our room and shut the door in his face.
Nineteen
The next week was strangely quiet. Hunter stopped his verbal assault about my secret, for which I was grateful, but it only meant that he was using other means to try and get it out of me. Lull me into a false sense of security, or something like that. I knew he wasn’t giving up. I’d just have to get him out first. Or at least find out what his was.
Something that distracted me from Hunter was Renee. She had been really weird and secretive. She’d be gone for abnormally long amounts of time to the library and she’d come back with a goofy grin on her face. I asked her if she’d met a cute boy in the stacks, but she just smiled and said I’d understand someday.
Darah had even tried to get it out of her, but had gotten zilch. One night when Mase was over and we were having dinner while Renee was out again, we discussed the possibilities.
“It’s got to be Paul,” Hunter said. I agreed, but I wasn’t going to admit it.
“She’s got to be hooking up with someone and not telling us about it,” I said.
“Renee is terrible at keeping secrets. Why would she suddenly be good at it?” Darah said.
I shrugged. “I don’t know, but the last thing she’d ever do is admit she’s been wrong. You know she hates that more than anything else.”
“True. But I saw Paul a couple of days ago and he didn’t say anything about it.”
“That’s weird,” I said.
The mystery of Renee was solved that night when I heard a crash in the living room and then loud giggling.
“Hey, wake up and put your pants on,” I hissed at Hunter, grabbing his boxers and throwing them at him.
“It’s got to be Renee,” he said. “Sounds like her laugh.” Then we heard a male voice.
“Looks like we’re going to solve the mystery of her study dates.” I stood behind him as he went to open the door and see what was going on.
He counted to five under his breath before he did it.
“Oh my God,” I said, averting my eyes. Renee and Paul were all tangled up on the couch, both of them half-clothed and on their way to fully nak*d.
“Oh, hello,” Renee said, laughing when she saw us. Drunk. She was drunk. “This is Paul.”
“We’ve met,” I said. Paul seemed to be a little more sober and at least had the sense to look mortified.
“Nice to, ah, meet you, Paul,” Hunter said. “We’re just going to, um, go back to bed. You two… you have a nice night.”
We scurried back to our room as fast as we could.
“Oh my God,” I said when we had closed the door.
“Well, I guess the mystery is solved.” He looked at me and we started laughing, resting our backs against the door. We heard one of them get up and bump against the coffee table and then Renee laughing like a nut.
“It’s a good thing Darah’s with Mase tonight.”
“Ugh, I really don’t want to think about what’s going to happen in the room right next door. I’m gonna need my earplugs tonight.”
“Why, does other people hav**g s*x make you uncomfortable?”
“No, it’s just weird. Having them right over there,” I said, pointing to the wall.
“That’s college for you.” He pushed off the door and got back into bed, flinging the boxers down on the floor and sighing.
I looked away and got back into my bed.
“You’re not jealous, are you? That you’re not the one getting lucky?”
“She’s drunk. She probably won’t even remember it.”
“You are jealous. Well, Missy. I’ve told you we can fix these things.”
“Why does everything come down to sex with you?”
“It’s not just about the sex, Missy. Although, that part is a lot of fun. It’s the other stuff. Waking up nak*d next to someone and knowing you’ve shared something. That you were connected, if only for a few minutes.”
“Is that what it’s like for you?” I couldn’t imagine having that kind of connection with Chastity or whoever else he’d had sex with.
“It would be with you.”
“It isn’t with everyone?”
“Well, do you connect with everyone you’ve been with?” Oh shit. I hadn’t expected him to turn this around on me.
“No,” I said too quickly. Goddamn.
“Jesus Christ,” he said, sitting up and clutching the blanket so it wouldn’t fall and uncover him.
“What?”
“You’re a virgin.”
“I am not,” I said, sounding very much like someone who was lying.
“Shit. Oh, shit.” He was acting like he’d just run over a puppy with his car.
“I’m going to bed,” I said, because I didn’t really have anything else to say.
“Is that it? Your big secret?”