I lay my head on the pillow next to hers.
“Are you going to be okay here?” It was a stupid question, but I had to ask it anyway.
“No.” Her face collapsed and she started sobbing again. I grabbed one of the many tissue boxes Kayla and I had stashed all over the house.
“Why did this happen? Why did this happen to us?” I handed her a tissue and put my arm around her.
“I don’t know. I wish I had a book full of things that I am supposed to say and do, but there isn’t one. If we spend all our time wondering why, then we’ll waste our lives, and Dad wouldn’t want that.” I didn’t know who I was channeling, but it all sounded good, so I went with it. “Dad wouldn’t want you to be sad forever. He was always trying to make you laugh.” Even when it ended up just making her madder. Eventually they would stop fighting and she’d crack a smile.
She blew her nose and threw the tissue on the floor. Dear God, she really was in a state.
“You sure it’s okay for me to go back? I could stay with you and Kayla for the rest of the week.”
She shook her head and wiped her eyes with her hands.
“No, you have to get back to school. Just because I’ve fallen apart, doesn’t mean you have to.”
“You haven’t fallen apart, Mom.”
“Yeah, Katiebug, I have.”
“Well, you had a good reason to,” I said, using another tissue to wipe her eyes. “You can fall apart all you want. I won’t tell.”
“Thanks, baby.” She hadn’t called me that in ages.
I gave her another hug and we lay there for a little longer. We hadn’t always gotten along, but that was going to have to change. She was the only parent I had left, and like it or not, she needed me and I needed her back.
Trish had driven my car down for the funeral, so I was able to drive my own car back. I said goodbye to Kayla and promised to see her on Saturday and started the drive back to DU.
I couldn’t find a good radio station, so I picked up my phone and put it on speaker, setting it in a little clip on my dashboard. I should have one of those headsets, but I thought they made people look like a**holes, so I’d never gotten one.
He picked up on the second ring.
“Hey, I’m driving back and I just thought I would check in with my friend. How are you, friend?”
He sounded like he was in a room full of people.
“I’m good, friend. How are you?” The voices faded, as if he was walking away from them.
“You’re not in class, are you?”
“No, I was just getting something to eat.”
“When’s your next class?”
“Not for a while. I’m all yours, friend.”
“Well that is good to hear, friend.”
He went on to tell me about all the things that I’d missed on campus, from someone getting thrown out for setting a couch on fire, to the frat that was on probation, to the professor who’d gotten caught smoking pot on campus with a few students.
It was all silly and mundane and distracting enough that I could get out of my own head for a few minutes. It was a blessed relief.
He also filled me in on the crew. Lottie was dying to have me back and had stocked up on ice cream in preparation for lots of Law and Order marathons.
Trish had almost gotten fired from her job for mouthing off to her boss, Will and Audrey had finally kissed in public and Simon was trying to convince everyone to participate in some sort of charity event that involved running around campus in your underwear.
“I’m not freezing my junk off, even if it is for charity,” he said as I pictured his junk. It was pretty nice junk, and I wouldn’t like it if anything happened to it, even if I wasn’t going to be using it anytime soon.
It was all well and good to call ourselves friends over the phone, but in person, I had no idea how it was going to go.
“How’s your mom?”
“I guess she’s as good as can be expected. She goes from sobbing to cleaning like the Queen is coming over, then back to sobbing. I’m going back this weekend so Kayla can have a break.”
“Do you feel guilty?” Stryker always had a way of asking the questions I didn’t want to answer.
“Yeah. How can I not?”
I waited for him to tell me that I shouldn’t, but he sighed.
“You’re right.”
“Wait, what was that?”
He laughed.
“I said that you’re right. A little guilt is okay. It’s the big, soul-crushing guilt I’m worried about.”
“Well, I’m doing okay so far.” If being okay meant having a baggie with my Dad’s ashes and not being able to believe he was really gone. I hadn’t told Stryker about the first thing.
“Listen, I really want to thank you for everything you’ve done. I know I can never make it up to you, but I owe you at least a few more Thanksgiving dinners.” I’d hoped he would laugh, but he didn’t.
“You don’t owe me anything, Katie. Anyone else would have done the same thing. It’s not like I rode in on a white horse.”
“Horses scare me, and no, not everyone would have done the same thing and you know it. Give yourself some credit, Stryker Abraham Grant.”
“God, I hate that you know my middle name. It’s been the bane of my existence for years.”
“It’s a perfectly fine middle name. It’s a presidential name, and you’re trying to change the subject.”
“Guilty as charged.”
“Look, we don’t have to talk about it. I just want you to know.”
He sighed again and I could picture him running his hand through his hair.
“Got it.”
We talked for a little while longer and I felt like I was taking up too much of his time, being too needy and clingy (again), so I told him I had to stop and get gas.
“See you soon, friend.”
“Drive safe, friend.”
Chapter Twenty-two
Stryker
I half-expected Katie’s car to be parked at my apartment when I got back from class, but instead there was Ric, leaning against her car and playing with the holes in her jeans. I’d barely had any contact with her since our tryst, and I was hoping it would stay that way.
“Hey,” she said, not moving from her car. “How are you?”
I wasn’t in the mood to deal with her.
“What do you want, Ric?”
She looked like she was going to cry, and I felt one pang of sympathy. It wasn’t completely her fault that we’d had sex. I’d been a willing, if drunk, participant.
“Sorry, I haven’t gotten a lot of sleep,” I said. She was shivering. No wonder, she didn’t have a coat on and her clothes were always full of holes. “Come on,” I said, motioning toward the door. Better to get this over with.
“I’m sorry,” she said as we walked up the stairs. “I’ve just…I’ve liked you for a long time and you never seemed to be into me, so I made a move and now…I’m so sorry.”
I let her in and went right to the kitchen to make her a cup of tea because it didn’t feel like the right kind of situation for coffee.
“I’m sorry too. I was lashing out, or being stupid and you happened to be there. We’re both adults and we acted like hormonal teenagers.”
She leaned on the counter and wiped her eyes.
“So you’re not pissed at me?”
Yes.
“No. It wasn’t your fault. Although, the fact that I told you over and over that I wasn’t interested should have been a red flag.”
“I know, I know,” she said accepting the mug of tea I held out to her.
“No, you really don’t. I couldn’t have been any more clear, Ric. I didn’t want to be with you, so why did you keep it up?”
She laughed a little.
“Desperation? Hope? Thinking that one day you’d see that we were perfect for each other?”
“But we’re not, Ric. We never would have been.”
“But she is?” I didn’t need to ask who she was talking about. Her narrowed eyes and the increased bitterness in her voice did that for me.
“This isn’t about her. I would feel this way whether she was around or not.”
She made a little scoffing sound, and I realized I was never going to get through to her. It was bashing my head against a brick wall. She had issues that had nothing to do with me.
“Look, I just wanted to clear the air because I didn’t want you to quit The Band and I’d like it if we could work things out to at least be civil.”
She set her tea down, untouched.
“I guess.” She pushed herself away from the counter. “Have you told her?”
I hesitated before I said, “No.” I thought about trying to lie, but Ric was the kind of girl who would bring it up in front of Katie and then I’d be in an even worse place.
“Hmm,” she said, a little smile flitting over her face.
“Her father just died, Ric. I couldn’t tell her that right now.”
“How convenient.”
“It’s not like that. Shit, why do you have to make this so difficult?”
“Difficult?” She let out a loud burst of laughter. “Give me a f**king break. You have no idea, Stryk. Your little pink girlfriend who’s had everything handed to her on a f**king platter. Yeah, well, the rest of us have had it a lot worse. It’s about time she got knocked down a peg.” The venom was directed toward Katie, but she should have been shooting it at me.
I crossed the room until I was within a foot of her. “Listen, you don’t talk about her that way in my house. Ever. Get the f**k out. There’s the door.” I pointed to it and turned my back on her.
“If that’s the way you want it, fine. Fuck you, Stryker.” I heard the door slam behind her. Good riddance.
My phone buzzed a moment later.
Good luck keeping your dirty little secret Stryk. I was going to keep it to myself, but I might just slip and tell someone…
I didn’t respond, because that was what she wanted me to do. I was actually shocked that it hadn’t gotten out already. Trish knew and Zoey knew. I’d caught Trish’s eye a couple of times when she’d come down for the funeral and she’d almost brought it up on the phone, but we hadn’t had a moment to talk about it. Trish would never squeal on me because she knew it would hurt Katie.
I would be damned if I was going to let Ric manipulate me. Even if she did tell Katie, I wasn’t sure if Katie would believe her. Ric didn’t have a good track record with her, and Katie would probably figure Ric was being a jealous bitch.
I called Trish.
“Hey, Ric just came by and threatened to tell Katie about us.”
“Surprise, surprise. Hell hath no fury, brother.”
“Yes, I am familiar with the quote, Trishella, I’m just not sure what I’m supposed to do about it. I have no idea how far she’ll take this.”
“So what am I supposed to do about it?” she snapped.
“I don’t know. Just…don’t say anything to Katie.”