“Bite me,” she said, so I nipped her shoulder.
“Don’t make me be mean.”
“You’re already mean.”
“Meaner.”
Katie and Audrey watched us as if we were interesting animals in a zoo. Tender moments between Trish and me were just about as rare as they came.
I held half of a sandwich out to her and she took a bite.
“That’s my girl.”
I let her eat the rest of it herself as Audrey and Katie cleaned up some of the tissue mess.
“You guys can go if you want,” I said once she was digging into the soup. “I got this.”
“No way,” Katie said. “You couldn’t get rid of me if you wanted to.”
“Same here. Even though it means I’m missing the review for a test. I don’t care,” Audrey chimed in.
Missing something like that was a huge deal to her, and I knew how much it meant.
I had nothing to say but, “Thanks.”
Even though I didn’t deserve it, Trish did.
We finally convinced Trish to come and stay with me, but first Audrey got her in the shower and said she’d bring her over later. It was a subtle way to give Katie and me some alone time. We went back to my place to clean up and make up the couch for Trish so she would have a place to sleep.
“I’ve never seen Trish like that,” she said. “She’s always so strong.” Appearances could be deceiving.
“Yeah, she’s not good with death.”
“She was great when everything happened with Dad.”
I took a breath and tried to explain. “That’s because she didn’t really know him. It’s weird, but I think it’s because Ric was so young…” I couldn’t finish.
“Are you going to talk about it now?”
I shook my head. I was completely sober now.
She gave me a little smile. “Do you want me to get nak*d so you can draw out your feelings on my skin?”
As absolutely sexy and tempting as that was, I couldn’t.
“No. I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
She slid her finger down my face and circled it on my chest. “Why not? What does Ric have to do with us?”
More than she knew.
I pushed her hand away. “Look, I don’t want to talk about it. I just had to deal with Trish and I just don’t want to deal with any more.”
“You’re getting a**hole-y again.”
“If only it would work.” I tried to move away from her, but she wouldn’t let me.
“I don’t scare easily,” she said, straddling me as I sat on the couch.
“Don’t.” I put my hands on her h*ps to try to lift her off, but that was going to be easier said than done. She wiggled just a little, and my body responded. Her body was a tune my body couldn’t resist.
“I’m not doing anything. I’m just sitting.” She might be just sitting, but everything she did turned me on. She could be just breathing and I’d want her. It was unavoidable.
“Katie, please.”
“Okay, fine.” She got off me and sat on the other end of the couch, grabbing the remote and turning the television on, flicking through the channels.
“What are you doing?”
“I’m watching TV, what does it look like? Oohh, I love this show.” She stopped on what looked like some sort of crime show. A lawyer was screaming in a crowded courtroom about something we’d clearly missed earlier in the episode. She checked the guide and saw that there was another episode after this one finished.
I looked at her, but her eyes were fixed on the TV. This must be some sort of twisted way to get me to cave in and talk, but I had no idea how she thought she was going to accomplish that by ignoring me.
We sat side-by-side as the show finished and the credits rolled. I crossed my arms and tried to think of anything but how much I wanted her and how much I hated myself for thinking about her when I should have been thinking about Ric.
The next episode started and her eyes stayed locked on the television. The minutes dragged by as the body was discovered and the cops were called in. I’d always found it amusing how cops on television were almost always extremely attractive. The cops around campus all had hardcore donut habits, and there wasn’t one lady cop to be found, least of all one that looked like a Russian supermodel.
“I will make you a bet,” she finally said when the cops started interviewing various suspects. “You pick who you think killed her and I pick one and whoever is right has to buy the other one dinner.”
“I already owe you a dinner from the pie-eating contest at Thanksgiving.”
She looked away from the TV for a second, her facade dropping for a second. “Well, then I guess you’ll just owe me two. Pick your perp.”
“Okay…Um, that crazy guy who lurked in the alley was definitely suspicious.”
She scoffed.
“Please, it’s obviously the teenage daughter.”
“What? After she cried like that? You’re crazy.”
She turned to face me.
“Wait and see.” She smirked and went back to the television.
Katie
Of course I was right. The teenage girl turned out to have some weird attraction to her dad and when she saw him with his mistress, she snapped. It was sick and twisted, but it was clear from the very beginning that it was her.
“There’s another one on,” I said, getting up and stretching my arms over my head. “Want to lose another bet?” I’d been right in telling Stryker that I was making this up as I went along, but Law and Order marathons had always worked for me, so why not him?
There really needed to be a manual for this sort of thing. Sure, there were plenty of self-help books, but I didn’t think they mentioned anything like this.
“What are you doing?” Damn, he was onto me. Not that I was being very subtle.
“Watching you lose a bet, best friend.” I sat back down and looked at him.
“No, you’re trying to distract me, but you can’t do that forever. I have to deal with what I’ve done some time.” He clenched his mouth shut and looked away from me.
“What do you mean, what you’ve done? How is this your fault?”
He started laughing and got up from the couch, going to his bedroom. I followed him. What the hell?
“What are you talking about?” I leaned in the doorway as he pulled out a cigarette and lighter. I guessed quitting was out of the question at the moment, not that I blamed him. He tried to light it, but his hands were too shaky.
“Let me do it.” I hated myself for furthering his addiction to the cancer stick, but he was in such rough shape I figured one more smoke wasn’t going to do him in.
I lit it and he inhaled, closing his eyes.
“What have you done, Stryker?” I slipped the lighter into my pocket. If he couldn’t light them, he couldn’t smoke them.
He shook his head and blew out a cloud of smoke over his shoulder so it didn’t go in my face.
“I tried to tell you so many times, and then I couldn’t…and then you told me you loved me, and I still tried, because you deserved the truth, and then I didn’t want to, because I didn’t want to wreck everything. Fuck, I just wrecked everything.” He sat down on his bed and tore the hand not holding the cigarette through his hair.
“Stryker, you’re scaring me,” I said, because it was true. “Just tell me what happened and I can help you.” I crossed the room and sat next to him, touching his shoulder.
“No!” He said diving away from me and getting to his feet. “You can’t do that. I don’t deserve it. I don’t deserve your compassion. I never did and I never will.” I followed him as he stormed back into the living room.
“Talk to me, Stryker. Just talk to me,” I said in my calmest voice. I refused to think anything, or make any conclusions until I heard them come from him.
He sucked in another puff from the cigarette.
“And tell you what? That I had sex with Ric? That she showed up drunk last night and I told her that I’d hurt her if she told you about us, and now today she’s dead?” I couldn’t move. He crossed the room and stood right in front of me. “Is that what you wanted to f**king hear?!” he yelled.
The air was too thick to breathe; it wouldn’t go into my lungs.
“Oh, God,” he said, putting his face in his hands and dropping the cigarette. I was able to snap out of my momentary shock to stomp it out before it set the apartment on fire.
“Stryker,” I said, taking his hands and trying to pull them away from his face, and also trying not to freak out about what he’d just told me. He raised his head, his eyes tear-streaked and hopeless.
“It. Doesn’t. Matter.”
“How can you say that? She’s dead and it’s my fault. And I hurt you. How can you say that it doesn’t matter? It matters more than anything.”
I held his hands and tried to find the right words.
“Because I love you.”
“How can you say that?”
It was easy. Simple. As clear and beautiful as a cloudless summer sky.
“Because it’s true. It’s true whether you slept with Ric, or whether you got drunk and said something you didn’t mean, or if you smoke too much, or never pick up your socks, or don’t have any money. Love doesn’t come and go. It’s for always.”
He tried to shake his head, but I wouldn’t stop looking at him. I leaned and put my forehead to his.
“You and me. No space. Always,” I whispered to his lips. He opened his eyes and finally saw me. Saw that I wasn’t going anywhere.
“I love you so much, sweetheart. So much that sometimes I can’t breathe. I can’t think. You’re all I’ve ever wanted, even before I knew I wanted it. I don’t deserve you, Katherine.”
No, it was really the other way around, but I decided that I’d kiss him instead of arguing. Kissing was always better than arguing.
It was a slow kiss, a burning kiss. The kind of kiss that promised of forever. I wrapped my arms around him and kissed the first and last boy with a lip ring I was ever going to love.
Chapter Twenty-eight
Stryker
I let her kiss me, and she let me kiss her back as I cried, bitter tears and regret tears and happy tears. There were so many emotions flooding my mind that I was afraid I was going to burst with them. The world felt like it was about to end.
“I’m so sorry, sweetheart,” I said, finally pulling away from her sweet lips. I had to get this all out. It had been slowly killing me.
“Shh, there’s nothing to be sorry for. Granted, I’m not thrilled you had sex with her, but it’s not going to make me stop loving you. And it’s not your fault what happened to her. How could you possibly think that was your fault?” She shook me a little, as if trying to shake the thought out of my head.
I led her to the couch and sat her down, telling her the whole story. About how I’d slept with Ric and the entire time I’d thought of Katie, and how Ric had been threatening to tell on me and how she’d showed up and the awful things I’d said to her and…now she was dead. I could never take those words back. They were the last I’d said to her, and that would never change.