There was murmuring coming from Charlotte’s room when we got back upstairs. It didn’t sound like sex noises, but I definitely heard Zack’s voice. Her face fell.
“Are you sure?” she whispered. “I could always knock on my brother’s door.”
“No, it’s fine. Come on.” She sleepily shuffled beside me back down to my room. I tried not to smile too much.
“Hold on,” I said before she went for my bed. I pulled out my desk chair for her and she sat down, leaning her face in her hands and resting her elbows on my desk. I’d just changed them, so the sheets were fresh, but I straightened them for her and tucked the blankets back in.
“It’s all yours.” I got some extra blankets from the closet and made up a little nest on the floor. I could have used my roommate’s bed, seeing as how he never did, but even the idea of using it grossed me out.
“Are you comfortable?” I said, looking up at her.
“Mm.” She rolled over on her side and cracked her eyes open. “Thanks.”
“You’re welcome.” She closed her eyes and settled in with a sigh. I turned off the light and the record player and lay down on my side so I was facing her. The sound of her breathing became the soundtrack to my night as I drifted off more peacefully than I had in a long time.
Chapter Twenty-five
Lottie
When I woke up the next morning, I panicked because I didn’t recognize the bed I was in, why I was still wearing my clothes, or any of the items in the room.
It took a full second to realize that I was in Zan’s room. I looked down to see him on the floor, asleep in a tangle of blankets. He was on his back, with one hand on his chest and the other thrown out. I rolled over onto my stomach and studied him for a moment. He still had the clothes he’d worn last night on.
He really was handsome. Not in the traditional way, but in a more subtle, old-fashioned way. A lock of hair had fallen over his forehead and I wanted to move it. To feel his hair run through my fingers again.
Oh my God. What was I thinking? This wasn’t just a guy I’d met and developed a crush on. This was Zan Parker. I shouldn’t be kissing him and I definitely shouldn’t be spending the night in his room. What had gotten into me? Were there common-sense-destroying rays shooting out of the lights in the football stadium?
Zan sighed in his sleep and I froze. I shouldn’t be here.
Ever so slowly, I got out of his bed, which still smelled like him, found my jacket and shoes and scribbled a quick note. I practically had to step over him to get to the door. Zan didn’t move as I glanced one last time at him before I shut the door and headed back to my own room.
“What the hell are you doing?” Simon said behind me, making me drop my shoes. “Do not tell me you are coming out of Zan’s room. Please tell me I’m having a hallucination from playing Minecraft for too many hours.” His voice was loud, and I was worried about him waking Zan, so I grabbed my shoes and Simon’s arm and dragged him down to the end of the hallway.
“It’s not what it looks like,” I hissed, even though there was no way Zan could hear us now.
“Oh really? Because all I see is you wearing the same clothes you wore last night, minus jacket and shoes and sneaking out of a boy’s room as if you’re sneaking out of jail. Did I get that right?”
Simon was pissed. He almost never got mad, but when he did… watch out.
“We didn’t have sex, Simon. We took a walk and then we listened to some music and I fell asleep. He put me to bed and then he slept on the floor. Oh, and we held hands.”
“Are you sure that was it?”
“Of course I’m sure. What, do you think he drugged me and then took advantage? Because I think I would know if my virginity had been stolen.”
Simon shuddered at the thought of my stolen virginity and his anger subsided a little bit.
“I suppose.”
“Nothing happened, Simon. Except we didn’t wear protection when we held hands. God forbid. I was upset about Lexie and I had a moment of weakness. Or insanity. Or something. Just don’t tell Will, please.” I tried to go for the stairs to escape, but he wouldn’t let me go.
“What are you thinking, Lottie? You’ve spent so long hating him and then all it takes is one day and you suddenly don’t? What happened to duckling?”
I seriously needed to get back to my room so I could get ready for work. “It’s not like that.”
He threw up his hands. “Tell me how it is, because I’m seriously confused.”
“I don’t have time right now. Could you do something for me?” I glanced back at Zan’s door, just to make absolutely sure he hadn’t heard me.
“What is it?”
“Could you not tell Will? I don’t want him to know. Please, Simon.” I grabbed his shoulder and squeezed. I didn’t want to tell Will anything until I’d figured out what the hell I was doing.
He put both hands on my shoulders and reluctantly nodded. “Okay, okay. Your semi-walk of shame is safe with me.”
“Thanks, Simon. You’re a lifesaver.” I shoved my shoes on and dashed up to the fourth floor as fast as I could.
Zan
When I woke up, she was gone. The bed was still rumpled from where she had been, and there were a few blonde hairs on my pillowcase as evidence that it hadn’t been a dream.
I smelled my sheets, and they smelled like her. She’d left a note on a piece of paper pulled from one of my notebooks.
Zan,
Thanks for letting me crash. I’m not sure if I want to forget about this, but please don’t tell anyone. I need some time to figure it out.
-Lottie
I folded up the note and put it in my desk. I was definitely saving that one. If she decided this hadn’t happened, at least I had this piece of paper to prove to myself that it had. That was all I needed, for now.
After showering and having a Pop Tart, I went to my brother’s room to see if he was there. His roommate, a transfer from Rhode Island answered the door and said he hadn’t seen Zack since the night before.
I texted him, but got nothing. As a last resort, I thought I would try Charlotte’s room.
The light was off, so I knocked softly.
“Hey,” Charlotte whispered, opening the door slightly. She wore different clothes, and her hair was wet from a recent shower. “Katie is still sleeping.” She squeezed out of the half-open door so the light from the hallway wouldn’t invade the room.
“I’m looking for Zack.”
“He’s out having a hangover breakfast with some of the guys from the team.”
“Is she okay?”
“I think so. She feels like shit. Apparently, he had quite a few of those nips stored away, and she had a few.”
I shook my head.
“I just don’t get it,” she said, shaking her head and raking her hair back with her hand. “He’s like this malevolent force that takes normal girls and turns them into something they’re not. Not that I’m saying drinking and having a good time isn’t okay. It’s just that they do it all the time, and I know she wants to do better in school. Why am I telling you this?”
“I don’t know.”
“I don’t either. I’m still pretending last night didn’t happen. You’re a really quiet sleeper, by the way. I was expecting snoring, or talking or something.”
I moved closer to her, hoping she wouldn’t step back. “Sorry to disappoint.”
“No, it’s fine. Just weird.”
“I’m pretty weird,” I said.
She let out a soft laugh.
“A very wise friend told me that weird is good.”
“I’ll have to remember that one,” I said. Neither of us said anything for a moment. I had no idea what went through her head, but all I wanted was to kiss her again. She blinked, as if to clear her mind.
“Any more news about Lexie?”
“Not yet. I’m going to call her mom later,” she said. “Look, I have to be at work soon, but, um, I’ll see you later?”
“Not if I see you first.”
“Yeah, right.” Shit, I’d pushed too far. She was backing away.
“Bye, Charlotte.”
“Bye.”
Chapter Twenty-six
Lottie
“So I did something extremely stupid last night.” I was late for work, but Claudia had already been yelling at one of the other girls, so I’d been able to slip in unnoticed.
I’d already filled Trish in on the newest development with Lexie, but I hadn’t told her the rest. We were both stuck at the cutting counter, and so far, it had been slow, so we were re-arranging the bolts of quilt fabric.
“Did you get drunk and wake up in a strange guy’s bed?”
“Not exactly.” At least the drunk part hadn’t happened, and Zan wasn’t a stranger. He was a known entity.
“Come on, I’m dying here. I was up late all last night doing inventory. Please share something juicy with me.”
“I kissed Zan.”
“You, what?!” Her eyes got so big she looked like one of those bush baby monkeys. Claudia heard her and gave both of us the stink eye for socializing when we were supposed to be working.
“Well, actually, he kissed me, but I let him and then I touched his hair and kissed him back. Not just a little one. We moved into make-out territory. Then we went back to his room, and listened to music and I fell asleep, and we didn’t have sex, and now I’m freaking out. I was upset about Lexie. That’s the only reason I can think of for how this happened.
“I don’t know if I can repeat it. I told him I was going to pretend that it didn’t happen, but I just really need someone to talk to about it. Someone who isn’t involved.”
“Okay, so did you like it? The kissing that didn’t happen?”
“It was…” What was it?
“You’re speechless and blushing, so I’m gonna say that it was good. Did he give you any tongue?”
“No, it was just open mouth.”
“How did it compare to your other kisses?”
It didn’t, which was why things had become so complicated so fast.
“Your silence speaks volumes.”
I bet it did.
“Okay, let me give you a hypothetical.” Not another one. She leaned against the fabric rack.
“Say he’s Stryker’s friend and I invited you over to hang out and he was there and you met. Say you talked and took a walk and he kissed you.”
“And?” I kept my eyes peeled for Claudia.
“Would you pursue a relationship with him, if he didn’t have the baggage?”
I’d asked myself the same thing ever since I’d started being nice to him.
“I don’t know.”
“Yeah, you do. You just don’t want to admit it to yourself.” I pressed my lips together. “You know I’m right.”
She was right. So right.
“Hey! Less lounging, more working,” Claudia snapped as she emerged from her office, her face as dark as a storm cloud.
“He is good-looking, if you like the tall, dark handsome, brooding types,” she said, grinning at me during break.