“Well, you didn’t start dating him under the best circumstances,” Cass says. Yeah, and whose fault is that? I glare and they all have the sense to look guilty.
“We,” Hazel says, motioning to the collective and then sighing. “We’ve been talking, a lot, and we feel like a**holes. For taking your keys at the bar and pressuring you into getting with Jett. It wasn’t right and we’re sorry. All of us. You were so upset when you fought with him and we feel responsible.” They all nod like one person.
I cross my arms. This should have been said a while ago. It’s kind of a little too late. Now that they’re apologizing, I realize how much this has been bothering me lately, and how much I’ve been brushing it off, and trying to be non-confrontational about it. This is what happens when you let things fester over time.
And then I lose it.
“Oh you’re sorry now? Fuck you very much for that. I’m so glad that you are sorry NOW, WAY after the fact. It should have never happened in the first place! You’re supposed to be my f**king friends and you treated me like shit. I’m done.” The rage that had been quietly simmering since that night erupts and if I don’t leave, I’m going to say a lot of other things.
So I storm out, grabbing my keys and purse on the way. I’d made them let me take my own car, with the hope I could escape and go see Jett.
“Don’t f**k with me right now,” I say to my car as I turn the key and it roars to life.
“Yeah, that’s what I thought.” I peel out of the parking lot and realize I have nowhere to go. Again. My stupid f**king friends have done it again. My hands shake on the steering wheel and tears blur my vision. I pull over before I kill someone and then I grab my purse and make sure the little present I made for Jett is in it. It’s not much, really, but I hope it will mean something to him.
When I finally get to Jett’s apartment, I knock on the door and Javier answers it, narrowing his eyes at me.
“Well, you’re back.” Jesus, I’m afraid he’s going to punch me. He must see the horror on my face because then he ducks his head and I swear, he’s laughing.
Um, what? That’s the last reaction I thought I would get. He stands back up, still laughing.
“Did you really think I was going to buy that performance last night? Come on in.” He holds the door wide and I stumble past him.
“What? I don’t know what you mean?” I don’t sound convincing at all.
He puts his arm around me.
“Seriously, you can drop the act. Nice try, but I know Jett and I know that he would never talk like that, especially in public. So nice try, babe.”
“Where is he?” I say, ignoring what he just said.
He finally seems to register that I’m gross and snotty. I should have grabbed a box of tissues when I stormed out. Didn’t think of that at the time.
“I just needed a place to go.” I can feel the tears trying to start up again, but I fight them back.
“Of course.” He pats my shoulder and leads me into the living room and sits me down on the couch. Good thing I’m not afraid of it anymore.
I’ve never seen Javier so serious. For the VERY first time, he’s at a loss for words. Huh, who knew crying girls render Javier speechless?
“I’m sorry. You don’t have to do anything. I’ll just sit here until Jett gets back. Go about your business.”
“Fuck that,” Javier says and dashes to the bathroom, coming back with a box of tissues before running to the fridge and bringing back a bottle of whiskey and a shot glass.
He pours a shot and holds it out to me.
“Drink it,” he says when I look at him as if he’s grown an extra limb from his head. My hands are still a little shaky as I take the glass from him. I’ve never done a straight whiskey shot before, but there’s no time like the present, so I tip my head back and down it in three gulps.
Of course I choke on it. God, it’s like drinking gasoline. I sputter and Javier hands me a tissue to wipe my face. I hack up a lung and gasp and he bangs my back.
“Burns so good, doesn’t it?” Not really. But when I’m finally able to breathe, I do feel a tiny bit better. Just a tiny bit. Then he gets me a glass of water and I chug that down.
“Do you want to talk about it? Because I’m a terrible advice giver, but I can listen.” Welp, he seems to be my only option. I could text Amelia, but that would mean explaining the whole Jett situation, and Javier already knows about it.
“My friends are a**holes,” I say, blowing my nose again. That pretty much sums it up. Javier pours another shot, but this time he takes it himself. He knocks it back in one gulp and doesn’t even cough.
“Yeah, Jett filled me in on the whole thing.” Well, Jett doesn’t KNOW the whole thing, but I’ll go along with it.
“I’m just tired of being treated as their pity friend. They should want to be friends with me because I’m fun to hang out with and we have things in common and we care about one another. Being friends with someone because you feel sorry for them is the worst reason to be friends. Ever.”
I think I’m starting to feel the shot now. My face is getting warmer and my belly is burning little bit. I almost want to do another shot, but if I do, I won’t be able to drive home, that’s for sure. If I even want to go back.
“Then why are you staying friends with them? Ditch those bitches.” Simple advice, hard to follow.
“It’s not that easy. They’re all I’ve got.”
“What about me? What about Jett?” He doesn’t mention my family, which tells me that Jett probably told him about my issues with my family.
“That’s not enough. Hazel was my best friend when I didn’t have anyone. Not even my family. She was there for me. And the rest, same thing. They’ve been there.”
“So? At some point ‘being there’ isn’t going to cut it. What’s the point of keeping someone in your life if they’re going to treat you that way.” I know he’s making sense. I know this.
“Well, I did just scream at them and use the word f**k a few times.” Javier chuckles and pours me another shot. I knock it back, but I still choke and cough.
“That’s a start, blondie. We gotta bring out your inner bitch. You need to be more assertive. Don’t let people walk all over you.” He slaps me on the back and then takes another shot.
For someone who claims that they suck at advice, he’d done a good job.
“You’re not as much of an a**hole as I thought you were,” I say as I lean back on the couch. I really need to go wash my face.
“Don’t tell anyone. We’ll keep that strictly between us.” He winks and takes the shot glasses and whiskey bottle back to the kitchen.
“Gaaahhhhh,” I say, rubbing my face. It’s still sticky from my tears.
“Oh, it’s not as bad as you think it is. You can find new friends. I happen to know some very nice young ladies that you could be friends with.”
“Um, like that one with the dress that we lost at the bar that time?”
“Victoria? No, definitely not her. She’s not very nice.” That sounds like an understatement. Not that I really know anything about her, other than the fact that she went out with Javier and she wore that, um, dress.
“Jett should be back in a few minutes. Do you want to stay?”
“I guess that’s the plan. I’ve got enough stuff here, so I can.” Now that we’re done drinking and I’m done crying, Javier looks like he doesn’t know what to do with me. I go wash my face and by the time I’m done Jett is back. I hear him and Javier talking in low voices, and I keep the water on so they won’t know I can hear them.
There’s a knock at the bathroom door.
“Shan? You okay?” I turn the water off and open the door. The alcohol has given everything a warm and hazy quality. Nothing seems that bad, and I’m kind of wondering what I was so upset about earlier.
“Yeah, I’m fine now.” Jett looks defeated. Even his mohawk isn’t styled. It’s limp and lifeless. I remember I once watched a movie about whales and the ones that have been raised in captivity, their top fin curls over. Like their spirit is broken. He reminds me of that right now.
He opens his arms and I hug him. He sniffs and pulls back.
“Are you drunk?”
“Not yet. But a few more shots and I will be. It’s Javi’s fault.” I pat his head and walk back out into the living room. And I crash right into the couch.
“Oh my gosh!” Jett’s holding onto me.
“Ow.” This couch hates me, I swear.
“Well, I think that is my cue to get the hell out of here, which I am going to do right now. Call me if you need anything. See you later, Meryl.”
I ignore the fact that he calls me Meryl because I’m too focused on Jett.
“I’m sorry I came, but my roommates—” I was still so mad at them I couldn’t even finish this sentence. “And I couldn’t let last night be it. Please talk to me,” I say, pulling out the present from my purse. It’s a crane I made out of notebook paper. I even drew a little Batman logo on the wings. It’s dumb, but it’s all I could think of.
I hold it out in both hands and he looks down at it. His façade cracks and he takes it from me.
“I’m sorry, Shannon. I just . . . I had a moment last night and I freaked out and bailed. I’ve been trying to think of how to call you and make up for it, but I didn’t know what to say. I’m so, so sorry.”
“So this isn’t the end?” He’s still looking at the crane.
“No, this is not the end. We can make it the next week and-a-half. How hard can it be?” He laughs a little. Right. How hard can it be?
Chapter 17
Now that Javier is in on our secret, I feel a little bit less pressure. I also don’t mind him being around when I’m with Jett. I’ve spent some time with him now and, it’s apparent that what I thought was just for show, is actually his personality. And now that he’s more comfortable with me, he seems even MORE open. If that’s possible.
“So Javier didn’t buy the fight?” Jett and I are sitting on the couch, sharing leftover salad from last night. The tortellini is already gone.
“Yeah, but he didn’t tell me until I got back after . . . After I used the safe word. But yeah, he knew it was fake. So, um, I told him everything.”
“You told him?!” I mean, he had no choice, but still. Not thrilled.
“Look, I didn’t have a choice. What was I supposed to tell him?”
“I’m not mad at him telling Javier. Just mad that we weren’t more convincing.”
“It’s not your fault. We probably shouldn’t have fought in front of him. He knows me too well. He said it wasn’t even close. How did it go with Hazel?”
“Good, I guess. She seemed to buy it hook, line and sinker. The girls took me out for a spa day to help me recover.” I hold out my newly polished nails to show him. They’re black with yellow spots. I hope he sees the homage to Batman.