Needing to do something with my nervous energy, I headed for the snack table. I was munching through my weight in carrots when Griffin strolled into the room. He was fully dressed-tight black pants, fitted gray shirt, loose leather jacket, and a studded wristband. I'd always found Griffin's personality distracting, but physically, he was a cute guy, and looked really good today. Standing by the set, he had a deep frown on his face. Looking around the room, he spotted me and started heading my way. Wondering if I wanted to talk to him right now, I popped another carrot in my mouth and debated moving on to the chocolates.
Grabbing a peppermint disc, Griffin quickly unwrapped it and popped it into his mouth. "This sucks," he murmured.
I sort of agreed, but I was surprised by his reaction, so I asked, "Aren't you excited to film your first video?"
Looking a little surprised that I'd acknowledged his existence, Griffin took a second before answering. When he did, he turned toward me, giving me his full attention. I had to fight the natural urge I had to take a step back. "Oh, yeah, I'm totally stoked. But they're filming the band scenes at the same time they're filming the love scene," he pointed over to the pristine bed, "so I won't get to watch Sienna Sexton roll around half-naked. It's not fair."
Wondering if maybe I should watch the boys instead of Kellan, I sighed, "Yeah . . . not fair."
Griffin seemed even more surprised that I agreed with him. I didn't necessarily agree with him, I just wasn't enjoying much of anything right now. Forgoing the vegetables, I grabbed a Kit-Kat and moodily chomped into it. Griffin watched me while he chewed on his candy. "You still freaked out about Sienna and Kellan?"
Wondering how on earth Griffin had become my confidant, I shrugged and nodded. "Yeah. I'm really not looking forward to this."
Swallowing the last bits of his candy, he nodded as he looked back at the bedroom set that filled me with dread. "Don't worry about it. It's just tonsil hockey . . . maybe some grinding." He looked back at me while I grimaced. Grinding? "Kellan's in such a pissy mood today, I doubt he'll even get a half-chub." My eyes widened. I hadn't even considered Kellan becoming aroused during this whole nightmare. But of course that was a possibility; blood flow wasn't exactly something a person could control.
Griffin rolled his eyes. "You should have heard him complaining in wardrobe." His voice went up an octave in a poor imitation of Kellan's. "Oh, poor me, I have to make out with a hot superstar. Women fawn over me wherever I go. I have fucktastic hair and an eight pack. Boo-hoo."
Twisting his lips in a look of contempt, he made an obscene gesture over his privates. I couldn't help the small smile that crept onto my face. He was rude and crude and said things I didn't want to hear sometimes, but somehow Griffin was also amusing in a comforting sort of way, and I actually did feel better. Lord, help me.
Griffin was dragged away a few minutes before Sienna showed up. Wearing a fluffy white robe, she looked incredible. As I wandered closer to the fake bedroom, Diedrich approached her. He indicated the crowd of people in the room, probably asking her if she wanted a closed set. Sienna looked around, shrugged, and shook her head. Nothing bothered this woman. Slipping the robe off of her shoulders, she handed it to an aide hovering nearby. My jaw dropped at the skimpy underwear set she was proudly wearing. Even though I'd seen her in a bikini that was about as revealing, there was something about underwear that made it ten times more provocative.
Someone in the back of the room whistled, and Sienna flashed a grin that way. Diedrich frowned and snapped something to another aide. I figured somebody just got fired. The bed on set only had a thin, silky sheet for a cover. An aide pulled the sheet back for her, and Sienna seductively crawled onto the firm mattress. As she settled into place, Kellan made his appearance. Like Sienna had been, he was wearing a robe. I stopped halfway across the room and watched him. He was looking down at Sienna sprawled on top of the satin sheet. There was a look on his face that was close to sadness. It made me want to hug him.
Sienna frowned at his expression and patted the bed beside her. Diedrich started talking to Kellan, maybe giving him pointers on how to make love to a woman-like Kellan needed pointers. I noticed that Diedrich didn't seem to be asking Kellan if he wanted the room cleared. I guess that consideration was only for females. Kellan was nodding as he started removing his robe. I chewed on my lip as his beautiful skin came into sight. He was wearing underwear, thankfully, but not boxers like he normally wore. Instead he had on low slung boxer-briefs. They looked . . . good on him. Some of the female members of the crew stopped and stared, but none of them were stupid enough to whistle.
Even from the distance between us, I could see that his chest was flawless . . . no tattoo. I guess the makeup department had covered it up. They probably didn't want my name all over the video since they were trying to promote a Kellan/Sienna love fest. His wedding ring was most likely gone too.
Before he crawled into bed with another woman, Kellan looked around the room. He spotted me instantly, and gave me a brief, troubled smile. This was hard for him. It made me feel better that it was. Griffin was right; Kellan didn't want this.
I nodded my encouragement and forced myself to step closer, to show my support. Kellan sidled up to Sienna in the middle of the bed and she eagerly wrapped her arms around him. I wanted to tell her that she didn't need to canoodle with him when the cameras weren't rolling, but Nick was eyeing me warily, so I kept my mouth shut.
Another assistant adjusted the sheet so it just covered the couple's hips. Lights were adjusted, and reflective panels were put into place, giving the pair of lovers mood lighting. Cameras whirred to life, red lights on the top of them indicating that they were ready. Large screens beside them showed just how the recording would look in the finished cut. My gaze flitted from the real couple to the couple on the screen. I found it easier to stomach if I watched the television. Somehow that seemed less real.
On the screen, Kellan seemed nervous as he lay on his back beside Sienna. She was propped up on her elbow, leaning over him, her dark hair brushing his shoulder. She didn't seem nervous at all. She seemed . . . ecstatic. Before I was ready, the director yelled action and the room silenced.
Kellan didn't do anything, he didn't even move. Sienna did. Leaning over, she touched her lips to his. I bit my cheek so hard I tasted blood. Kellan tentatively kissed her back, but it was nothing that anyone would constitute as hot. Awkward would be a better description. Every move of his lips against hers was clearly forced. Looking a little frustrated, Sienna climbed onto his stomach, grinding her h*ps into him as she did. Again, Kellan didn't react like someone in that situation actually would. All he did was lay there while she attacked him. Slightly frowning, Sienna tossed her hair over her shoulder, and dove in for his mouth. Thanks to the close-up on the screen I was watching, I could see her tongue dart between his lips. I could also tell from how little his jaw moved, that he wasn't letting her in. He was resisting; it was clear as day that he wasn't into this woman ravaging him.
"Cut!"
The sudden voice in the stillness made my heart skip a beat. I unfurled my hands and rubbed out the indents of my fingernails on my palms. I hadn't noticed, but I'd almost drawn blood there too.
Sienna rolled off of Kellan while he sat up. "He's not giving me anything to work with!" she yelled.
Kellan sighed and looked over at her. "I'm sorry. I'm trying."
"No, you're not, Kellan," I muttered. Worrying my lip, I hated the fact that I may have to give my husband a pep talk so he could successfully make love to another woman on film. Which was doubly strange, considering the fact that Kellan had already filmed a love scene or two in his lifetime. In retrospect, filming fake sex should have been a walk in the park for him. But he was clearly struggling.
As Nick bellowed at Kellan to get with the program, Kellan searched for me. Standing near the monitors, I nodded at him and mouthed, "It's okay." He sighed again and looked away.
Nick was shooting bullets into me with his eyes, like Kellan's tepid mood was entirely my fault. It made me think that maybe I should leave so this would be easier for Kellan. Just as I was considering going to watch the other D-Bags, Diedrich took a more proactive approach to his temperamental actor's reluctance. "Remove the bra, sweetheart." Much quieter, he added, "We'll get his blood pumping one way or another." Some of the men around him laughed. Staying put, I clenched my fists again.
Sienna shrugged and then removed her tiny black bra. She handed it to an assistant, not even bothering to cover herself up. How does a person get so much confidence that exposing their chest to a roomful of strangers didn't even faze them? It boggled my mind. As did the perfection of her bountiful br**sts.
Tearing my gaze from her, I looked down at Kellan. His eyes were averted and he shifted on the bed like it was the most uncomfortable place he'd ever laid down in. Even though he was in a spot that most men would willingly chop off their right arm to be, I couldn't help but feel bad for him. He looked miserable.
Sienna either didn't notice or was choosing to ignore it. Climbing on top of him again, she pressed her bare chest into his. Someone on the set made sure none of her unmentionable parts were showing while Kellan stared up at the ceiling and exhaled in a long, even breath. What I wouldn't give to know what he was thinking right now.
After one last nipple check was done, an assistant grabbed Kellan's hand and placed it on Sienna's ass. Then they took his other one and placed it on the low ridge of her back-one of Kellan's favorite spots. Sienna smiled and whispered something to him. Kellan looked down at her face and gave her a tight smile in return. Everything about him seemed tense, like he couldn't relax . . . or he was afraid to.
Diedrich yelled action again, and Sienna leaned down to kiss him again. My heart instantly started beating harder, and I had to practice deep cleansing breaths. Kellan mildly kissed her back, his rigid hands glued into position on her body. It went on for a seemingly endless amount of time-Sienna trying her damnedest to turn him on, Kellan barely responding. He was so different than the passionate man I knew him to be.
Just when I thought Diedrich was going to yell cut again and Nick was going to evict me from the premises, Kellan sucked in a deep breath, closed his eyes, and started coming to life. It began with his hands, traveling over her skin, playing with the indent of her low spine. Then he started kissing her with genuine fervor. Before I knew it, there were flashes of their tongues meeting on the mega-sized screen right in front of my face. Lip smacking had been clear in the air for a while, but now that Sienna was getting a response from him, her light moans punctuated the silence. I felt warmth trickle down my palms as my fingernails finally cut through the skin.
Oh. My. God. What did I agree to let him do?
Now that his "actors" were getting into their roles, Diedrich started barking out commands-feel this, touch that, lift your head, kiss her there, roll her over. By the time Kellan had her on her back, he was completely and totally immersed in what he was doing. Tears stung my eyes, but I made myself continue to watch.
There was a camera at the foot of the bed as well as one beside the bed. The one at the foot was getting an impressive view of Kellan's defined back. The thin bed sheet was strategically placed low on Kellan's hips, just enough to cover his underwear, giving the viewer the illusion that he was nak*d. The sheet was so thin that it outlined his body, and every thrust he gave Sienna was completely obvious, and disturbingly graphic.
The camera beside the bed was the one getting a close-up of their faces. That one almost disturbed me more, because the expression on Kellan's face was one I'd seen before . . . when he was with me. Eyes closed, he was breathing hard in between frantic kisses. Sienna was squirming and groaning beneath him; it wouldn't surprise me in the least if she wasn't acting, if he actually was pleasing her. Was she pleasing him? Was he aroused? I had no idea, and it drove me crazy not to know. I think knowing would have driven me crazy too, though.
Kellan's lips played over hers. His tongue ducked into her mouth, then slid over to trace the outline of her ear. Upon request of the director, Kellan's fingers trailed up her side, stopping right over the breast closest to the camera, cupping it. I thought I'd seen enough to give me nightmares for a month, but then Kellan ran his nose up her throat, his tongue stretching out to lightly taste her skin.