Jack laughs. It's a deep rich sound. "That girl was you. Beautiful br**sts, dazzling eyes, razor sharp wit with lips that scream to be kissed. I rambled on about you for the entire period. Damn, I was tactless." The vibrancy in his blue eyes seems to fade. Seriously, he asks, "I wasted so much time trying to tell you without saying how I felt. I can't tell you how many times I wished that I'd kissed you that night, how much I regretted my actions." There's a hollowness in his words. It's something that can never happen. We lost ten years. We'll never get them back. His life changed during that time and so did mine. Damage was done that can't be changed.
I take his hands and say, "We found each other again. That's all that matters. Most people don't get a second chance, Jack. We got lucky." Jack's head lowers as he looks at my hand. My throat tightens. I want to wrap my arms around him and never let go. Something's going through his head. I see the remorse in his eyes. This is just the tip, the edge of whatever's haunting him. He glances up and gives me a weak smile.
Just then the second round of food comes out. This course is as cute as the first. "What is this?" It looks like chocolate squares. There are three in a little white dish with a raspberry.
"A fudgesicle." I snort a laugh and nearly knock the bowl on the floor. Jack watches me and grins. "Are you insane?"
He winks at me. "Maybe." The grin that lights up his face reaches his eyes. He's remembering that night. We were at one of the dances - I don't remember which one. My date turned out to be an ass. He had happy hands, so I told him off and sat on the bleachers by myself. Jack had happy hands with Carlie Throning, but she didn't seem to mind when his hands dipped down her back. Eventually, Jack came over. He handed me a fudge pop and said something stupid. I can still hear his voice. You're too prude, Abby. Who cares if a guy grabs your ass? You have to give it up sometime and stop being such a bitch. I took the frozen pop, shoved it down his shirt, and stormed away. We didn't speak for two weeks.
He clears his throat and looks at the bowl. "Maybe it's an apology. You had a better grasp on sex at that age. I really didn't get it. And I really wanted you." He laughs as he says the last part. "You have to admit that I did a pretty good job of not grabbing your ass right then."
I laugh loudly, and slap my hands over my mouth, glancing around. I point a finger at him, like he's in trouble for an ancient thought. "I would have killed you."
"It would have been worth it."
Smiling, I shake my head. "So what did your date think when you came back covered in chocolate?"
Jack's eyes shift to the side, like he doesn't want to tell me. "Well..."
"Oh, now you have to say it. What'd she do?"
"I told her that I did some things with a fudgesicle that earned me the respect of the football team that year and added something along the lines of I'm not a one woman kind of guy." Embarrassment floods his face.
"You told your date that you had sex with a girl using a popsicle?" He nods once, his face beet red, his eyes only meeting mine when he has to. "What did she do?"
"Abby," he says, "maybe this wasn't a good course."
"Oh, my God. You had sex with her using a popsicle! Tell me you didn't." I blink at him with an incredulous smile on my face.
He shrugs and doesn't meet my gaze. "I was f**ked up. I told you that I had a past, that I did things. I didn't mean for the conversation to go this way."
"Jack Gray, you have a very twisted mind." I can't stop smiling at him. I want to rip that girl's head off, but Jack is mine now. I wonder why I haven't seen any trace of his fetishes. I lick my lips, wondering what that feels like, and I shiver. Jack has a surprised look on his face. "I like it." I wink at him and the tension flows from his shoulders.
"I thought you'd be mad," he says, glancing up at me.
"We both had lives before this. I can't yell at you about stuff that happened a decade ago. However, I can ask what other weird sexual things you've done." Jack grins and looks away. Oh my God. He's holding back. I knew it. "I will find out one day. You can tell me anything, Jack."
He taps his head, smiling, and lifts his wine glass. "There are some things in here that you don't want to know."
"I think it's more like there are some things in there that are so messed up that you don't want to share." He glances up at me. Heat flashes in Jack's eyes. Bingo.
Jack picks up a frozen square and pops it in his mouth. When he notices me staring at him, he says, "Eat your dinner, Abby." That crooked grin is there, and I know this evening is just getting started.
Chapter 5-6
Chapter 5
JACK
Abby has that look on her face, the one that unnerves Jack to his core. It's like she can read his mind, every thought, every emotion. Jack damns this course. He meant it to be sweet, to be a way of saying I remember everything between us, but the old Jack didn't realize how deep his feelings for Abby went. He was reckless and stupid. The memory of that night flared to life in his mind in vivid detail - the rage in Abby's eyes as her gaze burned a hole in his face, the way she grabbed his collar and stuffed the cold ice pop down his shirt, the way she turned and ran before he could see her cry. Jack's heart falls into the pit of his stomach with the memory.
What Abby didn't know was that he had chased after her. Jack left his date alone for so long that he was certain she'd be gone when he went back. He didn't want to continue the night, he just didn't want to go home yet. Jack didn't understand Abby's idealized version of sex. To Jack, it was a game. Sex was fun, a way to relieve the tension that lined his body. Some days, he felt like he couldn't handle himself. He wanted to punch in lockers and fight with any guy who looked at him wrong. When he was around Abby and she was on her chastity kick, it just made him nuts. If she had said something even once that made him think that she wanted him, Jack wouldn't have been able to control himself. That's why he'd said those things that night. Jack had watched Abby dancing with that guy. The way he had been looking at Abby was the same way Jack did. Jack knew that look. Jack responded by pulling Carlie closer to him and lowering his hands onto her butt. Just when he did it, Abby looked over at him. Her shy eyes darted away. More than anything, Jack wanted to be holding Abby, but things didn't work out that way. It would be years before it worked out that way. Instead, Jack had continued to eat his foot as Abby continued to be pure.
He lost his mind that night and said things he shouldn't have said. Then, when Jack got back to the dance, he was such a mess and Carlie was there asking about his shirt and where he was - when she offered to do it with him, Jack followed her in a daze and did what she wanted. But he never felt whole. It was just to pass the time.
The look on Abby's face now alarms him. Jack didn't want to get into his past.
When she speaks, he nearly dies. "So, the popsicle...did that work?"
Jack couldn't help it. He grins at her. "Did it work? No, it was ice." If he didn't know better, Jack would have thought Abby looked disappointed. "What's going on in that mind of yours?"
Abby shrugs and pops another bite into her mouth. "It is cold," she says, moving the piece of frozen fudge between her lips. She holds it there for a moment, looking at him, before swallowing it. "I've heard that cold can feel good."
"Where'd you hear that?" Jack is grinning at her. He can't believe she isn't mad. Jack plays with an imaginary spot on the table and glances up at her with hope filling his chest. Maybe she won't say no later. Maybe...
"Around," she says coyly, glancing up at him. Jack's eyes move to meet her gaze, but get stuck on her body. Her br**sts are beautiful and full. That dress pushes them up toward him, making him forget what he was going to say. Abby leans back and the plate is removed from in front of her.
"You amaze me."
"Because I think food is sexy?" she asks, smiling. Abby leans forward and weaves her fingers together before resting her chin on top. She winks at him. That wink is a direct line to his pants. Jack thought he knew what he was doing, but resisting her now is just as hard as it was in high school. He would give anything to have her at this moment. All he can think of is holding her in his arms and feeling her breath against his chest. There's something about her that calls to him. He wanted to deny it, to offer her the chance to live the life she'd chosen, but Jack was weak. He couldn't let her walk out of his life again.
He laughs. "Yes, that is the sole reason for my statement. Your sexual fascination with food is alluring. I have to have you. Now." Jack means what he says, but makes it sound like he's only playing. Any sexual fascination that Abby has fascinates him. Jack knows that he'll do anything she wants, but Abby isn't there yet. This is still new to her and Jack doesn't want to rush her.
Abby picks up a carrot stick from the center of the table and licks it before putting it between her lips. She pulls it out slowly. "I heard carrots are fun too."
"Who have you been talking to?" Jack's pulse is pounding. The pressure in his pants is becoming too demanding to ignore. Jack presses his eyes closed, trying to force the bulge in his pants back down.
She laughs. "Kate. Who else would I hear this stuff from?" She dips the carrot and slips it in her mouth again. When she pulls it out slowly, Jack feels himself harden again.
"Did she tell you what happens when you tease your lover in a public place?" Jack teases. It's something he wants, that he hopes she'll accept about him. Everything about this place is perfect. Just looking at Abby makes him hard. When she plays like this, Jack nearly loses his mind.
Abby giggles. "You wouldn't." She puts the carrot down and leans forward. Her chest presses hard against the neckline of her dress, making his eyes drift below her face.
"Try me, Mrs. Gray. I would love to do unspeakable things to you in here."
Abby's face reddens and she looks away. Jack's heart falls a little bit. She needs more time. It's not fair to ask this of her so soon.
Chapter 6
ABBY
When Jack says that he would take me here and now, my face flames. I look away, unable to match the intensity of his gaze. My stomach twists as I imagine myself, nak*d on the table with Jack thrusting into me. Am I that kind of a woman? I don't know.
I look up at Jack and decide not to tempt him again. I was just playing with the carrot, not realizing the effect it would have on him. I wonder if it's really that erotic, if he's hard watching me. The thoughts make me wish we were in our room where I could slip my hand over him and find out. I smile faintly at him, like I'm a good girl, like I'm not a lusty lunatic thinking about reaching under the table and groping him.
As the courses continue, they contain both food that I liked in high school and some things that Jack's noticed I enjoy now. Each one has a story, a memory that makes me smile. He replays our relationship in this dinner, course by course, until the end. When dessert is served, it's little cups of colored pudding served with a chocolate paintbrush. I nearly die. I smile widely at him as the waiter sets the plates in front of us. I can barely stay on my side of the table. I want to get up and wrap my arms around him. We eat the sweet treat in silence. I have such an enormous pressure on my chest that words won't come. When I pull the little chocolate brush from the cup, I lick it in long slow strokes before sucking all the pudding off the tip.