His Adam’s apple bobs up and down as he swallows hard. “Okay.”
We sit in silence, watching the snowflakes land on the hood and drift through the beam of the headlights.
When he looks at me again, the lust in his eyes forces me to suck in a sharp breath. “Alright, no more drowning in our sorrows. It’s confession time again.”
“Haven’t we done a lot of that over the last day?” I thread my fingers through his. “I think I might be all confessed out.”
“I have this dream,” he says, ignoring my request. “Well, it’s more like a fantasy… But anyway, you and I have sex in my car. We are in the driver’s seat, with you on top of me.”
“That sounds an awful lot like the dream I had.”
“That’s because great minds think alike. But hav**g s*x on the hood in this weather doesn’t seem like it would work, so I’m going with inside.”
I glance over my shoulder at the road. “You want to have sex in the car? Right now? What if someone comes up here?”
“Hardly anyone comes up here in this kind of weather. You know that.” He stares at me, biting on the damn lip ring and my body burns hot with longing. Without even thinking, I maneuver over the console and straddle his lap.
His lips quirk. “I really thought it would take more persuading than that.”
He considers something, and then moves me over to get out of the car. Popping the trunk, he grabs something before hurrying back in, shivering from the cold air. There’s snow on his shoulders and a blanket in his hand. “Just in case someone does show up then we can at least be covered.”
“You keep a blanket in you trunk?” I say. “Man, you are prepared. How many times have you had sex in your car?”
He pulls me back onto his lap and wraps the blanket around us. “This is a first for me, pretty girl.”
“You’ve never done anyone in the car before?” I question with cynicism.
His face is humorless as he tucks a strand of hair behind my ear. “I know you saw me with a lot of girls, but I think you totally mistake how much effort I put into it. Doing it in a car is going to be f**king complicated. Besides, I’ve been saving this place for you.”
Rolling my eyes, I fasten my arms around the back of his neck. “And what would have happened if we’d never gotten together? Then you would have never lived out your fantasy. And what if I wasn’t into it?”
He squeezes my ass. “Oh, I knew you’d be into it. As much as you get embarrassed about stuff, cars have always turned you on. I remember the first time I took you for a ride in The Beast. It was a piece of shit back then, but it could still kick it. You were sitting in the passenger seat with your hand out the window and you had this look on your face—you were getting so turned on. It turned me on so badly, I had to take care of myself when I got home.”
“I wasn’t getting turned on,” I lie. “I was enjoying the moment.”
An artful smirk curves at his lips. “If I would have pulled over and asked you to do me, you totally would have.”
I shake my head in protest. “No, I wouldn’t have. You would have freaked me out if you’d asked me.”
The intensity in his face switches to solemnity. “I actually know that. You know, when it came to doing crazy things like jumping off roofs and fighting, you were good to go. But challenge you to face your feelings and you’d run away like you were on fire.”
“That’s because I didn’t understand them,” I utter quietly, staring off into the darkness outside. “Anna… my therapist, thinks it’s because no one ever hugged me or whatever. I don’t know… She says weird stuff like that all the time to me, like she thinks it’s my childhood that made me this way.”
Silence incases us and finally I dare a glance at him, fearing I’ve probably freaked him out with my confession. “I’m sorry. I should probably keep that stuff to myself.”
“I want you to talk to me about stuff, Ella,” he says. “I’m just surprised you did. You’ve never said much about what goes on in therapy.”
“That’s because it’s personal.” My chest rises and falls as I breathe soundly.
He cups my cheek and runs his thumb underneath my eye. “You do realize we’ve crossed the line of things being personal.”
He’s right, so summoning confidence, I continue. “She says I didn’t get hugged enough and I told her you hugged me all the time, but she didn’t seem that impressed.”
He laughs softly. “I remember the first time I tried to hug you… I think we were, like, eight or something. You’d scraped the shit out of your knee trying to climb up a tree and I wanted to make you feel better, so I went to hug you.”
I wince at the memory. “And then I punched you in the arm. I remember… you scared me. I’d never had anyone approach me like that.”
“I know.” He bushes his lips against mine as his finger traces my cheekbone. “The next time I made sure I was a little more careful, although I did sneak in a few arm wraps and pats on the back.”
“It was weird for me when you did it,” I confess. “But there were too many people around and I didn’t want to look nuts by running away from your celebration… God, I can’t believe I was that old the first time I can remember being hugged.”
“What were we, like, thirteen?” Micha recollects, dazing off as he coils a strand of my hair around his finger. “I was so f**king excited that I’d won that stupid bet.”
“It was a stupid bet.” My eyelids flutter as his hand runs through my hair and tugs at the roots. “We all knew Danny was afraid of heights. I have no idea why he even tried to jump off the cliff into the lake.”
“I held my breath the entire fall.” I clutch onto his shoulders. “I think I was scared you’d hurt yourself or something.”
“That’s because you loved me. You just didn’t know it yet.”
“You didn’t know it either. You were just as blind as me.”
“I know, but I can remember swimming out of the lake totally stoked because I’d won two hundred bucks. Plus I was so hyped up on adrenaline. When I saw you standing on the shore in the cut-off that showed off your long skinny legs”—he pinches my ass and I shake my head—“I wasn’t even thinking. I just went over, picked you up, and latched on to you.”
“You nearly squeezed the life out of me,” I recollect. “And you got my clothes all wet… but I did like it.”
He crooks an eyebrow. “It didn’t seem like you did.”
“I did.” I latch onto his gaze, needing to look at him. “It was scary, but nice. Everything with you is scary, but nice.”
His expression changes at my honesty and he leans in to kiss me fervidly, ending the conversation. I eagerly unzip my jacket and toss it into the backseat. He pulls my shirt over my head and quickly unfastens my bra with one flick of his finger. His gaze instantly lowers. Cupping one with his hand, he brings his mouth to my breast and I fall backward, bumping the horn. It honks into the night, but I’m too lost to care as his hand glides down my stomach and delves inside my jeans. Once his fingers are inside me, my eyes seal shut and warmth ripples through my body. The horn keeps honking and “Don’t Wait” by Dashboard Confessions flows from the speakers.
“Micha, I want you,” I moan as he sucks kisses along the hollow of my neck and I can hardly breathe. “I really do.”
He draws back slightly, his eyes penetrating mine. When his lips return to mine, it’s not just about lust or desire—it’s about making us whole.
Rising my h*ps upward to take my jeans and panties off, I accidentally bang my head on the roof. Laughing softly, he steers my mouth back to his forcefully as I fumble to undo the button of his jeans and then he wiggles them down. Seconds later he’s inside me and I hover forward to stop the horn from honking as I open my mouth, allowing his tongue to devour me. The windows fog up as he thrusts into me and I cling onto him like he’s what keeps me thriving. Because he is.
Chapter 20
Micha
I smile the entire drive home. Not just because she let me do her in the car, but also because so much has changed. She opened up to me and her eyes lost a little bit of the sadness in them.
When I pull the car up to the front of her house, however, my gut wrenches at the idea that all the progress could be taken away in a heartbeat if Dean or her dad decides to bring painful things up. I decide before I get out of the car, that if they do, I’ll hurt them.
Dean’s red Porsche is in the driveway, along with Ethan’s truck. As we walk toward the back door, holding hands, snow falling from the sky and crunching under our shoes, neither one of us speaks. When we reach the door, I pause before opening it.
“You sure you want to do this?” I ask. “Because we could take off right now, just you and I and go wherever you want.”
She stands on her tiptoes to kiss my cheek and then nods. “I think I have to.”
Reluctantly, I open the door and we walk head-on into the lion’s den. At the table, Ella’s dad, Lila, and Ethan are sitting quietly around bowls and plates full of corn, stuffing, chicken, peas. There are rolls and butter and much more than both of us are used to seeing. Keeping a hold of Ella’s hand I walk over to the table and we take a seat side-by-side.
“It took you a long time to get back,” Ethan mutters under his breath with an accusing laugh. “What, did you get stuck again or something?”
“Knock it off.” I take a roll as Ella grips my hand under the table with her eyes fixed on the tablecloth. Her dad looks awkward sitting across from us, cutting a piece of chicken into absurdly thin slices.
“Hello, Ella,” he says formally, without making eye contact. “How have you been?”
My muscles tense waiting for her response.
It takes her a second. “Good. Really, really good.”
I exhale and the heaviness and worry of the night alleviates for the moment. Dean enters with a box in his hand and a confused look on his face.
“Who drew on the bathroom floor?” He drops the box on the counter.
Ella raises her hand. “I did.”
“Okay.” His tone holds annoyance. “Well, next time close the damn door. You know how I feel about it being open.”
I grit my teeth, trying not to say anything as Ella raises her chin and looks at her father, who seems obsessed with the chicken. “Dad, I think the chicken is cut.”
“Oh.” He sets the fork down to the side of the plate and sighs. “I didn’t even realize I was cutting it.”
“Be nice,” Caroline hisses at Dean from behind us. “Or I swear to God you’re sleeping alone tonight.” She appears at the table with a plate of crackers and cheese. She’s wearing a red dress with a skeleton on the bottom and a cross around her neck. “Alright, who’s hungry?”
We all dig in like we’re starved animals and my mom and Thomas come waltzing in right on time. My mom has a green dress on that’s a little too short and Thomas has a polo shirt and cargo pants on. Ella’s dad stands up to give my mom a quick kiss on the cheek, and then they take a seat at the opposite end on fold-up chairs.