“Ok, you just said you wanted her to take me out? And now she’s a bad influence for going to a few parties?” This was really confusing.
“Britte’s a party girl?” My mom asked, sounding subtly out-raged. “But she seems like such a nice girl, with a good head on her shoulders.”
“Doesn’t she want to be a surgeon?” My father asked dumbfounded.
“Gah!” I growled in frustration. And then I mimicked Beckett’s misplaced outrage, “First of all, mom and dad, Britte is a good girl. Beckett’s out of his mind for painting this picture of her. She’s been to a few parties, but she is by no means a party girl. School comes first for her, always. Even over our friendship. Trust me. And sEcond, Beckett have you lost your damn mind?”
I swung around to face him, letting him feel the full force of my anger when the entire table fell silent.
“Cursing? At the dinner table? Eleanor,” my mother chastised.
Oh no.
How had I let that slip out??
“Sorry,” I mumbled and then dived for my water. Damn- the table-silencing mother of all curse words. Someone pull out the bar of soap.
Luckily the waitress stopped by at that moment and began taking our orders. I hadn’t yet looked at the menu, so while everyone gave theirs I glanced at the dinner specials, picked out the first chicken dish listed- just to be contrary- and then pretended I had been ready the entire time.
After the waitress collected our dinner orders and a few more drink orders from, well, everybody but me, Beckett squeezed my knee under the table. I waited until Lennox started telling stories about his trip to China before I acknowledged Beckett.
“What?” I whispered harshly.
“You’ve never cussed in front of Cecelia and Drake before,” he whispered back as if I didn’t know. He loved using my mom and dad’s first names, as if he were too cool for parents. They let him, because he was disgustingly spoiled.
“Give me a break; you say worse stuff all the time.”
“Yeah, I do. But they already know I’m a screw-up. You’re their perfect daughter, valedictorian, track star, accomplished artist. You’re not supposed to say bad words.”
“Oh please, that’s such a double standard,” I growled. “And I was not valedictorian! I was salutatorian. That’s like sEcond place. That’s like losing.”
Beckett snorted loudly at that.
My mom shot us a dirty look in the middle of Lennox laughing through the punch line of one of his stories. I plastered on a smile and turned away from Beckett so I could pay attention better.
“Bad words now, Els, really?” Grayson started in as soon as I was facing his direction. “What exactly has gotten into you?”
“Are you kidding me right now?” I hissed.
“This is about Hunter, isn’t it?” Beckett accused, back in my ear again.
“Oh no,” I muttered, shaking my head in defeat.
“Are the rumors true, Els?” Grayson demanded. “Are you dating him?”
“What?” I squeaked.
“That’s what everyone’s saying,” Beckett actually sounded disappointed in me. Beckett was disappointed in me!
“That I’m dating Fin?”
“Oh so you are dating him, huh?” Grayson sounded murderous.
“Stop it, both of you-“
“I will kill him, Ellie,” Beckett’s rage was escalating too. They were like rabid wild animals on the scent of a new and unaware prey. “If he’s laid a finger on you, just one, slimy, degenerate finger on you, I will kill him.”
“Oh, my gosh.” This was getting out of hand.
“Has he forced you to do anything you’re not comfortable with? You can be honest. We won’t hurt you.” Grayson’s voice dropped to that deadly octave that only dangerous males could make convincing. The one that created mental images of baseball bats and bloody knees.
“Stop it, seriously!” I hissed at them. Which in turn grabbed the attention of my parents and Lennox too, mid-punch line even. That was kind of an accomplishment. “I’m not dating Fin.”
“Then what are you doing with him!” Beckett half-shouted, completely enraged at this point. Again.
“Nothing!” I shrieked in a pitch I was sure only dogs could hear. “I’m not doing anything with Fin. We are not together in any capacity. Stop being jackasses. Both of you!”
“Geez, Els,” Grayson muttered, as if put out. “You don’t have to yell at us.”
I dropped my head into my hands. The food wasn’t even here yet.
Beckett had the same hurt tone to his voice, the same stiff back, like I just attacked them. “Yeah, Ellie, we’re just worried. Hunter is an epic level douche, with which one does not convert or contain. I just don’t want to see you hurt again.”
“Or with another user,” Grayson put in and I started softening for them both.
Dang it. They always did this to me!
I took a big breath, exhaled slowly and then fought for patience. “I know. Thanks guys. I really do
appreciate it. But you have to trust me. Colton was a…. fluke. A bad judgment on my part. Going forward you have nothing to worry about!” I plastered on a fake smile that none of my family believed.
“Did you say Fin Hunter?” Lennox growled from across the table, clearly not only familiar with the name but the reputation too.
Oh boy.
“Forget it, Lennox,” I shot him the evil eye and hoped he would back off before this got any worse. “I don’t want to talk about it anymore. Just drop it.”
He gave a huff of dissatisfaction and crossed his arms across his chest in a move that said: this is so not over.
“Kiddo?” My dad asked in his deep, baritone voice that instantly soothed me. “Are you alright? You’ve been on edge since you sat down. Is something wrong?”
“Nope.” Everything. Everything is wrong.
“You’re stressed, sweetheart, we can all see it,” my mother pounced. “It’s probably all your money problems, am I right? Let us help you out! Just your rent, or tuition, or both. You’re studying so hard, and working, you’re probably exhausted. We could help take some of that strain away.”
More fake smiling. The food would be here any minute. I just needed to persevere. This was like a marathon… I could pace myself. I could get through this.
I cleared my throat and said, “No thanks, mom. I’m fine, really.”
“I heard your roommate moved out,” Grayson announced slyly as if he was just waiting for the right opportunity to slip that in. I was going to kill him.
“Yes, she did,” I admitted.
“Oh no, honey,” my mom cooed. “She didn’t leave you in the lurch did she?”
Only because she took the majority of my furniture. And hadn’t paid rent in three months. And left a huge, impossible debt in my name that I will never be able to pay back.
“No, we both agreed that it was time.” Liar, liar pants on fire.
Beckett grunted next to me. “She was a shit roommate anyway.”
“So true,” I sighed.
“Language,” my father reprimanded.
“So what are you going to do?” my mom asked. “You can’t afford that place on your own unless you work more. You’re not thinking about dropping out are you? Don’t drop out. Whatever you do, don’t drop out!” Like I had even hinted at the idea! Good grief, mom…. “Eleanor, please stop torturing yourself. Let us help out. You need us. And we want to help!”
“I’m not dropping out of school!” Although I would drop out before I took their money. Not that it was dirty, or I was in some way mistreated by them. But if I didn’t take control of my own life now, I never would. These people, even though they acted out of love and concern, or something vaguely resembling it, would happily let me stifle and shrivel until there was nothing left of me- all in the name of protecting me or worrying about me. I couldn’t breathe under their overprotection. I couldn’t live. “I will be fine. I’m just a little stressed, it’s no big deal.”
“All for nothing. We could take that all away,” my mom mumbled, looking more put out than ever.
“At least let me help you with rent until you’re back on your feet,” Lennox offered magnanimously. “Just let me pay your roommate’s share of the rent until you find a new one.”
“Actually, she hasn’t paid the last two month’s rent, so I’ve been covering her share all by myself,” I replied proudly. Despite the fact that my diet had dwindled to cardboard noodle packs and cheap hot dogs that were surely going to give me cancer. And…. I paid for the last three gallons of gas for my car in pocket change and a dollar I found on the floor in the vending machine room of Britte’s dorm, still I was making it. Which was something I could be proud of if I ignored the seven thousand dollar debt hanging like a guillotine over my neck.
Well, I was proud until the collective gasp at the table made me feel like the biggest sucker for putting up with Tara the Terrorist for as long as I did.
“Two months?” my dad echoed. “No wonder you kicked her out!”
“Yep,” I suddenly couldn’t look anyone in the eye.
“Way to stand up for yourself, Els!” Lennox praised proudly.
Oh gosh.
“Huh, I heard that she checked into re-“ I kicked Beckett’s shin under the table and shot him the evil eye. He, of course, returned the dirty look but at least he finished with “Re-max. I heard she wanted to buy a house from Re-max.”
Clever idiot.
“I had not heard that rumor,” I mumbled truthfully. “But you’re the one with your ear to the ground.”
“So where’s she going to stay until then?” My dad asked, looking as well as sounding confused.
“I have no idea,” another truthful answer. “But she’s not my problem anymore.” Not exactly the truth. Not only was she my problem, her problems were my problems.
“Oh, honey, you did the right thing,” my mother offered.
To that I snorted before I could stop myself. When she gave me a questioning look I mumbled, a very unconvincing, “I just feel bad.”
“You know kiddo, mom and I would be happy to cover her side of the rent so you don’t have to find another roommate. We could also keep you from feeling strapped.” My dad’s deep blue eyes sparkled sincerely from across the table.
They meant well, I knew they meant well. It was just…. too much. Kids couldn’t wait for college for a myriad of reasons, most were to get away from their parents. And I was no exception. But it wasn’t like I had these terrible parents. They were just…. overwhelming. And before I was even halfway through high school I was suffocating under their strict, heavy-handed rule. Throw in my three guard-dog brothers and there was nothing left of me. Of me. When I graduated high school I was lost. I had no idea who I was, what I wanted in life or what I was going to do to get myself under my own control. Fast forward two years and I still didn’t know. But I was better, I was breathing and I was learning.