“Because you’re not any of those things,” I answered simply. “Ok, maybe you were scary at first, but you’re not anymore.”
“You don’t think I’m scary? I think I figured out why I don’t have my money yet.”
I shot him my most charming smile and took another drink. “No way, I don’t even think you’re trying anymore. Declan alone would be enough for me to think you’re amazing, but then there’s the grandma that you take care of. The track scholarship I know now was the only way for you to go to school and you picked a school close to home. Plus, these poker games are illegal but they’re fair and you make me do tedious research so you’re not ripping anybody off or allowing people to play that really shouldn’t be. And, you’ve always been a gentleman with me.”
He scoffed at that, “Really? I’ve been a gentleman with you? Like when I threw you against the wall over there, or had my way with you on the track the other night?” his voice dropped to that husky timber that made me shiver with desire.
I blushed thinking about him pressing me against his brick wall, or his lips kissing me in all those intimate places. Finally I whispered, “It wasn’t anything I didn’t want.”
Fin seemed stunned by my admission. He set his glass down next to him and walked in front of me, forcing my legs apart so he could stand in between them. The counter came up to just above his waist, so it was almost like I had my legs wrapped around him.
“Is that so?” he challenged.
I just nodded.
His eyes immediately ignited with a fire I wasn’t sure if I was ready to play with yet. I tried to scoot back, away from his body, away from this wicked things he was promising with his eyes. He took my glass out of my hand and I easily let it go. Setting it next to his on the counter, he returned his attention to me, with his fingers trailing up and down my jean clad thigh.
“I’ve never had a choice in my life but to be good, Ellie,” Fin explained casually, all the while electricity snapped and crackled between us. “I’ve had to make good decisions all my life because I’ve always had other people to take care of.”
I nodded, agreeing with what he was saying. It was true and my heart broke for the little kid Fin, the teenage Fin and the Fin in front of me that thought of everyone else but himself.
“I told you, you are good,” I whispered, my throat closed up with a mixture of anticipation and emotion.
“Good enough for you?” he asked in a rough voice. He looked up at me from underneath his thick eyelashes, his strong jaw ticking with some unnamed emotion. He looked vulnerable and…. hopeful.
But what could I tell him? This seemed impossible between us. He didn’t believe me about the debt, he didn’t trust me that I wasn’t the one that lost the money. Besides, he needed the money anyway, so it didn’t matter. And I’d already decided over and over again that my integrity was more important than a boy. No matter how much I wanted that boy.
I still found myself cupping his jaw with my hand, he was clean shaven and his skin was warm and smooth under my hand. “Finley Hunter, what a question.” I smiled down at him stalling. He was good enough for me; I didn’t want him to think that he wasn’t. Really I had been wondering lately if I was good enough for him. But I couldn’t lead him on.
“I think you should have more sake.” He leaned into my hand looking pained and disappointed. “If you can’t answer that question the way I want you to, then you definitely need more sake.”
“You are good enough for me,” I said quickly so he wouldn’t think differently. “That’s never what’s stopped me.”
“One day you’re not going to be able to fall back on your excuses,” he pinned me with his gaze, holding me paralyzed with just a look. This boy had power over me he didn’t even realize.
Eventually his words penetrated my distracted mind. “You think I’m just using excuses?” I wasn’t mad yet, but I could easily be if he belittled my reasons for protecting myself.
“I think you’re afraid of what’s building between us,” Fin answered firmly. “And I really think we should stop worrying about the money. You are making a much bigger deal out of it than it is.”
“Of course I’m afraid,” I snapped, ignoring what he said about the money. He didn’t understand my issue with losing my integrity over a hookup and I didn’t expect him to. “I feel this too, Fin.” I removed my hand from his face and looked away. I had to say this, even though it felt like I was revealing more of myself than I wanted to, than I could protect once it was out there. “This is real, I know that. And it’s killing me that we can’t do anything about it.”
“Tonight, Ellie. We can’t do anything about it, tonight.” And then his face softened into a seductive smile. He was getting better at navigating through our battlefields, I would give him that. But that only made me raise my defenses higher. A well-armed Fin was not good for this battle of attrition. “Come on, it’s time for you to go home.”
Now my head was spinning. “You are the most confusing person I’ve ever met.”
“You can stay if you want.” He stepped away from me to find his shoes. “But I’m going to keep drinking. And I’m going to encourage you to as well. Then neither of us will be able to drive you home, so you’ll be forced to stay the night here.” He stopped looking for his shoes and turned to face me, meeting my gaze with his heated stare he said, “At some point I’ll forget all my reasons for keeping my hands to myself and I’ll convince you to do the same. And then nothing will stop me from touching you, from putting my hands and my lips all over your hot little body, from exploring every single inch of you. So Ellie, if you want to keep your moral high ground you better go home now.”
“Um, Ok,” I whispered with a shaky voice. I slid off the counter onto unsteady feet. I forced my mind to settle and to get ahold of myself before I agreed to all of that. Because I was maybe thirty sEconds away from doing just that, saying yes please to all of that.
Fin walked around the corner holding my shoes in his hand. He handed them to me with a cocky smile. “Did you still want to go home?”
Brat. He knew what he was doing to me. “I’m not sure anymore.” I said honestly, but mostly just to mess with him.
“Want me to help persuade you to stay?” he asked in that sexy rumble of his.
“Probably you should take me on a date first, before you start seducing away my virtue,” I shot him a playful glare.
“Probably.” he agreed on a light laugh. “Besides, the ride home has ice cream.”
“Ice cream?” I asked sounding more excited about dessert than whatever Fin had threatened me with. But to be fair, I knew ice cream. I knew what to expect with ice cream, I knew how ice cream would treat me and how I would feel after I had ice cream. I knew nothing about what Fin was promising, not what to expect, not how I would feel, not even if I would like it. And that didn’t mean one day I wouldn’t be excited for all those things. But today, for sure today, I was not ready.
“It’s your birthday. We’re still celebrating,” he promised.
“Point taken,” I smiled at him, I was more relaxed now than the last thirty minutes. He had a way of winding me up so tight I couldn’t think straight and then helping me relax until I was putty in his hands. I had a feeling he did that on purpose.
I grabbed my backpack and Fin held the door open for me. We walked down to his car in silence but now I was hyper aware of him. He was all I could think about, all I could focus on.
And he was being too sweet for those feelings to go away, probably ever.
He held the door of his red Jeep open and I crawled inside. His Jeep had the removable doors and roof and I loved the idea of him riding through the bluffs with everything opened, the wind blowing riotously through the car. His Jeep was aged; at least as old as my car and the red painted was faded and a little rust around the tire wheels. But it was a fun car, it suited him well.
He got into the driver’s seat and put a hand on my thigh giving me a squeeze before he started the engine and had to use both hands to drive and use the stick shift. But just because we weren’t touching didn’t mean the frenzied passion wasn’t still hot between us. He slid me a look from across the car that made me want to crawl into his lap and attack his face with my mouth.
“Jameson and I will get your car back to you, alright?”
“Sure, whatever,” I wasn’t worried. “Britte can drive me over here tomorrow too.”
“It’s fine,” he shrugged. “I want to. Besides, I’m the one not letting you drive home.”
“Which is kind of ridiculous,” I argued. “I’m fine to drive.”
“No, I’m fine to drive. You basically threw yourself at me in the kitchen. Obviously your judgment is impaired.” He reasoned and it sounded like he actually believed himself.
“Are you kidding me?” I sputtered.
He cocked his head to face me at a red light. With gravity he said, “I would never forgive myself if something happened Ellie. Better safe than sorry.” He was absolutely sincere and he was right.
“You’re right, Fin. Thank you.”
“Ok, Culvers? Flavor of the day?” he turned the car toward those gorgeous blue awnings and I got excited all over again.
“Yes please!”
“How did I know ice cream would win you over?” he mused, sounding entertained.
I smiled at him, so content just to hang out with him. There would always be that heated tension between us, at least until we did something about it. But until then, he was just fun to hang out with too. Fin Hunter was turning into a something so much more than I could have ever anticipated. And for the first time I wasn’t terrified of it, I was looking forward to it.
Chapter Fifteen
“Are you sure you don’t want me to come over?” Britte asked for the twentieth time over the phone.
“No, I’m Ok. He’s going to be here any sEcond. I just wanted to call one more time so you could give me a pep talk.” I was standing in front of my closet mirror, rocking back and forth from heel to toe feeling like I was going to puke. Fin would be here any sEcond for our “date” and I was two sEconds away from backing out.
I decided last night’s moments of bravado were completely alcohol induced and I was crazy to think I could run in Fin’s league.
“First, tell me what you’re wearing,” Britte demanded. She’d been over here all afternoon and brought the arsenal of her wardrobe and makeup.
“I went with the black skinny jeans, pink shimmery tank top and the sheer silver cardigan,” I recited mechanically.
“Shoes?”
“Hot pink stilettos.” Which I was confident I would face plant in the minute I tried to walk three feet.
“Purse?”
“Black beaded clutch.”
“Hair?”