No. God, no—how did he expect me to respond when he was talking about falling and getting hurt? How the hell did he even expect me to catch my breath when his words had so many meanings? I nodded, and he dragged his fingertips away from my mouth, sliding them gently down my chin, down the column of my throat, stopping right above my heart.
“We should head back,” I said in a cracked whisper. “I’ve got community service.”
I walked away, pretending not to hear what he said next:
“That’s the only thing stopping me from taking you inside to show you I’m not the least bit unsure of what I want.”
The moment we stepped into the house, Cooper headed upstairs to where his bedroom was, stripping away his swim trunks and wet t-shirt along the way. I had to grip the bannister not to follow behind him.
“See you in two days, Wills,” he yelled, disappearing around the corner. I sighed, and then shuffled into the shop area. Miller was already there, leaning his massive frame against the surfboard counter, and he and Eric were laughing about something.
“You look like a wave beat the crap out of you,” a voice said from the far corner, and I spun around to see Paige sitting in front of a t-shirt display, carefully folding promotional tees for Blue Flame Surfing Academy. I gave her a dark look and her smile faded a little. “Oh . . . guess it did.”
I lingered a few steps away from the door and shot my bodyguard a pleading look. “You ready?” I pressed the tiny button on the side of my phone to illuminate the screen. “I’d like to get to the shelter in the next 30 minutes.”
He gave me a tiny nod of his head and swiped the keys to the Kia off the counter. As he came toward me, his expression changed to worry, but I pursed my lips and shook my head. “I’m fine,” I said. To Paige and Eric, who were now organizing sunblock bottles in the compartment behind the counter, I said, “See you guys soon.”
“Get some rest. You don’t look like yourself,” Eric said. When I turned around to glare at him, and Paige snorted in disgust, he shrugged. “Do you want me to lie to you?”
“Bye guys,” I said, this time my voice final, and I walked with Miller into the foyer. Paige stopped me halfway to the car, her short black hair flying around her face as she bounded down the steps.
“Hey! You’re coming to Cooper’s party tomorrow night, yes?” she asked, bobbing her head up and down as if it would help make up my mind. I hadn’t even known there was a party, so I shook my head, frowning.
“Wasn’t invited.”
I didn’t know why saying that bothered me, but it did. Quite a bit.
“Don’t be stupid—of course you’re invited. It’s for a competition he won a couple months ago,” she said. Then, her eyes widened and she tilted her head to look at Miller, who was climbing into the Kia. “You’re worried about being safe? Because there’s nobody coming you’d have to worry about.”
“No, I mean . . . I doubt Cooper wants me to come.” Not when there was a million pounds of frustration between us.
Placing her hands on her hips, Paige glanced at me, then back at the house, and finally at me again, all the while keeping her face completely blank. I started to walk away toward the Kia, but she shook her head.
“Well, Cooper can suck it the f**k up. Eric and I are hosting it and you’re coming, even if I have to drag your ass out of my parents’ rental house.”
“We’ll see.”
“I’ll come and get you,” she warned as I got into the Kia.
I gave her a thumbs up as Miller pulled away, heaving a sigh of relief when we were out of sight. “Tired?” he asked.
I glanced out the window, letting the beach houses become a white and brown blur. I thought of the painful nightmares I’d had several days this week and waking up with that need to drown all my sorrow. I thought of how the sea had pulled me under this afternoon and the way Cooper had found me, his hands tightening around me, saving me, pulling me back in.
Cooper was wrong.
I knew exactly what I wanted. It was him.
***
Over the next twenty-four hours I knocked out ten hours of community service. This time I followed Dave’s directions not to communicate with the residents at Harmony House, thanks to the iPod I borrowed from Miller that was full of angsty music—Five Finger Death Punch, Puddle of Mudd, and Saving Abel, to name a few. The work was monotonous and boring, but it kept my thoughts off Cooper and the fact that shooting was scheduled to begin in a few days.
I hadn’t acted in what felt like an eternity and the more I thought about being on camera again, how much I still needed to learn from Cooper, the more anxious I became.
When I texted Jessica on Saturday evening, I mentioned how nervous I was and she responded almost immediately.
6:36 p.m.: WTF? You’ll be fine. You always are.
6:37 p.m.: Please tell me you’re coming back to LA for your birthday? We’ll celebrate in style! ;)
I re-read Jessica’s last text repeatedly, letting the meaning sink deep enough into my brain to give me a headache, allowing the shame and frustration to ooze through my veins. No matter what she thought, I wasn’t going to spend another birthday so f**ked up I that I could barely think or move. Cooper managed to do that to me every time I had a surf lesson with him but at least I didn’t wake up unsure of what I’d done the night before.
I wasn’t going to message her back, but then she sent me a series of question marks, and I gave in. No. I’ll probably have to work on my birthday.