Instead, I shook my head. “I’ll stick it out the full sixty days.”
Doctor Nelson nodded his bald head carefully, his expression never changing. “Do you know what you’ll do after you leave here?”
It wasn’t the first time the question had come up since I’d come to Seaside almost a month before, but it was mostly in my parents’ letters. Will you go back to acting? Will you come to live with me and your dad? Are you going to use your payment for Tidal to get your own place?
I’d written them back each time without answering their questions because I didn’t want to act. God knew the last thing I wanted to do was live with my parents. And to be honest, it really wasn’t any of their business what I planned to do with the money I made filming the movie.
“Maybe I’ll go to college,” I told Doctor Nelson. The moment I said it, I felt my heartbeat pick up. Felt that thrill of excitement I used to feel when I scored a dream role or a glowing review. Maybe I would go to school. It would be my first go at a normal education since I was in fourth or fifth grade.
Doctor Nelson lifted one of his eyebrows and leaned forward. “You look surprised.”
“I am. I mean, I didn’t realize I wanted to do it.”
“Do you know what you want to major in?”
I lifted my shoulders. “No clue. The only thing I’ve ever done was act.” But I remembered what Paige had told me about her sister Delilah. That she’d told their parents that she was only 19 and shouldn’t be expected to know what she wants to do.
The corners of Doctor Nelson’s lips twisted in concern. “Have you told your boyfriend yet?”
Shaking my head, I swallowed in an attempt to clear the tightness from my throat. Since our first call, I’d only gotten to talk to Cooper two more times on the phone and the last time I’d called he was in the middle of having dinner with Dickson and his wife. He’d insisted that he’d much rather speak to me but after ten minutes, I lied and said my time was up.
He needed to fix his relationship with his dad as much as I needed to fix myself.
“I’ll tell him when I get out.”
“He’s coming to pick you up? You’d mentioned during our first session about your frustration with your family for never being around once you reach the end of your treatment—”
Pulling my arms off the desk, I dropped them by my side and stared down at my lap. Mom had written me a letter last week, swearing that she and Dad would be here to pick me up on October 19, even if they had to walk. It was dramatic and typical of my mother, but I believed her. Flicking my tongue over dry lips, I said, “No, my mom and dad are coming to get me.”
I had no plans to tell Cooper because I wasn’t going to be selfish and make him choose between me and the competition he had coming up.
I would be okay if I had to wait a week more to see him.
And as I sat in front of my therapist talking about how I’d handle the paparazzi once I was released in a couple weeks, I knew that even though what had happened three years ago would always remain one of those what-ifs for me—even though I’d probably always have nightmares and would never be able to get rid of the scar in my heart—that I’d live.
Chapter Twenty-Three
October 19
On the day of my release from Seaside, I woke up a few minutes after 8 a.m., smiling.
My parents had sent me a care package with new clothes the week before and I tried to get dressed quietly, hoping not to wake Nora. She woke up anyway, flipping on the little light above her twin-size bed to stare across the room at me. “You scared?” she asked.
She and I had stayed up late the night before talking about everything from her kids—her oldest was a few years younger than me—to movies and finally to surfing. I’d spent the last couple months gushing about it and she said that once she left Seaside next month, she might give it a try.
I pulled on one of my long leather boots and shook my head. “Not this time.”
“Excited?”
I glanced up at her and smiled. “More than anything.”
She slid up into a sitting position and crossed her arms over her thin chest. “You should have told your boyfriend you were getting out,” she said, and I shot her a look. She’d been on my ass since last week, when Cooper and I had spoken, and I still hadn’t said anything to him about my release date.
“It’s not a big deal.” I said despite the lump in my throat. “I’ll fly out to Hawaii next week to see him.”
Nora shook her head but gave me a wistful smile. “I hate surprises.” My roommate was the type of person who read the last chapter of books first and refused to watch a movie without spoiling it, so I rolled my eyes.
“I’ll keep that in mind,” I said, the edges of my lips pulling up. I stood and buttoned my skinny jeans and grabbed my bag from atop the dresser. Then I crossed the room and sat on the corner of her bed.
“Personal space,” she reminded me, but she was laughing.
“I’m going to miss you,” I said.
Groaning, she demanded. “You’re not going to cry all over me, are you?”
But when I hugged her, she squeezed me tightly. It was only when I reached the door to our room that she asked in a husky voice, “You’ll write?"
My throat felt dry. Nora’s family still hadn’t written her—she said they were trying to teach her a lesson this time around. I pushed past the discomfort and turned partially around to glance at her.
“Every day, if you want.”