He gazed at her. “Thank you for trusting me enough to be nak*d with me.”
“You seem to enjoy it so much, I don’t have the heart to cover up.”
“ I do enjoy it. That’s why I’m going to put on the robe and you’re going to stay here, adorning the big bed.”
“That’s something else that always scared me about shifting, and why I haven’t done much of it, once I learned to control it. You have to be nak*d to start with, or you rip your clothes, and I never had clothes to spare. And then you have to run the risk of being nak*d again to shift back.”
“Aye.” He wished she’d brought this up after their dinner had been delivered so that he wasn’t listening for a knock on the door with one ear. “So you haven’t shifted much?”
She shook her head. “It scares me. I don’t know what to do once I become a werewolf. Sometimes I’ve gone into the woods, and it’s freeing to run, but… I’ve been alone. It’s not really so great to run through the woods alone. Maybe a male feels differently, but I was always a little afraid.”
“You were right to be cautious.” He couldn’t imagine being a young female Were trying to figure things out on her own. “You didn’t have a pack to protect you.”
“I realized early on that was a disadvantage, but I didn’t know how to hook up with a pack.” She shrugged. “I didn’t know much of anything, except what I could find in books and on the Internet, and those aren’t particularly reliable resources.”
“No. They’re liable to scare you more than help you.”
She nodded. “That’s what happened. I became scared and nervous about my Were heritage. I was hoping maybe my father would help me, but… ”
He cursed the family issues that pulled him home. There was so much more he could share with Luna, so much more she needed to know. He’d do the best he could, but he was afraid if he delayed his trip too long, Duncan would grow impatient and tell Molly everything.
“What about Geraldine and the staff at Whittier House?” he asked. “They all seem supportive.”
“They are, but after Henry died, Geraldine lost all interest in shifting. You can probably understand.”
Colin sighed. “I can. The three of us used to go for night runs, but Henry was the leader on those trips. Geraldine was bloody independent in her human body, but she let Henry be in charge when they shifted. I’m sure she missed him terribly.”
“She did. I got the impression that when Henry was alive, the staff would sometimes be invited on the nightly runs, too. But when Geraldine gave it up, the staff didn’t feel right going without her. Dulcie suggested it a few times since I’ve been there, but she didn’t get any takers.”
Colin began to get a picture, and it was heartbreaking. Not only had Luna denied her sexual side, she’d also denied her wolf nature. “How long has it been since you shifted?”
She glanced away, as if trying to remember.
“That long?”
“I’m afraid so. I’ll bet it’s been at least two years.”
“Do you want to try it tonight? With me?”
She stared at him. “In this penthouse?”
“Why not? You can shift, get used to the sensation for an hour or so, and then shift back if you decide it’s time to use the Jacuzzi again or read some Lady Chatterley.”
A knock sounded at the outside door.
“That’ll be our fried peanut butter and banana sandwiches.” Colin opened a closet and pulled out the hotel bathrobe he knew would be in there. “Think about my suggestion. I’ll be here to help. I won’t let anything happen to you.”
“I know.” She gazed at him. “You’re a blessing, Colin MacDowell.”
And a curse, he thought as he went to answer the door.
Chapter 20
Luna thought about Colin’s suggestion as they ate fried peanut butter and banana sandwiches on the floor in the living room next to the window. Gazing out at the lights of the harbor, she felt only a squiggle of uneasiness, even though they sat right beside the glass.
Colin had helped her to grow in so many ways. He’d encouraged her to find her sexual self, and she realized that her werewolf self, while technically functioning, was dormant. Without a pack, without encouragement from other Weres, she’d allowed that side of her to languish.
She’d paid a price for that, too. Sometimes she’d have the overwhelming urge to shift, and repressing it cost her in lost sleep and a troubled mind. But if she didn’t feel safe to embrace her other side, then she wasn’t going to risk it. Colin created a safety net, one that would be available for only a short time.
Licking her fingers, she glanced at the empty plate of sandwiches. “What did you think?”
He laughed. “I was hungry enough to eat anything, probably even haggis.”
“These take some getting used to. My mother used to fix them for me.”
“In that case, lass, I’m glad you ordered them. It’s good to remember those things, and I got to try something unusual. But my next dinner will include a rare steak. It’s more suited to a werewolf’s constitution.”
“I totally understand.” She admired him for eating the sandwiches without complaint. “And I’ll join you in that steak dinner.”
“Excellent.” He gazed at her, an unspoken question in his eyes.
She knew without asking that he was waiting for her decision. Her heart rate picked up. “You’ll shift too, right?”
“I will, after you do. I’ve had a lot of practice, so I’m reasonably quick.”
“I’ve had very little practice, and so I’m excruciatingly slow.” She made a face. “You will get sick of waiting for me to manage it.”
“I won’t.”
“Also, I don’t think it’s a very attractive process.”
He smiled. “It’s like birth, Luna. That’s a wee bit weird, too, but we celebrate it every time it happens. Shifting should be like that for us. A rebirth.”
“I hadn’t thought of it that way. It’s always been awkward and… shameful.”
“Ah, no. Never shameful. It’s a gift to be able to shift into a completely different sort of being, with totally different abilities, yet have our mind retain both sets of experiences. Have you experienced telepathy?”
“Like when I can hear thoughts from other Weres? Only a couple of times, by accident. Shifting alone doesn’t lend itself to that.”
“Mm.” His tone was rich with sympathetic understanding. “You’d love that part, if you get a chance to do it with someone you know, like me. Are you willing to try?”
She wiped her hands on a cloth napkin and put it on her empty plate. “Yes, I am.” She glanced around the living room. They’d left most of the lights off so they could enjoy the sparkling view below.
She spotted a dark corner. “I’d like a little privacy. You may think it’s like birth and needs to be celebrated, and someday maybe I’ll have that attitude, but I don’t yet.”
“Whatever makes you feel comfortable.” He gathered the dishes from their meal. “I’ll put these on the bar and sit here waiting for you. Have you ever watched someone else shift?”
“No.” Her heart raced at the thought, which was both scary and fascinating.
“Would you like to watch me do it?”
She hesitated. “If you don’t mind.”
“I’d be honored if I’m the first Were you’ve ever seen shift. As a teenager, we were always watching each other. It was like a game, so I’m not shy about it. But if you didn’t grow up like that, it might take you some time to lose that shyness.”
“I can’t even begin to say how much I envy your upbringing. Envy is a terrible emotion, but I’m feeling it now. I want the childhood you had.”
“But the childhood you had created the amazing and talented Were that you are.” He stood and offered her his hand.
She allowed him to help her up and draw her into his arms. There was nothing sexual in his embrace, and for that she was grateful. She wrapped her arms around his solid warmth and held on.
Apparently he understood that if he distracted her in a sexual way, she would never go through with her shift. She needed a friend more than she needed a lover.
He held her close, his cheek resting on top of her head. “You can do this, Luna. You’re braver than anyone I know.”
“You help me find my courage.”
“Aye, but it’s there waiting when you look.” He hugged her tight and released her. “Go on with you, now.”
With one last glance at him, she started toward the dark corner. The she turned back. “As I said, I could be very slow.”
He smiled. “Take your time. I don’t have any pressing appointments.”
She turned away quickly so he wouldn’t see her eyes fill up. He was everything she’d never realized she wanted. She was grateful that fate, and perhaps Geraldine, had brought him into her life. If he left and never came back, she would be heartbroken. But she’d rather be heartbroken than to never have known him at all.
Making her way into the dark corner, she stretched out on the carpet. This was the most luxurious surface she’d ever used for shifting, that was for sure. She’d shifted on threadbare carpets, on dirty floors, on the cold ground. This would be a treat.
But it wouldn’t be easy. Lying there with her eyes closed, she conjured up the images that she’d learned would initiate her shift. She imagined deep, cool woods. Her feet, now paws, scattered leaves as she raced through the darkness, and her vision became tuned to the night and the creatures dwelling there.
The images wouldn’t hold. Her concentration was affected by her surroundings, and the male Were sitting on the floor only twenty feet away. He wasn’t looking at her, but he was thinking about her. She knew that even though she couldn’t yet read his mind.
She covered her face with her hands and strained to focus. It had never occurred to her that by not using her gift she might lose it. What if she could no longer shift? Then she’d lose that special link with Colin.
Colin. She imagined him as a magnificent wolf, his coat burnished with starlight. She envisioned the varied colors of chocolate brown and caramel in his ruff. He would be powerfully built, with massive shoulders and a wide, intelligent head. She wanted to know Colin as a wolf, and unless she could shift, she never would.
His eyes would be the same clear blue, but they would be wolf’s eyes as they gazed silently into hers. With a shiver of awareness, she pictured herself as a wolf, looking into Colin’s wolf eyes. And she felt the beginning of her shift.
No wonder she’d thought that an orgasm might trigger this process. The stretching, aching pressure was different, but similar. It built in the way that a cli**x built, except that at the end of sex, she was the same as before.
Not so with shifting. Her muscles contracted, although there was no pain as there had been with her first shift. Her skin began to itch as hair grew where before she’d had only milky-white skin.
Her vision changed, giving her a different view of the darkened room. Furniture loomed larger, and scents grew sharper. What had seemed familiar became foreign, because it was an environment for humans, not for a wild creature of the forest.
And then, as if a final switch had been thrown, she became a wolf. Energy flowed through her, giving her a heady feeling of grace and power. Rising to her feet, she padded over to where Colin sat immobile, as if mesmerized by the lights beyond the window.
At her approach, he turned his head. His breath caught. “My God, you’re beautiful. I knew you would be, but my imagination didn’t do you justice.”
Those were words of praise she’d never heard before, words she’d craved without realizing it. Her wolf form was pleasing to him. That meant more than he could know.
He smiled. “It didn’t take so very long, either.”
It hadn’t, and she wondered if he’d beamed his thoughts toward her, boosting her ability. With Colin, she would believe anything was possible.
“Now it’s my turn.” He stretched out on his side and closed his eyes. His muscles relaxed, and he exhaled in a long, heartfelt sigh of total surrender.
He likes this, she realized. For him it was a privilege to shift, not an embarrassing compulsion to be avoided if possible. She had so much to learn.
Although she’d been afraid the transformation would repel her, she watched in complete fascination. As his shift began, he seemed to glow from within. Maybe she did, too. She had no way of knowing.
The glow suffused his entire body as the transformation proceeded far more quickly than hers. But as he’d said, he’d had a lot of practice. In less than a minute, he rose from the carpet and stood before her.
He was huge, much bigger than any common wolf, with a powerful chest that indicated he could run for miles without tiring. His chocolate and caramel coat gleamed with good health and his blue eyes flashed with intelligence. He was as awe inspiring as she’d imagined he would be.
Walking toward her, he touched his nose to hers. Welcome to our world, Luna.
She felt his words stream through her mind, and she responded, dazed by the wonder of being able to communicate with him like this. It’s beautiful. You’re beautiful.
He snorted. Would you be willing to say I’m handsome, instead?
She looked into his eyes and saw the twinkle there. This wolf truly was Colin, her Colin. She’d had so little experience interacting with other Weres that she could easily forget that he was the same Were she’d known in human form.
With an elaborate bow, she sent out another thought. You are extremely handsome, Your Much Honoured Laird of Glenbarra.
Saucy wench! He leaped upon her, bowling her over, and they wrestled on the soft carpet, nipping playfully at each other.