He increased the pressure as he drew her breast into his mouth. She began to pant. Good. This torture could work both ways. He wanted her to be as frantic as he was.
Then maybe she’d abandon her need to control and surrender to the joy of the experience. He wanted that for her. He longed for her to trust him enough to let that happen.
Raising up, she deprived him of the plump breast she’d offered, but when she scooted back to rummage in the pocket of his jeans, he nurtured the hope that she was ready for the main event. He lifted his head to check on her progress. His c*ck was stiff as a fence post. “Now? Please?”
“Yes.” She maneuvered herself out of her panties and threw those to the floor, too. Then she ripped open the condom package. As she rolled the condom on, her fingers shook, but she got the job done.
He gritted his teeth throughout the procedure. Coming in the midst of her condom application would not be cool. He was determined to last until she had an orgasm. She’d thrown down a gauntlet with her fooling around, and he was as competitive as the next guy.
But as she rose over him, he realized that sex was not supposed to be a competition. Or a battle for control. She’d turned it into one, and somehow, some way, he wanted to change that.
Then her warmth slowly enveloped him, and he lost whatever reasoning power he’d had left. As she sank downward, he lifted up, drawn in by the most perfect connection he’d ever had with a woman. So good. So incredibly good.
He gazed at her, hoping to see that same sense of homecoming in her expression. Her eyes were closed. Damn it, was she going to hide from him now? “Valerie,” he murmured.
She shook her head and didn’t open her eyes.
“Don’t hide from me.”
“I’m afraid to let go.”
“Come here.” He gripped her shoulders and tried to pull her to him.
“No.”
But she was starting to contract around him, in spite of herself. He could feel it and knew that he wouldn’t be able to resist those rhythmic pulses. “You’re going to come,” he said. “Let it happen.”
“No. No!” And yet she erupted, and when she did, he couldn’t hold back. With a groan, he surged upward. Their mutual cli**x should have been a moment of triumph, a moment of joy. Instead, as he shuddered in the aftermath, all he felt was despair. She didn’t trust him, after all.
Then, like some cosmic joke, her smoke alarm went off. The minute it did, he knew what must have happened. She’d started supper, and it was burning on the stove.
With a shriek, she leaped from the bed and ran into the kitchen. He followed as soon as he rid himself of the condom and pulled up his briefs and jeans. The kitchen was filled with steam. She’d grabbed both pans, dumped them in the sink, and sprayed water on them.
The smoke alarm continued to screech. Adam grabbed a towel from a rack on the wall and waved it at the alarm, which gradually sputtered to a stop. He tried to tell himself this wasn’t a disaster, but he knew it was.
Valerie turned to him, her expression stricken. “I guess I’m not ready, Adam. I’m so sorry.”
“It takes time.” His heart ached for her. “Don’t give up on the basis of—”
“I know it’s cowardly of me, but . . . I want you to leave.”
He took it like a shot to the gut. “Don’t do this. Let’s open the wine, order pizza. It’ll be fine.”
“No, it won’t. Please go. I . . . need time. Lots more time.”
He couldn’t very well force her to let him stay. Because he’d never been fully undressed, he could simply fasten his shirt, tuck it into his jeans, and buckle his belt. Walking into her living room, he picked up his hat.
Then he glanced around. He might never be here again, and he wanted to remember it. Her sofa and chair were slip-covered in practical beige, but she’d strewn colorful throw pillows everywhere. The art on her walls was bright, too, including . . . what was that, anyway?
He peered at the whirligig of scarves tacked to the wall. He’d bet she’d made that, and it was inventive and pretty and filled with life, just like she was. Or how she could be, if she’d break out of this prison she’d constructed around herself.
He couldn’t just abandon her. “Valerie, can we talk about this? Do you realize you didn’t have a meltdown when the smoke alarm went off? You’re making progress!”
“Not enough progress. I need to be by myself for awhile. Good-bye, Adam.”
He was dismissed. Will had warned him not to mess up. He’d tried his damnedest not to. Somehow, though, he had, and now she was kicking him out. With a heavy sigh, he left.
Eight
Although Valerie had expected to cry after Adam closed her front door, she didn’t shed a single tear. Instead she wandered, zombie-like, back to the bedroom and pulled a bathrobe out of the closet. As she belted it around her waist, she stared at the bed and wondered if she’d have to donate it to charity. Sleeping in it would be impossible after this.
She’d have to burn that maxi dress, too, although at the moment she didn’t have the energy to figure out how to do it without setting off the smoke alarm again.
You didn’t have a meltdown when the smoke alarm went off. You’re making progress! Adam’s words came back to her.
Now that he was gone, she could admit that he was right about that. The sound of the alarm had scared her, but not any more than that kind of noise had frightened her before the fire. Alarms were supposed to get the adrenaline pumping, so that people hearing them would take action.
She’d done that. After stupidly leaving the water boiling and the sauce heating, she’d headed into the bedroom with Adam. Smoke alarms were designed to keep carelessness from causing more serious harm, and everything had worked the way it was supposed to. She’d handled the smoking pans in the kitchen and they hadn’t started a fire.
But that wasn’t the main issue, and she knew it. Plopping down on the living room sofa, she gazed at the wine, and the bouquet lying on its side, gasping for water. The wine didn’t need her attention, but the blue roses and baby’s breath certainly did. Besides, blue roses cost the moon, and she couldn’t let her foul mood ruin them.
As she found a vase for the flowers and filled it with water, she thought about her abysmal behavior in the lovemaking department. She’d imagined herself as a clever and sophisticated lady, taking charge like that. But underneath she’d been motivated by fear of losing control.
She might have gotten away with her ruse if she hadn’t behaved like an idiot in the final moments. What normal woman rejects the idea of having an orgasm? She had, though, to her total embarrassment. Her body had surged ahead, demanding release, and she’d dug in her heels, as if she could keep it from happening.
No wonder Adam had been confused as hell. Any man would be. And now that she was thinking about Adam, she acknowledged that he hadn’t said a single thing, veiled or blatant, that indicated he cared about the difference in their financial circumstances. Not an issue.
She’d certainly done her best to create other issues, though. He’d come here with an open heart, and she’d insisted on playing games. Had she learned nothing about honest communication during her sessions with Rocket Fuel? Apparently not.
If Adam had any sense, he’d give up on her as a bad job. To top it off, she’d created tonight’s little drama on Adam’s first date since his divorce. Wasn’t that special? He might have hoped for a new start, and instead he’d been kicked in the teeth.
She didn’t know how she’d ever repair that damage, but for now, she could at least clean up the mess in the kitchen. Maybe scrubbing those two scorched pots would bring her some kind of clarity. Pushing herself to her feet, she headed into the kitchen, rolled up the sleeves of her bathrobe, and ran hot water in the sink.
She was up to her elbows in soapy water when the doorbell rang. Glancing at the clock, she realized it wasn’t that late. One of her neighbors could be dropping by to ask a favor.
The apartment complex didn’t allow solicitors, and Astrid and Melanie both knew she’d asked Adam to come for dinner, so they wouldn’t be showing up at her door. It had to be a neighbor. She could ignore them, of course, but it might be an emergency.
Or maybe they’d heard her smoke alarm and were worried about her. Goodness knows she’d be worried if she heard a smoke alarm in the building. Tightening the belt on her robe, she ran her fingers through her hair and went to the door.
Adam stood on the other side.
She stared at him. “What are you doing here?”
“Forcing the issue.” He walked in without being invited.
She was so startled by his boldness that she stepped aside and let him in.
The minute she closed the door he spun to face her. “Listen, Valerie, you and I are closer to making a go of things than you think.”
“We are?” She gazed at him, stunned by his sudden appearance. She’d sent him away. He hadn’t stayed gone.
“Yes, damn it! Remember the elevator? You might have lost it if those two guys had wedged their way in, but they didn’t, and you made it through that first ride.”
“Yes, but an elevator ride is not the same as—”