“I care more for you than I know I should,” I whisper, aware I’m crossing a dangerous line as I press up on my tiptoes, layering my mouth over his. I kiss him soft and slow, my need for the truth growing. “I have from the second you stole that first kiss from me. Your smile, your laugh. The way you love and take care of your family. All of it, Ryder. You’re a magnet I know will never stop pulling me to you. Even when you’re not near me, I can feel you. Hear your voice. See your face in my dreams.” I move my lips to his jaw, my hiccupped cries misting the air around us. “The feelings I have for you scare me. You scare me. But even if I wanted to stop them, I couldn’t because I don’t want to. I’m tired of fighting what feels . . . right. You feel right to me, Ryder, and I need you in my life. Couldn’t imagine it without you.” I pull back and gaze into his eyes, hoping my confession will break down his defenses. “Please let me help you. Let me fix what’s happened to you and Brock.”
“You can’t help us,” he murmurs, torment capturing his words. “No one can. What happened, what we did . . .” He sucks in a slow breath, his body shaking as he drops his forehead to mine. “We’re burning in hell for it.”
Fear bolts through me, its menacing strike threatening my sanity. I knew something happened, felt it down to the marrow in my bones, smelled the presence of evil rotting the air. But the sinister whisper tormenting my eardrums is telling me what they did is worse than anything I could imagine. Still, I push through, unwilling to accept that I can’t somehow help them get through this—even if it’s something that serves as my undoing.
I sniffle, my whisper barely audible. “You can’t just keep lying to me. You and Brock. It’s not right.”
“Our lies are protecting you.” His hands fall to my waist, his grip ironclad. “Don’t you see that?”
“I do. But I have no idea what you’re protecting me from,” I answer through a cry, his words petrifying me. These men are all I have, two of the very few people who matter a rat’s ass to me. As scared as I’m becoming, my safety’s an afterthought, their well-being trumping mine. “Please don’t close me out. If either of you care for me at all, then you’ll tell me what happened.” I pause, knowing what I’m about to say is the truth, my heart breaking to pieces at the mere thought. “You might be trying to protect me. I get and adore the both of you for that, but I’d rather be alone—not ever knowing what really happened—than be with you or Brock under false pretenses. It’ll kill me. It’s already killing me, Ryder.” I tangle my fingers through his dark, wavy hair, unsure if tonight will be the last time I lay eyes on either of their beautiful faces. “Please don’t make me walk away from either of you because of this. I don’t want to. You have no idea how much I don’t want to, but I will if it comes down to it.”
Forehead still pressed to mine, he stares at me for the longest minute of my life, surrender eventually painting his face as he nods. “No fucking way in hell I’m letting you walk away from me, peach. You can give it a decent go, but I’m telling ya now, it ain’t happening. If you know me at all, then you know I’m one big, fat persistent prick.” He moves his lips to mine, a spark of possession flashing in his eyes as I tremble under his touch. “I know you’re not mine to claim. Hell, you might not ever be. This I know all too well. But the little bits of you I’ve got—the beautiful, painful, amazing, Twizzler-loving, crazy pieces of yourself you’ve shared with me—mean way too much to my goddamn sanity to give up.” He palms my cheeks, apprehension floating across his face for a brief moment before he brushes his lips against my ear. “I need you a hundred times more than I need my next breath, a thousand times more than I need my next heartbeat, and a million times more than I need to wake up to the sun hanging in the sky.”
He kisses me soft, slow, his words strumming the hollow ache in my soul as he gathers me in his arms. “I’m sorry I caused you any pain the last few weeks. Again, it was done to protect you. I need you to know this. I speak on behalf of Brock when I say that. But no more lies. No more bullshit. Though I have to be honest, if it didn’t mean losing you, I’d never think about telling ya what happened. Ever. It’d never cross my mind. But like I said, I ain’t losing you over this. I’ve already lost too much against what . . .” He pauses, his expression becoming distant as he shakes his head. “What we did has already stolen too much from us. I’ll be damned if I let it take you away from me.”
My tears slow as I rear back, staring into the weary blue sea of his eyes. Pain, fear, and confusion are all present, the deadly trio trying to suck the last vestiges of who Ryder used to be out from beneath him. My heart trips, skids, and crashes into a brick wall spray-painted with his and Brock’s anguish, my mental state bruised from the collision. But worse: my mind’s left wondering if any of us will ever be the same after tonight.
It doesn’t take long before I need to feel Ryder again, my body aching for his touch. Seeking his warmth, I twine my arms around his neck, holding on to him with everything in me. Pressed to his chest, both calmness and my own fear surround me, the soft beat of his heart a safety harness to mine.
After a second, Ryder releases me from his hold, his hand swallowing mine as he leads me in the direction of the hotel. Pulse thundering, it’s only just now I realize I’ve won the battle. I’m about to become a part of their truth, the rightful owner of a piece of their nightmare. It’s also just now I realize I’m walking into what I’m positive is going to be the hardest conversation of my life.