"Something wrong?" Mr. Stone said, his voice going flat.
I gulped and felt for the clasp on the leather collar but my fingers had suddenly turned into bumbling sausages. I saw a brief flicker of relief on his face and he reached for the collar but I pulled it away from him. He frowned and then sat up straighter, moving away from me.
Put it on, put it on, put it on!
I was willing myself to unclasp it and wrap it around my neck. To say yes to his proposal. Why was I so afraid? And why couldn't I say yes?
He held my fingers with his hand, stopping me fumbling with the clasp and looked deep into my eyes. I felt like he could see right through me. That he could see I held a secret inside that was far darker than his.
"Give me an answer," he growled.
The silence stretched out for another moment. All I could hear was his breathing, the sound of the wind in the trees and the distant pounding of the waves on the shore. I just needed a minute. And another minute. And another...
I squeezed my eyes shut.
"I can't wear it."
I felt him move off the bed. I opened my eyes to find him dressing and I suddenly felt very exposed in my nakedness. Mr. Stone stopped halfway through buttoning up his shirt and looked down at the ground with such an expression of pain that I wanted to dive across the bed and hug him and promise that I would wear his collar.
But I didn't move.
"Can you tell me why?" he asked. I again got that feeling from him of a volcano barely held in check.
Sure I could tell him. Your company almost destroyed my home town and then got away with it. I joined just so I could hurt you. Then you took my heart and removed your armor. I want you but I'm afraid if I tell you the truth it will destroy everything.
"I'm ... not ready," I finally said, my face burning in shame.
A tear ran down my nose and dripped on to the bed. I had to hold it together. I would not cry in front of him.
Mr. Stone reached across the bed and pulled me towards him, wrapping his arms around me. The heat of his body and the strength of his arms just made it worse and I let out half a sob. Mr. Stone knelt down and kissed away my tears.
"I need you Delilah," he said and then with that, stood up and passed me a thick white robe from a drawer under the bed. His face was smooth and unreadable. I didn't know if he was angry or disappointed or something else entirely and I didn't have the strength to ask. Mind-melting sex followed by intense emotional confusion had spun me around and worn me out. I just wanted to sleep. To be close to him and spend ... time.
I stood up and wrapped the robe around me and then Mr. Stone motioned for me to follow him.
*
We left the maze and with every step on the grass I found myself actually calming. The high walls of the maze were thick green and the grass was soft and cool. We walked in silence but the anxious part of my mind seemed to have disconnected somewhat. My rambling thoughts were as distant as the ocean waves.
As we walked towards the mansion I noticed a small red mud-brick house built into the garden. It had vines twining through it and blue flowers dangling down from the roof.
"That's an unusual building..."
"I built it," he said, not turning around. "For someone I knew a lifetime ago," he added.
I wanted to ask more but we were soon at the mansion and I followed him up the steps and inside. Everything seemed out of place now - the carpet too thick, the lights too bright. Even the polished wood floor seemed to be freezing.
He stopped at the foot of the stairs and turned around.
"There is a driver out front who will take you wherever you want. I need to go now."
Mr. Stone stepped closer and I just wanted to wrap my arms around him and hold him but it wasn't to be. He caressed the back of my neck and then quickly kissed me on the cheek before turning away.
He walked away, looking like he was back in standard Mr. Stone mode but I could see my refusal had wounded him.
*
I dressed in all of two minutes and then flew out the front door like I was late for the ball. Mr. Henry smiled at me and I forced one in return. How many girls had he seen running out of this mansion?
The driver turned out to be a petite Japanese woman named Mi-oh who bowed and then surprised me with a French-Canadian accent. And the car? A limo.
"Where will I be taking you today?" she asked once I was inside.
I gave her my address and then sat back on in the chair feeling that the limo was a cruel joke. This really was like the ball in reverse. I'd been with my dark and damaged Prince and now I was returning alone to my average life having broken his heart.
We left the mansion, the wheels crunching on the gravel and I didn't look back even once. I couldn't bear it.
Mi-oh soon started chatting as we drove and I found her accent soothing. We were soon talking about our home towns and she told me about her Japanese mother and Canadian father who met while in Berlin as students. I got lost in her stories and by the time we reached my apartment block, I was actually laughing.
She winked at me before driving away and standing there in front of my building in the warm sun, life's problems suddenly didn't seem so bad.
*
I opened all the curtains in my tiny apartment and let the light stream in. Scavenged bookshelf, fading sofa and a decor by IKEA but it was home. I had a shower and found myself thinking about Mr. Stone in a distant abstract kind of way. It was like I'd run out of emotions - both good and bad. I smiled at the memory of chasing through the maze and then the crazy sex that followed and felt a distant pull of sadness when I turned down Mr. Stone but I didn't cry.
I dried myself and dressed in comfortable jeans and a faded t-shirt I'd had since I was sixteen. I sat on my sofa and flicked through channels with the television on mute. Things were happening in the world but I was watching them without seeing. Somehow the crazy ups and downs had exhausted me enough that I could think logically through this all.
Tell Mr. Stone the truth and let happen whatever would happen.
Wear the collar and tell him the truth later on.
Don't wear the collar and never tell him the truth.
Wear the collar and never tell him the truth.
The anger that had driven me to join Stone-Black was still there but my feelings for Mr. Stone had pushed it away. But what did that mean? Stone Pharma had pumped some bad stuff into the groundwater and people had gotten very sick. Some other branch of their company running a quarry on the side of town had followed this up with some illegal dumping of their own that virtually guaranteed no crops would grow for fifty years. Sick people plus no farming and Bedford had changed from a thriving town to a blip on the road people didn't bother to stop at.