He said, “Look, I only slept with you because Warwick asked me to, and he only asked me to because he wanted to get into your cousin’s pants. It’s an April Fools’ hoax, nothing else. You think a guy like me would ever want to be with a girl like you otherwise?”
She visibly flinched as if he had dealt her with a blow, and he winced at his own cruelty.
He added, “So it’s over. It was a f**k. You lost your virginity, and you should be thanking your stars it was to me.”
He walked off, his heart thudding loudly in his ears. He did not dare look back because he didn’t want to see what he knew he would see – all the angst and anger and hurt played out on her face. He kept walking, and he did not hear any footsteps pad after him.
Perhaps she knew all along, and she was just riding it out – hoping against hope that this was her turn to be queen of the prom.
*
Brian was not to know about the fate of Adele Jankovic until three months later, when the news filtered through that she had left college after a foiled suicide attempt.
He felt as though he had been struck by a baseball bat when he heard it.
“What?” he said.
Warwick did not hook up with Goldie after that one night, nor had he intended to. Guys like him and Brian were just in for the conquest and the f**king, not the ‘happily ever after because we met and married in college’.
“Didn’t you hear?” Warwick said. “Of course, it was very hush hush. She took pills, but they managed to find her in time and they pumped it out of her. Then her parents took her out.”
Brian sat very, very still for a long, long time. Blood rushed in his ears, and it took him a while to register what Warwick was saying.
“Hey, it isn’t about you,” Warwick jabbed, waving his hand in front of Brian’s face. “Not everything is about you, you sanctimonious jerk. She was having problems. Her parents are going through a divorce, from what I heard. She couldn’t keep up with the coursework. She had a zillion and one problems.”
And I was part of those problems, Brian thought. He felt as if the ground would open up and swallow him whole. That’s why it’s important to never, ever get close to anyone if you’re just planning to fool around.
He got up, ignoring Warwick’s pleas of “You’ll forget about it, OK? It’s not that big a deal. She’ll get over it. She’ll just have to be stronger . . . wiser . . . that’s life, all right?”
He just kept on walking until he reached the end of the campus. And then he threw himself onto the ground, and buried his face in his hands.
13
Sam is very, very still as she listens to him tell the story. As still as he was when he heard about Adele Jankovic’s suicide attempt.
Brian closes his eyes. “I did it to her.”
Her mind is whirling round and round with the images he created. Yes. She can well imagine Adele Jankovic – shy young adult that she was – falling in love with this incredibly handsome, cocksure guy who was the toast of campus. Who wouldn’t?
Brian continues, his features ashen, “And now I’ve made you part of it.”
“No, Brian. You didn’t make me do anything I didn’t want to do. You didn’t even know about it.”
But Brian shakes his head. He gets up from the crowded floor, refusing to meet her eyes. She’s suddenly scared. A premonition hits her, and she’s sure that he’s going to do something awful. Something that would affect the two of them badly. And he’ll be thinking that he would be doing it for her.
“Brian?”
He grabs his jacket and heads for the door. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
She makes her leaden feet run after him before he hits the door. She grabs his arm.
“Brian . . . don’t.”
He turns warily. “Don’t what?”
“Don’t do anything rash.” Like I did, she doesn’t say.
“I’m not going to do anything rash,” he says with determination. He softens, and leans over to kiss her lightly on the forehead. “I’ll fix this,” he murmurs.
“Don’t do anything that will get yourself into trouble, please.” Her eyes brim with ready tears. She’s embarrassed that she’s so highly strung, but if you had been thrown into the slammer and questioned unceremoniously by the police, you would be too. And now she’s worried to death as to what he might do.
“I won’t,” he promises.
She doesn’t believe him.
14
If Sam hadn’t been involved, Brian doubts he will be doing this. But then, if Sam hadn’t gotten involved, he wouldn’t know how he landed them in this mess in the first place. So it was a good thing she had gotten involved. Only now she is in hot soup herself.
He can only do one thing.
Well, no. Actually, he can do several things. The other options may not be so legally feasible. But he’s opting for this one right now. It’s the least messy alternative. And it’s something that wouldn’t involve the police. For now.
At least that is what he hopes.
He is taking a big gamble by doing this, but it has got to be done, or he would never know.
He drives into the parking lot of the apartment block and waits. And waits. And waits. His mind runs races around the world and back, going up and down and back and forth the paths of what has been and what might be. All alternatives are bleak. But it’s time to right several wrongs.
When the car he is targeting pulls up, he tenses and sits up. The white Mazda parks in its allocated spot. As its occupant gets out, he opens his car door and lopes towards her.
She looks up and freezes.
Brian holds up his palms. “No. Don’t scream. Adie . . . I remember who you are. I remember everything.”
Delilah Faulkner, the former Adie Jankovic, takes a step back. “Come any closer and I will scream,” she warns. She reaches inside her purse. Possibly for mace. Or to dial 911.
It pains him that she thinks of him in this way – as though he really is a ra**st. But he knows better now.
“I’m not here to hurt you. I just want to talk,” he says.
“I have nothing to say to you.”
His heart is churning like a windmill. Careful, don’t lose her. “Please, I’m here to bargain.”
“Do that in front of the judge.”
“Not for myself . . . but for Samantha. She has done nothing wrong.”
“The surveillance cameras beg to differ.”
“What she did, she did for me. On my behalf. I asked her to do it.” He knows it’s a lie, but anything to protect Sam. “She’s innocent. If you want to blame someone, blame me.”