I watched the jovial nature drain from his face like air from a balloon, replaced by a solemnity that reminded me of the quiet moments when he withdrew inside himself. Like when he was talking about filming A Soldier’s Creed and how he felt like a fake. Or when I first declined to get coffee.
"This life isn’t easy,” he said after a moment. “It's hard being on the receiving end of those flashing lights. It drains pieces of you that you never get back."
"It can't be all that bad, Cade,” I said. “Look at all the opportunities you get because you are Cade Wallace." I said his name in that movie preview guy's voice, trying to lighten things a bit. The tight line of his jaw did relax a little.
"I guess you have a point. I have seen things and worked with actors and directors I idolized." He steered the conversation back to me. "How about you? Met anyone interesting while you’ve been in the biz?"
"Besides you?" I thought about Rachel, remembering all the drama fit for a movie screen. "Nah."
"And I'm sure I'm a disappointment."
"Well, you're certainly more emo than I thought you'd be," I said, mixing equal measures of joking with truth.
He laughed at that and it pushed away the rest of the storm clouds on his face. "Emo, huh? I've been called a lot of things, but that is definitely a first. Though god only knows what I'd find if I was brave enough to read comments section online."
"Do not read the comment section online," I said after gulping down chocolatey goodness. "Like, ever."
He leaned back in his chair, folding his arms behind his head. "I take it you found that out the hard way?"
"It was definitely enlightening to find that complete strangers could call me ugly, uninteresting, and a waste of oxygen in one breath." Anger reignited in my gut as I remembered going further and further down the rabbit hole, my eyes glazing over as the list of reasons I wasn't worthy of Jacob lengthened. Even though my sanity told me to step away from the keyboard, I just kept clicking through pages and pages of people who thought I was so out of Jacob’s league it was ridiculous.
"Well that's the thing about the public; most of them are complete idiots." He shook his head. "On what planet are you ugly, uninteresting, or a waste of anything?"
The heat of anger changed to a kind of shame. I didn't want him to think I was some weakling that stayed up at nights stressing over it. It hurt because duh, I'm human...but I was trying to not let their bullshit impact my identity or my relationship with Jacob. "You don't have to do that."
"Do what?"
I remembered my mother's sweet, slightly patronizing voice ringing in my ears after someone said something mean about my appearance when I was younger. “The whole, ‘You are beautiful in your own way’ thing."
"In your own way?" He repeated, his mouth creasing into a frown. "You're beautiful in every way."
I froze, my cup hovering inches from my lips. I didn't know what to say to that--or what to do with the feeling his words sent scattering over me. Either way, I had to make the lines clear as day.
"Just so we’re on the same page-" I began.
"It's just an observation." He held up both hands in defense. "Please don't sic Jacob Whitmore on me."
I tossed my coffee stirrer at him with a laugh. "Jacob's about to be the least of your worries."
His own laughter tapered off and he gave me a strange look before he picked up his drink and polished it off. “I’d be lying if I said I understand it though.”
“Understand what?”
“The female obsession with Jacob Whitmore.”
I discreetly glanced to the right, then the left, then gestured for Cade to come close. I lowered my volume like I was about to share some top secret information. “Honestly? It’s the dreamy blue eyes.”
“And what about my eyes?” He said it playfully, but his face was mere inches from mine and I could tell he was asking me a serious question. His warm, minty breath washed over me, fanning the heat in my cheeks.
If I reared back it would seem like I had feelings that I didn’t. That I couldn’t. So I just sat there, practically nose to nose with him, trying to think of something witty to say. The problem was suddenly, I couldn’t remember how to speak at all.
I looked into his evergreen eyes, as wild and untamed as some lush, exotic forest. Flashes of gold swirled in and out like some vibrant bird, beckoning me to come closer. To explore. If this was a movie, I knew exactly what would come next. An impassioned, powerful kiss and he would pull me on the table, his hands pulling off my clothes as his mouth made promises of the delights to come.
I slid back a fraction of an inch and gave him a noncommittal shrug. “They’re alright.”
He held my gaze for a minute more before he released me, leaning back in his seat. “Just alright, huh?”
“I mean, I can see why some women would be into it,” I said, trying to maintain my indifference. “The intensity or whatever.”
“But not you?”
“I have a boyfriend,” I said pointedly. “So as a general rule, I don’t go swooning over other guys.”
Finally, he cracked a grin. “Fair enough, Leila. Fair enough.” He lifted up his empty mug. “Want another?”
“Sure.” I reached for my clutch but he stopped me, insisting that he pay for it. I went rigid, looking at his hand covering mine. He retreated almost instantly, already halfway to the counter by the time it registered that this was becoming more and more like a date.
Cade came back, balancing two mugs and a couple of pastries. “I went ahead and got that second shot for you,” he began. “And I hope you like whipped-”
“Actually, I forgot that I had something to take care of in the office,” I said, making sure I didn’t make eye contact as I stood up, stumbling a little in my hustle. When he tried to steady me I recoiled from his touch. Now I couldn’t help but look at him and I saw a mixture of confusion and hurt.
“Is something wrong?” he asked.
“No, I just have things to take care of.” My voice sounded phony, pinched and too high, but I didn’t have time to care. I just needed to get out of there, STAT. “Thank you so much for the coffee. Take care, Cade.”
This was a mistake, I thought, barreling toward the door. A horrible, terrible mi-
BAM!
I ran into a man standing a few feet from the door. I opened my mouth to apologize but gasped instead when a camera fell from his jacket and clattered to the floor. Our eyes met and a sinister grin crept across his face.