Maddie hesitated before nodding slightly. “Yeah. Once. “
Kara had a feeling her friend truly did understand. “It’s like that with Simon. Sometimes I need to pinch myself to make sure that I’m not dreaming, that he’s real, that he loves me. I guess I’m afraid that something this good will somehow be taken away, that it isn’t forever.”
“You lost your parents at the age of eighteen and didn’t have any other family. Maybe it’s the memory of that loss that makes all of this so scary, so terrifying to feel the way you do. Everything seems amplified when you’re pregnant and you’re running on emotions,” Maddie answered thoughtfully.
Kara’s eyes widened as she thought about her friend’s statement. Had the death of her parents made her afraid of loss? “That’s possible. I guess I just want Simon to know how much I love him and that it’s not about his wealth. I’ve been scared lately, afraid that he won’t understand that I love him for the man he is and not his money.”
“The problem is, he already knows that.” Maddie let out an exasperated sigh. “He isn’t seeing your gestures to protect him or prove your love for him as reassurance, Kara. He’s seeing it as rejection, a refusal to accept all that he is. Simon might have grown up poor, but he and Sam busted their asses to become successful. It’s a major accomplishment in his life and you want no part of it.” In a gentler voice, Maddie continued, “I understand what you’re trying to do and I get that you’ve always been independent, but if your positions were reversed and you had more money than Fort Knox, wouldn’t you want to share it with Simon, make his life easier after living a life of poverty?” Maddie waited until Kara nodded before continuing. “In his own screwed-up way, he’s trying to take care of you. Sometimes men connect their own self-worth with their ability to take care of the woman they love. Yeah, it’s old-fashioned and ridiculous, but true. Believe me; Simon has never had any question about you being a gold-digger. That’s your hang-up, not his.”
“I do accept him. I don’t reject any part of Simon. I admire the way he and Sam pulled themselves up from poverty and…”
“Then for God’s sake drop the prenup idea and let the guy buy you stuff. If it makes him happy, what does it matter if he spends his money to give you something? You deserve it and he knows you aren’t after him for his money. But you need to accept that he’s richer than God and anything he gives you won’t make even a tiny dent in his net worth.” Maddie put her hands on her hips as she finished, giving Kara an admonishing stare.
“He already buys me things. More things than I need.”
“Yeah. And you fight him over it. I understand that you’ve lived with almost nothing your entire life so you think you don’t need anything. You’re going to have to deal with the fact that you’re marrying one of the richest men in the world. If he were trying to buy your love or could only show his affection through material things, that would be a problem. But that’s not true in Simon’s case. He’s just trying to be thoughtful, trying to take care of you. I say…let him do it and enjoy the things he gives you without feeling guilty. If you really want him to be happy, let him spend his money on you. Compromise. You’re still living in survival mode, counting every penny you spend. I get that. But you don’t need to do that anymore and Simon doesn’t see his spending as extravagant. He sees it as normal because he’s become accustomed to being wealthy. Understand?”
Kara stared at Maddie, comprehension dawning slowly. Compromise? Wasn’t that what she had always thought she was doing? But was she really? Had she ever really tried to understand Simon’s side of the money issue? Groaning inwardly, Kara realized that she still never bought anything that wasn’t vital to her survival and she chastised Simon whenever he spent any money on her. For Simon, his gifts had been normal, equivalent to his lifestyle. They may have seemed over-the-top to her because she had always lived in poverty, but she was starting to see how Simon could interpret her behavior as a rejection.
“How did you ever become so wise when it comes to men?” Kara asked Maddie, knowing her friend rarely dated and had been raised in several foster homes.
Maddie shrugged. “It’s easy to see as an observer. Harder to recognize when you’re actually emotionally involved. I’ve watched you and Simon for a year now, seen your reaction on your birthday, Christmas and any other time he gives you something nice. Instead of accepting his gifts with a smile, you chew him out for spending money on you. And I’ve seen his injured looks. He thinks he’s giving you something that will please you and it doesn’t. I think it’s hard on his ego.”
“Oh, God. I’m such a bitch. I didn’t know. I didn’t think about it that way.” Tears sprung to her eyes. Oh shit, don’t start crying again.
“Hey, don’t beat yourself up over it. You’re a survivor. Your attitude has gotten you through a lot of challenges in your life. There’s no shame in that. I’m just saying that it’s time to let go of that particular defense mechanism and relax a little. Let Simon give you some nice stuff, take a nice honeymoon. The man has a private jet. Use it.” Maddie scooped up Kara’s test results from the exam table. “Try to go somewhere other than Disneyworld this time.”
Kara smiled at Maddie weakly. Disneyworld on her spring break was the only vacation Kara had ever allowed Simon to give her. “Hey, I wanted to go to the Magic Kingdom. I’d never been there before. It was wonderful.”
“Save Mickey Mouse for after you have the kid. Let Simon fire up that jet and whisk you away to someplace romantic. There’s plenty of time for family vacations later.”
Kara grinned. “London? Paris? Italy?” They were all places she’d love to visit, but didn’t think she could ever afford.
Maddie smiled back at her and winked. “Now you’re talking. Think big. Very big. I have a sneaking suspicion that Simon wouldn’t mind a very long honeymoon.”
Kara opened the door and stepped through it, making her way to the front of the clinic with Maddie close behind. Scooping up her jacket from a hook near the reception area, she asked Maddie quietly, “You’re going to have to deal with Sam for my wedding. Are you okay with that?”
Maddie’s spine stiffened visibly as she reached for a file on the reception desk in preparation for her next patient. “Of course. He’s nothing to me.”