***
I got to the coffee shop early, after a few more days of fruitless headshot submissions. It'd be nice to spend a little while not worrying about the future.
When Maddy walked in, I almost didn't recognize her. It was easier to notice her familiar features in a picture, but in motion, she'd changed.
The anxious, introverted girl I knew in college had all but disappeared. An expensive haircut and recent motherhood had changed her appearance slightly, but more than that, there was something indefinable - like she'd bloomed.
She ran up and hugged me, grinning. She smelled expensive.
"It's so great to see you again," she enthused, pulling out her chair. "And it'll be really nice to spend some time with someone who doesn't communicate exclusively by screaming and banging a sippy cup on a plastic tray." She sighed, smiling that particular smile of a new mother. "I love my daughter, more than I thought possible, but I am losing my mind."
"How old is she?" I tried to imagine a tiny Maddy toddling around. Back in college, I'd never pictured her having kids. She seemed pretty jaded at the whole idea of marrying and starting a family, but time always changed people.
"Almost two. She's been fully weaned for a little while now, but it's been total hell trying to find reliable help." Maddy flipped open her menu, looking at the words without really seeing them. There was exhaustion lurking behind her eyes, and I felt a pang of sympathy. Before I switched to drama in college, I'd studied early childhood development, and spent a lot of time working in the daycare for credit. No one could run you ragged like a toddler.
"It must be hard. I can't imagine."
"I'd pretty much be happy with anyone who could show up on time and keep her away from electrical outlets," Maddy admitted. "But Daniel's very picky. He's only liked one of them, so far."
"What happened to that one?" I asked.
The corner of Maddy's mouth twisted. "He liked her a little too much."
My eyebrows shot up.
"Don't get me wrong," she said, quickly. "I'm not one of those wives. And I trust him. But when someone gives you bad vibes, I figure it's better to be safe than sorry."
There was some of the Maddy I knew. She might deny it now, but she had a wicked jealous streak.
"Sure," I said. "I mean, if I were married to a billionaire who looked like that, I don't think I'd let him out of the house."
She giggled. "It's not that bad. But he can be such a flirt sometimes - he pretends like he's so awkward and he doesn't know how to talk to people, but he never seems to have a problem with women."
"Oh, I know that type." Fiddling with my straw, I gave her an appraising look. In some ways, she really hadn't changed at all. "You always did have a thing for those strangely sexy nerds."
"Obsessive," she said, a little dreamily. "That's my favorite trait in a man. It's annoying when you're trying to have a conversation and they can't stop thinking about something from work, but once you get their attention..."
I quirked an eyebrow at her. "Single-mindedness in the bedroom sounds like it could have its downsides."
"Oh, probably," she said, with a halfway grin. "I guess that's where the other personality traits come into play."
"Such as?"
"Well, it helps if they're not totally self-absorbed." She stirred her coffee. "I just got lucky, really. I barely knew him when we got married."
I squinted at her. "Are you sure you didn't get replaced by the Pod People?"
"It was a crazy time in my life." She shrugged it off, like it was no big deal - but I couldn't shake the feeling that there was something she wasn't telling me. Back in college, she was terrible at keeping secrets. But things were different now.
Watching her, carefully, I waited to see if she'd spill more of the story. I couldn't even begin to figure out what kinds of questions to ask.
She sighed a little, staring down at her drink. "I guess...I guess there was a part of me, you know, that just figured...why not? You know? How bad could it be?" She laughed softly. "That sounds horrible, doesn't it? But I never thought I'd get married. That was never in the plan. When he told me that he..." She paused, lost in thought for a moment, seeming to recalibrate the story. "...I guess he'd noticed me for a long time. But he didn't know how to get my attention, because he was just kind of...there, you know? He was the boss. He was the person I hoped I didn't run into, because if he had something to say to me, it probably wouldn't be good news. It's hard to just chat somebody up when they're your employee, and you're kind of scary."
Now, she wore a secretive smile. Scary? After getting my fill of so-called "bad boys" in college, I couldn't imagine voluntarily dating anyone who scared me. Let alone marrying one.
"It was a whirlwind," she went on. "I realized I actually liked him, you know, as a human being - I felt bad that he had so much trouble connecting with people, and yeah, I know how that sounds. But it's not just his money. He's isolated. Like me. Just, always feeling like he's on the outside looking in. I felt that connection. And when he wanted to get married, I just said yes. Because, why not, you know? Why not grab life by the horns?"
Well, moving to New York and getting married were slightly different levels of commitment. But I just nodded, because I could see the light in her eyes and it made my heart ache.
That was the other thing I just couldn't get together. While my professional life floundered, my love life was even worse. I hadn't had a serious relationship...well, ever, unless you counted that one high school romance that felt like life and death at the time. None of those tattooed scoundrels in college stuck around for long enough to truly break my heart, thank goodness.
"But that's enough about me." Maddy made a dismissive gesture. "How are things going? You get any auditions?"
"One." I made a face.
"That bad, huh?" She smiled. "Well, I'm sure things will get better. I'd offer to work some connections, but Daniel seems to keep his social circles pretty strictly in the tech arena. He can't stand entertainment types. Such a snob."
Her words said one thing, but the curve of her lips, and the look in her eyes - something else entirely. She couldn't even mention his name without looking like a schoolgirl with a crush.
Damn. I never would have guessed she'd do better than me, when it came to men. Sure, I was a trainwreck, but at least I could talk to them without getting the cold sweats.