“Were you hungry? I’m starving. Do you want something?” he asked, walking to the fridge and opening the door. Mia had made sure the house was well-stocked with groceries before he came back from Nashville. Not only had she picked up the things he’d asked her to get for Asha, but she’d stocked up on groceries because he’d been gone for two months doing a favor for her husband.
“We already had dinner,” Asha replied, shifting from one foot to the other nervously.
“Yeah. And it was delicious. But that was hours ago.” Kade looked at Asha curiously. She had cooked tonight, making him some traditional Indian food, and he’d scarfed down the homemade dinner greedily. Asha was an excellent cook, but she hadn’t eaten much. Come to think of it…she rarely did. “I made a pig of myself on your food. Did you get enough to eat?” he asked solemnly. “I thought there was food left over.”
“You mentioned you were going to eat it for lunch tomorrow,” she said uncomfortably.
Kade thought back to other meals. He’d grilled again the night before, and she’d eaten sparsely then, too. “I meant I’d eat it if it was still around. I’m not picky. I’ll eat just about anything.”
Asha stayed mute, staring up at him, her dark eyes confused. “I didn’t want to eat your food.”
“Fuck,” Kade growled, enlightenment finally hitting his thick skull. He grabbed her by the shoulders lightly, letting the door of the fridge close behind him. “Asha…please tell me you aren’t going hungry because you’re afraid to eat.” Kade felt suddenly nauseated, a lump forming in his stomach. Something was seriously wrong with this situation, and the thought that she might be going hungry made him crazy.
Breaking away from him, she started to move away as she murmured, “I eat.”
Kade grasped her upper arm before she could move away, turning her back toward him. “Tell me what’s wrong. You don’t eat much, and you’re too thin. Are you still feeling sick?”
She shook her head. “No. I’m not sick. I just don’t want to eat more than my share,” she retorted, her voice radiating with shame. “But I get hungry sometimes between meals.”
Kade could almost feel the heat of his anger radiating from his body. “Your share is eating until you’re stuffed, and then eating again whenever you’re hungry. You eat like a goddamn bird. Why?”
“Because I don’t want to eat food I haven’t paid for,” she replied, her voice suddenly defensive and angry.
Kade grasped her shoulders, shaking her lightly. “Have I ever made you feel like anything other than a guest who has the run of this house? Have I ever denied you anything you needed? Have I ever made you feel like you couldn’t do any f**king thing you wanted here?” he asked her angrily, although the fury was directed at himself. He should have noticed that she wasn’t eating enough. Problem was, he was used to being with Amy, and she ate mostly salad and lean meat to keep her model figure, but even she had splurged occasionally.
“No. Never. It isn’t you, Kade,” she answered tremulously, her head lowered so all Kade could see was the top of her head.
“Then for Christ’s sake, tell me what it is, because the thought of you going hungry makes me want to punch myself for not noticing.”
Asha raised her head slowly, finally looking him in the eye. “My foster parents used to feed me measured portions. They said they only received so much money to be my foster parents, and I could only have what I was allotted because food was expensive. The younger children, her children, ate dinner first and I served the family. I ate whatever was left, or my portion…whichever was less.” She took a shaky breath in and continued, “I did the same when I was married, trying to save money on food. I guess it became a habit. I wasn’t working for most of my marriage, so I didn’t want to cause Ravi more expense, especially since I wasn’t pregnant. I could get by with less food.”
Kade slammed his fist down on the kitchen table hard enough to cause the table to bounce on its thin wooden legs, making Asha jump at the violent sound. “Fuck! Tell me you’re joking!” he begged angrily, rage pulsating through his body. “You were a damn servant for your foster family, and you ate scraps of food? Then you did the same when you were married…and your husband never said anything?” It was unfathomable, and Kade’s whole body shuddered with fury.
She shrugged. “I didn’t want anything that I wasn’t entitled to have,” she said meekly.
Kade exploded. “You’re entitled to eat, you were entitled to a f**king education because you have incredible talent, you’re entitled to be treated like a beloved daughter and wife. That includes your idiot foster parents and your ass**le of an ex-husband making sure you have everything you want and need.”
Had everyone in her life done a number on her? Jesus Christ! The woman needed someone to teach her to feel worthy, and it was going to start with him.
Kade felt another stab of guilt as he thought about the look of longing on her face when he’d been watching her from the doorway. He’d neglected to see that in some of her habits, she was still conditioned to be a second-class citizen. Her foster parents had been evil, and her ex-husband was a selfish prick.
“Sit down,” he demanded quietly, leading her to a chair and pulling it out for her.
She sat, asking anxiously, “Are you angry with me?”
Kade crouched beside her, wrapping an arm around her waist. “I’m angry at myself.” He sighed heavily before continuing, “I want you to eat, Asha. I want you to eat whenever and whatever you want. There is no such thing as eating only what you think you deserve and going hungry in this house. My rule. I don’t give a shit what anyone told you. It kills me that you ever went hungry in my home.” He rose and started yanking stuff from the cupboards and fridge. “I don’t cook a lot, but I make a great sandwich.”
“Let me help you.” Asha made to leap up from her chair.
“Sit down,” he answered stubbornly, pushing on her shoulder until her ass hit the seat of the chair again. “I’m serving this time.”
“It’s your house. You shouldn’t have to do this,” Asha said uncomfortably.
“I want to.” He wanted to pile food in front of her until she could barely see over the top of the mound. She’d eat, and then she’d eat some more. He never wanted to see that look of longing on her face again unless it was sexual. And he’d be more than willing to satiate that need, too.